Bullies in School

Off Topic
41

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Tell him to kick the other kids ass. Even if he loses, they will stop picking on him. If he gets caught or gets into trouble, back him up. If there is a parent conference encourage the other parent to teach their kid some fucking manners, because you are teaching your kid to defend himself from assholes.

Don’t let the system turn your kid into a fucking pussy. That is what it is designed to do: castrate boys for being boys.[/quote]

This, right here. I usually don’t comment on posts which 19 others have supported already, but this is so dead-on that I’ll add my 2 cents.

I got bullied a good amount and my parents always tried to teach me diplomacy, tact, diffusing situations…all important life skills that unfortunately are completely useless against the average schoolyard bully. No matter how fat, uncoordinated or weak a kid is, giving a bully an honest dust-up to the best of their ability will stop the abuse 9 times out of 10.

If I ever have a child who gets suspended from school for taking a swing at a bully, I’ll reward the hell out of him. I’ll let the principal know I’m doing so, too. Hell, I might even throw him a party. Pinatas, midgets…the works. He’ll thank me in 15 years.

42

^^ You have good advice AC etc etc but I disagree with the ‘‘biology’’ way of seeing life… Sure having kids is what effectively transfer you genes, sure sex is great and that is what ‘‘works’’ for your genes and how evolution take place and all that BUT at the same time I don’t think transmitting your genes is a goal in life, I don’t see that there is any goal .

Putting this as an end for all your actions is flawed in my opinion. Personally I really don’t care if I am remembered or not, I really won’t give a shit if I don’t exist anymore

or maybe I am too young, and that later on I will really want to contribute for the future mess

43

Really, I do not have a lot more to offer than what AC and others have said already. However, I will say that as a kid I was smart, fat, and socially awkward-- the perfect recipie for bullying. The key really is to fight back.

My parents couldn’t teach me how to fight, but they ALWAYS had my back when school authorities got involved. I eventually got the reputation to not mess with me. Then life was better. So, do exactly as Mad Horse recommended.

44

Remember its not only important for you as a parent to help stop the bullying to protect the childs confidence in himself and all else. Its also important as it’ll insure your child has confidence in you as a parent, if he loses that, then you’re basically screwed in my opinion.

45

Interestingly I was almost always the biggest guy in school. You guys would say I was a fat bastard but I was always very strong comparatively and most people respected that. There was a group of guys who did try to pick on me…usually they would talk like they were going to kick my ass but I was 4 inches taller and 75lbs heavier.

They all ran like big pusscakes when it started. Ive only had one guy try and sucker punch me…During Highschool I held him up with arm one and choked him till he cried, reflex more than anything and felt kinda bad when he cried like a bitch lol. The moral of the story is 5’4 little fuck with guys standing at 6’1.

I never provoked him but he tried to start shit throughout highschool from 7-12th grade. Some guys are determined lol. I never got into a brawl, anyone close to my size or even kind of a threat never felt the need to bother anyone else.

Anway you should teach the kid to defend himself but always teach him not to be a bully and know you are there to help him if he has problems.

46

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

Now, you can educate her and try to have her come around to your ideas, but as a teacher, my guess is that she’s already pretty convinced that she’s right, and, after all, SHE is the one with the degree on the subject, WHO ARE YOU to tell her she’s wrong… (amiright on this?) She has already demonstrated that she turns boys into pussys. DON’T CONDEMN YOUR POTENTIAL SON TO THIS FATE.
[/quote]

I disagree with this part. I think a woman like this can make a fine balance to a masculine man. The reality is that she IS right, but that doesn’t make the man in her life wrong. Ideally you have a partner (doesn’t matter which) with a soft heart who teaches compassion and generosity and a partner with a more territorial/practical bent who teaches protective aggression. Together they create a human being capable of moving easily between intimacy and raw ambition, as appropriate.

47

I think many people missed something.

OP said the kid is 4 years old! Four! He can’t fight.

You’ll have to do it for him.

Seriously though, Four is young for settling it with fighting. I really mean that kids that age have little skill for it. It’s still a good time to talk to the bully’s parents.
Age 8 or 9 is when they should settle it themselves so they don’t get pegged as a teacher’s pet, mamma’s boy or dirty rat.

