Holy crap, I’m literally wearing the same pants and have the undershirt pulled up the same way- not intentional btw, just a coincidence
Same pants, same undershirt, same hair … same arms, same stomach 
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OK, you are going to ignore this, but seriously; eating LESS is clearly not working. You literally have nothing to lose by eating more.
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I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I’m too lazy to go through my own post history. The way we perceive our body can change daily. Barring external trauma, our bodies won’t change that much in short timeframes that these small variations matter significantly. I presume you know enough about ODEs to at least intellectually accept that.
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Wasn’t planning to eat less
good point
What you plan to do and what you actually do are almost always different.
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very true. recently, it’s been the opposite. I sometimes plan to eat less on one day to save up for a higher calorie day on the weekend, but usually end up at “1700” anyways
I don’t think you understand how hard it is for me to eat less than 1600-1700 at this point
With that said, I’m probably going to proceed with a slight increase next week
I absolutely do, which is why I think it’s a stupid thing to do.
And I genuinely refrain from calling things stupid and almost always use the word silly instead, but it’s honestly just stupid. It’s hard for you to do because it is self harm, as your mom has identified. Your body is fighting you on this because it wants to live.
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It’s also what you’ve been eating since late 2019
I understand how this can happen. Apparently I did most of my weight loss in 2018 so that’s three wastedyyears iI’m nothgetting bback.
Not exactly, I managed to get up to “1900-2000” (while underestimating portions) for a while, then went back in around october or so
Made a few meltdown posts about how I my maintainence had dropped
How long is a while?
Jan 2020- october2020
I started gaining consistently around mid september
So you gained weight for six weeks tops before lowering your calories again?
Yeah, and I’ve continued to gain. Since September 2020 I’ve put on 9, nearly 9 lbs
Sounds good, if you manage to keep it up that’d be awesome
My weight is already well within the “heathy” range. I’m not comfortable going above 103lbs (47kg) unless it’s clearly muscle
I’m sorry for bothering you again 
These conversations really do make me feel better
You still need to understand that healthy is different for different people. You’re operating under the assumption that BMI can determine what’s healthy for every body type, which even doctors admit is not the case. You carry proportionally more muscle than most people, the issue is that you need to carry more fat to survive and allow your body to function. The fact that you don’t have enough fat for your body to function is exactly why you’re not gaining as much muscle or strength as you hope - your body is putting everything it has into keeping you alive. You have no extra energy/hormones/building blocks to build muscle. Get healthy and this all becomes way easier.
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I have no idea about weight ranges but if you’re not healthy then you are not healthy regardless of whatever number a scale shows. Maybe your body would feel better at this weight if your activity level was healthy. No way to know without you trying and committing a legitimate amount of time to staying there (with regards to decreased activity). Changes can’t be observed in-between days, depending on what mechanisms are involved changes can take weeks, months, hell — even years. Depends on how much damage is done.
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I’m glad they can somewhat drown out what’s in your echo chamber but unless these conversation leads to guiding your actions and choices they don’t change things long-term
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Quick two cents. You did not exactly “look like you lifted” before. You looked like someone starving yourself. It is easy to confuse the two when you focus in on things like biceps veins and that kind of shit. Meth addicts are also tone as fuck.
You need a lot more body weight before you really look like someone who lifts. Notwithstanding your past achievements. I personally think your goals of things like 3x DL and that sort of thing are a terrible idea for you. Aim for some absolute strength instead, put some meat on.
Edit to add something from a more positive POV: You have a lot of natural ability and untapped strength potential. If you could get past some of this, you could do amazing things.
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