Doc,
Wow! Lots of changes since I last logged in. You’re making a lot of progress both in the gym and outside the gym. I’m so glad for you. Keep the thread going if at all possible.
Carlsbad
Best of Luck, Doc! HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you & yours.
Art
Bull shit.
[quote]barryjenkins00 wrote:
Bull shit.[/quote]
Barry, you’re my best friend on T-Nation, and if anybody had to call bullshit on me, I’m glad it was you. But I honestly have no clue WHICH FUCKING PART? Knowing you, I’d assume that last little bit basically “accepting” reduced goals and ambitions is the part that got you.
But this whole fucking “comeback” of mine may be the real bullshit. It was great at first, worked off the belly, regained some strength and muscle mass, taught my son to lift. All great. Maybe even inspirational to some. But what the hell is this bizarre attempt to recapture the “passion of my youth” when I really was a beast? What am I doing dreaming of huge numbers and competing at an elite master’s level, when right now I need to focus on my job and my family. Isn’t this just a big, selfish EGO TRIP?? Yeah, I’ve regained some pretty good strength in a short period of time, and after my accident and the operations that’s saying a lot. I’d love this to end up being a Hollywood ending where I overcome all obstacles and stand on a platform, holding a Master’s world record jerk while at the same time having overcome all my other problems. But fuck, Barry, this ain’t Hollywood. Part of why my wife’s so pissed at me is because I have always been a dreamer, and although I made a bunch of those dreams come true for many years, in the past five years not a damn one of them has materialized.
Maybe it’s bullshit the way I overthink EVERYTHING, and should just take life as it comes, one day at a time.
Maybe it’s bullshit I train like a masochist, pushing my body and punishing it so that I’m trashed and crippled the next day.
Maybe it’s bullshit that I really have NO FUCKING CLUE what I’m doing anymore, between having my endocrine system all fucked up and then doctors help me and then hurt me with this inexact science of HRT.
Maybe the ultimate bullshit is me doing this thread, spilling my guts out on all sorts of private business and putting my mental neuroses out for public display. Am I helping or inspiring anybody, or is this just like watching a Britney Spears/Anna Nicole train wreck unfolding, good entertainment.
I cannot believe what the hell is happening. I was actually a fairly normal guy before my accident and the hurricanes, and didn’t waffle around pondering shit, I was busy kicking ass at life and taking names. The only thing I know that’s NOT BULLSHIT right now is that I’m going back to hard work, I’m gonna make sure my family is taken care of and my son gets a good education. Beyond that, WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT 51 year old DR. POWERCLEAN LIFTS???
More tomorrow I’m to bed. I feel for u man, why I have no idea. I have to travel tomorrow. The wake doesn’t make the boat go. Get the doc’s head out of one’s ass. I had the same conversation from my gal this evening. If I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be here. Who the fuck cares , I do you fucking moron. It’s 12:15 the phone won’t stop ringing and I’m dealing with your post. You expect results every week, it’s not going to happen at our age. Be happy at what you do, have goals and don’t accept any less. Listen to your body, wait LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Accessory lifts are important this stage in my oppinion. My hourly rate for you will be your hourly rate. It will be our secret, cash only. I am a sales specialest and I can find you.
When we reach the gym my numbers aren’t BS and we will have a blast and I will get your head out of your fanny. Say your prayers, I’m coming. When you see that guy you’ll know, I’ll be dressed to the 9’s and I’ll be ready to push over a car. Guess what I can throw you farther than you can throw me. The Missouri Mule is on the prowl and he’s heading for a show near you.
Barry hit it on the nose. You need to pay attention to the accessory lifts. Your first priority should be to work on your weaknesses and fix your problems. Drop the ego and pick up some light weights. You have the potential to be a great lifter again or you could fuck yourself up again so bad you’ll never get back. Give yourself a year. Pick the worst problem area you have and fix it, then move on to the next. By this time next year you could be world champion.
Thanks guys. I’m getting on a plane to the States right now, might be out of touch a few days. I’m sorry I’ve had my head up my ass, there’s just been too much drama going on in every aspect of my life.
I usually sort out my own shit, but I guess for once I got pretty lost.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I have been making is that although I have spent 30-60 minutes a day stretching for the last six months, thereby supposedly working on my biggest weakness, what I have done in the gym is not consistent with that approach. My gym lifting has been far too centered on working at 80-100% capacity and predominantly on the main lifts. I have loved it, but this is not smart training.
Doc
Good luck in the US. We all look forward to hearing how you make out and we wish you well.
Stu
My friend, all the best.
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
Aristotle
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
David Brinkley
Keep your life in balance and you will be rewarded with your desires and needs. Make time to train.