48

I agree. And at four there’s still plenty of time for dirtbag to help him toughen up. For roughhousing and letting the kid punch him in the stomach and whatever else it is men do to give little boys a taste for blood.

49

[quote]Nards wrote:
…
Seriously though, Four is young for settling it with fighting. I really mean that kids that age have little skill for it. It’s still a good time to talk to the bully’s parents.
Age 8 or 9 is when they should settle it themselves so they don’t get pegged as a teacher’s pet, mamma’s boy or dirty rat.[/quote]

BULLSHIT!

I’ve been punching and slapping since I was 3y.o, granted it was more like swinging my arms around but still. Same thing with kids in my neighborhood in Cuba. By the time I was 5y.o I knew how to throw a punch or two. However I got in a fight with another 5y.o kid how knew how to fight and I all I remember is fists coming at my face.

Moral of the story: Teach your boy how to fight.

50

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

Now, you can educate her and try to have her come around to your ideas, but as a teacher, my guess is that she’s already pretty convinced that she’s right, and, after all, SHE is the one with the degree on the subject, WHO ARE YOU to tell her she’s wrong… (amiright on this?) She has already demonstrated that she turns boys into pussys. DON’T CONDEMN YOUR POTENTIAL SON TO THIS FATE.
[/quote]

I disagree with this part. I think a woman like this can make a fine balance to a masculine man. The reality is that she IS right, but that doesn’t make the man in her life wrong. Ideally you have a partner (doesn’t matter which) with a soft heart who teaches compassion and generosity and a partner with a more territorial/practical bent who teaches protective aggression. Together they create a human being capable of moving easily between intimacy and raw ambition, as appropriate.[/quote]

EmilyQ… the impression I got from the OP’s posts is that his girl and his (not yet) mother-in-law, won’t allow him to take the kid and toughen him up. Hence the advice from Angry Chicken to find a better quality woman to be the mother of his future children.

51

[quote]Nards wrote:
I think many people missed something.

OP said the kid is 4 years old! Four! He can’t fight.

You’ll have to do it for him.

Seriously though, Four is young for settling it with fighting. I really mean that kids that age have little skill for it. It’s still a good time to talk to the bully’s parents.
Age 8 or 9 is when they should settle it themselves so they don’t get pegged as a teacher’s pet, mamma’s boy or dirty rat.[/quote]

BULLSHIT.

I got into my first fight at 5 years old, and lost. I had physical confrontations in one type or another damn near every year after that, some I won, some I lost, but everyone knew that I would fight.

And it’s not like I grew up in the hood or some shit either… it’s just what young kids do. And by the way- it don’t matter if you’re 4 or 40, most people don’t have skill in it period.

OP, teach that kid how to throw a decent 1-2 and some dirty shots. Kids’ gotta fight his own fights.

52

And if you think 5 is to young to fight, don’t tell this kid.

53

I was in kindergarten when I got into a fight with a kid who tried to butt in front of me in line. We were best friends after that.

The pecking order begins very early, so kids need to be prepared how to DEFEND themselves and be praised for using good judgement.

54

It starts NOW! You must teach a child to stand tall when pushed. He must Learn at a early age defend himself against the thug ass holes of this world. It will make the rest of his childhood go smoother because he will not have to fear those around him and allow him to exspress himself.

55

For those saying he’s too young, would you suggest he not show him to defend himself and let other kids beat his ass, then a few years down the road when he FINALLY turns 9 or 10 he should start learning to fight??? That means he will have had kids bully and punk him for 5 years and now he has to not only learn to fight but also rewire his thinking and understand that it’s not okay for other kids to put their hands on him.

Even if he doesn’t learn to throw a decent punch at that age, even though he should be able to, my youngest memories are of me standing on my bed and my dad teaching me how to jab and left… left… right… combinations, giving him the confidence to throw a punch is more than enough to deter kids at that age from picking on him.

