Good thing I read through, because this captures exactly what I wanted to convey.
To add my own thoughts though- I feel that you internalized the sentiment captured in the common refrain “think of how worse other people have it!” that some people use to a gross degree.
The way most people use it, that refrain really is nothing more than a way to belittle and put people down. They ostensibly think they’re using it to encourage people or to shape them up, but all they’re doing is attempting to invalidate what you feel while simultaneously attempting to establish that what they feel is more important.
I feel that you internalized this so much that you are constantly belittling and downplaying your own emotions.
I’ll put it this way. I love learning, I hate being graded and hate competition.
If I were only taking “useful” courses, I wouldn’t have taken Concepts nor would I be studying abstract algebra on my own time now,
This is one of my motivations for studying behavioural science. Social skills don’t come naturally to me, so I might as well learn in a way that makes sense to me. Hearing mum say “dress well, people judge” is not as convincing as a meta-analysis of research on first impressions
The “others have it worse” sentiment is one that my parents repeat a lot. I’m definitely a bit of a crybaby (literal crying) though.
It drives mum crazy
another “bucketlist workout” completed, @ChongLordUno this is up your alley, really happy w/ pullups, was planning to do front squats or RDLs in PM, but legs dead and don’t feel like doing anything else
I think a few different meanings float around. A view in which art and intellect are judged solely for their usefulness, usually for self-improvement. Like currency. Arendt explains it better than I do in “Crisis in Culture.” I don’t think it’s quite right here, but I can’t think of anything else that makes me react similarly.
Well, at least people tend to work together (according to the grad students I’ve talked to)
because it’s hard, and a lot of the frustration comes from the stress of getting graded and having that grade affect my future. If I didn’t have to worry about my GPA, I wouldn’t complain so much .
I complain a lot about lifting too, I still love it (although more than maths)
yes. I really cannot take the stress of cut throat environments or too much schmoozing
Academia also means I get to study interesting stuff, spend a lot of time with interesting people, more flexibility in my schedule, don’t have to wear heels to work and get free gym membership. I don’t mind working 10+ hour days, but I would like the option of not having to do all that work stuck at a desk
The programs I want to apply to have sub 5% acceptance rates. Other grad students I’ve talked to said that I need a good GPA to be competitive, even with good letters of recommendations and research experience
I get the it’s hard part. I used to throw my controls textbook in frustration (it’s nothing but transforms) for a similar reason. However, it wasn’t GPA that was my concern, it was not understanding the material.
I think many have said it here that GPA plays less of a role than you believe in the long run.
That is frustrating too, but I wouldn’t publicly complain about my struggles on a fitness forum if it was just being frustrated at not understanding stuff.
What will happen to you if you don’t get accepted to the ones you want to apply to? How will that make you feel? Is that a “rejection” you could handle, mentally, at this time?