Celibacy?

Off Topic
201

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]wiggyadam wrote:
… if I continued down the path of celibacy, I felt I would become… ‘strange’.

Good luck with celibacy… [/quote]

I have a few characteristics that some people would probably call odd or strange or even accurately classify, and during times of celibacy they were greatly amplified!

Some people will disagree with me, and although I’ve said it a few times on here already, I don’t mind saying it again: I think there are few things in this world that can a man angrier than lack of a woman. Lack of money at times when I was younger rates high on the list, but a problem like that can be solved relatively simply and sometimes quickly.

Can someone go for years on end being celibate without being miserable, which would likely have them as “strange”? There’s no replacement for a woman.

[/quote]

My boyfriend spent 8 years celibate, I’m guessing starting at early to mid-thirties. He was hurt and angry - a nasty mother of his kids story followed by a second bad experience - and I guess “opted out.” At some point he decided that it wasn’t all women and re-engaged. Which is to my very great good fortune.

I’m not sure about “strange,” though he’s a little odd as it is. He was very busy at that time with work and hobbies, lived in the woods while building a house for himself, lived in that for a bit then bought more land and cleared it, built another house, made furniture, etc. I guess that is strange, come to think of it. My boyfriend, Ted Kaczynski.

I can’t say for certain because I don’t ask about this stuff, but I don’t think casual sex has ever been his thing. He’s a good looking guy and a good earner along with being plenty rough-and-tumble (bad boy cred) to have played in whatever pool he wanted, but he seems to have consistently sought what every single other person in his extended family appears to have - a strong, enduring, and fun marriage.

Again, to my very great good fortune.

202

Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on.

203

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

I did NOT realize!

He was both celibate and chaste, in addition to eschewing women’s company.

204

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]wiggyadam wrote:
… if I continued down the path of celibacy, I felt I would become… ‘strange’.

Good luck with celibacy… [/quote]

I have a few characteristics that some people would probably call odd or strange or even accurately classify, and during times of celibacy they were greatly amplified!

Some people will disagree with me, and although I’ve said it a few times on here already, I don’t mind saying it again: I think there are few things in this world that can a man angrier than lack of a woman. Lack of money at times when I was younger rates high on the list, but a problem like that can be solved relatively simply and sometimes quickly.

Can someone go for years on end being celibate without being miserable, which would likely have them as “strange”? There’s no replacement for a woman.

[/quote]

My boyfriend spent 8 years celibate, I’m guessing starting at early to mid-thirties. He was hurt and angry - a nasty mother of his kids story followed by a second bad experience - and I guess “opted out.” At some point he decided that it wasn’t all women and re-engaged. Which is to my very great good fortune.

I’m not sure about “strange,” though he’s a little odd as it is. He was very busy at that time with work and hobbies, lived in the woods while building a house for himself, lived in that for a bit then bought more land and cleared it, built another house, made furniture, etc. I guess that is strange, come to think of it. My boyfriend, Ted Kaczynski.

I can’t say for certain because I don’t ask about this stuff, but I don’t think casual sex has ever been his thing. He’s a good looking guy and a good earner along with being plenty rough-and-tumble (bad boy cred) to have played in whatever pool he wanted, but he seems to have consistently sought what every single other person in his extended family appears to have - a strong, enduring, and fun marriage.

Again, to my very great good fortune.
[/quote]

Wow eight years? That is certainly odd. You’d have to wonder why someone would avoid the company of e
Women for so long. I actually went about two years without a girlfriend recently while I was recovering from an accident. It was terribly boring and lonely. That’s part or the reason I was thinking life would be unbearable without the company of women / a woman.

208

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

A few random lays here and there doesn’t cut it for average men, I believe. Flings are short lived, and flingers don’t share the emotional and mental connection that people in marriages and serious relationships have. This is not just a matter of sex; it’s a matter of a man being desired and loved (gasp?) by a woman, to have a woman in his life.

