Am I Crazy???

[j_willy3]

[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:

jwilly, I know we share a simlilar long hiatus before making a comeback and you always act humble, a remarkable trait in a sport where ego’s tend to be as big as a hundred pound dumbell.

                                 Doc

(oh, and if you keep dieting, we will have to have a bodybuilding showdown as well lol)[/quote]

Doc, Unfortunately I do have a big ego to feed. I have to admit it. But I think I’m just damn neurotic, or obsessive compulsive, about keeping my ego pressed back and in check. That has to be mentally unhealthy or something. I guess the weights just help me stay sane. But who am I to tell a shrink how my mind works! Look, it’s just damn good to follow your trails and tribulations.

[Dr_PowerClean]

[quote]hel320 wrote:
Doc, funny thing is I see most of the other guys on here as my heroes and inspiration. All in all, I’ve got it pretty easy. I’m at that point in life where I’ve got time to kick back and pretty much enjoy. Lot of the guys on here are still bustin ass on the job, raising families, dealing with personnal shit, and still lifting. That there is hero material.[/quote]

All of the replies to my recent post were really interesting to read, but this one kinda hit me in the gut. Hel, you described exactly what I thought I had last year when I started my comeback. People were impressed with how fast I was regaining my strength but I wasnt. Training and gaining is a lot easier when you have time, no major responsibilities and no apparent serious troubles.
I just hope you have a healthy endocrine system, don't have any leveraged real estate investments or a bored, menopausal wife...                               Doc

[Elaikases]

menopausal wife … that is an interesting experience. Is there a book somewhere on dealing with that?

[Dr_PowerClean]

[quote]Elaikases wrote:
menopausal wife … that is an interesting experience. Is there a book somewhere on dealing with that?

[/quote]
Maybe Dante’s Inferno? Or for lighter but still relevant fare, you could read Milton’s Paradise Lost. Doc

[hel320]

lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, pissing off a menapausal wife ?

Milton’s Satanic Logic: The Mind is it’s own place, and there within, can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell
Fixed: A menapausal women can make hell out of heaven

What’s the difference in a terrorist and a women going through menapause?
You can reason with a terrorist

So as not to be accussed of being sexist women may insert andropausal husband in the place of menapausal wife

[Dr_PowerClean]

[quote]hel320 wrote:
lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, pissing off a menapausal wife ?

Milton’s Satanic Logic: The Mind is it’s own place, and there within, can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell
Fixed: A menapausal women can make hell out of heaven

What’s the difference in a terrorist and a women going through menapause?
You can reason with a terrorist

So as not to be accussed of being sexist women may insert andropausal husband in the place of menapausal wife[/quote]

Damn, hel, I got nothing over you, not even my book smarts. Yeah, you got my reference, my favorite line from Milton, which happens to be the last line in the book (even though I read it 30 years ago)...I was going to paraphrase..."Only (wo)man can make a hell out of heaven, a heaven out of hell."
I have had to come to terms with one cardinal sin I made...I was making my comeback, gloriously lusting after the American Masters clean and jerk record, getting all my big lifts over 300 and my DL 5, while getting my muscles big as hell again, all the while our real estate investments were tanking and I never doubted I wouldnt sell at least one of my two houses. I had two million in house equity, dropping a hundred grand a month but I kept thinking every month "well, I'll just have to settle for a little less profit. I never ever imagined the market could turn everything upside down, and neither did my three best friends, all formerly wealthy investors who are all now in the same boat as me-foreclosure and possible bankruptcy.
And yeah, being severely "andropausal" and getting a temporary hormonal rejuvenation after I started my comeback added jet fuel to my already regained passion. But then I went through HRT hell...estrogen problems, ED worse than pre HRT for a while...yeah, I have had to admit a lot of things were not easy for the wife to put up with. And at the same time the hormonal treatments she got did not give her the same benefical results...either really good or really bad like with me, she just continued to feel bad with maybe slightly less hot flashes. Of course most of this was due to having a horrible Costa Rican HRT doctor who didnt know what the hell she was doing.
Ah, but you didnt answer the question...are you free of all of these pitfalls? I think you are, but I was seriously wondering...you've been too good a friend to not learn from my mistakes, and I wouldnt wish my problems on my worst enemy.                                            Doc

[Elaikases]

[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
Elaikases wrote:
menopausal wife … that is an interesting experience. Is there a book somewhere on dealing with that?

Maybe Dante’s Inferno? Or for lighter but still relevant fare, you could read Milton’s Paradise Lost. Doc

[/quote]

I’ve read both Dante and Niven’s Infernos

My wife is nothing like that, she gives me such joy. It is just strange to see her moods move as she goes through menopause, especially as she is unaware of them (kind of like some people when they take Prozac make dramatic transformations and don’t notice the changes at all).