Barry
OH, my, there’s a lot happening…could be good…stay tuned. Doc
Hey folks, wait til you hear this. In one week, I may have rescued myself from bankruptcy…got the high paying job I wanted in a preliminary four month hire, and got an unexpected offer which could wash my hands of the dead end hurricane house. An offer, after three years of not even a hint of a decent offer. So its looks good for me that way, miraculously so.
On the other hand, I went to my urologist, a supposed friend of mine who helped me out fifteen years ago. Now he says there’s no hope for my nuts, I’m starting down the inevitable downward spiral of low T and erectile dysfunction. He offered me 200mg of T cyp per TWO WEEKS, no AI, no HCG, and said those things are BAD for you. He stated he knows all about the “Vegas” folks who prescribe all three and that they hasten the eventual failure of the testes and HPTA axis. He states it is better to keep T at only 350-400, which also keeps the estradiol down and is just barely enough to keep sexual function going, along with Viagra and other aids like a penile ring (he kindly gave me a brochure for a ring, and also for penile injections and other devices).
FUCKING ASSHOLE! What is it with doctors these days??? This was a friend and a colleague, and he basically said he was doing me a favor by prolonging the inevitable of getting a penile implant, which is what he says all the aggressively managed HRT patients are heading for in a few short years. He claimed to have put in a hundred such implants on failed HRT patients in just the past couple of years.
I asked him just ONE question which I really wanted to know…WHAT happened to my nuts…since he NOW claims it was PROBABLY NOT the varicoceles that did them in. He asked if I did steroids since I first saw him…NO, I DIDNT. He asked if I used creatine. Yes, plenty. He says he wonders if some of the supplements us “Big guys” take are contributing to testicular atrophy and decline. What a prejudice against muscular men, its amazing. He’s a skinny, short little fuck btw.
Three months ago, I was Johnny Rock Hard and felt my problems were over. Now this guy makes me feel my best days are over and “milk the Viagra as long as you can, once that’s ineffective its implant time.” This whole drama did not of course help me in my fragile marriage right now.
Life is crazy. You win one battle, climb one mountain, and you often find you’re staring at another.
Dont worry guys, I’m not just going to accept what he told me, I know better. I lie down for no one. I am just so fucking tired of doctors who do not help and in fact do harm in their manner and poor advice.
Time to start climbing the next mountain. Really wish I could just worry about lifting, but that has unfortunately been the last thing on my mind. Another lesson in perspective, guys. When the biggest thing upsetting you is not making the progress or lifts you expect in the gym, it means you’re life must otherwise be going OK. Doc
Good doctors are hard to find…and that doctor sounds like a huge douchebag. Called my endo about more sore nips and he said it’s normal and to deal with it. Douchebags.
Dear Johnny Rock Hard, as Wayne and Deepak would say MEDITATE. DR Barry says much of this as with the gym is in your head(the big head). Glad some things are looking up for you. I’m heading to the gym, taking my blue pill and fucking the shit out of this gal tonight. You can still do bodyweight squats you old fart.
Doc,
Good news on the house. I’m glad to hear that’s going to be over. Does this mean you’ll be moving the family back to the States?
The other thing with your nuts. Well, it doesn’t add up. Go get 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc opinions and find out what the best course of action really is. As you said accepting one doctor’s opinion can be stupid. There has to be folks on T-Nation that can refer you to good doctors that know and understand weight lifters. Guys, recommendations? I don’t know of any. (and if you know of a good one around Carlsbad, CA let me know too). There are good doctors out there. You need to find one (or two). But don’t ignore it. If there is an issue it won’t be going away and it could get worse.
What the heck was your “friend” suggesting about Creatine and testicular atrophy? Does he have studies that show a correlation? It doesn’t make sense. It seems more like a personal observation that is based on non-scientific evidence (ie., no basis) and limited numbers (ie., probably a couple of patients). In short it seems like a totally unprofessional statement. I did a quick research on the web and couldn’t find anything even hinting at it.
Good luck.
Carlsbad
I believe my doc is ignorant about weightlifters. Perhaps a couple of AAS users came his way with peanut sized nuts and ED and acted like Barry Bonds denying everything. A few folks like that and he then has a bias and mindset against all lifters. He was just stabbing in the dark with creatine, just his “hunch” that something us lifters take, even us non-gear users, hurts our nuts. And I truly believe he must have had a few patients with over-aggressive HRT come to him with end stage ED. And guess what his specialty is…penile implants.
I’ve stuffed that appt. in my recycle bin along with all the other bad doctor visits I’ve had. On to better things. But when a doc has no answer for you, just wild opinions and assumptions, you know you’re in the wrong office.