And contrary to popular message board belief, most average men–and I speak in in terms of the average and generally most of the time–cannot bed down women at will. It’s a nice fantasy for many men, and just that, a fantasy. Adults work 40 or more hours per week; friends are consumed with their own responsibilities, marriages, and kids; there’s shit to take care of after work; and dating and chasing women (or men) can be a time and energy consuming endeavor, not to mention that it becomes harder and harder as one gets older, and most adult women want something more meaningful than random lays–you know, like serious stuff like kids and a family.

I guess, like the learned elders of the tail-chasing game, there are men who are so unusually confident and “successful” and attractive that can be never without a woman unless they chose to, but those are not the people I speak of here, the type of people who others refer to as “nine-to-fivers”, “ordinary”, “Joe Blow”, “Average Joe”, and so on.

It also takes a certain COLDNESS to go through women (or men) like underwear, which many people don’t have. I’m a regular guy and regrettably have had flings that I would not pursue if I were single today. Looking back I felt empty and uneasy after most of them, despite how enjoyable some romps felt. They do NOT take the place of what I have today: a marriage coming up in July, future in-laws I love, future kids, new friends, memories already made and more to come, etc. So it’s not all about attraction and getting laid, which I believe many get their perception lost on, as in just having some sexual object around.

I was a very close-minded, sheltered person in the past. That changed when I met my woman.

209

.

211

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

A few random lays here and there doesn’t cut it for average men, I believe. Flings are short lived, and flingers don’t share the emotional and mental connection that people in marriages and serious relationships have. This is not just a matter of sex; it’s a matter of a man being desired and loved (gasp?) by a woman, to have a woman in his life.

And contrary to popular message board belief, most average men–and I speak in in terms of the average and generally most of the time–cannot bed down women at will. It’s a nice fantasy for many men, and just that, a fantasy. Adults work 40 or more hours per week; friends are consumed with their own responsibilities, marriages, and kids; there’s shit to take care of after work; and dating and chasing women (or men) can be a time and energy consuming endeavor, not to mention that it becomes harder and harder as one gets older, and most adult women want something more meaningful than random lays–you know, like serious stuff like kids and a family.

I guess, like the learned elders of the tail-chasing game, there are men who are so unusually confident and “successful” and attractive that can be never without a woman unless they chose to, but those are not the people I speak of here, the type of people who others refer to as “nine-to-fivers”, “ordinary”, “Joe Blow”, “Average Joe”, and so on.

It also takes a certain COLDNESS to go through women (or men) like underwear, which many people don’t have. I’m a regular guy and regrettably have had flings that I would not pursue if I were single today. Looking back I felt empty and uneasy after most of them, despite how enjoyable some romps felt. They do NOT take the place of what I have today: a marriage coming up in July, future in-laws I love, future kids, new friends, memories already made and more to come, etc. So it’s not all about attraction and getting laid, which I believe many get their perception lost on, as in just having some sexual object around.

I was a very close-minded, sheltered person in the past. That changed when I met my woman.

[/quote]

This is a very nice post, and congratulations. I think the average guy could get young women at will by playing games, though - but she wouldn’t be the girl you bring home to mom. She’d have damage. My boyfriend’s ex, for example, would have been pretty and at bars looking to get drunk or high and get laid.

212

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

A very nice post.[/quote]

…but what does it have to do with my clarification on the difference between celibacy and chastity, which you quoted?

213

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

Merriam-Webster disagrees with your contention.[/quote]

Merriam AND Webster can both suck my cock if they don’t understand Latin.

214

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]wiggyadam wrote:
… if I continued down the path of celibacy, I felt I would become… ‘strange’.

Good luck with celibacy… [/quote]

I have a few characteristics that some people would probably call odd or strange or even accurately classify, and during times of celibacy they were greatly amplified!

Some people will disagree with me, and although I’ve said it a few times on here already, I don’t mind saying it again: I think there are few things in this world that can a man angrier than lack of a woman. Lack of money at times when I was younger rates high on the list, but a problem like that can be solved relatively simply and sometimes quickly.

Can someone go for years on end being celibate without being miserable, which would likely have them as “strange”? There’s no replacement for a woman.

