The hottest girl I ever picked up, who btw was absolutely incredible, totally intimidated me. I mean every guy at the club wanted this chick. I’m kind of shy to begin with. But when she looked right into my eyes and smiled at me I knew that was my ticket in. So I approached her, and you know what she told me, don’t know if I believe her, that I was the hottest guy that she had seen since she got to Chicago. So, yes if you are incredibly attractive you should give some sign to a guy you are interested in that you are interested. A smile while looking right into his eyes will work wonders.
Just to clarify. It isn’t me I’m talking about here. I am happily married, with children, and am not looking for a side-kick. Besides, I don’t think I am a hottie anyways. But I do have a friend who is–actually a few of them, and they are single and they are gorgeous (head-turning gorgeous) and they are intelligent. I think you guys are right about men being too scared to approach these girls, because the odd time that they do, they are pleasantly surprised to find that their invitations for a date are gladly accepted. One of these ladies is quite shy and really has trouble making a first move. She is self-confident in every other way, but quite shy to let the guys know she’s interested (beyond some casual flirting). Anyways, thanks for all the replies. They were as I expected.
May, I can’t imagine that a beautiful woman does not have her pick of men. I can, however, definitely see how beautiful women are less popular among other women due to jealousy. If a beautiful woman stays single it may be because she may be expecting the man to commit to her 100% and prove himself worthy of her, which is not the kind of relationship I, as a man, would want. Another thing that may scare men away from a beautiful, intelligent woman is if she is overly commmitted to her career. As someone who definitely wants kids, I wouldn’t marry a woman who doesn’t want kids or is ambivalent about having them…
Ok, I have to chime in here… I WISH I could just walk up to a woman I find attracive and start a conversation. But I see things through their eyes… Why would I walk up to them and talk to a total stranger? Because they passed my physical “test” Now I want to see if she has a brain… This must happen 10 times a day to an average looking woman alone… All the old geezers at the Gym talk to all the 25-28 yr old hotties, and I always snicker. You know the woman is just being nice… The point I am attempting to convey is that I feel that as soon as you approach a woman you find attactive, who is a total stranger that her guard goes up. You are at a disadvantage from the beginning.
Like Patricia I’m going to chime in here, despite the fact that this is a thread geared more to mens’ opinions. To pnfdog: I think men just think that all beautiful women have their choice of men. It honestly doesn’t always work that way. Everyone assumes that a beautiful woman will have someone, or many someones, and so they stay away. Or, they think that the beautiful woman will never go for them, or stay with them, so they don’t even bother trying. Am I right here? I’ve seen a few posts along those lines.
Sadly enough, these assumptions are not always true, and that gorgeous beauty who everyone thinks is so popular is often at home alone. I know my work in high schools does not reflect the adult world, but I think some comparisons can be made there as well. I see it all the time. The guys talk about certain girls as very desirable and truly “hot”, but you just don’t see them trying to talk to these girls. Granted, high school girls can be quite nasty, but it’s amazing when it comes to relationships, that the most desirable girls are usually the ones with the shortest relationships. Not to say it’s the guys’ faults necessarily. Then, if the girl is beautiful AND smart–well, it seems nobody knows how to deal with that combination. Anyways, again, I know the adult world is different, but I thought I’d throw my 2 cents in from the perspective of my job.
Actually, in the cases of the two women I’m thinking of in this thread, neither are so totally devoted to their careers that they don’t have time for anything else. Neither are opposed to having children. Neither need to own their men. In other words, both women enjoy lives independent of their mates (if and when they have one!), are not demanding or whiny women, do understand “guy time”, and are quite capable of enjoying themselves apart from a guy. Both are athletic and participate in a variety of sports. Both are involved in their communities. It truly is uncanny, and in my mind, a complete mystery why they seem to have so little success in their relationships. The latter are always short-lived. Maybe it’s just a matter of not having met the right guy yet. It just seems that both of these women get a lot of attention in the form of admiring looks, but nothing much more ever comes of it. I was the first to marry and have children, so I’m at a complete loss. The fourth gal in our foursome (college friends) is a complete cling-on with her men. She is always in a relationship, that always lasts a long time, and appears completely perfect. Go figure!
yo, Vain up in here.
