Yes. You will have no idea what your actual TDEE is or how your body will consistently react to nutrition until you eat enough, for long enough, to get your hormones straightened out. Your body behaves completely differently in crisis mode (which you’ve been in for years at this point) than it does in steady state.
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Folks, this is someone that has admitted they would rather be dead than fat: you aren’t going to win this with numbers.
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I don’t think I’ve wrapped my head around what “dead” means. It’s sort of like how a lot of young people do stupid things (drink, drugs, drive recklessly)
That is a fantastic way to justify self destruction.
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That’s a lot more fun than under eating and over exercising.
FYI “high activity” in any calorie calculator probably means a much lower activity level than what your body experiences.
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Yeah. I’ve done a lot (informally/non-pro) with people who have some serious, often fatal and deeply entrenched problems over the past 20 years. I know what it looks like to be rebuffed despite ones best intentions.
That’s why I’ll talk about snakes, rocks, butt stuff or what ever the subject du jour may be, but not that.
After a certain point, and that point is way back in the past, I think it’s best to simply accept the person for where they’re at, in the moment-because sometimes that’s all you get. When they’re here, that’s great but when they’re gone, it’s sad and a bit tragic-but life often can be.
Now I know that this is going to be extremely unpopular and likely very badly received, but I’m OK with that too. It will be mistaken for indifference but it’s not. It’s detachment with kindness and respect for the person and their choices.
You guys take care. Wish you all the best.
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You really shouldn’t, either. The calories are almost inconsequential — for you. If you were on some hardcore weight cut (which is absolutely unnecessary), then yeah, maybe they’d get counted.
You’re making unfair comparisons again. Are you a top-tier athlete? An olympian? Most likely using some type of assistive drugs? No? Then don’t compare yourself to them. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it, but understand that her whole life revolves around training. She doesn’t need to worry about work, or school, etc etc, all she has to do is eat, sleep and train. PLUS, she’s been training a lot longer than you. She has fine-tuned what her body needs and how much food she can handle, to maintain a certain weight, so that her can optimize performance. You’re not at that level.
Stress can also lead to weight gain. You seem to be experiencing levels of stress, through some level of mistreatment to your body, school, starting therapy, etc etc. There can be plenty of reasons outside caloric intake, or lack thereof, that weight is being gained.
I’m highly confused by this comparison. If you’re likening your coping mechanism of under-eating and over-exercising to the above self-destructive behaviours, you’re correct. If you’re not, explain.
Nobody here can change you. If you recognize there’s a problem and you want to fix it, take the steps now. If you don’t see an issue, or do but are just content being obtuse and content with how you’re “managing” things, then… I dunno. You do you.
I’ll stick around to answer any questions you have regarding the program I outlined, because that’s the responsible thing to do. The ball’s in your court now on how you want to proceed with your life, however.
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I don’t know if @anna_5588 has changed her vegetable intake but in the past it was excessive, presumably to the point of blocking nutrient uptake. While she shouldn’t count calories from them, if she herself felt that she wanted and would respond/adjust by the analysis of others then she should log the quantities until they reached reasonable levels
I say this because I’ve had to post this in the past
Your body is in permanent survival mode. Absolutely nothing in the way it responds is a useful data point for you. As had been pointed out to you before, just your WALKING burns somewhere between 500 and 1000 calories every day. Your 1500 intake is starvation levels. Any weight you are putting on is your body’s desperate response to a few extra calories here and there. You are making progress, but you have some very serious issues you completely ignore.
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This is asinine.
Does she walk what, given what I recall of the step count you gave, easily 9-10+ miles a day?
Given what I know of their training- unlikely. They’d rather be doing something that is actually useful to their goals.
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Didn’t realize there was a bit of a commotion going on last few post. To clarify, you look significantly better there compared to when you were 88 lbs. And that’s me being sincere, not out of necessity.
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Thank you 
Here’s the thing, I don’t really care too much about what others think or “fitting in”. If I did, I’d dress better and put on makeup. I care about how far I am from my ideal self.
Regarding leanness, there are two issues. First, I’m not as lean as I’d like to be. Second, I noticed that there were times that I thought of myself as leaner than reality. Sort of like that cartoon where the guy has a beer belly but sees shredded abs in the mirror The lack of awareness is scary.
On a similar note, I’ve been accused of wanting to “be the best in everything”. That is not true. I pick my battles and in the things I pick, I want to be exceptional.
@EmilyQ @planetcybertron this might be of interest to you guys too.
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Perhaps as you continue to live, and experience things…be they good or bad, you’ll come to realize that your ideal self is kind of…well…not a “thing” per say. It is, but it also isn’t.
Your self. Sense of self. Where you wish to be, what you want to accomplish, etc…it’s something that’s made of up bits and pieces. Day after day type stuff. I gather that you’re like me in a sense that you’re working toward a picture of yourself in some way. A picture that’s whole, has all of the little things all put together nicely…the way you want.
