[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:
ive just heard so many stories from stephfathers on other boards who are being taken through the gauntlet by their little shit stephchildren… this one guy’s step kid took his (the step father’s) sweet car out for a spin without permission, and wrapped it around a tree.
when the stepfather got mad at the kid, the kid essentially said ‘fuck you’, and went and hid behind his mother, who defended his actions…[/quote]
That stuff happens when it’s the kid’s actual father too. It’s not exactly uncommon for kids to play their parents off of each other to get what they want. Parenting isn’t particularly easy, even if it’s your kid.
As far as the more core question, which really seems to be “why do men let people walk all over them”, I don’t have a good answer.
Until a guy develops a good sense of his boundaries and an understanding of his weaknesses, most will surrender a fair amount of power. This happens at home, it happens at the work place, it happens in most relationships. Some men really don’t learn when to say no. Others don’t learn how to deal with conflict. Others are ignorant of social forces in the groups they’re a part of.
You always have the choice to say no, to surrender some amount of control over the situation or not. If someone has a gun to your head, you’re probably going to give them your wallet. If you don’t, you could lose far more than the money in it. It’s usually pretty black and white.
However, if a friend asks to borrow some money, it’s not as clear cut. If you don’t, are you going to lose them as a friend? If you put some stipulations on things, how is that going to affect the relationship? Are you willing to take those risks? If you lend them money, and they pay back with interest, and help you out in the future with something, it could work out really well for you.
You have the choice whether you want to surrender control over the money, or your time, or your energy, or whatever. Without experience and/or knowledge, you’ll probably make decisions where you give over too much power and don’t get what you want.
And most guys do that in relationships, because they’re simply inexperienced.
Given that most men have a soft spot for attractive women, and the more advantages she conveys (cooks, cleans, is fun to be with, companionship, whatever), the more likely he exposes his weaknesses. He’ll make some dumb decisions. You can blame her for “taking advantage of him”, but he made those decisions.
So I think to answer your question, maybe the better answer is that these men are inexperienced and naive, both with emotions and with relationships in general (romantic and otherwise). It takes time to learn how to get what you want, without losing what you have, as well as learning when, where and how to make compromises.
If you want to put it into silly terms, there are “Alpha Male providers” and there are “beta male providers”, but the fact that he’s a male provider doesn’t implicitly make him alpha or beta.
