Do NOT let him become a broccoli head !
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Iâm going to offer a slightly different perspective on this topic.
The kids self-image issues are due to the fact that he doesnât do anything in the real world. Heâs stuck living vicariously in video games.
When i graduated high school i was 5â-10" and weighed 130lbs. Couldnât do one pullup in any of the fitness tests my whole life, was pretty weak, ect, ect. Did i have some body image issues, sure. Would l like to have been jacked like a couple of the football player, yes
BUT
I was still a physically active kid in âGood Shapeâ, it was just a different shape than the footballers. I was a competitive roller-skater, practiced Kendo, skateboarded, ran track, ect. I still had my dorky side (Still do) but i was VERY physically active. I didnât get into the iron until much later.
I think we need to find a way to âhide the vegetablesâ with this young man. All the things I did that were âPhysically Activeâ I didnât do to be âPhysically Activeâ. I wasnât âTrainingâ, I was having fun.
Weâre looking at this situation and trying to figure out how to get the kid to want to âTrainâ. He isnât going to want that at this stage. He may not even want to lift weights, and thatâs OK (heresy, i know).
I think you need to look beyond the weight room and figure out something physical that the kid will find fun. Hide the veggies. His self image will improve as he builds some kind of skill and gains a level of competence in whatever activity he chooses. That will be a longer lasting and more profound change in his self esteem than just getting yolked will bring.
My main training partner at BJJ has a similar issue, just on the opposite side. His son is 6â-3", but VERY over weight. My buddy tried bringing him to BJJ to get him more active, but the kid just hated it. âTrainingâ is something that either adults understand and consciously undertake or that motivated kids undertake to augment an already existing activity.
Hide the veggies in something FUN and I think youâll see better adherence and results.
Laâ
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Iâve been having my son cut grass with me. We do one neighbors yard and our own. I cut out the edges and crappy/dangerous parts, then he takes the rest.
Its pretty cool. He has gotten good at it, and can see the tangible results immediately, and it puts a little folding money in his pocket. And he gets a pretty good work out in.
As a bonus, I told him that if he does this all summer Iâll make him a sword for his birthday- so he gets the satisfaction up front, and has something to look forward to in the long term. Not like a forged katana or anything, just sword shaped with no sharpness.
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I wish I had great advice for you, but it sounds like youâre doing the right things as it is.
I tend to agree self-esteem issues come from not finding real-world progress/ successes. I donât know how to guide someone toward âthat thingâ at which they want to work, but I do think itâs the critical endeavor in the human journey.
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I really like @redsol1âs advice. Find his thing, and show him the overlap to yours.
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Just to take one more run at the idea of a sport ⊠what about options beyond traditional sports? Skating or climbing or dancing or even Ultimate Frisbee (do kids still play that)? Anything that incentivizes being active and on your feet âŠ
Good luck!
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My older kids are not made for sports. Iâve got them doing ninja warrior stuff, rock climbing, gymnastics, BJJ and a hiking group. All to build up a base of athleticism and enjoyment of being active. Might consider non traditional entries to physical movement.
My oldest now wants to lift to support her gymnastics.
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Rock Climbing and BJJ are great suggestions. I rock climbed for years. It could be a good place to start with physical activity where his low body weight could be a benefit.
BJJ could be tricky. On one hand itâs great for building confidence and overcoming social anxiety, but his body image issues could cause discomfort.
Laâ
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I thought about that, but figured in a gi youâre not really exposing your body like you would in situation where you are lifting weights a gym.
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Iâd like to echo what other posters have said - there are different types of intelligence, and this is on point for teaching kinesthetic intelligence as a baseline. It probably came easily to us, but developing it through a non-screen activity would be a good approach. Exercise feels good, looking better feels good. But video game characters donât have to manage DOMS, or nutrition, just a mana bar.
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Howard Gardner - Theory of Multiple Intelligences
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Thanks for the input everyone.
Currently on a week long vacation with her and the kids. Hopefully it will allow some time to get more of a feel what the kid wants or need.
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Update⊠partner son just broke up with a girlfriend he has had for several months. Apparently for the past 2 weeks hes been in a deep hole. Prime time to bring him into the fold.
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Bad breakups build great bodies, as the saying goes.
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Yep exactly⊠im sure theres been many a guy whom got started that way.
But seriously⊠might help for him to do something to focus on himself and build his self-esteem.
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If nothing else, just an hour a day to not think about lifeâs problems is a big benefit.
Very true⊠he needs something.
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Iron Prozac
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