Does anyone else have an intense obsession with bodybuilding. When I was younger I was always heavy and girls didnt like me, and I was often made fun of. I was shy a quite and eventually in college I lost weight and became very popular w/ women. Problems is I always have the feelings I used to have when I was younger, no matter how many women come up to me or tell me how attractive I am. I am still not ripped or where I want to be, but I do look like I work out.
Every day I read about diet and lifting for minumum 4 hours a day, usually more. Its all I think about and I change my diet every few days, it seems. If I cheat I get depressed and sometimes binge out of anger. I can’t stand my body still and do things like shower w/ the lights out, I shave that way as well. I won’t take my shirt off when I sleep with my gf. or when I was w/ other women. I’ve made myself throw up on several occasions when I’ve cheated on my diet b/c I felt so guilty. I’m on a crash diet w/ no carbs, just protein at less than 1000 cals, and I weigh over 200lbs. i’m always grabbing my stomach to feel how much fat is there and I go crazy about it. I sometimes won’t go out b/c i’m depressed about how I look. There’s much more to it but just wanted to know if there is anyone else out there like my or am I just nuts?
Hey bro, I can understand your problem. You feel depressed and feel like you aren’t motivated to do anything. All you can think about is how your body looks. My question to you is how did you get depressed. How do you feel that way? What I’m trying to get you to grasp is the idea that your brain is giving you these signals and creating the world that you’re making it see. You need to try and create a different representation of your body to your mind. A good way to do this is through a technique called NLP. I’ll give you a technique called the swish pattern to help you with this. This is an excercise that you need to practice to make it work. But you should feel better in a few minutes. A Swish pattern takes internal representations that normally produce states of unresourcefulness and causes them to automatically trigger new internal representations that put you in the resourceful states you desire. When you find out, for example, what internal representations make you feel like overeating, with the swish pattern you can create a new internal representation of something else that is more powerful and would cause you, if you saw or heard it, to push food away. If you link the two representations, whenever you think of overeating, the first representation will instantly trigger the second and put you in a state of not desiring food. The best part of the swish pattern is that once you implant it effectively, you don’t have to think of it ever again. The process will happen automatically, without any conscious effort. Here’s how the swish pattern works. Step 1- Identify the behavior you want to change. Now make an internal representation of that behavior as you see it through your own eyes. If you want to stop biting your fingernails, imagine a picture of you lifting your hand, bringing your fingers to your lips, and biting your nails. more steps in my second post.
Step 2- Once you have a clear picture of the behavior you want to change, you need to create a different representation, a picture of yourself as you would be if you made the desired change and what that change would mean to you. You might picture yourself taking your fingers away from your mouth, creating a little pressure on the finger you were going to bite, and seeing your nails perfectly manicured and yourself as well dressed, magnificiently groomed, more in control, and more confident. The picture you make of yourself in that desired state should be disassociated. The reason for this is that we want to create an ideal internal representation, one that you will continue to be drawn to rather than one you feel you already Have. Step 3- Swish the two pictures so that the unresourceful experience automatically triggers the resourceful experience. Once you hook up this triggering mechanism, anything that used to trigger biting your nails will now trigger you into a state where you are moving toward that ideal picture of yourself. Thus, you’re creating a whole new way for your brain to deal with what in the past may have upset you. Here’s how to do the swish: Start by making a big bright picture of the behavior you want to change. Then, in the botom right hand corner of that picture, make a small dark picture of the way you want to be. Now take that small picture, and in less than one second, have it grow in size and brightness and literally burst through the picture of the behavior you no longer desire. As you do this process, say the word “woosh” with all the excitement and enthusiasm you can. I realize this sounds a bit juvenile. However, saying "woosh’ in an excited way sends a series of powerful, positive signals to your brain. Once you’ve set up the pictures in your mind, this whole process should only take about as long as it takes to say the word “woosh.” Now in front of you is a big , bright focused, colorful picture of how you want to be. The old picture of how you were has been smashed to smithereens. the key to this pattern is speed and repetition. You must see and feel that small dark picture become huge and bright and explode through the big picture, destroying it and replacing it with an even bigger, brighter picture of how you want things to be. Hope this helps. if you need more help type in NLP in a search engine, there’s a lot of info on NLP.