[/quote]

My boyfriend spent 8 years celibate, I’m guessing starting at early to mid-thirties. He was hurt and angry - a nasty mother of his kids story followed by a second bad experience - and I guess “opted out.” At some point he decided that it wasn’t all women and re-engaged. Which is to my very great good fortune.

I’m not sure about “strange,” though he’s a little odd as it is. He was very busy at that time with work and hobbies, lived in the woods while building a house for himself, lived in that for a bit then bought more land and cleared it, built another house, made furniture, etc. I guess that is strange, come to think of it. My boyfriend, Ted Kaczynski.

I can’t say for certain because I don’t ask about this stuff, but I don’t think casual sex has ever been his thing. He’s a good looking guy and a good earner along with being plenty rough-and-tumble (bad boy cred) to have played in whatever pool he wanted, but he seems to have consistently sought what every single other person in his extended family appears to have - a strong, enduring, and fun marriage.

Again, to my very great good fortune.
[/quote]

Wow eight years? That is certainly odd. You’d have to wonder why someone would avoid the company of e
Women for so long. I actually went about two years without a girlfriend recently while I was recovering from an accident. It was terribly boring and lonely. That’s part or the reason I was thinking life would be unbearable without the company of women / a woman.
[/quote]

He didn’t trust them and probably didn’t trust himself to make good choices. He got married (and excommunicated) in his twenties because he got his girlfriend pregnant. She really ran him through the wringer - the stuff you read the MRA guys talking about. She basically stole his children by creating so much conflict when he came for them that he felt it wasn’t good for them to witness it and hear the things she was saying. He couldn’t take it anymore and took a job out of state. She didn’t get a job until after the child support ran dry when the younger was 18. She was or is a substance abuser and there was a lot of promiscuity. Just textbook bad. He went from that situation into a second relationship with a dishonest/cheating woman. As to why he didn’t just have NSA sex, I don’t know. When I asked he jokingly said “women!” with a mimed spitting on the ground.

I know he’s dated at various points, but my experience of him has been that he takes this stuff seriously. His older sister and her husband are best friends after who knows how many millions of years. Their grown children are in very strong marriages. His mom has dementia and when she had to do time at a rehab place kept freaking out that her wedding ring wasn’t on (husband dead several years).

He also had testicular cancer somewhere in there (late 20s, early 30s) which may have played a part, although he is fully and possibly exceptionally functional in that regard. I dunno. I just know he did it and it was a time of healing and incredible productivity for him and then he decided that he’d been unlucky in finding lousy women rather than that women were lousy, and started looking for someone right for forever.

Another thing about him is that he has strong friendships and is very social with the friends and with his family, so that would have helped with the loneliness. He does paint it as a time of almost complete isolation, which he wanted, but I know he would have been doing golf and ski trips with his buddies and camping and vacations with his family. He built a workshop in a utility trailer so he could move it around and apparently spent his time in there making things.
[/quote]

Are you sure he’s not an axe maniac or something? Sounds very odd. No, just kidding. Sounds like you two are happy. I get sad sometimes when I see a couple with children. I’d like to have kids. I should probably grow up a bit and take more responsibilities upon myself. I live a pretty lazy lifestyle to be honest. My gf is up at 6 every morning and I usually sleep in till 11 and bum around till after lunch. I just don’t want to go back to an office job because I don’t need to. Although if I have children that would have to change as they’re terribly expensive I’ve heard.

216

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

A few random lays here and there doesn’t cut it for average men, I believe. Flings are short lived, and flingers don’t share the emotional and mental connection that people in marriages and serious relationships have. This is not just a matter of sex; it’s a matter of a man being desired and loved (gasp?) by a woman, to have a woman in his life.

And contrary to popular message board belief, most average men–and I speak in in terms of the average and generally most of the time–cannot bed down women at will. It’s a nice fantasy for many men, and just that, a fantasy. Adults work 40 or more hours per week; friends are consumed with their own responsibilities, marriages, and kids; there’s shit to take care of after work; and dating and chasing women (or men) can be a time and energy consuming endeavor, not to mention that it becomes harder and harder as one gets older, and most adult women want something more meaningful than random lays–you know, like serious stuff like kids and a family.