I am with AXY on this one. I am single at 24 and have pretty much the same qualifications I seek in a woman as he does. I have yet to find one. May, I think that these women should approach guys a little bit more, and make themselve vulnerable. Hell, I do with girls. Look at it this way: I am 24, I would say of average or slightly above physical attractiveness, disciplined, have integrity, etc. etc. Please don’t get me wrong here I am not attempting to toot my horn, but, why am I single? I go out when I can (I do hate the bar scene for the most part) and I have asked girls out. My friends tell me they are intimidated by my intensity and what people around here consider “my intelligence.” Again, I do not believe that I am that intelligent, just a hard worker. So what am i to do MAY?. I seek a girl exactly like you describe, but often, such girls prefer the asshole fucksticks who verbally abuse them and are dumb as fuck playing playstation all day eating twizzlers and drinking beer. Hell, just becuase I go to the gym everyday and have a sizable stature, that in and of itself seems to “intimidate” them.
Axy–Couldn’t agree w/ you more on your type of girl—you and I are of the same ilk.
Later vain
There’s also another problem. To illustrate, I’m currently working on a show. So there are a couple attractive girls there. Logic would say that this was my best bet for a date, because you make more bonds, etc. with people you are friendly with for awhile. But, if I asked one of them out, it would automatically a) rule out a chance with anyone else from the cast, and b) spread to everyone and his mother. It’s no-win. Plus, do I really want to complicate my life with some girl, even if she is hot? Hmm.
Well guys, here is my two cents. When I was younger, I actually had a “beauty threshhold”. That is, I wouldn’t date a woman if she didn’t make my friends salivate. We’re talking total “trophy girlfriend syndrome.” I admit it, I was an immature jerk. But I quickly tired of sitting through dinner wondering to myself “Why the hell am I here? This girl is so DUMB! She’s going to put her own eye out with that fork!” Funny story-when the movie Grease was playing at our campus theater my girlfriend turned to me halfway through it and said “Why are these people laughing? This is a SERIOUS MOVIE.” I think after she dropped out of college she ended up working in a shoe store or something. Anyway, how did my short, pale, hairy self get hooked up with these women? Two reasons: (1) I approached each one with an “I don’t give a shit” attitude (because honestly, I don’t), and (2) most guys were too damn scared to even try talking to them.
I know a LOT of guys that are simply scared shitless to approach ANY woman that they like, regardless of how beautiful she is. The fear of rejection is right up there with the fear of speaking in public. You ladies hold an incredible power over most of us, and those of you that learn to manipulate it inevitably do better in business, dating, and pretty much any other area (not being a sexist here, this is just the way things are-guys are manipulative too). You want to put a guy at ease? Don’t put on heels, a strapless black dress, and tons of perfume and makeup. Let him see you as another flawed human being, with a pony tail sticking out of your hat, jeans, and a t-shirt. If you shatter the “unapproachable love goddess” image (however ridiculous it may be) you will get a lot more guys that are forthright and honest. Or you could just realize that as a woman, the ball is in your court if you make the first move on a single guy, he’s likely to take the bait. I suppose for both sexes, it all comes down to self confidence.
Nephorm - I’ve been working theater (OK, just community theater) for many years now. The number one lesson the guys learn is to never get involved with an actress. Actresses seem to like their histrionics too much.
I must add that this thread has been far more erudite than I expected. People have been thoughtful rather than crude. What has been especially refreshing is that people have been honest. I need to add my two bits. I have only been single for a short period in my life so I do not consider myself an expert on the dating scene. However, I feel that I am qualified to make a judgement about the bar scene. It sucks! Nothing could be more artifical or less conducive to finding a long-term partner. A. People are drunk…aka…not at their best. B. They are with friends…aka…trying to show off. C. Their clothes are too tight to be able to talk for any length of time due to pulmonary restriction. All things considered, I found the bar a poor place to meet anyone significant. Oh there was the occasional Molson Ice model, but that is only good to flatter the ego.
