[quote]Who wrote:
I’m really not to shocked by some of the shots you guys have taken at me. I come with a legitimate question and concern and in turn I’m called names and whatever else. Me and her have spoken on the topic, she expressed how AA is, and how they are. You can’t challenge them, they shun you when your not there, they make you feel like your life will crumble around you when you’re not going and if you’re going through a tough time its because you’re not in meetings. There’s also nothing anonymous about meetings so lol at that.
I’m not trying to stunt her growth as a person, I just don’t think its the absolute best option for her in terms of growth. I’m also completely support her sobriety and have no issue with her past. She comes from a household thats completely detrimental to her, her mother, father, sister, all terrible to be around. I’m not completely opposed to her even going I just think it would be good to try another option and see if its better. I know, I’m a huge douche though. [/quote]
[quote]Who wrote:
I’m really not to shocked by some of the shots you guys have taken at me. I come with a legitimate question and concern and in turn I’m called names and whatever else. Me and her have spoken on the topic, she expressed how AA is, and how they are. You can’t challenge them, they shun you when your not there, they make you feel like your life will crumble around you when you’re not going and if you’re going through a tough time its because you’re not in meetings. There’s also nothing anonymous about meetings so lol at that.
I’m not trying to stunt her growth as a person, I just don’t think its the absolute best option for her in terms of growth. I’m also completely support her sobriety and have no issue with her past. She comes from a household thats completely detrimental to her, her mother, father, sister, all terrible to be around. I’m not completely opposed to her even going I just think it would be good to try another option and see if its better. I know, I’m a huge douche though. [/quote]
Look, if you dont want to be together with an alkie you dont want to be.
Full stop.
However, to steer her away from something that seems to work for her because maybe, theoretically it might be handled even better…
Step 1 of training isn’t to admit I’m powerless. You can’t compare the two. Has anyone ever know better than you? It happens, sometimes there’s a better alternative. I’m not telling her to stop, I’m saying give some other things a shot when your not having the best day and it might work better. I think that’s more unreasonably than giving something else a chance, if it doesn’t work then go back to what she knows and I’ve told her this
. I really don’t think I’m being the bad guy here, my intentions are not malicious or to benefit me. She doesn’t need to feel like she has a disease or have the fear of if she doesn’t go that her life will crumble, which in the last 6 months that she hasn’t been there everything has been more than fine. I’m not sure how many of you have been in AA but of all the things she’s told me, AA doesn’t seem to be the most beneficial thing for her, not anymore at least.
OP, you’re framing this all wrong. You want to hear us tell you that it’s OK to tell your GF to stop going to meetings. But you’re looking at this all screwy. If you don’t want to date someone that goes to AA meetings, fine. Break up with your GF and date someone else.
As Orion said, if you don’t want to be with a recovering alcholic, then don’t. Nobody should judge you for that. But if you ARE going to say with her, that means accepting ALL of her, not staying-but-trying-to-pry-her-away-from-HER-chosen support system.
OP, you’re framing this all wrong. You want to hear us tell you that it’s OK to tell your GF to stop going to meetings. But you’re looking at this all screwy. If you don’t want to date someone that goes to AA meetings, fine. Break up with your GF and date someone else.
As Orion said, if you don’t want to be with a recovering alcholic, then don’t. Nobody should judge you for that. But if you ARE going to say with her, that means accepting ALL of her, not staying-but-trying-to-pry-her-away-from-HER-chosen support system.[/quote]
I guess this is just hard, I don’t believe she has the problems she thinks she has because she was a little wild as a teen. I agree it may have helped her get her shit together but I guess your right, maybe I should just step away. I just know that breaking up is not what either of us wants.
[quote]Who wrote:
I just know that breaking up is not what either of us wants.[/quote]
There is your answer then.
Next question:
Is she fucking someone else?
If no, stop giving a shit about AA and enjoy your relationship and life.
If yes, leave her, fuck her sister and bets friend, enjoy your life going forward.
[quote]Who wrote:
I’m really not to shocked by some of the shots you guys have taken at me. I come with a legitimate question and concern and in turn I’m called names and whatever else. Me and her have spoken on the topic, she expressed how AA is, and how they are. You can’t challenge them, they shun you when your not there, they make you feel like your life will crumble around you when you’re not going and if you’re going through a tough time its because you’re not in meetings. There’s also nothing anonymous about meetings so lol at that.
I’m not trying to stunt her growth as a person, I just don’t think its the absolute best option for her in terms of growth. I’m also completely support her sobriety and have no issue with her past. She comes from a household thats completely detrimental to her, her mother, father, sister, all terrible to be around. I’m not completely opposed to her even going I just think it would be good to try another option and see if its better. I know, I’m a huge douche though. [/quote]
I think you should go to the meetings and look for hot messes with substance abuse problems.
[quote]Who wrote:
…This made me feel really weird but…
…the more it bothered me…
…Theres something about it that I can’t accept…
…I don’t like how cultish it is and how odd the members are…
…I don’t like the stigma surrounding it…
…and I obviously don’t either [tell anyone about AA]…
…I can’t accept the woman I love going to AA meetings for the rest of her life because everytime she feels down or something goes wrong she runs to a meeting…
…I don’t feel its healthy, for her or me…
…I don’t feel like I need to have the AA culture in my life forever…
…I don’t feel its fair to have to feel discomfort or resentment every time she goes to a meeting…
…I don’t believe she has the problems she thinks she has because she was a little wild as a teen…[/quote]
This isn’t about you. It’s about your GF and her recovery. And frankly, you got a bit of a controlling thing going on.
ya’all’re wrong, WhoBear here has an issue, and all you can do is bash him.
so wrong…
WhoBear, they are all just jelly, cause we all want to find a girl with substance abuse problems, daddy issues and a hot mess - they are soooo fun in the sack~
I’m not gonna give you as hard a time as others, but I agree with Doc. You’ve got a bit of a control issue it seems.
