How are you feeling today? Hope you are on your way to better.
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Yesterday was a bit stressful because nothing seemed to be helping. I thought I would go home yesterday, but soon enough it was 4-5 PM and I knew I would be stuck here for another night.
A doctor checked my stomach and didn’t think there would be a bowel obstruction, but I was still a bit worried.
Fortunately, I had one of the most painful bowel movements of my life last night that brought relief. If not for that we were considering getting a scan to make sure there is no blockage. Nothing (enema, Miralax, other stool softener) seemed to really help all that much until I took a muscle relaxant with some Gatorade.
Then my best friend came to visit and brought me some vitamins and more sports drinks (I had to be prescribed the Gatorade and it was small 
)
Early this morning my surgeon and her team visited me. I hadn’t seen the surgeon since the day of surgery, and I admitted I was quite embarrassed, but of course she assured me I didn’t do anything wrong. Like the other surgeon, she thinks my pelvic floor spasmed and just caused tons of problems.
I was supposed to have an appointment with her tomorrow to have the catheter removed, but given that I was not discharged yesterday she suggested that I be assessed this afternoon and likely go home without the catheter and instead do timed urination at home. I admitted this makes me nervous, but we’ll see later today.
Unfortunately, my WBC count, which was already elevated on Saturday night, is even higher now and some of my liver enzymes are elevated, so they want to continue monitoring those.
I do think I will be discharged late afternoon though. Thanks for asking! It’s been a lot.
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Sending hugs!
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Holy cow, Bagsy, I’m just reading along in terror of all of it - both the physical and the mental/mindfuck piece of it.
We just need to keep reminding ourselves that the term “hysteria,” as in crazy-from-the-uterus, was coined by men in 2000 BCE. I mean, that was bullshit, right? Because medical understanding has come a long way since then. For instance:
Between the fifth and thirteenth centuries, however, the increasing influence of Christianity in the Latin West altered medical and public understanding of hysteria. St. Augustine’s writings suggested that human suffering resulted from sin, thus hysteria became perceived as satanic possession.
Women’s sin had not even been considered by the ancient Egyptians. 
Don’t let them get inside your head. You’re not crazy. Compulsive? Yes. Hardheaded? Yes. But not crazy.
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PostOP is always a bit fucked. Sometimes are worse than others. Hopefully in a few days everything will calm down. Even small surgeries are extremely traumatic for the body. You are in my thoughts.
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To add, the christians of the Reformation understood that women and men are beautifully synergistic together. I am a reformed Baptist, but I enjoy reading pieces from Martin Luther who said:
“I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers. or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? 0 how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labour, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in thy sight.”
Concerning his duties as a husband.
When it comes to sin, im glad its a human thing. Not a solely man or woman thing. I dont know if anyone’s religious here, but just thought I’d bring some goodness. Not saying Bags is crazy whatsoever. She most certainly is NOT.
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I appreciate your post, @planetcybertron. I believe in Jesus, and I draw a bright-line distinction between Jesus (and the Bible) and church/people like Augustine who claimed to speak on God’s behalf but made statements that directly contradict the Bible, like the paraphrased statement @EmilyQ posted above. In the Bible, God never condemned people for wanting healed and seeking medical treatment. On the contrary, he tells us to look to him for healing and will often use doctors and accrued medical knowledge as the instruments of healing.
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I was being tongue-in-cheek, though.
Everyone realizes that?
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For sure. This comes up in the endometriosis circles a lot too. I just don’t know how else to describe the huge fit I threw on Saturday 
But it was for good reason, of course. Everyone here has been taken aback by how much urine my bladder was holding.
Thank you. I think I am quite compulsive about my health for a couple reasons. First, I’ve really had to advocate for myself or just self-treat over the past few years to resolve problems. Second, even though I am familiar with my biological family’s medical history, it’s not like I grew up with them and always had intimate awareness. So, I always am a bit more cautious as an adoptee. Third, I think a lot of us here can veer toward health nuttiness at least sometimes given our values or fitness goals.
Given the surgeon’s findings and my stay at the hospital, my best friend is finally taking me a little more seriously. She often calls me a hypochondriac. I’m not saying that isn’t true to some extent. Sometimes it’s just necessary…
Thank you! It’s been a bit shocking compared to my first lap a few years ago 
I think I am in good hands though. Even though I want to go home, I don’t think they are antsy to kick me out. The ER is kind of ridiculous here because no one is ever seen, but besides that the medical care is top.
I appreciate you chiming in and sharing some words!
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Ahh forgive me Em, I am terrible at deciphering tone in texts lol
I just wanted to clarify that I don’t think Bagsy is a sinner!
