Guess no one has told your soon to be ex-wife that when there are findings of fault, they usually don’t match up with any alimony at all in most states.
Though she needs to get ready to start paying you child support.
[quote]Elaikases wrote:
Guess no one has told your soon to be ex-wife that when there are findings of fault, they usually don’t match up with any alimony at all in most states.
Though she needs to get ready to start paying you child support.[/quote]
I wish this was true of Florida. One of my best friends’ wife fucked the carpenter for the entire time he spent $55,000 remodeling their kitchen. Once they got into Florida’s divorce kangaroo courts their ammssed marital assets of 4 million eventually got whittled down to $650,000 after four bitter years of fighting, and she then got half of that.
I watched it all happen, saw it break my friend into a shell of a man. I won’t let it happen to me. I have warned the soon to be ex…any contact with a lawyer will be seen as a hostile move and I will begin making plans for my exit to a foreign country for good.
This possibility doesnt faze me in the least…I enjoyed my time in Costa Rica and there are jobs for shrinks in some English speaking foreign countries where I wouldnt need to pass a foreign licensing board.
Thanks for all the comments guys. I am not sure my body will stand up for the OL dream but I will keep training in some way, somehow until they pry the dumbell out of my cold, dead hand.
(Or something like that…paraphrasing a good quote. I’m heading to my gym right now.) Doc
Just FYI
Florida is an equitable distribution state so there is a presumption that the marital assets and liabilities should be evenly divided. This presumption of an even distribution may, however, be overcome by proof that one spouse has intentionally dissipated or wasted marital assets.
Gifts, trips, apartment rent, car payments, and dinners for one’s “friend” are all a waste of marital assets. The court may reduce the adulterer’s share of martial assets to compensate a spouse for this waste of assets.
Under Florida Statutes adultery is specifically listed as a factor to be considered in determining the amount of alimony awarded, but courts have struggled to reconcile the consideration of adultery with the “no fault” concept. The bottom line is that the amount of alimony awarded a spouse is only increased if the adulterous conduct increases the spouse’s monetary needs.
But, remember judges are only human and evidence of adultery could conceivably color the judge’s view of the parties.
[hr]
I’m a Texas litigator, my family law experience is limited to my old firm where I would get involved when it changed from a divorce to litigation.
Alimony in Texas used to be against the state constitution, and now is limited to where the spouse is unable to be self supporting.
http://www.cafelaw.com/divorce.html
One of the major marital assets in need of distribution by the court is the marital home. Distribution of this asset greatly depends on the circumstances of the parties. When the children are involved, given other circumstances, the custodial party may receive the home. In some cases, the custodial parent may receive the home just until the youngest child reaches the age of 18.
Then the home can be sold for the parties to divide the proceeds. To avoid that situation, the custodial parent could “buy out” the non-custodial parent’s share by relinquishing other assets in distribution.
The process of equitable distribution requires close attention to values of assets and time of acquistion. Liabilities on the other hand are basically divided between the parties where there is evidence that both parties equally created the liability. Liabiliteis for one party can be set off against that party’s share of assets received.
[Back To Table Of Contents]
ALIMONY
After the equitable distribution of assets and liabilites, the court may grant alimony to either spouse. The forms of alimony are rehabilitative alimony, which is temporary support to allow for continued education and retraining, or permanent alimony. Alimony can also be awarded in a lump sum, in periodic payments or both.
Primarily, the first consideration for alimony is the length of the marriage. The longer the marriage, the greater the possibility of an award for alimony. There are certainly other considerations, including, but not limited to, the standard of living established during the marriage, the age and physical and emotional condition of each party, and all sources or available income to either party.
Florida law should be consulted for more information regarding alimony. Adultery by either spouse can also be considered by the court.
[hr]
Fun stuff, in that standard of living reductions and economic problems, like you report having, basically reduce the amount of alimony can expect.
A Florida attorney can tell you a lot more.
Wow, El, you certainly go out of your way to help. I think that in this area there has been a history of successful men, especially doctors, getting screwed for alimony based on the “expected standard of living” clause as well as a rather perverse estimation of “unemployability” of spouses who have basically lived the good life and not tried to educate/position themselves to work. These spouses have often cheated but I have rarely heard of local judges taking this factor very much into account.
Of course, right now for me, I am not really that worried, as half of nothing is still nothing. My wife and I already filed one divorce without lawyers, and she will do it again unless she wants one of two repercussions…bankruptcy on my part or leaving the country. Plus I have such glorious evidence of her “indiscretions,” thanks to her own stupidity. It’s right on the internet…all I would have to do is post a couple of her other “names” and I wouldn’t have to do anything…I’m sure some of you would enjoy her photos.