Wow, that sounds like no fun at all. Try “The Body Image Workbook: An 8-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks” by Thomas F. Cash, Ph.D. You can find it at Amazon. My therapist recommended it to me, it’s really good. It’s great to workout and improve yourself, but you need to be able to enjoy your success.
Your fucking nuts!!!
NLP is great for immediacy, but doesn’t fix the underlying problems. Just my $.02.
As far as body image, though, I know exactly what you mean. I was a pudgy kid, and was made fun of mercilessly. I still have issues with that, too.
As mentioned, you need to determine the root of your feelings, in general you wil find most of your behaviors retort back to this one thing. You may want to try training as a sports oriented goal rather than BB’ing, I have found it to be actually healthier and less stressful to be honest, I used to be like you. You probably will be less obsessed, lose more BF and have a physique women like better anyway.
You sound like you have a obsessive personality. I would bet that bodybuilding is not the first time you have taken something to the point of saturation in your life - to the point it is YOUR life. Bodybuilding is a lifestyle - you look at it as something that enables you to live a QUALITY LIFE.
Develop other hobbies and still enjoy bodybuilding - but I figured that once you realize that you're doing this for yourself and only yourself - that you'll learn eventually, that there is much more to life than constantly worrying about "how you look."
I think all of us struggle with how we look to a certain extent. What you describe may require some assistance from a private therapist or other healthcare profesional. If you feel your obsession is out of control and you are making yourself throw up and/or starving yourself, I would seek help.
I know what you are talking about. You are probably going to deal with it for life. I was taunted mercilessly as a kid, it is too easy to let others control your self worth based upon what they said about you. Your self worth rarely has much to do with your physical appearance. You probably have some close friends who are overweight or unattractive, yet you don’t judge their value based upon their looks. Relax, your best friends don’t care what you look like, they care about you. If anyone is basing your worth based upon your looks, stop hanging around them. They are superficial and will eventually leave you empty-handed anyhow.
The first thing you have to recognize is that there is a definite problem; a disorder, not just an obsession. Once you do that, help is available at www.anad.org or you can call them direct at 1-847-831-3438.
It sounds to me like you’re binging to rebel against this notion that your nature self isn’t good enough. You need to realize that’s superficial bull shit. If you can’t realize that, then I do suggest a therapist. You really need someone to get those underlying things really worked out. Fixing your body might help you hide your insecurities, but you definitely need to get a handle on the self-destructive aspects. You’re probably pinching your body because you’re scared that what you’re doing isn’t working. This stuff takes time! I wouldn’t suggest a no carb diet btw. I would add some oatmeal in the mornings. I also think you’re being way too hard on yourself!!! Are you starving yourself? By all means don’t do that… you’ll just binge right back. You need to shift your diet to one that can become your actual routine. Tortoise and the Hare my friend…
Anyway enough philosophy… I do understand what you’re going through. I was very thin and in athletics I got the shit kicked out of me by buffed guys even though I had more talent. That’s a major, major reason why I started to hit the gym.
I think you’ll stop obssessing once you start seeing the results you want and then you also have a really bad relationship with a girl despite the fact that you’re shredded. You’ll then realize that yeah it helps you in some respects, but man… being shredded isn’t the end all and be all. Don’t go to an extreme that you can’t maintain and ultimately backfires in a binge! You have to get into a routine that you can maintain for years to come (or a cycle of routines… with various permutations and convolutions… but a routine nonetheless). Good luck.
NLP does get rid of underlying problems, but it helps to know what the problem is. I don’t think that the swish pattern is right for this problem. I also think it is too complex for this discussion group. The subtleties can cause it not to work, and if done incorrectly could increase a problem.