56

[quote]AndrewG909 wrote:
giving him the confidence to throw a punch is more than enough to deter kids at that age from picking on him.
[/quote]

Somewhat…as that’s only a slice of the pie. Kids need confidence in themselves not just their fists. Bullies don’t pick on people/kids who walk and act tall.

57

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Essentially, you will be taking resources (time, money, attention, patience, situational awareness, etc…) from your OWN children, thus effectively reducing their likelihood of success/survival/fitness and giving it to a set of genetics that is NOT YOUR OWN. Biologically speaking, this makes no sense. Unless you have way above average means, then it is an act of charity.

Make no mistake, this is a HUGE sacrifice.

This is serious business. At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, YOUR CHILDREN are the ONLY thing on this earth that truly matter. They are your immortality. They are an extension of all that is good in you. They have a chance to do things and explore opportunities that were never available to you. They can HONOR you, or SHAME you… The choice is yours. Who you breed with will have a direct impact on the success and survivability of your kids… Choose wisely. [/quote]

I think you’ve nailed the main issues in your post, but for interest i’d emphasis the question of compatible values and investment of your time and energy over the genetic investment.

first DNA is quickly dissapated away. We are a rough mix of our parents, in turn a rough mix of theirs - only a few generations up or down from us and the they are pretty much ‘not us’ in any meaningful sense. When geneology fans talk about their forefathers traits from 4, 5, 6 or more generations ago, really they may as well talk about strangers for all the ‘traits’ they genuinely share. The whole process of genetic inheritance is very uneven as well.

Values and ideas however are imprinted and become culture. Raise a baby from the other side of the world and the way that baby will grow up, the values and beliefs will all come from the environment, only the general physical and mental tendencies will be genetic. Extra-genetic legacy is far more powerful, the extreme examples being Einstein and the like. It wouldnt have mattered if Einstein had 100 kids - first there is a tendency for genes to ‘return to the norm’ over subsequent generations and second his legacy of achievement is greater in effect than any number of physical / structural traits

Anyway, your point was well made but i’d emphasise compatible value and beliefs - the answer to the question “is this how I want to live my life?”

58

[quote]bradden wrote:
Remember its not only important for you as a parent to help stop the bullying to protect the childs confidence in himself and all else. Its also important as it’ll insure your child has confidence in you as a parent, if he loses that, then you’re basically screwed in my opinion.[/quote]

This may be difficult for dirtbag as the child is his girlfriend’s son, not his own child. I know that if I had a son who lived with his mother who happened to be dating someone else, I would be sure that I was the father figure for the child. Maybe the child’s father would take exception to dirtbag’s actions(even if they are in the childs best interests) or maybe even the mother might.
A fine line that I hope not to be threading in my life.

[quote]Nards wrote:
I think many people missed something.

OP said the kid is 4 years old! Four! He can’t fight.

You’ll have to do it for him.

Seriously though, Four is young for settling it with fighting. I really mean that kids that age have little skill for it. It’s still a good time to talk to the bully’s parents.
Age 8 or 9 is when they should settle it themselves so they don’t get pegged as a teacher’s pet, mamma’s boy or dirty rat.[/quote]

If 4 is old enough to bully someone, it’s old enough to fight back.

59

If anything, kids at that age can get away with really fighting dirty. Tell him to put some rocks in his lunch box and bang him around the head, or to get close and kick/knee him in the balls fucking hard.

60

[quote]dirtbag wrote:
You know I had a really messed up childhood more so then most. I was a bully to 2 kids in school. Why?; cause I could and it felt empowering. I had no morals at that age. But when those kids fought back. I loved it then it was on. Then when I beat them into the ground. I would give them time to heal for round 2. Then it was on. What stopped me was my love for women. It was better then fighting.

He is small for his age. Even the “friends” he has pick on him a bit. He is Mamma’d a lot by Grandma and Mom. I want to help but I never had to deal with this before. I can tell Mom is not going to handle it right. She is a teacher and she might have good intentions I am afraid it will turn out bad for the boy.[/quote]

Ain’t Karma a bitch? Anyway I hope you’re kid is okay and you can teach him to stand up for himself. It will set the course for the rest of his life.