BTW, this is also a training forum.
I did decide to have another go at OL today. I did FORTY FIVE minutes of stretching and drills in order to just get “able” to do SQUAT CLEANS.
3x135
3x135
3x185
2x225
1x255
0x275
0x275
0x275
0x275
Fuck. The 255 looked like 135. I just couldnt rack the 275…one was in my throat, one out front, one slipped out of my palms, and the last attempt caused a severe pain in my bad shoulder and I screamed like a bitch and slipped and fell on my butt. My son came running to see if I was OK… I looked like I had had a stroke.
OL is right now a love/hate thing. It still is an exhilarating thing to do, but my body is suffering and I dont have the time, patience or discipline it appears to get myself fully rehabbed or technically ready to really do it at a high level. Its partly a strange emotional thing…I feel an urgency, like its a quarter to midnight on this late life athletic dream of mine. Who knows what I’ll think tomorrow. Ain’t happy tonight.
Doc
Good for you, there is healing in iron.
Alright, now analyze this guys…
I slept eleven hours (I never do this), I took a long hot bath due to my sore aching muscles and joints, watched Generation Kill with my son and in general was having a great day. We try to workout both days on the weekends but I didnt expect much after yesterday. I even started with my second jog with him as he is eager for me to stop needing oxygen after a slow quarter mile.
I contemplate what the hell I am going to do in the gym, kinda like its been lately with this joint and that muscle being troublesome. I try to bench, and…surprise, my usual 135 set not only doesnt hurt it feels light. I move through my reps:
5x135
5x185
5x225
5x245
3x275
3x300
2x325 WTF???!!!
How can this happen? I have done NO benching other than one half assed workout earlier this month and 225 felt heavy. I have forced myself to do OL exercises even though if I am honest almost every one of them hurts someplace or other when I do them. I have made incremental progress at best in my OL lifts. But those of you who go back with me…I have a video of me powercleaning 275 easily at a bodyweight of about 225 (I’m 255 now), which was very soon into my 30 year comeback. At that time I was benching in the mid two’s and doing no squats or deads. My greatest gains in the past six months are in my hips/legs, with second place being my shoulders but with a big price tag.
We’ll forget about the rest of the workout and now let’s vote on the possible explanations (I’m a shrink, I need to know WHY stuff happens!)
a. New age stuff…happy lifter has positive energy and wills up the new set PR’s.
b. Tired lifter gets a lot of rest and takes a break from OL thus freshening his fire to train hard.
c. Conflicted and beat up doc unconsciously wants to bail on OL but needs PL to save him because going back to "Men’s Health"bodybuilding would represent the equivalent of turning gay.
d. I am an emo malingerer and post false numbers while cutting on myself with the bar with the good knurling.
e. My wife’s cheating has created E.D. and I unconsciously need to bench something close to what Hel benches in order to reaffirm my masculinity.
See, this is the kind of shit which goes on in my head (well, all but d.)
Have fun…thought I’d let you guys practice what I do every day at work, minus the psychotropic drugs I prescribe by the dozen. Doc
I’ll go with . . .
f. behind the neck push jerks and military presses (your weakness in the bench press wasn’t triceps or chest but shoulders)
Congrats on the PR
[quote]Dr.PowerClean wrote:
Alright, now analyze this guys…
I slept eleven hours (I never do this), I took a long hot bath due to my sore aching muscles and joints, watched Generation Kill with my son and in general was having a great day. We try to workout both days on the weekends but I didnt expect much after yesterday. I even started with my second jog with him as he is eager for me to stop needing oxygen after a slow quarter mile.
…
2x325 WTF???!!!
How can this happen? I have done NO benching
…
See, this is the kind of shit which goes on in my head (well, all but d.)
Have fun…thought I’d let you guys practice what I do every day at work, minus the psychotropic drugs I prescribe by the dozen. Doc
[/quote]
The iron is true to you 
Seriously, though, sympathetic loading is what it looks like. And, at our ages, sometimes it takes a while to recover. Looks like you had both going there, recovery and while you weren’t doing direct loads, you’ve lifted those sets of muscles so often together that you got some sympathetic improvements even when you weren’t.
Sometimes being older is a positive thing.
Or maybe you were just channeling Hel.
I’m thinking the channeling of Harry. Damn good lifting Doc. You will be succesfull at any thing in the iron game. As for the ED, the economy is taking it out of me. The iron is the only thing that keeps me male. The banks are sure trying to emasculate me daily!
i vote for recovery. you just needed to back off the bench for awhile.
