[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
It is overly simple to assume male sexuality is primarily biological and that men are constantly looking for a physical outlet, says Esther Perel, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City and author of “Mating in Captivity.”[/quote]
Even if it was only a biological need/desire why would that need/desire be considered less important/valuable than any given emotional need/desire.
I thought this thread was going to be about a couple who accidentally used super glue instead of lube.
[quote]MaximusB wrote:
[quote]JCMPG wrote:
The one thing that stands out to me not just in this article but in everyday life is peoples incorrect perception of other peoples actions towards them. We all have a tendency to react to someone elses behaviors as if they are directly aimed at us. Most people are not sociopaths, they do not go out of there to hurt others peoples feelings for the sake of doing it. They unknowingly do it.
They do things out of their own insecurities, they do not know how to communicate they are feeling so they act out like a child. The next time you are upset with someone stop for a second and think about why they might be doing the thing that is upsetting you and let that guide your response to them. We all spend entirely to much time thinking about ourselves and not enough thinking about the people around us. You get more if you give more.[/quote]
The problem with sociopaths, is that they don’t know they are sociopaths.
These people have a reset button to where they feel like they never did anything wrong, and a pathological resistance to admitting they have faults to begin with.
I agree that people may have problems expressing themselves and falling prey to their insecurities, but if they never have a “light bulb moment” and figure it out, it’s time to go.
Keep in mind, that people rarely change, and that is even if they are trying to change. Especially when we get older, we become more set in our ways. If people are really FUBAR by their mid 30’s, GTFO with a quickness. [/quote]
My point was that a sociopath might do something to inflict pain just because, where the more normal person might inflict pain do to them feeling some injustice has been perpetrated upon them.
Woman’s logic:
Male logic:
I’m being flippant, but there is truth to it, and you know it.
About the female narrative, I was reminded of this bit of dialogue from the film Enchanted. I you haven’t seen it, Morgan is a little girl and Giselle is the character played by Amy Adams.
Morgan: Remember, when you go out not to put too much makeup otherwise the boys will get the wrong idea and you know how they are…
[off Giselle’s wide-eyed look]
Morgan: They’re only after one thing.
Giselle: What’s that?
Morgan Philip: [laughs] I don’t know. Nobody will tell me.
Funny, but twisted if you think about it. This is a fairly prevalent view of sex in our culture. It perpetuates the simplistic “men are just horn dogs” view. As relates to the couple from the article, she was the one who seemed to have the very limited, immature, and somewhat perverted view of sex as only a physical drive, where he was looking at it as much more complex, and related to attachment and emotional bonding.
Related, I have a couple of friends who I meet for breakfast every few months. They don’t live in our town. Both of them are in their mid-forties, healthy and attractive people. Last time I saw them, the topic of sex came up, and both admitted to being in sexless marriages. I was blown away. One of them has a lot of marital issues and is basically staying in a bad marriage because of kids and finances. She claims that she doesn’t even like her husband anymore. He’s like a roommate. No surprise that they aren’t having sex. It does open up the chicken and egg argument. Maybe you have sex with someone you love, or maybe having sex with them makes you love them. It’s hard to say which comes first. Sex promotes an emotional bond, or I have an emotional bond so I want to have sex with you.
BUT the big surprise was the other friend who is really happily married, and claims to feel like her husband is her best friend. They live in a golf community, and I know that she does things like pack a picnic and bottle of wine up in the golf cart so when he gets home from work they can go sit outside and talk about the day and enjoy dinner together. She claims that she doesn’t miss sex, apparently her emotional needs are met. They are just “kind of done” with it, and it’s not a big deal. I wondered how her husband would describe it. I’m pretty sure a counselor would tell them that they are missing out on an opportunity to strengthen their bond, even if they seem to be doing fine without it. OR maybe he has someone on the side, but I don’t think so.
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
About the female narrative, I was reminded of this bit of dialogue from the film Enchanted. I you haven’t seen it, Morgan is a little girl and Giselle is the character played by Amy Adams.
Morgan: Remember, when you go out not to put too much makeup otherwise the boys will get the wrong idea and you know how they are…
[off Giselle’s wide-eyed look]
Morgan: They’re only after one thing.
Giselle: What’s that?
Morgan Philip: [laughs] I don’t know. Nobody will tell me.
Funny, but twisted if you think about it. This is a fairly prevalent view of sex in our culture. It perpetuates the simplistic “men are just horn dogs” view. As relates to the couple from the article, she was the one who seemed to have the very limited, immature, and somewhat perverted view of sex as only a physical drive, where he was looking at it as much more complex, and related to attachment and emotional bonding.
Related, I have a couple of friends who I meet for breakfast every few months. They don’t live in our town. Both of them are in their mid-forties, healthy and attractive people. Last time I saw them, the topic of sex came up, and both admitted to being in sexless marriages. I was blown away. One of them has a lot of marital issues and is basically staying in a bad marriage because of kids and finances. She claims that she doesn’t even like her husband anymore. He’s like a roommate. No surprise that they aren’t having sex. It does open up the chicken and egg argument. Maybe you have sex with someone you love, or maybe having sex with them makes you love them. It’s hard to say which comes first. Sex promotes an emotional bond, or I have an emotional bond so I want to have sex with you.
