I would think you would have such a weight off your shoulders and a feeling of a more promising future. I wish you the best of luck.
There are complexities about the human body and mind have still yet to be understood, let alone explained.
The only one common theme I consistently see (not here but in society), is the ego of people who think we have discovered it all. That we have it all figured out.
More than it is our job to understand it all, is to respect it all.
Big props to OP, I hope that you find answers to your questions, and enjoy the journey.
[quote]Babylat wrote:
[quote]MattyG35 wrote:
Not going to lie, having met a transgender (MTF) in prison that was still going through the transition, I am weirded out by it. Probably has to do with first impressions I guess.
Probably taking the unpopular side, but I see this as being due to a hormonal/genetic imbalance in the individual, like you said that the hormone therapy made you feel better because it’s giving you the hormonal profile of a female which is more aligned with your biology.
But you still have a (dysfunctional??) Y chromosome, so to me you’ll always be a male, at least biologically speaking. I don’t think any one can run away from their genes. Continuing with the hormonal imbalance issue, I think it would be worth looking into why you are or feel “wired” differently and addressing it from that perspective. Like solving what is dysfunctional regarding your Y chromosome.
Hope it doesn’t sound like I’m shitting on you or anything. I’m glad you’re open and honest about it, as that makes it easier for you and the people in your life. I don’t agree with transgender people being dishonest about their past, or trying to deceive people. That causes harm, so as I’ve stated, I appreciate that you’re being up front with your partner and it’s good for you that she is cool with it.
[/quote]
I agree. I think it’s some sort of mental illness or genetic defect just waiting to be discovered and cured.
I think it’s kind of odd that people are supportive of this kind of behavior, yet I doubt most guys would be open to dating a transsexual woman and would probably be pissed if they found out some girl they made out with or were dating was a tranny. I kind of doubt they’d be open about it since they think they should be treated just like any other woman.
It’s also kind of ironic this thread is on this forum, called T-Nation, but here we have a guy talking about taking female hormones and cutting off his balls to become a woman.[/quote]
you’re just pissed because rehanb_bl is outta your league.
Out of curiosity - what is your end goal here?
Live as a M-2-F transgender (keep or cut your penis?) married to a Cis woman? Changing your career? How on earth could your fiancee be okay with you lopping off your penis?
Mental illness is trying to bring people down on the internet like a coward. Live your life it’s no one 's business but your own. Also if your in Ontario it is pretty accepting of Transgendered in this day and age, I know a few and friends who help out at their charity ball’s pun intended.
I know in London, Ottawa, Toronto other areas probably have good social supports for Tg’s. I don’t think it is a flaw or a problem how you feel is real and the only reality you know. I would, in your situation stop thinking what you aren’t and what you should be and start living as you are.
It may sound strange but accepting yourself for who you are will help, people who can’t accept who you are probably have more problems than yourself and you don’t need those types of idiots around you. Don’t think negatively of the whole ordeal and find positive thoughts to focus on. Suicide is not a solution everyone feels really fucked up at points in their lives, it shows great character to push through and find happiness with oneself.
You say your gender and sexual orientation are different, and I totally agree. But now that you’re going to be a woman, how is your fiance staying with you considering her sexual orientation is that she is attracted to males?
I understand you guys probably love each other, but there is such a thing as physical attraction and I’m assuming she wasn’t into females prior.
Good on you for doing what makes you happy.
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
You say your gender and sexual orientation are different, and I totally agree. But now that you’re going to be a woman, how is your fiance staying with you considering her sexual orientation is that she is attracted to males?
I understand you guys probably love each other, but there is such a thing as physical attraction and I’m assuming she wasn’t into females prior.[/quote]
[quote]therajraj wrote:
married to a Cis woman? How on earth could your fiancee be okay with you lopping off your penis?
[/quote]
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
She was always pretty bisexual to start with but she said the qualities that attracted her to me were the more feminine ones so she’s even happier now.
[/quote]
^
Hey Sister, I am right there with you. Thank you for breaking the Big Broading Behemouth of bullshit that I always thought would surround and inundate the thought patterns of the T-Nation faithful ! And, thank you to T-Nation faithful about being so open minded about something that is still SO misunderstood and discriminated against.
I too have felt this way for a long long time…since about 3rd grade.
I not only grew up in a VERY CONSERVATIVE area of Chicago, but with a Speech impediment and a Jewish family on top of that…
I was pick on constantly, teased and even beaten up a few times for being just this little different from everyone else, BEFORE they
anyone even knew the deeper truth.
I was gaucky, tall, thin, shy and NOT comfortable in my own skin
I to failed beautifully at my suicide attempt in 8th grade…
First day of 8th grade a formerly “flat” chested girl came in, and my first reaction was that I would never have a body like hers…
no matter how badly I knew that she was what I was feeling inside.
I have since the mid '90s now been comfortable with not only WHO i am, but WHAT I am .