[Elaikases]

[quote]hel320 wrote:
lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, pissing off a menopausal wife ?

Milton’s Satanic Logic: The Mind is it’s own place, and there within, can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell
Fixed: A menopausal women can make hell out of heaven

What’s the difference in a terrorist and a women going through menopause?
You can reason with a terrorist

So as not to be accused of being sexist women may insert androgynous husband in the place of menopausal wife[/quote]

Seems pretty true, all in all.

[hel320]

[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:

Ah, but you didnt answer the question...are you free of all of these pitfalls? I think you are, but I was seriously wondering...you've been too good a friend to not learn from my mistakes, and I wouldnt wish my problems on my worst enemy.                                            Doc

[/quote]

I’ve guess I’ve violated the sticky at the top of this forum and have never had anything checked. Never felt the need to. Don’t have drastic mood swings, seem to be able to still gain muscle, and without getting into “too much information” territory have no problem getting it up. I probably suffer from some PTSD and do have some bad days but I think thats based more on experiences than hormones. Not even sure what leveraged real estate investments are. I am sorely ignorant of financial matters. Must confess the wife handles most of that.

Lived in Military Housing or barracks most of my adult life until retiring. Then bought a house outright. Wife had saved for it for 20 years. Speaking of her, she kind of went through menopause in passing. Had a couple of hot flashs, increased her calcium and vitamins, and that was about it. She’s got that inscrutable oriental stoicism and just kind of takes things in stride (plus she has an absolutely exceptional husband). She runs the PX at the military post here, President of the Fil-Am Society, and active in several other groups. Not real afraid of her getting bored.
Don’t want to give the impression my life is perfect. Went through a whole lot of hell to get to this point. Like I said, I’m very lucky, and smart enough to realize it.

Oh yeah, love to read. Usually stick to the high brow authors: Foxworthy, Grizzard, Schulz, Trudeau, Stan Lee. Sometime I do a little light reading; Milton, Dante, Hesse, Bunyan, Gibson

[Dr_PowerClean]

[quote]hel320 wrote:
Dr.PowerClean wrote:

Ah, but you didnt answer the question...are you free of all of these pitfalls? I think you are, but I was seriously wondering...you've been too good a friend to not learn from my mistakes, and I wouldnt wish my problems on my worst enemy.                                            Doc

I’ve guess I’ve violated the sticky at the top of this forum and have never had anything checked. Never felt the need to. Don’t have drastic mood swings, seem to be able to still gain muscle, and without getting into “too much information” territory have no problem getting it up. I probably suffer from some PTSD and do have some bad days but I think thats based more on experiences than hormones. Not even sure what leveraged real estate investments are. I am sorely ignorant of financial matters. Must confess the wife handles most of that.

Lived in Military Housing or barracks most of my adult life until retiring. Then bought a house outright. Wife had saved for it for 20 years. Speaking of her, she kind of went through menopause in passing. Had a couple of hot flashs, increased her calcium and vitamins, and that was about it. She’s got that inscrutable oriental stoicism and just kind of takes things in stride (plus she has an absolutely exceptional husband). She runs the PX at the military post here, President of the Fil-Am Society, and active in several other groups. Not real afraid of her getting bored.
Don’t want to give the impression my life is perfect. Went through a whole lot of hell to get to this point. Like I said, I’m very lucky, and smart enough to realize it.

Oh yeah, love to read. Usually stick to the high brow authors: Foxworthy, Grizzard, Schulz, Trudeau, Stan Lee. Sometime I do a little light reading; Milton, Dante, Hesse, Bunyan, Gibson[/quote]

First of all, I'm glad for you, you have things in order and I'd be buidling a meditation pond too if I were you, it would be fun to ponder things besides insurmountable life problems. 

You put a smile on my face with the military life references. My Dad was career Navy, three years in Nam on the USS Phillipines as a surgeon...ugly stuff trying to sew up human wreckage. My Dad was one tough hombre...came from war torn Albania, was in three wars, and survived 17 years after a stroke that should have killed him.

But life on base throughout my childhood was surprisingly sweet, everyone had a sense of order, security, and purpose. I sort of absorbed some of this and was mostly stoic like my Dad until psychiatry taught me how to get all sensitive to everyone's feelings and to "be in touch with your own." Fuck it, sometimes I wish I had just atayed a stoic piece of marble like I was until 30.

