The real question is can someone who screws over a roommate ever trust a someone who screws over someone they are legally attathed to.
doogie, that’s a damn good question. People that do that are worthless. I hate shitty roommates.
I got stuck for rent money by a lame ass roomie one time. they always have a damn excuse. Some people have responsibility, some don’t.
If the other person plays in his/her significant other`s back with you, chances are you are playing with fire and you will be the one cuckooed one day.
Live by the sword, die by the sword, so to say.
That`s one way to know in advance what to expect.
Slightly off-topic
And an excellent way to test anyone that interests you. Just pay a stripper or high-class prostitute/escort (or real friend) to try to make you significant other bend while you are not there. Very cheap mariage insurance.
Yeah good post tinman. But I also feel strongly about what else has been said. EE, you are trying to get a consensus opinion as to whether or not someone whom you know has cheated can be faithful to you. The answer was a resounding no. Like I said previously, every relationship is different, but no matter how much one person loves someone else, his/her character and values are what will result in fidelity or the lack thereof. Some people, maybe even most people, are able to justify their actions enough to live with themselves when it comes to doing things that they know are wrong. It’s really pathological behavior, but it has become so common that it’s almost abnormal to want to be faithful to someone. But what the fuck do you expect when nobody is held accountable for their own actions anymore?
IOW, you know what the pre-programmed answer is re: cheaters, but you wanted to get some opinions on whether or not your guy could be that rare exception. Here’s my take: this person’s character is flawed. He’s proven that to you already. You have to ask yourself if you really think that little of yourself to settle for someone that will someday cause you to worry if he’s doing the same thing to you. Think about what that will do to you, especially since you’re his #1 right now and you’re already worrying about it.
Sorry if I sound preachy/pissed, my dad pulled the same shit with my family.
I don’t know… This question sounds a little too vague and “I don’t wanna say” to me to be totally on the up-and-up.
Seriously. “Legally attached to”? “Not actually married”? WTF? Is he “sorta married” then?
And what about kids? That hasn’t really been addressed yet, and - moral questions aside - that would be the most important point if it were me. Are there kids involved?
I also have to say that I agree with those who have posted to say that some things are just morally wrong. I don’t buy all of this “everyone can do things and no one else can comment negartively upon them” attitude. What everyone should have is some freakin’ moral backbone and a compass to tell them what’s right and what’s wrong. If you don’t have that, there’s not much to say in your favor. (And no, that compass doesn’t have to be exactly congruent with mine. So let’s not flail that particular straw man.)
"Slightly off-topic
And an excellent way to test anyone that interests you. Just pay a stripper or high-class prostitute/escort (or real friend) to try to make you significant other bend while you are not there. Very cheap mariage insurance.
"
DanC - I think the only thing being tested here is his interest in the stripper/escort, not his interest in his would be spouse.
I also think there is significant difference between a little ‘bending’ as you put it, and having an affair.
Sorry, but I don’t believe everything to be as cut and dry as tv tells us it is.
KIERAN: That’s one way to see it.
Personally, when I am happy, I don’t look elsewhere. I just don’t have some unfulfilled desire lurking in the background. I just don’t feel like it. And if I do feel like looking elsewhere, I know something happened and some problem needs to be talked out openly and analyzed.
By the same logic, I hope the feelings are echoed by my significant other and should I have doubts about her wiggling potential, I would use such a tactic if I could not get an honest answer upstraight. (And not answering the question creates a nice big doubt on the honesty values. So that tactic would be fair game if you have big plans with the other.)
Hey elveneyes,
Here is one perspective I believe hasn’t been offered yet:
What if you and I have been friends for a few years, and I eventually divulged that my marriage was struggling, my wife and I weren’t getting along, and haven’t in a while, etc. Then, something gradually develops between us that blossoms into more than just friendship. Can you trust me? Of course you can. I loved you so much that I cheated on my wife for you. I am not some scumbag like some of the posters here might have you believe. The fact that I betrayed a woman who vowed “to cherish” me until death do us part does not necessarily put me in the category of “spiritually lacking”. It takes a kind of courage to break a promise sometimes, even if it’s to someone who has discarded me years ago. For whatever reason, be it money, family, whatever, it may take some time to break away from my current unhappy circumstances. Am I worth waiting for? That is something only you can decide.