I meant to point out that the people who made us fearful of being ridiculous were the crazy ones.
Nor was I thinking about your medical stuff, here - I was talking about your workout history! That maybe you have faults (and then I filled in the only ones I know, the workout/diet compulsion which I share) but none of them is “being crazy.” lol
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I hope your recovery is all sun shine and roses from here Bagsy! What an event, hang in there.
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Thankfully I passed the urination test, so I am being discharged without the catheter. Going home in a little over an hour. I feel disgusting… I said I wanted to be cared for, but really not in this way. Unfortunately I feel like That Patient, and now I have to have a follow-up next week in addition to the typical post-op follow-up a bit later, but it is what it is.
Also found out that my bladder on Saturday was holding not 900 ml but more like 1700 
Ah, okay, gotcha. Yeah, it’s hard to let go sometimes. Believe it or not, I am a lot less compulsive about working out and food now than I was 5-7 years ago. I do think working out is kind of like a drug sometimes. I don’t drink or do (actual) drugs, so, like, I could be doing worse. 
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I always feel like I smell like a bandaid when I leave the hospital. Even if you shower there. Glad you are on the road to recovery.
Yep. That’s a ridiculously full bladder.
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Me & my therapist have a running joke about this. One theory being that the wandering of the uterus causes all types of maladies. So sometimes when either one of us is in the midst of lifes ups or downs, we’ll say “I feel like maybe my uterus is out of whack. Like down here by my foot” or something to that effect.
This makes for quite a lot of laughs. .
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It’s been so nice to be home and have taken an Everything Shower, but I’m still really scared about my bladder. I peed twice a tiny bit since coming back, so I am probably okay. I just can’t stop thinking about how I could have died on Saturday if I had waited that much longer for a catheter. Crazy.
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You bring up an interesting point, Emily. It appears at least some people assume physical illness or maladies are punishment for sin. 2,000 years ago, when Jesus was on earth, a blind man came to him for healing. Some of Jesus’ followers asked Jesus who sinned to cause the man’s blindness, the man himself or his parents. Jesus’ reply was probably shocking - he said no one sinned; the man was born blind so God could reveal his glory. Jesus then restored the man’s sight.
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I appreciate this conversation. Even though I’m not religious in any way, and my world views probably differ a lot from those who frequent this website, religion interests me. I love visiting religious sites, especially mosques. I don’t know how I would label myself, and I’m not sure I really should. I think it’s easy and hip for people nowadays to call themselves spiritual. I’m not sure I would do that, but maybe it’s like that for me.
I try to grapple a lot with “thrownness” because even though I’m not religious, it is hard for me to accept that my life circumstances are merely arbitrary. (Thanks, Heidegger.) I imagine many feel this way about their lives, sort of like main character syndrome. But given that the most seemingly random things can transform your life’s trajectory, it’s easy to see why some turn to religion.
And recently I’ve thought about karma. This has by far been the most problematic year of my entire life. But I had a major high in June, perhaps the biggest one of my entire life—being able to meet a biological relative for the first time and receive some sort of closure that I’ve craved since I was born. Was that worth all these gut-wrenching problems? I’m actually inclined to say yes. Do I think I “deserved” to experience all these challenges? I’m not sure because I’m also not sure if I believe in karma. Am I being punished for something? Or does a very high high have to be paired with such a low low (or several of them)? I don’t know.
All I know is that if karma is real, someone tell it to give me a break
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I don’t think karma is a thing. And I don’t think you have to pay for good things by suffering through bad. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people and the reverse is also true. I can tell you that in my 46 years I have come to see no rhyme or reason to any of it. I suppose some people find that to be an uncomfortable thought. I find it comforting. I like the reminder that I am small in this very large world and that there is nothing that I have suffered that others haven’t suffered as well. On the same thought, there is no joy that I have ever experienced that hasn’t been experienced by countless others. If you are lucky, life is a balance of joy and pain. I think the trick is looking into the bad and seeing how it makes you more aware and appreciative of the good. Guess that was unsolicited and a bit of a ramble, but that’s my take on things.
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Without darkness, there can be no light. I’m trying to make sense of the world through spirituality and have found some comfort in certain traditions, such as Buddhism and Taoism, and The Matrix, lol.
I do believe in karma but not as it is typically portrayed - actions have consequences, both good and bad. I don’t think what @Bagsy is going through is karma, unless you want to consider that she had timely medical care as good karma.
Ultimately, resilience is key. I would go on and on but have learned that most people are not interested in my whacked out view of the world.
Feel better!
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