I honestly can remember I was in our mandatory group therapy when I was talking about some mushy shit and everyone started staring at me with their mouths open. They pointed at me…I was crying. All of my peers knew I had never cried in my adult life, ever. The Big Man Cried. Everyone congratulated me like I had just won the Olympics or something. Sounds kinda silly in retrospect.
I sometimes thought of joining the Military but my Dad told me he saw tough roads ahead and urged me not to…he was frustrated at the end of his career that his pay was so low and work very hard as a surgeon compared to private doctors, despite a high rank. But I can see there was a lot more to being in the Military than your pay grade. No matter how much the left wants to bash it, there still is a code of honor that I respect. Doc

(p.s.-this story actually made me realize how bizarre this whole hormonal imbalance shit has been for me…it is so far from my base personality its ridiculous.)

[streamline]

Gee Doc, this really runs deep for you. Look Doc, you need a sounding board and/or a source of neutral criticsm with positive feed back. Feel free to PM me, I’ll listen and respond as long as you need it.

Stay strong Doc!

[Elaikases]

I grew up around military bases, we usually did not qualify for base housing. But there was a lot of good in that life.

My dad spoke Korean, served with the dragon battalion in Nam as a result. So much for being safe in a bunker.

But he made it. Never has gone hunting since. Has end stage Parkinsons now, hospice comes to visit him every week and so do I (he lives just down the street from me, we moved them near us so we could help take care of them).

You made me think Doc, you made me think.

[hel320]

Having read the posts from Doc and Elaikases it occurred to me that my sons’ are probably telling stories of growing up on military bases now. The circle continues.

My father’s last tour of duty prior to retiring from the military was in Nam. He came home and a week later one of my big brothers went, followed several months later by another brother. Dad and brother no.1 both were wounded but made it home safe thanks to the doctors over there. As pararescue I dealt closely with the medical people in all the services. To say they’re lifesavers isn’t just a cliche.

Elaikases, kinda like I said once before, Bambi never took a shot at nobody. During my tours in Korea I got heavily into hapkido. Shim Jon, Multi time Korean champion was my instructor. Retired from the dragon battalion, did 3 straight years in Nam. Probably one of he most seriously bad ass individuals in the world. Much respect for your Dad.

[Dr_PowerClean]

Man, the nostalgia’s in the air.
Ironic about the Military/hunting connection mentioned above. Dad was an avid hunter, tried to get me and my brother hunting at a pretty early age. I remember my first good shot at a buck with his precious 30-06, jerked that trigger and missed high. Caught all kinds of hell from my Dad, and my older brother too. I then got demoted to a BB gun and practiced in the backyard for a year.

I got so good I could hit the center of an empty 20 guage shell from 50 yards. So after he gave me a few local warm-ups bird and hog hunting in Florida, we went for some big game in Texas and Wyoming (more elk there).

Well, in Texas, after a couple days, everyone had their two bucks except me, with zip. Last day, we're truck hunting (lowest form of hunting in my opinion, driving around looking for a clean shot across open plains). I spot a massive buck with my binoculars a long ways off. I want a shot, everyone in the truck (my faimly plus five other Nam vets) laughs at me. 

I take the shot, even adjusting my aim slightly to account for the distance and wind (I could exagerate, but honestly it was at least 250 yards.) After I shot, everyone laughed again and said I missed for sure, no one could see for sure to tell.
I pitched a fit and said I got him, let’s go see. Grumbling, everyone spread out and walked out there with me.

Once we got there, and it took awhile, my brother actually found him, and hollered like crazy. It was the biggest buck of the hunt with a massive 12 point rack.
Only one problem, I had shot him right below the heart, and he was not dead yet. He was just laying down, slowly dying. I walked up to him, looked in his eyes, damn if he didnt look up at me, and I saw the life leave him. He was bleeding out practically on my boots, but it was those eyes that bothered me.

I’ve watched many people die as a doctor, mostly chronically ill vets at the VA as a med student and resident. Damn if it doesnt always remind me of that buck’s eyes.
Shit, well that obviously took all the fun out of hunting for me. However, everyone in the hunting party was hooping it up, hollering and hitting me on the back so hard it was like I had brought down a wooly mammoth.

 That was it for hunting for me. Interestingly enough, although my Dad hunted birds for a few years more, that incident took the wind out of his sails too, and he quit hunting too. My brother kept it up, but only with bow and arrow after that day.
 I have no problem with hunters shooting non-endangered animals for food. But sport? Not for my military oriented family. Shooting's for enemy soldiers.                      Doc

[Capacity]

[quote]hel320 wrote:
lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, pissing off a menapausal wife ?

Milton’s Satanic Logic: The Mind is it’s own place, and there within, can make a hell out of heaven, or a heaven out of hell
Fixed: A menapausal women can make hell out of heaven

What’s the difference in a terrorist and a women going through menapause?
You can reason with a terrorist
[/quote]

Gee, not pissed off at all. I’ve just been through menopause and you’ve got to understand that it’s like HRT for guys … sometimes the process is a piece of cake and sometimes it’s years of the worst shit your body and/or mind have ever been through. There is no rhyme or reason to it, either. (Well, there’s some, but it’s sketchy at best.)

