I have felt this way the past few years after running into some medical problems. Different circumstance of course, but similar impact. Its a really difficult, scary place to live. I kind of took a 5 steps of grief & loss approach to address where I was at, and to try to get to some level of acceptance. Some days are & were better than others.
Today was pretty good though. I hope you can find peace & happiness somehow through this. Answers are nice to, but yeah. I think you know what I mean.
I’m so glad you’re gonna get out of there!! You are not crazy, you just have a lot of things making you feel that way.
Sending you a big hug and lots of prayers. It’s okay to cry everyday if you need to, we all go through seasons like this. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a blip in the radar of life. Tuesday will bring answers or at the very least, next steps. If you need or want to talk - just let me know and we’ll make it happen. Hang in there, tough girl - it will get better!!
Thank you for the words, @SkyzykS and @QuadQueen. I’ve felt depressed about the state of things this weekend to say the least, but I’m hoping for something productive on Tuesday. I do think something is quite wrong though. Let’s see.
I’ll be praying and please keep us posted!
50 pull-ups
Some BPA
Didn’t quite finish, but whatever. It wasn’t hard, but at the same time I’m feeling lethargic and just not having it.
Deadlift 170x4x5
Dips 3x16
BW squats 2x40
Some Nordic curl negatives
Officially moving in a little over a month, hooray. Not looking forward to the stress of that, but maybe I’ll get an idea if something in my home environment triggers my pelvic issues. At the very least I’m moving to a neighborhood I love.
Biked 24 km to get around. Not sure it’s even worth logging, whatever.
Had the consult today and loved the provider. We agreed that it wouldn’t hurt for me to reach the three-month mark on birth control (less than two weeks away), but they had no problems offering me surgery (the right kind, as I really vetted them) if I decide to pursue it given the distress I have been experiencing. Can be scheduled 8-10 weeks out. I was offered the lap or a partial hysterectomy. Not sure what my next move will be, but I’ll definitely be (over)thinking it for the rest of the month.
I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you’re having to deal with this in the first place, and even sorrier that you’re having to weigh these options. Does the doc say “yes, this will cure,” or “hopefully…”?
Thanks. Just feels like awful luck. For what it’s worth, I already had my tubes removed 3.5 years ago, so at least I know what I’m getting into. 
if I get just a lap, then I know that I recover well and quicker than average.
There is no cure for endometriosis. It can only be managed, and many have to undergo several surgeries in their lifetime. Some are lucky enough to never need another, but it depends on a lot of factors. Thankfully, this doctor performs the technique that should at least provide longer-lasting relief. Some of their patients don’t develop endo again.
If it’s adenomyosis, then removing only the uterus would provide relief. That’s considered a cure.
The problem is that neither condition can be diagnosed easily. Almost always requires surgery in both cases just to find out.
I personally think it’s unfortunately endo. I’m no doctor though. I’m wary of even a very partial hysterectomy, but it would suck to go through this and not eliminate the source of the problem (uterus) if it is adenomyosis. Plus if I someday decide to come off birth control (seems like I can’t now thanks to whatever this issue is), eliminating my nearly anemia-inducing periods would be a miracle.
Pull-ups 3x8
Push-ups 4x9
RDL 105x10,9,7
Goblet squat 18kgx3x12
Standing ab wheel 2x5
BBS +10x2x13
Adductor stuff
Legs already sore from this.
Rode 17 km outside and then just really needed to pedal hard at home by doing part of a threshold workout even though this is a deload week on TR.
Think it’s the birth control causing the fatigue, brain fog, and what seemed like depression for several days. I think I cried every day from Friday until Wednesday. Trying to keep myself from hating everything. It’s been a bit better since yesterday, and thankfully my pelvis has relaxed (relatively speaking) over the past few days. Just going to enjoy the relief while it lasts and maybe take a rest day soon 
thinking about asking my surgeon for an MRI in the, like, 2% chance that anything is visible and can give more info.
Dips
+10x13,10,9
BWx18,11
BPA 3x20
Lateral raises
I’m starting to feel close to my normal self again, but who knows what awaits me in a few weeks. I scheduled my MRI for two weeks from now and told my provider I’m opting for surgery. Might bother them and see if I can schedule it before getting the results back. It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place because maybe nothing is found (I really, really doubt this) or it makes things worse. But it could very well get worse if I just tolerate it even longer… not that my eight months are very long when many people can’t get diagnosed for years or even decades.
Pull-ups 10,9,6 (glad to reach double digits again)
BW squats 3x35
Some adductor stuff
Cut a bit short due to time. Legs also feel dead despite taking it easier last week.
Nice work!
Deadlift
175x3x5
150x10
Push-ups 2x10
Some 80# sandbag carries
BB curls 35x26,20
Feels like I could take a nap after all this.
Pull-ups 10,9,7,7
Push-ups 4x10
BW squats 35,25,25,20
Don’t know how I’m managing to get fitter on the bike while feeling like shit, but it seems like it’s happening. It’s weird how you can feel good doing hard physical activity and awful at pretty much any other time. I think I’m slowly losing weight despite everything too, which is good.
More rambling:
I had another PT session on Thursday, and the goal was to discuss my plans (i.e., surgery or not, and if so, when) as well as to assess things since my first visit two months ago and doing all the homework (and sometimes even more). Well, it seems like nothing has changed. The right side of my pelvis is still very toned, and my whole pelvis barely stretches. I realize it takes a while to see a difference — could be 6-8 months for pelvic floor stuff for anything significant — but I can’t say this is not discouraging. Also having ridiculous urinary frequency, waking up 3-4 times per night to go. Besides how terrible all this is, all I can do sometimes is laugh. I’m honestly astounded how quickly and how much my body has messed itself up in less than 8 months. Truly. I told my provider I was going to wait for the MRI results to guide my decision, but I think I’m just going to be potentially annoying and message them again on Monday letting them know I’m going to move forward with the lap only. Spooking myself out of a hysterectomy at this time. I just need to get this stuff out of me.
Still exhausted while sleeping too much. I’ve also been losing tons of hair lately. So, I got bloodwork done this week to see if it’s one of the common culprits. Ferritin is the highest it’s ever been and vitamin D is okay, yet my hemoglobin dipped and my results suggest that I’m in macrocytic anemia territory. And here I thought my issues with iron and such were over. I suspect BC is depleting some nutrients and causing this, so I’m going to try taking a multivitamin for the first time in my adult life and test for B12 and folate soon. Hopefully doing so will make me feel like less of a zombie.
Goblet squat 18kgx3x12
BW BSS 2x15
Some Nordic curl negatives
Three-mile run… turns out my toe didn’t like this. Don’t think I’ll be trying to run again until September. Boo.
My condolences. That’s tough.
It’s okay, especially because every day it feels like hell on Earth here + an extra ten degrees. It can be dangerous to run outside. I’d be very antsy if I couldn’t at least ride my bike though.
