Am I the Asshole Thread

Off Topic
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I know, I know, this is already a thread on Reddit, and if I’m asking the answer is probably yes.

I figured the community could answer more focused questions, and have fun seeing it go off the rails. So I’ll start mild. I live in an unincorporated area of America. It’s very wooded, and I have not hired an arborist since it was winter, but a few days ago, a big branch fell in the street after a storm when I was gone. I came home to two ladies going both directions cleaning it up so they could drive. Obviously, I immediately parked and started helping, but they had built a pile on my neighbors lawn across the street, so I just went with it so they could go on their way, and I could go back to work.

The neighbor runs burn piles all the time which blow into my house, that’s fine, but he is obsessed with his lawn to the point where he got fined and had to pay the city for him rolling rock and gravel into a drainage tunnel to not have water pooling on his lawn. Which is maybe a 15° slope at the high end, but comes flat at the dranidge ditch across the road from me. My property is closer to 30,° since I’m closer to the river, but I’m downhill from him, so he caused water damage, and obviously doesn’t give a shit about anyone else.

I came home today, and he had taken the time to move branches to my yard, while he had a burn pile going.

I want to be a vindictive little bitch and build something he has to stare at every day. The wife said no.

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It’s a small pathetic issue, but it irritates me that he decided to take the time and energy to throw it back at me, especially considering that his dog gets loose all the time and I’ve been a good neighbor and brought it back.

So am I the asshole? Or does anyone have surreptitious ideas for revenge?

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I’d probably just keep putting the sticks back in his yard until he gives up.

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  1. rent wood chipper
  2. use at crack of dawn
  3. save chips
  4. when wind changes direction towards his house, mix some damp leaves with part of the chips and light it up. Ration out the wood chips so you can do it every time the wind blows that way. Extra points if they are outside trying to enjoy something.

That shit will smolder for days.

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  1. Your wife is definitely not the asshole.

  2. I am never messing with Chicken (not that I would ever do so).

  3. I don’t understand why you need to be “surreptitious”?

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She’s a saint.

Its a good plan, it shows creativity and cunning.

Plausible deniability.

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This sounds like some white people shit.

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Good point, it totally is, actually.

I’m not being ironic or making a joke.

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In the voice of Russell Peters -“Be a man, do the right thing.”

Take advantage of your hulking physique. Next time he starts a burn pile with the wind blowing it in your direction, take a leafblower/giant fan/whatever, blow that shit back in his direction, make sure you’re staring him right in the eyes. My .02.

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I was thinking of blocking the drainage ditch again, but under cover of darkness. Then calling the authorities since he has a history so his denial will be suspicious.

I’ll leave the sticks on the lawn so he can see them and the ditch won’t seem connected to the sticks in any way., but now that I know something he dosen’t know I know, I can use it against him. Thats white people shit.

But that seems like overkill for a few sticks.

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In order to be paid, we once dumped about 15 cubic yards of chips in a guys driveway, right behind his car, right before he was supposed to leave for work.

:man_shrugging:t2:. He broke out the checkbook real quick.

He’s obviously being a bit petty over something that was entirely unpredictable and unintentional.

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NTA. You did the work so you should have been paid.

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Oh, yeah. He was being a prick thinking he’d yank our leash a little.

Fuck that. Dude had no idea how entirely fucked up we were.

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Ok. So NTA.

Surreptitious idea for revenge:

Go to Walmart and buy a money card for like $200.00.

Then go to the local landscape supply and order $200.00 of bulk mushroom manure, to be delivered to his house at a time when you aren’t home and he isn’t either- work schedule or what ever. Get the reciept and tell them you’ll be out of town, and to not to leave a reciept. You don’t want it blowing away, etc.

Instruct them to dump it in the drainage ditch in front of his house, but not explicitly. Just say “in front of house, just off the road” or what ever.

Then he will return home to an untraceable mass of wet horse/cow crap and another code violation that he will have a hell of a time cleaning up. :rofl:

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That’s why you should be nice to everyone instead of trying to look tough.

The creative things I’ve done for revenge have been pretty fucked up. But no one knew it was me.

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As you’re currently experiencing, some home owners/people are just petty stooges that turn things into stuff it doesn’t need to be.

I’m actually pretty glad that I do something that the general public doesn’t really need or use.

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Just chuck some wild flower seeds on his lawn just before its due to rain.

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Ok, I’ve got a fun Florida-man incident for people to judge. You know the saying “They stole everything but the kitchen sink”?

This is how I stole nothing but a kitchen sink.

To set the scene, I’m living in a 800 sq-foot apartment in Orlando. My stepbrother comes over, we get drunk, and he falls on my kitchen sink faucet and when we bend it back it’s hopelessly broken, so we decide “Fuck it, deal with it in the morning.”

The next morning we are awakened with hangovers by a gigantic boom. We look out of the window and see a swat team with a battering ram banging down the door of the apartment across the street. It was two guys who seemed very nice, khakis and button-downs, obviously used hair products, but kind of standoffish - which is fine.

So after a few hours when the chaos is done, I ask my other neighbor what happened. He told me they got busted for selling meth, and were hiding it in a sealed bag in the toilet reservoir. I wasn’t expecting that.

Well later that night, Florida brain activates and I realize I could just swap our sinks. So my stepbrother and I uninstall the sink, and sneak into the place. It is demolished - the toilet was destroyed with a sledgehammer. The police must have smashed through the drywall looking for drugs.

One room had a sex swing covered with twinkle lights and about 500 gay porn dvd’s spilling out of the closet.

But the sink was fine, so we removed theirs, installed our broken one, went back and installed theirs in my apartment so I didn’t get charged for damages.

I don’t think I’m the asshole for this one either.

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I’ll do mint instead.

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yer that stuff grows like its on tren. :rofl:

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Actually a neighbor a few houses down has mint, so that checks off the white person plan also.