I guess, like the learned elders of the tail-chasing game, there are men who are so unusually confident and “successful” and attractive that can be never without a woman unless they chose to, but those are not the people I speak of here, the type of people who others refer to as “nine-to-fivers”, “ordinary”, “Joe Blow”, “Average Joe”, and so on.

It also takes a certain COLDNESS to go through women (or men) like underwear, which many people don’t have. I’m a regular guy and regrettably have had flings that I would not pursue if I were single today. Looking back I felt empty and uneasy after most of them, despite how enjoyable some romps felt. They do NOT take the place of what I have today: a marriage coming up in July, future in-laws I love, future kids, new friends, memories already made and more to come, etc. So it’s not all about attraction and getting laid, which I believe many get their perception lost on, as in just having some sexual object around.

I was a very close-minded, sheltered person in the past. That changed when I met my woman.

[/quote]

I’m not a cold person. I never lead a girl on or bullshit her or even cheat on her. I ust get bored and look elsewhere after a while. But I agree with most of what you say. To have a family and children certainly would be great.

217

[quote]Varqanir wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
Not to be pedantic or anything, but you do realise that “celibate” does not mean “abstaining from sex”, right?

Celibacy is the state of abstaining from marriage, usually for religious reasons.

The word you are thinking of is “chastity”.

Carry on. [/quote]

Merriam-Webster disagrees with your contention.[/quote]

Merriam AND Webster can both suck my cock if they don’t understand Latin.
[/quote]

I was sitting in a deposition of a Priest when another lawyer asked about some nasty-ass posts he had on a gay/hookup chat room and after confirming he was sexually active he asked him why he was violating his vows of celibacy. And the Priest was quick to point out the exact same thing you did: “celibate just means I can’t get married to a woman.”

Then the lawyer asked, do your perishioners understand your definition of “celibacy”? And he shrugged and said, “well, its not something we really like to advertise.”

218

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]wiggyadam wrote:
… if I continued down the path of celibacy, I felt I would become… ‘strange’.

Good luck with celibacy… [/quote]

I have a few characteristics that some people would probably call odd or strange or even accurately classify, and during times of celibacy they were greatly amplified!

Some people will disagree with me, and although I’ve said it a few times on here already, I don’t mind saying it again: I think there are few things in this world that can a man angrier than lack of a woman. Lack of money at times when I was younger rates high on the list, but a problem like that can be solved relatively simply and sometimes quickly.

Can someone go for years on end being celibate without being miserable, which would likely have them as “strange”? There’s no replacement for a woman.

[/quote]

My boyfriend spent 8 years celibate, I’m guessing starting at early to mid-thirties. He was hurt and angry - a nasty mother of his kids story followed by a second bad experience - and I guess “opted out.” At some point he decided that it wasn’t all women and re-engaged. Which is to my very great good fortune.

I’m not sure about “strange,” though he’s a little odd as it is. He was very busy at that time with work and hobbies, lived in the woods while building a house for himself, lived in that for a bit then bought more land and cleared it, built another house, made furniture, etc. I guess that is strange, come to think of it. My boyfriend, Ted Kaczynski.

I can’t say for certain because I don’t ask about this stuff, but I don’t think casual sex has ever been his thing. He’s a good looking guy and a good earner along with being plenty rough-and-tumble (bad boy cred) to have played in whatever pool he wanted, but he seems to have consistently sought what every single other person in his extended family appears to have - a strong, enduring, and fun marriage.

Again, to my very great good fortune.
[/quote]

Wow eight years? That is certainly odd. You’d have to wonder why someone would avoid the company of e
Women for so long. I actually went about two years without a girlfriend recently while I was recovering from an accident. It was terribly boring and lonely. That’s part or the reason I was thinking life would be unbearable without the company of women / a woman.
[/quote]

He didn’t trust them and probably didn’t trust himself to make good choices. He got married (and excommunicated) in his twenties because he got his girlfriend pregnant. She really ran him through the wringer - the stuff you read the MRA guys talking about. She basically stole his children by creating so much conflict when he came for them that he felt it wasn’t good for them to witness it and hear the things she was saying. He couldn’t take it anymore and took a job out of state. She didn’t get a job until after the child support ran dry when the younger was 18. She was or is a substance abuser and there was a lot of promiscuity. Just textbook bad. He went from that situation into a second relationship with a dishonest/cheating woman. As to why he didn’t just have NSA sex, I don’t know. When I asked he jokingly said “women!” with a mimed spitting on the ground.