All good answers…I’m sure recovery is part of it. Went at it today, one day rest with little sleep last night from call and…poof, I was a weakling today.
I did BN push jerks and 3x205 was hard, squats and 5x275 was hard. And those were back squats. Did some volume plus a jog, at last got myself really winded.
I’m better off reading other threads tonight. Doc
Still training but I’m in one of those plateau/funk/WTF places. Partly just mentally fried, partly sick and tired of joint pain. I just trained with my son tonight, doing what he likes to do…start with a jog, bench, curls, db work. Sorry guys I know this is not in keeping with the “focus” thing, but it is what I need to do right now. My son and I are both torn up by you know who and this training is our therapy right now.
Of course, the weekend is coming up, and I'm off call...so who knows, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm pushing the envelope with squat cleans tomorrow... Doc
Push away Doc. We will be waiting with bated breath for your results.
Guys I am afraid OL and I are done.
I did try to squat clean yesterday. It wasnt the fact that it took 45 minutes to get stretched out enough to try to do them, or the fact that I kept dropping them because my right wrist only bends about 45 degrees now. No, I just cursed on went on and did front squats, basically with the bar on my absolute fingertips. I did manage some decent sets and pushed hard, up to sets of 3x2whatever, but felt a pain in my abdomen. I felt a bulge in the middle of my abs.
I showered and inspected the situation. Not good. Hadnt seen this since med school, so I went online to double check my own diagnosis. I know what I have.
A VENTRAL HERNIA.
This is basically your guts coming out of a hole in your abs. I actually had noticed something a month ago but my belly was bigger then and I just thought the fat was morphing into a middle “ab.” But I have dropped about ten pounds and I can see whats going on better. If I lay flat I can strain and push out my intestines about two inches up, right above my belly button.
I will probably need surgery to fix this. Oh joy, more surgery. I can't blame OL for this, if anything DL's or squats would be better suspects.
I hate posting this...my thread is supposed to be mutually inspirational and now this is just a downer for me and for you guys to read.
I'm not devastated. I've been through the injury thing so many times its practically a miracle I made it this far pushing as hard as I have at 52. Yesterday I got a certified letter being "fired" by my doctor...I missed one appt and I think he thought I was abusing TRT or something because he kept commenting on how muscular I was. I actually ordered my own labs and was going to show him my T was 455, but I was involved with a crisis at the hospital and couldnt go. Fuck him.
So, right now, I am going to get a new doc, keep training but focus on cardio and high volume/ dumbell work to not put undue stress on the hernia. I guess its time for me to get "buff" anyway since I am now single again, or at least will be sometime in the very near future. I need to get healthy, I can't run around the block without getting severely winded, my cholesterol is 210, I got some ED, I take too many meds and too many vitamins and supplements just to function.
I don't know if this next phase of my life journey is suitable for T-Nation...maybe I'll just disappear while I take care of business and then make a comeback to heavy powerlifting in a year or so. I find it amazing that in this last comeback I enjoyed PL far more than OL, the opposite of my experience in my youth.
I do try to count my blessings. By focusing on health, cardio and bodybuilding, I will be doing exactly what my son enjoys doing and we are each other's best friend right now. But all of you guys have been very helpful to me in trying to keep me focused and purposeful in my training.
There's a part of me that wants to totally change my life after my son leaves for college, like volunteering to be a shrink for the troops overseas. I want to be less self-obsessed, even though my job is already helping others all day long. Who knows, I just need a new challenge.
Take care everyone and don't worry, I don't plan on trying that 425 bench. Its just time for major changes. Doc
Nah, recovery and rehab is at least 50% of any inspiration, since it is at least more than 50% of the story for the over 50 crowd.
I might suggest you get the hernia repaired and focus on machines until your core is healed up again.
It all goes in phases, and machine work can sometimes be a good phase to round out your foundation between other things.
Especially to keep up strength while working around injuries.
I havent looked at this forum since my last post…I guess I depressed everyone with my misfortunes including of course myself. Didnt want to train anything for a week, but I have slowly worked back into every other day workouts doing a jog with my son followed by some light total body workouts. My hernia is still there but its not bothering me as long as I dont lift real heavy and I just dont want another surgery just yet.
I hate to admit it but I dont miss the OL training...it was really killing my body, and I was enjoying it less and less. I have started enjoying working out again, and today I am sure I pushed my luck by doing deadlifts to 6x365 but it was light and I didnt feel the abdominal pain like I had before in the 400-500 range. Of course this is living dangerously but at least I'm still living. Fighting the black dog on my back real bad with the post separation divorce certain mode I'm in.