So I have other things to focus on, like trying to make sure this house deal doesnt fall apart. And I will resume some training this week, but I can promise you there will be nothing heavy and the ego has been surgically removed from my brain. My wife did a pretty good job of that recently anyway, btw. Until the house is sold and I’m putting money in the bank, I’m still mud.
Odd, I had my fun run at recapturing lifting glory, and did a lot in five months for an old guy. But I think I have the utmost respect for you guys out there that work full time, long hours etc and still manage to move the big numbers. How I can pull that off in the future I have no clue, but I know I have to go back and start over. Yes, Barry, even with bodyweight squats. Plus I have to find a better way to improve my flexibility and mobility, because what I just did for the past five months was in retrospect 90% a waste of time. Doc
Doc,
You seem more knowledgable about your body than any other doctor…why not make suggestions in your own behalf and take a more pro-active role in your treatment(s)?
It doesn’t have to be “my way or the highway”. I have a kinda unique relationship with my family doctor. He was a member of my gym when Betty & I owned it. He always asks me what I think, then he adds his professional 2 cents, and we both come up with a game paln that attempts to satisfy our diverse perspective on the problem(s) at hand. He always discusses Pros & Cons; knows that lifting is something I won’t stop doing no matter what. He understands my psyche and he tries to work around it from a medical standpoint. He always seems to offer options, as opposed to recommending just one thing or treatment.
Finding another professional like him may be difficult, but not impossible with your connections…
I’m going to work alone from just after Christmas through March, and then we’ll decide on plans to move the family back. Lot of question marks…if, where, etc.
The urologist obviously had a bias against lifters, propably assuming we’re all like Barry Bonds, secretly using stuff and denying it to everyone. SInce he has no clue about all the good, natural products many of us take, he just took a stab at the one he has heard the most about, Creatine. I wouldnt give his comments on that any creedence. The only thing that did give me pause is his comments about aggressive HRT hastening the time to total testicular failure. I have to see if there is any evidence to support that.
I’m gonna get back to a gym this week, but I’m starting my new kinder gentler comeback designed to bring up my weak and injured parts. And I need a new stretching program, God I’ve wasted so much time doing stuff that really hasnt helped me much at all. I think I need to focus on mostly dynamic stretching and toss the static stuff after all. Doc
Guys, I gotta explain something, maybe nobody can relate to this. I am fully capable of chewing up and spitting out docs who make no sense or worse. I went through 17 of them to get a couple to accurately diagnose and treat my back problems. But I now am realizing this “journey,” although perceived by my wife as necessary, was also perceived as focusing too much attention on my needs and not hers. And the prospect of me needing to go through another “journey” to solve my hormonal problems is being about as well received as if I told her I was looking into having an affair.
This, once again, is so personal, but before everyone starts encouraging me to get this doc or PT or whatever, everyone has to realize at this point I must stand down on my personal needs and tend only to the needs of my son, wife and making a pile of money.
I accept this as a necessary step, and if there ever was a test of toughness, it will be what lies ahead for me, especially if I am operating in some hormonally screwed up state while working at a hospital where I found out right after I signed the contract that the two docs already there have plans to QUIT in January and I will have the whole 46 bed hospital on my shoulders.
Hey, its just time for ol Dr.PowerClean to dig deep and step up. Maybe that will make for an interesting thread, but I’m sorry if this is getting way too far astream from a lifting oriented thread. That was certainly never my original intention. Doc
Wait a second Doc - it’s none of my business what you do, and I’m not going to judge you, never been in your position, etc.
But Doc, how on earth are you going to effectively “tend only to the needs of [your] son, wife and make a pile of money,” unless you first get your hormones/body on-track?
Suppose things get whole lot worse - how will you handle it well if you’re feeling fucked up? What if you’re feeling fucked up hormonally is the very thing that makes things worse? - how are you going to feel then? Etc.
It may well be that putting your health first is the most unselfish thing you can do at this point.
I hope you don’t take this wrong - it’s just that based on my own experience with related things (depression), your post sent up some red flags.
~katz
Wait a second Doc - it’s none of my business what you do, and I’m not going to judge you, never been in your position, etc.
But Doc, how on earth are you going to effectively “tend only to the needs of [your] son, wife and make a pile of money,” unless you first get your hormones/body on-track?
Suppose things get whole lot worse - how will you handle it well if you’re feeling fucked up? What if you’re feeling fucked up hormonally is the very thing that makes things worse? - how are you going to feel then? Etc.
It may well be that putting your health first is the most unselfish thing you can do at this point.
I hope you don’t take this wrong - it’s just that based on my own experience with related things (depression), your post sent up some red flags.
~katz