I know he’s dated at various points, but my experience of him has been that he takes this stuff seriously. His older sister and her husband are best friends after who knows how many millions of years. Their grown children are in very strong marriages. His mom has dementia and when she had to do time at a rehab place kept freaking out that her wedding ring wasn’t on (husband dead several years).

He also had testicular cancer somewhere in there (late 20s, early 30s) which may have played a part, although he is fully and possibly exceptionally functional in that regard. I dunno. I just know he did it and it was a time of healing and incredible productivity for him and then he decided that he’d been unlucky in finding lousy women rather than that women were lousy, and started looking for someone right for forever.

Another thing about him is that he has strong friendships and is very social with the friends and with his family, so that would have helped with the loneliness. He does paint it as a time of almost complete isolation, which he wanted, but I know he would have been doing golf and ski trips with his buddies and camping and vacations with his family. He built a workshop in a utility trailer so he could move it around and apparently spent his time in there making things.
[/quote]

If I had the skills I’d quickly set up a fake PUA website and I’d make Hockey’s story the Go To story for pulling tail. Then I’d get Orien to link it to you. I wouldn’t want to dirty my hands ya know.

219

[quote]Varqanir wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

A very nice post.[/quote]

…but what does it have to do with my clarification on the difference between celibacy and chastity, which you quoted?[/quote]

What just came to mind is that some guys on here and other forums have talked about the option of having numerous flings if not in a serious relationship or having difficulty for whatever reason establishing a serious relationship. Perhaps some guys can pull that off while they are “finding themselves”, in school, or establishing a career.

The career establishment reason never hit home with me because I never understood why someone can’t go to work while in a relationship. And after the career is “established” what are they gonna do? Stop attending work because they now have a relationship?

If a man can pull this fling-after-fling stunt off, then more power to him. Most can’t; they want a long term, healthy and normal relationship.

There was once a prolific member on here, a large man with a penchant for hamburgers and Hammer Strength machines, who recommended that men not bother with dating and women until they are 30, advice he got from a family member, I believe. Numerous times on here I’ve stated that this ridiculous idea would indeed make the men who apply it VERY fucking weird! (Pardon my French, but I felt the need to emphasize.)

I believe it took me an undue amount of time to communicate and have confidence with the opposite sex because of how I was raised and where I grew up, and if prolonged more, would have had me as very strange (in the sense we are using it here). For one thing, I was raised by a woman only. I had all female teachers. And the most of the men I was exposed to that were supposed to be father figures were nebbishy, milquetoast men!

And for some reason, major metropolitan areas, such as the five boroughs of NYC, produce a never ending number of degenerates and losers. I’d say a third more of my classmates in high school were degenerates: drug addicts, truants, drug dealers (real ones, that went away to prison at age 18), gang members, wannabe gang members, graffiti writers, and so forth. And the girls seemed to love these people, but not into adulthood thankfully. And many of these women were mean, self-absorbed, and subjected themselves to sexual abuse and did things at the age of as young as fourteen years old that I won’t discuss here.

That’s a very bad recipe and can lean a normal kid such as myself VERY confused. The lingering effects of this bizarre and disturbing scenario and stunted social development took quite some time to wear off and it took til 20 or 21 years old to even recognize if a woman showed signs of interest. After all, I was just “ordinary”. How was a woman going to like me? I came from the Alice in Wonderland scenario in which bad was good, and good was bad.

Pardon for my rambling. I just have an interest in this topic for obvious reasons and obviously believe that, yes, celibacy and chastity make men strange.

220

And ever wonder why the topics of PUA and interaction with women are such common off-topics in BODYBUILDING forums? I know I will get hit for my thoughts on that, which I have in the past.