I would encourage more women to be friendly and approach guys. It absolutely sucks to approach total strangers. I agree that women should give some sign of interest. If there is no interest, don’t walk up to them. I have seen incredibly embarrasing moments when men have been rudely shot down. By the way, if a decent person says hello and tries to make conversation, don’t be rude and condescending. Ackowledge that it took guts to come up to you. However, if someone comes up with a comment like, “Hey baby what’s your sign?” or some other idiotic line, then by all means send them running with their tails between their legs.
By the way, few things are more irriating (except for Bill Clinton) than a man/woman who thinks that they are hot. I have utter contempt for them. If they have only the physical card to play then they are basically worthless in my mind. They didn’t earn physical beauty. What would happen if they ran into a wall and spoiled their face? Being male, I have had some fun ignoring women who act this way. In groups, I have made a point not to talk to the conceited woman. Paying no attention to women who act this way drives them absolutely bonkers. You should try it. It is an effective way to blunt some of that behavior.
Well I am afraid I will be the cheese and stand-alone. The reason stereotypes of pretty women exist is they are propagated. Simply put many pretty women get a better than thou bitch attitude and ruin it for the nice ones. The question you ask has no answer. It is like asking, "Have you stopped beating your wife? If you answer in the affirmative you are an asshole for having beaten your wife. If you answer in the negative you are an asshole for continuing to beat your wife. If you do not answer you are assumed guilty it is an illogical emotionally charged question. The simple reality is this. Have you ever heard the expression “if you want to be happy marry an ugly woman?” The idea behind this is simple no one else will try to take her from you. (Regardless of whom she is what she is about etc. Fact is if she is very attractive other dogs will smell her). Some may say that security or insecurity play a large role in this. Personally I doubt it as most of the very attractive women I have met had a bundle of their own issues due to but not limited to the following: men only seem to want sex from them, they stay the way they are due to the fact that they throw up everything they eat, they are afraid of being found out, they have never had to survive on their wit therefore lack it, they see men shy away and internalize it thinking it is them, they are actually very unattractive but still think they are attractive. Simply put it depends on the person however the majority of the time the most fucked up chicks I have met fall into the category you describe beautiful, talented, intelligent, and fucking crazy. If you excel in one aspect of your life (even looks) you loose steps in another. Simple to have balance you carry your ugly elsewhere (normally in personality).
I think the right thing to do, if I were to give advice to these extremely attractive, intelligent women who don’t get approached, is for them to offer courtesy fellatio. Works everytime on me.
Alas, poor yorik, I know it well. I’m just doing a community theatre show, btw.
You know, I was thinking about this thread. As I was thinking, I realized that the worst I’ve ever been treated in my life is by “intelligent, beautiful and talented” women. I had a girl flirt with me and stand me up for the date. When I gave her the cold shoulder months later, she told my friend “I don’t know why he’s acting that way. We used to go out.” There are a lot of girls on campus that are either beautiful or intelligent, but there isn’t a lot of overlap there. And if there are more that fit that description, they do a good job of hiding it from the rest of us. But then, listen to the guys. They hide any intelligence they may have… toilet humor doesn’t impress anyone. Ack, rambling. Must stop. time for bed.
There aren’t alot of single women where I live that match the description listed in the question. They are all married or in long term relationships. The beautifull women that are unnattached are pretty much high maintenance, ‘party girls’, or have some pretty unhealthy mental issues. As far as answering your question, I think that alot of good guys never approach extremely attractive women because of the problems I listed above. I have met alot of gorgeous girls that are extremely self absorbed, and selfish. I am not blaming that attitude entirely on them because jackass men perpetuate it by treating these women like they are the center of the universe so most of them just naturally act like it. The other thing that I have noticed is that alot of women have a guarded demeanor, I don’t know if it is intentional or if they are just shy, but they ACT unapproachable. Alot of guys have allready stated that all a girl has to do is give them a smile, and 9 times out of 10 they will try to start a conversation with her. One last reason why guys don’t approach beautifull women as much. Most guys know that if they did actually get to date her, they would have to struggle with thier jealousy, the stress of knowing that all the other men she meets will be lusting after her, and alot of guys have trust issues with women. I know I do because of how often I get hit on by attached women. I am not exactly flattered by it, it just reinforces my belief that women aren’t trustworthy or loyal. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are good women out there, I just haven’t met any that were single yet. Guys tend to hang on to girls like that when they find them.