How’s bob taking that 
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Stop all of the cardio and conditioning work you do for a month, including your walks. Boom, you can thank me later.
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I have to unfortunately refrain from any use of humor in Anna’s log as I have observed she will immediately use it as an off-ramp to avoid the issue at hand. And with her now using me to justify an eating disorder things have become uncomfortablely personal.
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You just keep glossing over the fact that you don’t have enough bodyfat. Your bone health, your joint health, so much depends on you having more bodyfat. It’s gonna be the toughest pill for you to swallow, but you literally need to gain more weight, and have it be mostly fat.
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You are engaging in exercise bullemia.
Also, Pwn eats…like…nonstop. He’s eating to support training. You’re training to support an eating disorder.
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Exactly this.
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Yup. Every hour on the hour.
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I disagree.
I don’t workout more when I eat more. I have a “training split” with workout that I progress every week. I maintain a fairly consistent intake and increase slowly as needed
no wonder loosing fat is so “easy” for you. Regardless of quantity eaten, it would be very annoying for me to have to eat every hour
…and then you destroy it all by doing hundreds of burpees or walking 30 kilometers every day. That is the whole point. Exercise bulimia, as pwn says. Some people vomit after they eat. You have another method, and it is so insidious that you can’t even see it.
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regarding the steps, they will most likely drop by 7-10k starting this week due to school starting and a difficult math course.
I honestly feel like i’m in a vicious cycle. I increased steps slowly (easier classes, break), my baseline moves up, and now I have to figure out how to come down without getting fat due to decreased activity
And there you have it. You think you are fat. This is what you need to eventually work out with your therapist.
Also, decreasing by 10k steps a day would have most people at negative 3000 steps. The number of steps you walk every day is beyond absurd. Purging.
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It’s very annoying for me too.
These are the hard things you aren’t doing. Training is easy.
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I personally prefer fewer, larger meals- although, with my digestion, a higher meal frequency is definitely worth considering
People have been giving you advice on how to get to do this for years now. You have continued with your own approach which inhibits you from doing what it is you want to be able to do. You recently remarked that you liked the structured thinking I did around some issues I have and how to deal with and solve them. Mimic that approach. One of the things in your plan will have to be to reduce your activity levels. Another would have to be that you can’t do crazy workouts yet, but the entire plan should be about making your body and psyche healthy enough that when you’re healed relative to where you are now you’d be able to build yourself up to where it is you aspire to be. And if you don’t have the same aspiration at that checkpoint then that’s fine too. At least you’d be healthy.
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Meal frequency, for you, is minutiae. Do not get distracted by it. This is another off ramp, as @T3hPwnisher mentioned above.
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I prefer fewer meals too.
Anna: I am not doing this because it’s what I like doing it.
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This is really good advice. I have no idea about the US, really, but are there any helplines Anna can call during these spirals?
The headspace app is a good one, and there are several mental health helplines that are public. mentalhealthline.org and mentalhealth.gov are the most popular it seems.
Hi Anna. I’ve been following along for a while but haven’t chimed in because I’m not really qualified to speak on a lot of the issues presented here. I just wanted to ask though - what is your ultimate goal in all of this? Not just in training, but academically/professionally/socially? Where do you see yourself in 5/10/20 years?
I ask because a goal like “I want to look and perform like a top tier CF athlete” might be attainable if it is your single-minded focus and life’s mission and you’re willing to do anything (i.e. use a lot of PEDs and risk permanent injuries and health effects) to get there. It’s not attainable for 99.9% of the population who have to deal with balancing work, family, study and other commitments. Nor is it really a sustainable long term proposition - will you still look and perform like that when you’re 40/50/60+? Is it worth hovering at a dangerously low bodyweight just to try pull a 4x BW deadlift (one of your previously stated goals)? It seems to me like you’re putting your health at risk, with possibly permanent consequences, just to chase arbitrary numbers.
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