When I was in marriage counseling, I paid money for advice less incisive than this. Yes, I’m a divorcee.
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You are asking for help. That’s half the battle. But you won’t win unless you accept help, not just deflect it with your (strong) Deflect Fu.
(Throw in obligatory Asian mumbo jumbo.) Miyamoto Musashi paraphrase: to win the battle, know yourself AND know your enemy. Or Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid: it’s wax on AND wax off…
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Thanks so much for all the advice! Same for @EmilyQ @T3hPwnisher @dagill2 @whang @punnyguy @ChickenLittle (sorry if I’ve missed anyone)
Plan moving forward:
- Increase calls by “100” every 2 weeks and see where that gets me. I’ll do weekly weigh ins and pics
- Keep doing Sheiko- I’m in the middle of a comp cycle so I’ll have new maxes soon!!! (Next workout has singles at 100-105%
) - Keep kicking ass at school
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I’m 100% sure you can do all of these things and that if you do, you can achieve big things.
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Hey I’ve only been tuning into this log recently but are u like alright?
This is great, I’m glad to hear that you have a plan laid out for yourself. I presume this means that you will be having an extra 100 calories everyday (that’s what the phrase normally means but the original phrase is ambiguous). If so, then I feel inclined to point out that it’s an increase that doesn’t offer you a lot of leeway meaning that you’ll have to be mindful to not expend that through added physical activity.
I don’t know the exact nature of the relationship that you have with your mom, and what you feel that you can let her know but I’m going to hypothesise a scenario wherein despite the calorie increase in your weight remains stagnant, or drops, in the next two weeks. Therefore, it might behove you to let her know that “this is my plan for the next two weeks and if it succeeds, great, we are on track and if it doesn’t I’m adding more calories in two weeks until it does work because it eventually will.” Or, maybe I’ve misunderstood your dynamic, but those could be words worth uttering to yourself someday too.
Otherwise, it’d be my concern that if she doesn’t see the change that we all hope to see that there is an adverse effect on you if she expresses any loss of faith in you and the process or if there is some other consequence that I cannot dream up.
In fact, you wouldn’t calculate this “100” kcal correctly. You can’t measure even +/- 200 kcal properly. Statistical mistake is very heigh. As you know if you add some row food to your meal- as a vegetable or fibre rich food or some pure protein, you won’t add nothing at all, beacause 30% of the energy will be use for the digesting.
… and many other articles but this is on my bookmarks.
Why not to try to eat just extra 30 gr. row nuts - a full palm - a day and that’s it. Healthy fats for your hormones and some fiber.
p.p. with extra 100 kcal you will possibly gain one kg for two months. Thats about 7700-8000 kcal - because you have to gain fat, not “pure” muscle. Only if you won’t add 50 000 steps per day and loose weight.
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Without asking where she was planning to get the calories from I’d argue that there are sources from which you can reasonably say that you have an extra 100 calories coming in, such as powdered, not that they’d be my first choices.
This is a good idea, but ultimately Anna will have to find an actionable change that she can implement. If this is something she can do, fantastic, but for some people a palm of nuts might seem daunting and too much of an ask.
Extrapolating linearly, yes, this is true. But, it’s necessary to view the change not only mathematically but also behaviourally. If a person can add some calories in and see that it doesn’t upend their entire view of themselves and how they look that can be a stepping stone towards relaxation in regards to further increases in caloric intake. I. e., each time that person may become more comfortable taking bigger leaps the next time they increase calories.
But, I’m simply talking from my own experience, which brought my maintenance from <2k a day to 2.7-3k.
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Yes, you are theoretically right . There’s no doubt that every extra gram on her body will lead to emotional stress. Especially in that case she have to put extra kilos of fats. I think this would be very harsh.
I would pick a pack of nuts before anything else for too many reasons- a very very small amount of meal, easy to carry in pocket, small calorie - just 200 in 30 gr. ,not just fats but “healthy” fats, many micronutrients, taste, etc.
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100% agree, which is why I put it in quotes
My mom isn’t a concern- she’s honestly an amazing person. Plus, I’m back in the states now and not living with my parents
Maybe it will be, maybe it won’t. I’m just another one of those random Internet people, but my reasoning is that it’s better to take one small step, and then another as opposed to committing to a behavioural change that results in a — for the lack of a better word — relapse.
If you allow me to hypothesise, but allow us to juxtapose a person pursuing a diet against someone trying to gain weight against their own wishes.
In the former, the person is intrinsically motivated and may overreach in their efforts causing their body to rebel and subsequently relapse into some form of binge but their motivation to continue dieting remains while in the latter scenario if the person sees a too rapid weight gain they might rebel against the process emotionally and abandon the process altogether.
When people make habit changes to work towards a goal wherein all the outcomes in that direction are something they deem positive its easier to make grand changes. I have not understood this to be that kind of scenario.
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I hope nothing I wrote was perceived as to indicate anything negative with regards to her person or character.
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You didn’t write anything offensive. I just wanted to make sure my portrayal of her didn’t give the wrong impression of her
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Honestly, Allowing myself to eat more makes me feel like my discipline is “slipping “, which is where the mental battle starts.
The same goes for conditioning
Eating more is a discipline within itself. And it’s a lot harder than not eating. You are going to have to change your thinking on this.
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I understand.
Either, you’ll have to come to terms with being less disciplined or reframe what it means to be disciplined. Which one of the two paths you’ll have to take is something you’ll figure out in time.
If you could recontextualise being disciplined to mean doing what it is that you have to do to accomplish what it is you’ve set out to do, and you take pride in viewing yourself as a disciplined person that could be a positive feedback loop.
Or, you’ll always be striving for something more so make sure that you make not of whenever you feel accomplished to fall back on when you have moments where all you can recall is striving for a goal.
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I spent my late teens through early 20’s at about 145-150 @ 5’9 “impossibly” lean- ab, shoulder, leg veins all the time, etc. It was nice for that point in life, but I needed to put on some solid weight and start getting stronger.
Eating well, consistently, and in a slight surplus was actually harder than anything else. It took me about 5 years to gain the first 10 lbs. to get to 160 and another 5 to get to 170.
The extra accumulation of the past couple somehow managed to show up on its own.
Anyhow, eating well and in a slight surplus can become the new discipline. As can restraining oneself when the panicky urge to “just do Something!” strikes.
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I think @Voxel has been giving some phenomenal advice here for a few posts, but this particular nugget stood at as warranting extra attention.
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Let me address something “easy”, the exercise part.
@T3hPwnisher told you in a previous post that too little body fat is detrimental to strength, and also that too little body fat results in a lack of “protection” for your joints/ligaments and can result in injury (he tore his knee up when he was overly lean).
Muscle, once gained, have nuclei that will remain for years (some research now says for life) after you stop weight training; this is the “muscle memory” thing that lets people get back to a previous level much faster than a new trainee.
Wrt conditioning, this is easy to regain as well. Much easier than muscle; we’re talking weeks, not months.
Don’t take my word. You can google all this, you’re an intelligent college student.
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