BUT the big surprise was the other friend who is really happily married, and claims to feel like her husband is her best friend. They live in a golf community, and I know that she does things like pack a picnic and bottle of wine up in the golf cart so when he gets home from work they can go sit outside and talk about the day and enjoy dinner together. She claims that she doesn’t miss sex, apparently her emotional needs are met. They are just “kind of done” with it, and it’s not a big deal. I wondered how her husband would describe it. I’m pretty sure a counselor would tell them that they are missing out on an opportunity to strengthen their bond, even if they seem to be doing fine without it. OR maybe he has someone on the side, but I don’t think so.
[/quote]
Sounds like friend #2 maybe thinking of her own needs and not necessarily her husbands but than again I am making a judgement about 2 people I have never meet or spoken to.
This book is about one woman’s lack of desire and some of the steps she takes to regain it, ultimately unsuccessfully.
From The Atlantic:
Joan Sewell is not in the mood. In fact, she is never?or hardly ever?in the mood. And it?s not that she hasn?t tried.
She slathers her husband, Kip, in chocolate frosting. She whispers naughty nothings in his ear. She lights candles, dons a bustier and fishnets, and massages him with scented oil. Ho-hum. She would still prefer a brownie, a book?anything to sex. And she says most women, unless they?re fooling themselves, consider the deed a chore.
The idea that women?s sex drive can match men?s is politically correct piffle, says Sewell, who is 45. Her memoir, I?d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, recounts one frustration after another in a buildup to an anticlimactic conclusion: she?s just not that into sex. Such a pronouncement may not be titillating, but it?s groundbreaking, says Sandra Tsing Loh in the March issue of the Atlantic.
Libidinous ladies parade across our television screens?in Sex and the City, for example, or Desperate Housewives?but Sewell thinks they?re faking it. Like many real women, they are conforming to an image of supposed sexual liberation as they throw down their men and play rough. Poor Sewell, then, is the deviant. She is pathologized and pitied and subjected to various futile therapies:
I will be treated with drugs, psychoanalysis, spa-based encounter groups, warm rocks placed on my back, thong therapy, sex-toy parties, empowerment rituals, aromatherapy.... As I end up in a straitjacket in a psych ward hopping about madly, I simply can?t help noting the obvious. No one is trying to lower men?s sex drives.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
Half the world is trying to lower men’s sex drives, 49% are cheering them on and the remaining 1% are seen as weirdos/perverts.[/quote]
It’s not just people it’s the world itself! Doesn’t it always seem like folks are talking about “phytoestrogens” in foods or “xenoestrogens” in plastics and shit like all over the goddamn place?
My training partner and I were wondering why can’t it ever be like testosterone in all kinds of shit ya know? How come microwaving your Nalgene bottle doesn’t release all kinds of test? Stacked deck I say…
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Orion is married to Lucertola?
I’m so confused…[/quote]
Austria has been recognizing same-sex unions since 2003. I hope that clears it up for you.
@ Super Saiyan - That was very, very funny.
[quote]super saiyan wrote:
I thought this thread was going to be about a couple who accidentally used super glue instead of lube.[/quote]
me too…
[quote]pushharder wrote:
Half the world is trying to lower men’s sex drives, 49% are cheering them on and the remaining 1% are seen as weirdos/perverts.[/quote]
Truth
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
…BUT the big surprise was the other friend who is really happily married, and claims to feel like her husband is her best friend. They live in a golf community, and I know that she does things like pack a picnic and bottle of wine up in the golf cart so when he gets home from work they can go sit outside and talk about the day and enjoy dinner together. She claims that she doesn’t miss sex, apparently her emotional needs are met. They are just “kind of done” with it, and it’s not a big deal. I wondered how her husband would describe it. I’m pretty sure a counselor would tell them that they are missing out on an opportunity to strengthen their bond, even if they seem to be doing fine without it. OR maybe he has someone on the side, but I don’t think so.
[/quote]
If the husband has any appreciable amount of testosterone coursing through his veins there is no way on God’s green earth that he is happy and satisfied in that relationship. No way. She is completely delusional to think otherwise.
He either has someone(s) on the side or the T level of a soggy soybean.
[/quote]
Truth
[quote]Aussie Davo wrote:
[quote]mgbyrnc wrote:
have u guys been living under a rock for the past 30 years?
now is the time when men get shamed for being men and women get praised for being bad people
then they get a bunch of women with “doctorates” in clown subjects like psychology and sociology to analyze the poor men who are beat down by our ridiculously assbackwards society[/quote]
LMAO
No i haven’t noticed it because I’m not a whiny little bitch who blames his problems on other people. Rationalize it however you like - the fact is society is still dominated by men.
Really unless you’re one of those whiny cunts who spend all their time on “red pill” manosphere blogs, you’d clearly see how advantageous society right now, is to you as a man. Especially if you’re a man who wants to sleep around a lot.
Let me guess, you got manipulated and burnt by a woman once, so now all women are evil and society is just a bunch of sheeples and you’re the only one who can see through the matrix for what it is. Fucking please.
Inb4 you start regurgitating tired “examples” of how society beats down men, most of which are, guess what? Perpetuated by traditional masculine ideals…
[/quote]
thats cool and all bro, but u didnt even attempt to refute what i said… unless your only purpose was to just call me stupid or whatever
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]shorty_blitz wrote:
A weak opinion in every respect.[/quote]
Cliff’s Notes.
The WSJ publishes a very short article about ONE couple’s experience and how they improved that aspect of their marriage.
They get criticized for not including same-sex relationships.
They are criticized for not including other scenarios where women have a higher “priority for sex” than their man.
They author dismisses the WSJ as once again portraying sex “as a duty instead of a pleasure”. Humm… I guess I reached the opposite conclusion.