Flex69: When you look at yourself, you do not see what is in the mirror. You see what is in your mind… If you ever achieve the perfect body of your dreams, you will not see it, and you will still have the same problems. I would also recommend a therapist, but one trained in NLP. Because of privacy issues it is hard to determine the quality of a therapist.
I have a relative who I couldn’t convince to try an NLP trained therapist, and ended up with more problems, and a large bill. That therapist is now going through a divorce. Go to this site: http://www.nlpco.com/misc/contact.html and either email them, or call them and request the name of a trained therapist in your area. Many of the people they train already have multiple degrees in psychotherapy, psychology, and such, so they could help find an extremely qualified therapist.
Or to save money, you could buy their tape set “NLP the new technology of achievement.” Be sure to get the six tape set and not the two tape set. It might be available through Nightingale Conant also. I am pretty sure you could find a used copy even cheaper with an internet search. This tape set uses experts to run a person through various techniques, and to teach them to a limited extent. I think that sides 8-10 will help, and really pay attention to “seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you.” I personally know that it works. Just be sure to listen and follow through when you will not be disturbed, and can give your full attention. But if you can get a trained therapist, I would go that route.
Forced puking can really fuck you up. It could make you look terrible in the long run. It is a quick fix that does not work very well at all. And everyone here knows that quick fixes don’t work, only long term commitment and a healthy lifestyle will steadily get you to where you want to be.
I feel your pain I have been were you are. I recentley corrected the problem and found out that my strict dieting, lowered my T levels, and Thyroid making me feel even more deppressed and obsessed. What I did was drop the low carb approach (don’t be afraid I was). Start taking 3 T2 pro daily, Methoxy 2tsptwice daily, and tribex 3 caps twice daily. While at the same time increase your calories to 15perlb of lbm. On workout days consume 4 P+C meals I recommend Cream of Rye, Steel cut oats, grapefruit,peaches, honeydew for preworkout carb meals 60g , and pre and post workout 1 scoop surge 1 hr later 1 cup cottage cheese and 7oz yam. Then 2 P+F Meals. On off days 2 P+C meals and 3 P+F meals. AFter 1 week you will feel great and your body will start to normalize and you will actually drop some fat. I recommend doing cardio separate from you weights 430 min moderate intensity( just for insulin sensitivity. and Have a safe cheat meal 1 or twice a week like maybe all you can eat sushi, or Healthy Fresh mex. Train no more than 4 days a week with full recovery in between sets. and 3 full off days a week. Then after 2 weeks see if you just want to increase activity or go back to a stricter form of dieting.
Anyone who logs-on and posts messages on this site throughout the day, EVERYDAY is obsessed with bodybuilding. Our boy here just has an image problem.
I was the exact reverse of you. I always felt too skinny, and I spent nearly 10 years trying to get bigger, no matter how much that obsession ruined my life. I lifted heavy every day and literally ate until I vomited. I put on 50 pounds, much of it fat, but I figured anything was better than being so skinny. Eventually, I just swam through my obsession and got to the other side. Good thing, because my relationships, my job, my health, and my lacrosse game were all being wrecked. Now I’m lighter and faster, way more cut, and nearly as strong as I was. Plus I enjoy life now, and I don’t feel enraged when I have to skip a workout or a meal. I can just shrug it off. Yes, sometimes I still get this surge of depression and take it out on the weights. In my experience - there’s no cure. But YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. When that sick feeling comes, just try to stay clearheaded and not do anything rash. For me, it just got better…
i know the feeling bro. but just remember while your in the gym training most others are on their couch eating potato chips and bon-bons. in other words your body probably looks much better than 90% of the worlds. also, limiting your calories to only 1000 per day and cutting out all carbs is the last thing you want to do. less is not more. the less you eat the slower your metabolic rate will be. plus your body will catabolize all of your muscle for energy. at 200 lbs. while dieting you should still be eating about 2000-2500 cal per day. train hard, eat right, and respect recovery you will soon have the body that you want.
The book “The Adonis Complex” talks about many situations similiar to yours. In fact your story could have came straight out of the book.