I’ve got a “best” friend. We text almost daily (usually nonsense), are cool talking on the phone while on the toilet, hug when we see each other (we usually don’t live in the same town so don’t see each other too often), share our achievements and life stresses with each other, have some of the same hobbies, argue and make up, make fun of each other (in a fun way), gossip (guilty), know each other’s families, and back in high school when we spent more time together, would be as “intimate” as to shower together after the gym (not that unusual though, at least for guys), and would share the bed at sleepovers (heads at each other’s feet). We get each other, and we’ve both vocalized that while we have other friends who we sometimes end up spending more time with, our bond is stronger than what we have with other ones. We hope to know each other’s children, be at each other’s weddings, and have talked about business moves to make together in the future.
It’s a pretty sweet deal.
I also have a girlfriend. I don’t really know how to word this but with how comfortable I am with my friend, I’m like 10 times more comfortable with my girlfriend. It’s so much more intimate, and I don’t just mean because of physical intimacy.
I think you (not you specifically, people in general) have to be careful of how you view romantic relationships. It’s not a business deal or something you bring a contract to and negotiate the terms of the relationship. On the flip side, I think it’s also not something that you take too casually. It’s not a body that you get what you want from and then toss to the side, or the someone who’s feelings you treat as you would an acquaintance you don’t really know or care for.
You want what you want, and I’m not trying to be down on that, at all. But keep two things in mind.
1). View these people as more than gym buddies and research partners. Even if that’s what you want, they’re more than that. They’re people. I know of couples who write books together and couples who go to the gym together. But that’s like one aspect of their relationship, not what their relationship is based on. On paper, my friend and I make wayyy more sense than my girlfriend and I. But he’s not who I’m with. How you can feel about a person can surprise you. (Obviously meeting her isn’t the only reason my male friend and I haven’t tied the knot.)
2). I’ve never seen you mention your parents’ marriage in a positive tone. Which is fine (I mean, it sucks, but it’s fine to describe it how it is); unfortunately that’s how many marriages are. I have seen far more examples of unhealthy marriages in my life than healthy. But many kids coming from unhealthy marriages tend to have much more negative, gloomy, apathetic views towards relationships than kids who don’t, from what I’ve seen. Don’t let your parents’ example influence yours. Don’t close your mind to these things - you could literally meet someone tomorrow who could make you switch up all of your views regarding what you want.
, 3x4-175, 2x6-165, 1x6-145, wanted to do a widowmaker at 135 but mentally conked out
