As an aside to the “Weight Room Quotes” thread that asked for energizing and inspirational thoughts this thread is for total bullsh%t (i.e. - hilarious crap)heard or told to you in the weight room.
To start, I was once told by a pudknocker that was lifting with me in a small old school weight room that He could feel himself going into Ketosis. He said this as he held his arms out to his side as if trying to levitate while staring absently downward announcing “I’m going into ketosis right now!”
A few laughs at the expense of weider principle devotees would be good right about now. Keep the T brothers.
Ken.
“I’m on the best stack ever bro! Sust, cypionate, and aratest.”
For those of you who don’t know (like the guy who was putting these things in his body) these are all just different test esters/blends. I could only nod, as to open my mouth in any way would have released a floodgate of laughter/flames.
Quote from a “big” guy with about 25% bodyfat and benching no more than his own bodyweight: “You wanna’ know how to get big? McDonalds’ french fries-- and hamburgers. You see, they give cows steroids and the steroids are in the hamburgers.” He was seroius too. Well, he obviously lived by his beliefs…
Overheard a guy spotting his w/o partner at bench press. “It’s all you Ace, you got it!”
Thanks, Gary!
Only reason you got big is you eat protein…
I could get ripped but I like to eat like crap…
Idiot: What do I need to do to get big?
Me: Eat big and stick to the basics.
Idiot: Basics…? Curls and dips…?
Me: Squats, deads, bench, rows…
Idiot: How bout? curls & dips I like curls & dips. I could do those everyday. That should work right…? Hey! Where ya goin…
How about this on the flye deck in my gym:
4-8 repetitions for hypertrophy/strength, 8-12 reps for general fitness, 12-15 reps for circuit training/definition.
I’ve also heard some guy telling his friend to do 12-15 reps for losing weight, because it defines your muscles.
Then there’s the bullshit myth: you can only digest 20-30 grams of protein per meal.
Oh, I think we could all go on all day.
[quote]lizard king wrote:
Quote from a “big” guy with about 25% bodyfat and benching no more than his own bodyweight: “You wanna’ know how to get big? McDonalds’ french fries-- and hamburgers. You see, they give cows steroids and the steroids are in the hamburgers.” He was seroius too. Well, he obviously lived by his beliefs…[/quote]
So does that mean they give the potatos steroids too? He gets steroids through the french fries?
“Yeah I’d like the #1. Supersize it too…I got an intense curling workout scheduled this afternoon and I need all the ‘help’ I can get (nudge, nudge) if ya know what I mean, Burgerboy!”
LOL, these are hilarious. I’m kinda sad that I can’t add to the list; I always wear headphones while lifting. Of course the headphones are a good idea; I wouldn’t want to hear some of this stuff while benching, a bar-shaped cave in my ribcage might not be very healthy.
‘Don’t train heavy or you’ll get too big’.
‘I’m running for my legs’.
‘Leg extensions are my favorite mass builder’.
‘Can you teach me how to train my chest muscles? I just want to train chest.’
APayne:
HA!!
DI
A skinny gym employee suggested that I use a swiss ball during my workouts.
I said “Why, so I can get big like you?”
Two girls - I have menstrual cramps
One girl to another “I think we should run first and then lift weights. This way we’ll burn fat and then tone our muscles.”
arrrgh, Toning DOES NOT EXIST. Lowering your bodyfat while increasing muscle mass exists, but not TONING. Idiots
If I hear one more person saying they wanat to lose their gut by doing crunches, I think i’m going to kill some one. An acquaintance of mine, who is female, constantly asks me for weight loss advice. I tell her pretty much the same thing every time “keep your diet clean, do some form of cardiovascular activity, and do compound lifts like squats, deadlifts, and push-ups.” and every time she comes back and says, I don’t wanna do all that i just wanna lose weight around my abs. Grrr. guess all i can do is try and keep pointing her in the right direction.
From trainer promoting eas protein:
uh, yeah i started using this and put on 14 lbs of muscle in a month!
(talking to a housewife)
lol
The strangest one I heard was once when I was doing pulldowns. A skinny guy told me to lean forward as it hit the shoulder muscles more. When I told him that pulldowns were for the back and not the shoulders he said “Don’t be silly. There aren’t any muscles in your back.” I kid you not.
To the people who complain about idiots who want to spot reduce and lose just the fat on their stomachs you could try what I do. I point out that fat is fat and you gain or lose it all over and trying to reduce fat from just your stomach is about as stupid as trying to lower the water level at just one end of your swimming pool. It just doesn’t work like that.
My cousin (a qualified “weight loss consultant”) told me :
You shouldn’t weight train when you are fat, because the muscle forms around the fat and traps it so you can never lose it. That is why powerlifters are always fat.
WTF?
[quote]tonymoore wrote:
The strangest one I heard was once when I was doing pulldowns. A skinny guy told me to lean forward as it hit the shoulder muscles more. When I told him that pulldowns were for the back and not the shoulders he said “Don’t be silly. There aren’t any muscles in your back.” I kid you not. [/quote]
By far, that is the FUNNIEST FUCKING THING i have heard in weeks. I can just see you sitting there, speechless. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, i’d simply nod and go back to my workout.
On a side note, and perhaps slighly off topic, surrounding yourself with these types can be dangerous. Case in point, i have access to one of the best healthclubs in the nation, Worldgate Sport and Health, and I know what you are thinking, healthclub? yeah right buddy! All kidding aside, they have everything imagineable. Yeah you have your crappy Nautilous circuits and Everest Mountain Climbing cardio machines, but the free weight section is unreal! Their freeweight section is bigger then most gyms, and they also have the entire line of Hammer Strength machines, 5 power racks, and they are very very pro deadlift and O lifting. So whats the problem? I lift there because my father can afford it, but with Gym dues topping about 2g a year, and the location (a posh nothern virginia suburb) most of the people working out there are wealthy housewives or CEO’s and other admins in major corps. The only time these guys sweat is when the steam coming off of the latte machine gets to be too much. They know nothing of true training. Also, the music playing there, boy let me tell you, nothing gets me ready to work out then a little Jewel and/or the Canadian Wonder herself mrs. celiene screamon. The atomosphere kills it for me, no matter the resouces. Now im in college and am surrounded by Frat Bicep fags (you know the type) and cardio queens. Thank god i have access to the athletic training facilities here at IU. My lifting here has been much more productive then at home. Soon as I get back, im either going to convince my dad to invest in a home gym, or im joining a grungy old school type gym. That way, i won’t have to wait in line while some guy weighing about as much my left nut decides to do 5 sets of 15 curls, on the god damn squat rack.
This has turned into a rant, I apologize lol.