My parents and sister still love me, my family is still dealing with it and the rest can just go and fuck themselves…
So Go forth and Live Learn and Pass on (to bogart the EliteFTS shirts) what you know and are, so that others may become
what they are meant to become…
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
You say your gender and sexual orientation are different, and I totally agree. But now that you’re going to be a woman, how is your fiance staying with you considering her sexual orientation is that she is attracted to males?
I understand you guys probably love each other, but there is such a thing as physical attraction and I’m assuming she wasn’t into females prior.[/quote]
[quote]therajraj wrote:
married to a Cis woman? How on earth could your fiancee be okay with you lopping off your penis?
[/quote]
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
She was always pretty bisexual to start with but she said the qualities that attracted her to me were the more feminine ones so she’s even happier now.
[/quote]
[1]
Thanks, I was only skimming.
-
/quote ↩︎
[quote]silverblood wrote:
you’re just pissed because rehanb_bl is outta your league.[/quote]
bahahah burns, good one
[quote]Jlabs wrote:
It may sound strange but accepting yourself for who you are will help, people who can’t accept who you are probably have more problems than yourself and you don’t need those types of idiots around you. [/quote]
It is very true and I am slowly getting better at accepting myself as a human being rather than judging myself through other people’s eyes
[quote]killerDIRK wrote:
Hey Sister, I am right there with you. Thank you for breaking the Big Broading Behemouth of bullshit that I always thought would surround and inundate the thought patterns of the T-Nation faithful ! And, thank you to T-Nation faithful about being so open minded about something that is still SO misunderstood and discriminated against.
I too have felt this way for a long long time…since about 3rd grade.
I not only grew up in a VERY CONSERVATIVE area of Chicago, but with a Speech impediment and a Jewish family on top of that…
I was pick on constantly, teased and even beaten up a few times for being just this little different from everyone else, BEFORE they
anyone even knew the deeper truth.
I was gaucky, tall, thin, shy and NOT comfortable in my own skin
I to failed beautifully at my suicide attempt in 8th grade…
First day of 8th grade a formerly “flat” chested girl came in, and my first reaction was that I would never have a body like hers…
no matter how badly I knew that she was what I was feeling inside.
I have since the mid '90s now been comfortable with not only WHO i am, but WHAT I am .
My parents and sister still love me, my family is still dealing with it and the rest can just go and fuck themselves…
So Go forth and Live Learn and Pass on (to bogart the EliteFTS shirts) what you know and are, so that others may become
what they are meant to become…[/quote]
Well congrats! It’s nerve wracking and I can 100% relate.
I thought T-Nation would be much more of a mud flinging contest but you know what there are many people here who are secure people looking for improvement and focusing on themselves.
I would like to thank everyone who has even just taken the time to write a word of encouragement and even though I don’t know many of you personally it reflects well on your character by how you respond to this controversial topic.
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
[quote]killerDIRK wrote:
Hey Sister, I am right there with you. Thank you for breaking the Big Broading Behemouth of bullshit that I always thought would surround and inundate the thought patterns of the T-Nation faithful ! And, thank you to T-Nation faithful about being so open minded about something that is still SO misunderstood and discriminated against.
I too have felt this way for a long long time…since about 3rd grade.
I not only grew up in a VERY CONSERVATIVE area of Chicago, but with a Speech impediment and a Jewish family on top of that…
I was pick on constantly, teased and even beaten up a few times for being just this little different from everyone else, BEFORE they
anyone even knew the deeper truth.
I was gaucky, tall, thin, shy and NOT comfortable in my own skin
I to failed beautifully at my suicide attempt in 8th grade…
First day of 8th grade a formerly “flat” chested girl came in, and my first reaction was that I would never have a body like hers…
no matter how badly I knew that she was what I was feeling inside.
I have since the mid '90s now been comfortable with not only WHO i am, but WHAT I am .
My parents and sister still love me, my family is still dealing with it and the rest can just go and fuck themselves…
So Go forth and Live Learn and Pass on (to bogart the EliteFTS shirts) what you know and are, so that others may become
what they are meant to become…[/quote]
Well congrats! It’s nerve wracking and I can 100% relate.
I thought T-Nation would be much more of a mud flinging contest but you know what there are many people here who are secure people looking for improvement and focusing on themselves.
I would like to thank everyone who has even just taken the time to write a word of encouragement and even though I don’t know many of you personally it reflects well on your character by how you respond to this controversial topic.
[/quote]
Honestly I always thought you were female.
Good luck.
And Killer are you actually “coming out” as they say also?
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
So this is a pretty “Ballsy” move I’m doing here but interesting at the same time.
Recently in my life there have been some events that changed life as I know it. To start with the backstory.
I have had an issue I have been dealing with since about age 3, I can vividly remember the feelings I used to have. Since then I have been dealing with the issue on and off with varying degrees of success. Two fridays ago it finally reached a peak (again I tried previously when I was 14) and I wrote a suicide not to my brother and took off in the car.
