You’re older than many of the people posting in here and were married for longer. On the one hand, given your experience, that means you should take things any of us say with a grain of salt. On the other hand, it also means you come from a different time, and the way you think about things may reflect that culture in which you grew up. My mom’s relationship with her first husband was highly transactional in nature (he brings home the bacon, she services him and does other household chores), and as she has told me many times, that was the way most people thought at that time. But you may need to change that attitude.
EDIT: I misread your post. - sorry. Still, 3 times a week is a lot. Appreciate what you have.
As everyone else said, the transactional approach is counterproductive. It will not get you what you seek. The “Love Languages” book is a great help IF you are committed to this woman and looking for fulfillment outside of the bedroom, but again, GIVEN THAT YOUR WIFE ALREADY HAS A HIGH LIBIDO FOR A 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN, the odds of it getting you to 7x a week are low. The LL practice is like ZMA: if you’re deficient, it may bump your levels up, but it’s not going to push your Test into the stratosphere if you’re already on a blast.
Based on what I’ve read to this quote, you desire physical contact. She does not. That’s fairly common. You think she desires acts of service (everything you for her) but it doesn’t seem like that’s correct.
The best thing you can do is talk like adults and express your feelings. Ideally, she’ll make an effort to give you that which you desire from her (physical contact) and you’ll do the same for her. If you serve one another then you’ll both be happy and have a great marriage.
I learned these things in counseling. My to love language was physical contact. My wife ranked that last. She desired words of affirmation (encouragement, attaboys, etc.). I ranked that last. With one simple online test, we identified our problem.
I wanted physical contact at that’s what I was trying to give and it did not work. Not at all.
Me too. My wife loves gifts, that’s my least favorite thing. My response is always, then just buy it! I buy shit I want, when I want it. She should too… but, no. She needs me to think about her and buy something as a surprise.
Hey man, I just wanted to say you’ve been super cool and receptive about all the advice you’ve gotten here. That means you have the ability to work on whatever problems you’re having or think you’re having.
I have a stupidly high sex drive. I could have sex 5x/day without blinking an eye. My poor wife does not feel the same way, and when we were first dating, I absolutely bugged her too much for sex. Here’s the thing: she may feel guilty about not wanting sex enough. It’s not her fault, but she’s made to feel that it is. So the next time you want sex and she says no, instead of getting upset, give her a kiss and a hug and tell her that you just want to hang with her and that shit doesn’t matter. You’d be amazed at how how much that means to a woman who feels like she’s letting down her husband with feelings she can’t control.
Wow! I think you are doing too much but that just me. I think my wife and are older(59 and 60) but man I’d be happy with 3 times a week. I get it on a schedule once a week. My wife’s libido has been low for years. Hell I even don’t about leaving several times but after 31 years that would be tough.
Good luck but damn 3 times a week is good from my viewpoint.
You’re 54 and your preference is to bang 16 times per week? Holy fuck haha
Before I met my wife, I was seeing a much younger woman who was horny as a rabbit. After the second week of seeing her I wanted to just curl up and sleep for a week. I made up am excuse not to see her just to recuperate. I assume I’d just die if something similar happened these days.
@Dr_Pangloss, I wish you’d kept the post up. Please rethink it. It has value.
I would say that this is probably true, and may play into avoidant/shut down feelings. I absolutely hate disappointing anyone, and particularly my husband.
I’ve also been the one not satisfied, and that sucked profoundly, too.
I’ve only been married a little over a year and a half, and my daughter is only 4 months old. But your statement that your wife and daughter don’t really get along bothered me. Even if my daughter was thirty, I wouldn’t be with a woman who didn’t get along with my child. You obviously work at having a good relationship with your wife’s family, if she doesn’t do the same I’d say this relationship is fucked.
I fully agree with Uncle Gabby, and a lot of other writers on here to a point.
You’re 54 with a previous 28 year marriage. Not so common these days regardless of how it ended. You will not duplicate that anywhere else. Read that again.
All women are different.
Your wife has 18 years’ experience being strong, independent and single. She’s “having issues like bleeding and stuff”. You’re on TRT, likely a full blooded rabbit. If sex is your only problem (really?), maybe stop the TRT awhile and see what happens. You’re considering adopting her 20 something (!) daughter, your wife doesn’t get along with your daughter (!!), and your housework’s starting to piss you off.
Whatever you decide to do here, I recommend you not adopting anybody that would tie you to this woman if you divorce. If you don’t have a pre nuptial contract with this woman, I also recommend you get a post nuptial agreement if your state allows it.
I expect this marriage will end when you decide you’re young enough to find someone else, unless you’re happy being a full fledged servant for sex.
Hi Stud, Sorry to hear about the wifey issues. I think you hit the nail on the head here. You are self administering your TRT and I bet you keep your Free T over range. You are 53 but your brain is telling you Oh No! youre 20.
Everyone on TRT has something that determines the levels they can run. HCT, E2, prolactin, libido. Without seeing your bloods it looks like for you your libido needs an adjustment.
You need to find the bottom (no libido) and then slowly work your way up with some realistic goals. You should also look into your wifes hormones. Her lady parts aren’t 20 anymore. Sex might actually hurt.
Libido is what determines my TRT weekly dose and remember you can always blast a couple times a year to keep the gym stuff going.