so I don’t spend time figuring out what/when to eat
@vision1 the idea was to test if I could resist temptation- not to test whether I could resist eating. BBQ ribs is one of those foods that I don’t feel like I have control over. THis was supposed to be a test to boost confidence.
Why do you need to figure out what/when to eat?
On top of that, another good challenge would be to sit down, have a meal that supports your goals and NOT feel guilt over it.
That’s what’s sad
You realize that testing yourself to see if you can not eat the things you most like to eat is a not-so-subtle way of testing whether you can resist eating, right?
See, this bugs me. You responded to me recently that you don’t like fatty meats.
Now you’re saying that they’re irresistible.
We’re you lying then or lying now?
Let me clarify. I don’t like greasey meats. ie “juicy” steak.
These ribs aren’t greasy
We have your responses to steaks I’ve cooked in my log and all over other threads.
I wouldn’t be asking for honesty here except that there are a lot of people here who care and are trying to help.
I can appreciate good cooking, whether or not I personally enjoy the food. My problem with greasy foods isn’t the taste (I like the taste), it’s the mouthfeel of grease
Well if it helps, and since you like to use economic and financial concepts, consider honesty a fiduciary responsibility- to protect the investment of others, and your progress (both physical and psychological) a ROI.
Is that copacetic?
yes 
I’ve answered this many times, and the answer has proven very unsatisfactory for you and the other well- meaning and concerned posters
I like control- the goal is to gain weight. I want control over how that weight is put on. What isn’t measured isn’t managed. The only way to manage weight changes is to manage intake
The goal is to gain FAT.
I am going to make two posts now, primarily because, whenever I make more than 1 point in a post, you tend to ignore 1 of those points and only focus on the one you want to answer, which coincides well with
So let’s talk about that.
You like control? Cool. So then, how is THIS a challenge?
Trying to do something you like (have control) is in no way a challenge. People don’t challenge themselves by doing things they LIKE: they challenge themselves by doing things they DISLIKE.
You want a challenge? Give up control. THAT is a challenge.
I’ve been saying often that you only do the easy things: the training. You want a challenge: do the hard things.
And I’m sorry that I come down on you so hard, but you keep co-opting things from MY training to kill yourself. I feel a significant degree of responsibility.
You have to manage output as well.
I feel you should try a little introspection and look at these three little words you wrote here. There is an interesting bit of paradox and irony here, and if only you could see it you might understand yourself a little better.
I think the issue is that the level of bodyfat for health is higher than what I mentally want to be at
It’s a challenge the same way completing a tough workout is.
Just beacuse it’s something I want to do, doesn’t mean it’s easy, or that I won’t fail/be disappointed if I fail
Indeed. I don’t trust myself, and that’s something my therapist and I are working on
That’s why I use a pedometer and am so consistent with logging. I want to track activity/volume. Ideally, I’d have a spreadsheet, but my computer skills are trash and I’m too lazy to bother learning. This is also why I like repeating programs, so I can track volume/ progression easily
This confuses me
This is getting close to what the issue is. You just need to reverse it to be this
“I think the issue is that the level of bodyfat I mentally want to be at is lower than what is needed for health”
I dare say that if it’s something you want to do, it’s NOT a tough workout. Challenges are about overcoming: not indulging.
I am happy to hear you and your therapist are working on these things. I would say, run these challenges by your therapist FIRST and see if they sign off on them being a healthy practice.
I WANT to do 500 swings with the 45lb, I give up around the 250 mark 
That’s because you don’t have enough fuel in you to complete the workout.