Hey! Maybe I’ll get flamed now…
lothario1132:
that sounds unbelievably lame to me. a cheat is a cheat, & i personally would never tolerate it or partake in it.
Hey im no angel, in fact some people may think im a complete asshole, but i wouldn’t even stoop to cheating on someone.
I find it quite cowardly really
my $0.02
It takes courage to cheat on your wife because you want to fuck someone else? Holy shit, that is stupid. If your marriage sucks, fix it or divorce.
(Sorry for moralizing, Cupcake)
Are you nuts? You should have never been married. And breaking promises doesn’t take courage, it takes a lake of it.
Get real.
elven,
Ooops! Sorry I missed your post back on the 25th that said that there was no marriage involved. Hmmm… So erase the “wife” part of my previous post, and replace it with “girlfriend”, okay? I had thought that maybe he was separated but not “technically” divorced or something like that. Anyway, he may as well be going through a divorce with all the “stuff” involved in extricating himself from his “ex”… How messy! I bet that you are a good person, and I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself in this situation. Please don’t despair, however. “Cheaters” can be faithful, just like anybody else. I don’t know what happened in his previous relationship, but I’m sure that if it’s meant to be, he and you can find a way to make things work between you. So my two cents is: “yes” a cheater can “walk the line”.
To those who flamed me:
The reason I got into this thread was because I thought she was with some fellow who is in a situation like the one I was in years ago. Unless you’ve been there, you cannot know what kind of hell it is to wake up to constant abuse from someone you think that you love. The “courage” I referred to was the kind where you are finally able to look yourself in the mirror and say “It is time to stop living this lie. No matter how hard I try, things are never going to get better.” So am I a cheater because I made love to a woman while I was still technically married to someone else? Yes. It took over a year for my divorce to be “finalized” as they say in Florida State law. My now ex-wife tried every trick in the book to continue hurt me, filed motion after motion, etc. Do I regret the relationship I had while going through this ordeal? NO. I think that maybe the one thing that kept me sane was my friend and lover. My point here is not to share some sob story about myself, it’s this: there are grey areas, even in the subject of marriage. Life is not always so cut and dry as we can sometimes believe it to be. For all we know, elveneyes could be one of the only good things this guy thinks he’s got going for him. I wish them both the best of luck.
do you also consider cheating to be taking your roommates rent and running with it?
Elveneyes it seems that you’ve gotten yourself into a situation where you need to make a decision. Should you stay a sideline to an attached guy, try to become the main attraction in his life, or abort the whole mess and leave.
If this is the case you have some thinking to do.
In my opinion, cheaters cheat, always. (sorry guys, seen it)
I can understand how circumstances can lead people into tempting situations like this, however, people in relationships are off limits. No-one has reason enough to cheat or to cause another to cheat.
If there’s kids involved that complicates matters further.
I hope you make the right decision.
Billy
As Colin and others have been so nice to bring up there are other things going on in your life ie Stella that all indicate that you don’t think to highly of your self.
What ever your ROOT belife is about yourself you will continue to create/ manifest situations that reinforce your belife. Because the mind is always right- so if you think you are worthless you will continue to create an incident that will prove “you were rite”
Look inside EE figure out what has got you so convinced you don’t deserve a kick ass friend and a roomie- and a decent relationship with a functioning male?
It was what I was trying to say in my above post.
The thing is no matter where you go there you are. Look inside…It’s not about him.
I’ll be the first to say that my oppinion matters very little, but Man or woman it doesn’t matter cheatin’ is cheatin’. If you know that you are with someone that is in a relationship with someone else that is just as bad. In short “kep it in your pants” or “keep the Cookie under control”, whichever appies to you. Don’t look to me for an example. I may have never cheated, but I am not virginal either.
Me Solomon Grundy
Cars money and living situations involved? Bound to someone yet not married? Is he someone’s sugar daddy? It sounds like you may just be joining his stable. Or does he have a sugar mama? He may be trying to increase his income by getting involved with you and letting you earn all the money.