Mom just got back from the hospital. The surgery was very successful- tumor completely removed and no need for chemo.
@flappinit @alex_uk @whang Thanks for all the support
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Great news wonderful to hear! Wishing her a speedy recovery from the surgery!
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Awesome to hear.
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That’s great news!
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Go ahead
Week 4: day4 (yesterday)
Jumps: 4x(3x(1jump squat+1broad jump))
Press: get to 56/side with as little sets as possible: 1x20/side, 1x15/side, 1x10/side, 1x11/side, all w/25lbs
Shrimp squat: 3x8/side-25lbs
kBs: 1x50-45lbs!!! @flappinit
- actually felt pretty good going in but mentally restless so I decided to switch things up a bit, jumps fine, press killed shoulders and upper back- 1x20 is technically a PR but I should be at 22 or 23, ran out of time to do hamstring stuff so I figured max effort heavy kbs might do the trick- the goal was 40, but managed to squeeze in another 10- closest I’ve gotten to passing out
Side note: I think I need to stop reading pwn’s log. It honestly makes me feel terrible about myself
Please use the ignore function on me. I have minimized my presence as much as I can because I seem to have the opposite of intended effect in my interactions with you, and that it is now occurring passively leaves me no real recourse.
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I really think that this is not a solution. If you stop reading pwns log, you’ll read someone elses log, or come across someone elses achievements in some other avenue of your life that will make you feel that way.
My 2c is to figure out why @T3hPwnisher log makes you feel bad about yourself and adress that. You may need other peoples help to do this.
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You’re absolutely right in terms of long term, but certainly it’s a new level of insight and if she can follow through would be a good start. Don’t read well-written PUSH THROUGH ANYTHING-focused writing when you’re a teenager who is slowly destroying yourself is a wise move.
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It’s not the achievements, that make me feel bad, it’s the reminder of how shitty I’m doing in comparison. Seriously: max effort deadlifts 10days after an injury, ab veins, pRs left and right, running, resting hr of 39 AFTER an energy drink…
I’m here getting fatter and not really getting any closer to my actual goals bc COVID 
Fully concur with the advice, but also wanted to say that this meant a lot coming from you, so thank you for saying it.
Aw, thanks! It seriously means a lot that it means a lot to you! ~fist bump~
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It’s painful and sad to read this.
It’s not at all true but pointing that out is like trying to tear down a brick wall by repeatedly slamming your shoulder into it.
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Oy vey. There’s a lot to unpack here. If you take one thing away from this post it should be getting serious about getting help and making that one of your goals.
What else can I write?
Don’t play the comparison game:
- @T3hPwnisher has decades of experience.
- How did he spend those years before sporting ab veins?
- What bodyfat percentage did he walk around with to build his strength and performance?
- He set food PRs alongside gym PRs for a long long time, he’s leaned out good and proper now but the raw material had to be assimilated over time. A long time. And you are just a kid.
I think it was in @danteism s log he wrote a post about some silverheaded beast walking around looking like granite (search for that word if you go looking for it). The key takeaway was, all those sheaths of muscle were built with hard work, nutrition, and recovery.
I’ve talked a little with Scott Stevenson, whom I respect a ton and think manages to look fierce on stage and he pointed out that those that can stomach getting a little sloppy have it easier as you need to eat to grow!
Look at some off-season bodybuilders. Look how soft Shawn Rhoden allows himself to get in the off-season. Look at Lee Priest. Look at Jay Cutler. These are men that have performance enhancing drugs and top-tier genetics. Kaz. Matt Fraser for the Dubai contest wasn’t as lean as he’s otherwise been in competition and he smoked everyone (like always).
As pwn wrote in his log, it’s PRs relative to bodyweight.
Read the last section on recovery, diet, and conditioning in 531 Forever until you can replace your inner voice that drives you to fret about forgetting to turn back on your pedometer to not track extra activity in the gym (!!!) with an inner Wendler that says “hey, I walked extra today so I’m going to eat extra too”.
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I want to add I don’t mean any disrespect towards @T3hPwnisher. I genuinely enjoy reading whatever the man writes and does. I’m the same brand of stupid. But I hope my future offspring will call me a moron when I lift ten days after an injury (I don’t really know the context but it doesn’t sound smart as I’m presuming he’s doing something like I would such as doing deadlifts shortly after tearing a hamstring just to test it)
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You nailed everything in your summary. Something I wanted to focus on here is that I did some weight loss phases prior to this and they were all pretty disappointing. I just ended up a smaller version of what I started. This has been the “magic” one, and it corresponds to the phase of my life after running 5/3/1 Building the Monolith, Deep Water, and 2 other self-directed intensely focused mass gaining phases of training. I’ve had to eat like it was my job multiple times to get there, and in all those instances, it was a RELIEF to finally be able to stop eating that way.
I, unfortunately, know that none of this is going to resonate, and it’s why I’ve taken a leave from the log, but it’s still a worthwhile bit of discussion, and I appreciate you for being able to express it so well.
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I’m probably being short sighted here, because this is absolutely not the message I get from @T3hPwnisher writing.
It’s worth noting that pwn is 14(?) Years older than you. Putting that aside, and I’m going to keep this as short as possible, try and learn from him with an open mind. His approach is not “push through”, its “find a way to yes”, which is a very, very big difference.
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There’s a missing element of context here in that I’m VERY familiar with my body after 20 years of training to include accumulating various injuries. I know where the exact razor’s edge is and can ride it very well. I also know how to make adjustments to my training to train around the injuries. For instance: using a shorter ROM, or a different implement, or changing my stance.
But even then, a few months back, I had to tapout. I could tell the abductor didn’t want to play that day, so I changed form a max effort day to a Deep Water style workout. And these are just things I’ve learned how to do over time. Someone who hasn’t even been alive for as long as I’ve been training taking this as a call for self-defeat is just indicative of what’s going on inside the skull, and why I’ve removed myself from the advice equation. I am NOT equipped to assist there.
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I struggle in many ways similar to how Anna struggles so I hope it can be of some aid to her. I’m literally trying to do the exact same thing I’m telling her to do. Replace a thought-process that’s self-harming by changing the rhetoric to support something more healthy. It’s tangible to me to look at someone that’s conditioned to bits and a mass monster and finding out how they look in their off-season. Reading @BrickHead, @The_Mighty_Stu and @robstein talking about their off-season was eye-opening.
Another avenue I’m exploring as I’m considering changing my line of work is that having abs won’t help me pull someone out of a burning building but weighing twenty more kilos presumably will.
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Yeah, sorry about that reduction. I however do not know when to stop yet 
which is why I still walk around with way more injuries than what’s suitable for a guy my age.
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