There’s nothing wrong with aspiration. It’s needed. But I guess it’s to be paired with realization that your ideal self is the self you wake up and look at everyday. You’re already your ideal self hun. Can you optimize? Of course. Can you add and take away things? Yes you can.
The thing with wanting to be or reach that model of your ideal self is that it will always be different than what you pictured in your head. That’s under the pretense that your goals and personality stay EXACTLY the same as they are now. And
There’s also another picture that I distinctly remember seeing some time ago. Since you mentioned that. It’s the exact same concept, but it’s a younger girl, looking at herself in the mirror, despite being extremely malnourished, what she sees in her reflection is a very overweight version of herself. See what I’m getting at here? It’s not a lack of awareness in your case. It’s just not. In fact you’re VERY aware of your own body.
When you’re critical of yourself, EVERYTHING looks bad. Everything. So you’re not leaner than what you’d like to be. And? What does that say about you as a person? What does it say about your work ethic? Your intelligence? Your emotional intelligence? Your hopes, dreams, etc? Things that make you laugh, or things that can put a smile on your face? Nothing. It says JACK SHIT. And that’s perfectly fine.
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I didn’t think you should have deleted that post because it was justified and I’m sure most people here probably know I’m not a troll by now so there wouldn’t be more people piling on stuff lol. Still, I appreciate it and, yes, I thought she was just being insecure about how she looked.
One thing I feel I need to explain:
There was a thread a couple of years back where people were arguing that the average girl should weigh at least 135lbs at least or something like that. I was assuming her weight was being compared to Caucasian girls, whom are generally taller and bigger framed than Asians. Which is why I wrote the part about the BMI chart being different for even Asians - Indians and Chinese - where I live because Indians are generally larger framed with bigger bones. I kinda got that vibe here.
But, still, I was wrong as I only vaguely knew she had some hormonal issues but didn’t know her condition was so serious.
EDIT:
Wait, is the thread I was thinking about one of those greenboy threads? I’m not sure lol.
BTW, on a slightly related note, sometime around this time last year, my mother had that feeling in her chest that one would feel while having a heart attack. We rushed her to the ER in a private hospital because COVID had just started and we also didn’t want to have to queue up. It was after midnight but even the ERs in private hospitals were crowded.
Turns out she was just suffering from a fucking SODIUM deficiency along with mild malnutrition because she tried to follow some “healthy, holistic, whatever diet” on YouTube. With just a fucking saline drip, she was back to normal to the point of hyperactive in just a couple of hours though we warded her just in case.
Just a fucking lack of salt in her diet and I had to cough up over a thousand bucks. SALT.
So I think one should take a proper diet seriously and not do dumb shit when it comes to nutrition.
My 2 cents.
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Anna, you should just have the snack I just ate, every day. Half a block of cream cheese spread over an entire stack of Ritz crackers, and a 12 oz glass of whole milk! Do that on top of what you’re already eating and your body will have all the fuel it needs!
I’m kinda joking, but also kinda not. If you overdo anything, it should be the food and rest sides of the fitness triangle, not the training side.
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I know some girls don’t necessarily do it to show off or do it for the men, but like most decent men here, we really prefer no make up and just simple clothes.
What’s wrong with that? I think to strive to be the best you can be in anything is good, but not to the point it becomes unhealthy.
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Thanks for your response
If this was 6 years ago, when I was going from chubby to lean, I’d be stoked at where I am right now. My reference point has changed. I never take pictures of my legs, but that is where I tend to store fat. If I don’t flex, I don’t even look like I lift and my inner thigh bulge is back, just like it was when I was chubby
I wouldn’t care so much about what I looked like if I was actually getting strong. Sure, my limited equipment workouts are progressing, but I’m weaker. Yesterday I tested my press and got 37lb for 6reps per side, which roughly translates to 75lbs x6 on a bb press, which I could do rather easily in the past, weighing more than 10 lbs less. So I’m basically weaker and fatter. This I can’t accept. I’ve made a couple of posts saying that I may have gained muscle, but that’s a pipe dream. I know better
Edit: I went back through my log and realized that I’d never done 75lbs for more than 4 reps. I did get stronger but it could also just be specific strength because I’d never done so much pressing before… and the weight gain: strength gain ratio is still way off 
Even worse, there’s research suggesting that to get your period back, you have to at least be as fat as you were at the start of menses. I got my period when I was chubby. I really don’t want to ever look like that again unless I’m breaking records
It doesn’t affect who I am as a person, but it’s very important to me not to backslide
@whang if I do something, I want to do it well. There are things I just can’t be bothered to put in the effort to be exceptional (not that I couldn’t if I tried- opportunity costs)
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I manage to fit an ungodly amount of cream cheese into my diet 
It’s honestly quite “clean“
Lactose and gluten intolerant though
Seriously? How can you be Chinese and NOT eat an ungodly amount of sodium?!
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