Later on the cops caught me coming out of a truckstop on the 401 (highway) with a rope and they found the other note I wrote for my parents and my fiancee in the car. I was taken to Mental Health Assessment at the hospital and had to see a psychiatrist. My parents also got there and well since I was close to rock bottom I told them about the issue along with everyone else.
The reason why I tried to kill myself is because I am transgendered. As I am sure most people can understand why a person would want to kill themselves, you are always judged and discriminated against, you are viewed as sub human and a lot of times beat up. being transgendered has a 41% suicide rate and that is only those who report it.
I know a lot of people view this as being a freak and some view it as a choice. Why would someone willingly subject themselves to a life of hardships? the answer is because the alternative is worse. I did try everything to “cure” it or make it go away. I tried not caring and just ate myself intro oblivion.
I tried drinking, drinking 2 bottles of whiskey for a year while I lived in england. I tried being ubermasculine bulking up to 275 lbs with 19" arms and some very decent lift numbers. None of it worked, it just came back all the same which led me to wanting to end my life.
Having to come out has by far been the hardest thing i’ve done in my life. Telling my fiancee almost crushed me. It requires a certain amount of balls (pun intended). I have chosen to continue with transition otherwise I will find myself where I was that Friday night or worse. It will be a very hard time in my life but I have faith that things will get better.
I come from a family where growing up was hard. They have been accepting and as long as I stay in this world they can deal with the rest. So in short yeh, if anyone has ever wondered about it and had questions now is a good time to ask. Also no jokes are off limits, I still have a freaking sense of humour.[/quote]
I do not want you to end your life. So please don’t, what you are dealing with is obviously very difficult to do and I cannot pretend to understand it as I am not in your shoes.
Whatever it is you are dealing with, you can’t and shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. Find someone you can trust and lean on and get real professional assistance.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You are who you are. It may be difficult, but deal with it and don’t run from it. One way or another you will make it through.
I don’t have any objective advice on what you should or should not do. Just get support and get help and whatever decisions you make in the end just make sure you are someone you are happy and proud to be. You cannot control how you feel, you can only control what you do.
There are support systems for people in your shoes, seek them and don’t be alone. Just please don’t take your own life. You will survive, you will make it through.
rehanb_bl
I asked before but maybe you thought I wasn’t serious or possibly didn’t see it. Im curious as how the change is going to effect your lifting weights. You are making the change to become female but are still biologically male, are you going to curtail or change the way you lift because of this. I am assuming that you do lift weights because of the site we are on.
[quote]MattyXL wrote:
rehanb_bl
I asked before but maybe you thought I wasn’t serious or possibly didn’t see it. Im curious as how the change is going to effect your lifting weights. You are making the change to become female but are still biologically male, are you going to curtail or change the way you lift because of this. I am assuming that you do lift weights because of the site we are on.[/quote]
Oh missed it
Yeh I’m cutting out all upper body lifting and minimal lower body lifting, since I would like to play sports at some point again I am busy with the process of losing 125 lbs so I can lose all my muscle and strength and then rebuild with female hormones to achieve a natural female strength level.
It will take like 3 years to get rid of all the muscle and then i can start lifting again.
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
[quote]MattyXL wrote:
rehanb_bl
I asked before but maybe you thought I wasn’t serious or possibly didn’t see it. Im curious as how the change is going to effect your lifting weights. You are making the change to become female but are still biologically male, are you going to curtail or change the way you lift because of this. I am assuming that you do lift weights because of the site we are on.[/quote]
Oh missed it
Yeh I’m cutting out all upper body lifting and minimal lower body lifting, since I would like to play sports at some point again I am busy with the process of losing 125 lbs so I can lose all my muscle and strength and then rebuild with female hormones to achieve a natural female strength level.
It will take like 3 years to get rid of all the muscle and then i can start lifting again.[/quote]
not going for the Becca Swanson look?
[quote]rehanb_bl wrote:
[quote]MattyXL wrote:
rehanb_bl
I asked before but maybe you thought I wasn’t serious or possibly didn’t see it. Im curious as how the change is going to effect your lifting weights. You are making the change to become female but are still biologically male, are you going to curtail or change the way you lift because of this. I am assuming that you do lift weights because of the site we are on.[/quote]
Oh missed it
Yeh I’m cutting out all upper body lifting and minimal lower body lifting, since I would like to play sports at some point again I am busy with the process of losing 125 lbs so I can lose all my muscle and strength and then rebuild with female hormones to achieve a natural female strength level.
It will take like 3 years to get rid of all the muscle and then i can start lifting again.[/quote]
Best of luck on your Journey!
[quote]silverblood wrote:
not going for the Becca Swanson look?[/quote]
hhaha I could never be that strong, so might as well go for looks
Can you at least share a pic of the muscular body you spent building before you tear it down with female hormones?