The very best advice I got was from a female lifter who’d just gone through it herself. She was a good 10 years older and I was maybe all of 42 at the time. She said, “Read up on it NOW and have a basic game plan in mind. Know where you’re going so when it starts, it doesn’t catch you by the short hairs.”

Well it caught me a little off guard anyhow. Especially the anger. I’m not prone to anger just for the heck of it, so where did this greet-the-hubby-from-the-roof-of-the-garage-waving-an-Uzi anger come from? It seems like I went from calling the dogs like this: “If you don’t come now, there won’t be any treats!” to “If you don’t come RIGHT NOW I’m going to come out there and break your legs!” And I MEANT it!

Where did this woman come from?

Oh sure, having to get up every 20-45 minutes all through the night was rough. And watching my metabolism screech to a grinding hault was hard. Ok, let’s be honest … that pissed me off too. But the worst was watching what happens to the female form when collagen hits the skids. Shit. Shit. Shit. No amount of reading would have prepared me for that. Besides, I thought I was immune … I’m a lifter!

HA!

I got through it. Now that I’m on the “other side” my metabolism is getting better and I’m sleeping … well, a little better. I’m up once every 2 hours instead of every 45 minutes. Most of the time I can actually go from sitting to standing (and vice verse) without my face turning bright purple and sweating buckets, but I’m still very heat sensitive. The hot flashes I do have don’t seem to be giving me heart palliations, a huge adrenaline rush or that mild panicky feeling quite as often, but if I’m not sweating I’m freezing. Fun stuff.

Thing is, sometimes this never ends … or so I’ve been told. (And no, I can’t “take” anything for it. I’m not a HRT candidate and probably wouldn’t take it if I could.) It’s a rare woman who breezes through menopause and never looks back. I’m trying not to make a big deal out of this and I’ve come a long way, but it’s been a lot harder than ANYTHING I’ve ever done … and believe me, I’ve overcome a lot of physical and mental challenges.

I’m glad the mood swings are leveling out. I spent two years crying over the most ridiculous stuff, then two more getting irked at things that made no sense. The fuse is still a tad too short, but I didn’t take a swing at that jerk who cut me off at the deli and I haven’t broken any dog legs. Yet.

Cappy

[mjnewland]

I used to get pretty angry, until my shrink suggest vitamin P(rozac). I take a near-lethal dose because I’m not small. Seems to even me out some. But I’ve found that as I’ve gotten more into powerlifting (or tried to) I am getting angry a lot easier. it might just be that since I’m putting myself out more, I am less satisfied with all the other people that don’t.

I agree with hel, sometimes I do wish for my pre-shrink days in the Marines - a perfect place for an angry fella, by the way. It was kind of simple having only 2 emotions, rage and lust. But, I wouldn’t have a wife anymore, or my little boy, so it was worth trading the simplicity. I’ve found that I keep jobs for longer periods of time, too.

Hang in there, doc. We’re here for you.

Train Harder,
john

[Dr_PowerClean]

Cappy, impressive post. I've heard menopause described differently, but you put it in a way men can understand better. Its sounds alot like chronic bad PMS combined with the flu.

John, welcome to the thread...I enjoy seeing new posters with a post number like yours-14. You choose your comments carefully. I like the way you described the simplistic emotional mindset of Marines-rage and lust! I wasnt that different in college, just add "joy" and "no emotion at all" as my other options. Simple menu. Got my powerclean strong more on joy and rage than great technique or super scientific training regimens.

 My back was still a little gimpy, but good enough to workout again at my baby gym. Still got in some intensity, good volume with dumbells in presses, and laterals followed up by machine benches, flyes, and finishing off with db curls and tricep extensions. About 30 sets, short rest breaks, huffing and puffing and pumped. Should be ready for that new bar at World's this weekend.                      Doc

[Elaikases]

[b]Well it caught me a little off guard anyhow. Especially the anger. I’m not prone to anger just for the heck of it, so where did this greet-the-hubby-from-the-roof-of-the-garage-waving-an-Uzi anger come from? It seems like I went from calling the dogs like this: “If you don’t come now, there won’t be any treats!” to “If you don’t come RIGHT NOW I’m going to come out there and break your legs!” And I MEANT it!

Where did this woman come from? [/b]

Good to know it is normal, just the weeks at a time anger like that can be daunting.

Thanks for the comments, they are helping.

[mjnewland]

El, I like your avatar. Do you still play? maybe we can get doc to play, too. perfect thing for shrinks…

Train Harder,
john

[Elaikases]

I was playing again, injured my rotator cuffs, had to lay out until they healed. I’m hoping to start up again this January. My weight class used to be 172, until they moved them, now I’m reaching for 160 as 179 seemed a little heavy.