Can't say I know what to make of my thread anymore...does anybody want to hear about my first ever psychotherapy session??? Paid a lady $200 to figure out I HATE MY FUCKING WIFE. Wow, imagine that. Got a new HRT doc who actually seems to know what he's doing and cares. Is this what its like to be really old...sharing your doctor visit stories???
Maybe something positive will come...now that my upcoming divorce is public, I have had many folks trying to set me up with some rather attractive females. Even some blondes. Funny, I always found blondes sexy but dated nothing but brunettes my whole life including my wife. I even looked at some of the online match sites but this made me sick because this is how my wife began her descent into betrayal and self-destruction. I really dont want a relationship right now anyway, I want the ink dry on the divorce and then maybe I want to quit being deep and start having having casual sex (nowdays called NSA, FB or FWB?)
Its odd how being a shrink and hearing many stories about the post divorce pain, post infidelity pain, post bankruptcy pain etc etc....they still dont really prepare you for when the shit hits home. Its a mental and emotional clusterfuck.
I do know I am determined to survive all this shit and come out OK, and I know training must must must be a part of my solution. I try to focus on what I do know instead of what I dont, but that is sometimes hard to do because my nature is to have the answers or find them quickly. There are no quick answers right now.
Ah, but at least Tiger Woods has fucked up big time. I met my childhood hero, Jack Nicklaus, and we chatted briefly at both the Masters in 1987 and the Father Son challenge ten years later or so. I do NOT want Tiger to break his Majors record. He can break every other record, just not that one.
Well, if my ramblings are interesting I'll keep posting but right now its all I can do to get through each day. Life has humbled me, damn, it was more fun being young, very successful and cocky as hell. Maybe I did a Karma violation of epic proportions with my youthful hubris. Who the hell knows...like I said, I dont have many answers right now. Take care all. Doc
I think whatever you have to post is interesting. You are a man with a lot of depth, and a lot of knowledge. You don’t run from pain and heartbreak; you face it head-on. I am certainly inspired reading about your struggles, including the victories and the temporary set-backs. You are just too damn stubborn to be kept down all that long.
It seems Notes from Underground and Crime and Punishment would be pretty good reads about now.
Took nuts the size of beach balls to go see a psychiatrist considering your profession and personal pride.
And I’m with you on the Nicklaus majors record. Anything but that record.
This is a major transformative period in your life, when you are going to have new and deep insights about your life and your relationship to everything in it. Lifting may be a part of that or it may not. It’s uncomfortable while it’s happening but it will make your life and the living of it more intense and you will come out of it with new skills and abilities you can use to help others more.
Almost sounds like a superhero story, no?
Best of luck to you, Doc. You’ll make it as long as you keep your sense of humor. 
Welcome comments, guys. There is no doubt I am in a phase of life that I must embrace change and sacrifice, with the belief that I will come out the other end of this tunnel a better man. I can tell you it has already made me a better shrink…many patients sense I have endured great pain and they feel I can really empathize with theirs.
I am training, only moderately, but almost every day now. Jogging...actually made it a mile yesterday. Doing lots of different things, challenging my son on things I suck at that he enjoys because he is not very strong yet but fit and lean. So we have chin contests (I did FIVE at 248 lbs...not bad considering I havent done a chin since I challenged Hel two years ago.)
We share playing new music for training, and I learn more about what’s going on in his life than I would just asking him “how was your day?”.
I have another therapy session today…hmmm. Albino, funny you mentioned the superhero story. For twenty years my patients called me “Dr. Superman” because I looked a lot like Christopher Reeve and was tall and muscular. I dont anymore, then again…poor Reeve had a far worse “challenge” than mine. But it occurs to me that my wife was my Kryptonite.
In fact I will refer to her as Kryptonite from this day forward to remind me that she took my “powers” (joy, self-esteem, pride, dreams, self-image, etc) and almost totally destroyed them.
Not sure I need this shrink but I guess I do because I can’t let go of my rage towards her, while still having some perverse residual love/desire for her…this latter thing kept me giving her chance after chance despite all evidence that it was not in my best interest. What sort of neurosis is this? Somwhere between misguided love and co-dependency??? Hell if I know, maybe it was just the pretty face and the 36G boobs.
I appreciate this forum and maybe collectively you guys will be a better "therapy" for me than my $200 an hour woman (and you guys are better looking lol). Doc
My analysis goes like this. There is much hope for you due to the pretty face and the 38gs. Don’t over analyze your life at the present. Go with the flow my friend. Have some fun and laugh. Have a great week.