[quote]Who wrote:
I just don’t think its the absolute best option for her in terms of growth. [/quote]
[quote]Who wrote:
It happens, sometimes there’s a better alternative. [/quote]
What is the better alternative(s)?
[quote]Who wrote:
Step 1 of training isn’t to admit I’m powerless. You can’t compare the two. Has anyone ever know better than you? [/quote]
On the flip side, for 5 years you are making great progress on a well know program that has a good track record of success. Then you meet a trainer and for eleven months they try to convince you P90X is a better alternative than 5/3/1… Intensity is better than WS4SB…
WhoBear, they are all just jelly, cause we all want to find a girl with substance abuse problems, daddy issues and a hot mess - they are soooo fun in the sack~
imho~[/quote]
Well, its true.
When Emily was chiding us for our “Looking for a good time? Call a borderline!” she was on to something…
Living in a town where the top 5 winter activities are : Getting Drunk, Getting Stoned, Doing Meth, Doing Coke and then Skiing:
I know more than my fair share of Addicts, Quit being a Dick. As others have said, it is her decision not yours.
Here why I say this, and no you probably are Not a Dick, ok ?
When a person realizes and accepts that they Are an Addict, there is a Huge Social Stigma that goes along with that.
It can bring a whole host of psychological and physiological changes to that persons being. When you can get together
in a situation that helps to support the difficulties that you are going through, do you not think that this is a positive thing ?
If all of a sudden heavens doors opened and you got a YEAR to train at WestSide or at the EliteFTS compound, do you not think
that your success would not improve just by being around those who are supportive of what you are trying and striving and having
trouble with. Of course you would. Now add in the stigma that goes with being a mutant powerlifting animal and you can begin to
understand what your girlfriend is going through.
I give her all the Kudos in the world for Admitting, Accepting and Doing something about this. In a town of 7000 people, the local AA chapter hold FOURTY meeting per Week ! And the parking lot is filled. Addiction has no boundaries, and can manifest in all sorts of flavours !
How would you feel if you could not lift for a month ? Do you not feel like it would be detrimental to you ? There is a bit of addiction in that.
Be mellow, be Kind. You two are still young with a full life ahead of you. Dont blow this…
I do understand your wanting to Try different methods and I commend you on that.
Still, she has found what Currently works for her…is that really not enough ?
We’ve all got our demons, at least she’s exorcising hers. If you choose to be with her then you agree to carry some of her baggage. If you decide it’s something you can’t handle then move on and stop trying to change her/potentially fuck her up.
You say that she runs to AA when she has a problem with something in her life…wold it bug you less if she went every single Monday regardless of whether she’s having a problem in her life?
Maybe you feel like AA is a crutch for her and you perceive it as a weakness. Or maybe you wish she would look to you for help when she needs it
I can see how AA would bug you, but you probably are being inreasonbable.
[quote]Who wrote:
I’m really not to shocked by some of the shots you guys have taken at me. I come with a legitimate question and concern and in turn I’m called names and whatever else. Me and her have spoken on the topic, she expressed how AA is, and how they are. You can’t challenge them, they shun you when your not there, they make you feel like your life will crumble around you when you’re not going and if you’re going through a tough time its because you’re not in meetings. There’s also nothing anonymous about meetings so lol at that.
I’m not trying to stunt her growth as a person, I just don’t think its the absolute best option for her in terms of growth. I’m also completely support her sobriety and have no issue with her past. She comes from a household thats completely detrimental to her, her mother, father, sister, all terrible to be around. I’m not completely opposed to her even going I just think it would be good to try another option and see if its better. I know, I’m a huge douche though. [/quote]
The other options are: Church groups (AA but with a specific higher power) telling a close group of friends (you’ve already mentioned how you, the person who should love her more than here friends, is uncomfortable with it) or not seek the support of others. There is literally NO other good option. There is nothing cultish about it. The groups are set up to give you a support structure other than your substance of choice. Those people become your friends and family. You would actually want to separate her from that?
Not to mention that going to AA is probably 5000% more healthy than trying to deal with your problems through drinking and using.
[quote]Who wrote:
…This made me feel really weird but…
…the more it bothered me…
…Theres something about it that I can’t accept…
…I don’t like how cultish it is and how odd the members are…
…I don’t like the stigma surrounding it…
…and I obviously don’t either [tell anyone about AA]…
…I can’t accept the woman I love going to AA meetings for the rest of her life because everytime she feels down or something goes wrong she runs to a meeting…
…I don’t feel its healthy, for her or me…
…I don’t feel like I need to have the AA culture in my life forever…
…I don’t feel its fair to have to feel discomfort or resentment every time she goes to a meeting…
…I don’t believe she has the problems she thinks she has because she was a little wild as a teen…[/quote]
This isn’t about you. It’s about your GF and her recovery. And frankly, you got a bit of a controlling thing going on.
[/quote]
I don’t know. He sounds like a fun guy to be around. I’d have the opportunity to constantly solve pointless issues and comfort him so that his neurotic worrying turns into positive thinking!
OP, you’re framing this all wrong. You want to hear us tell you that it’s OK to tell your GF to stop going to meetings. But you’re looking at this all screwy. If you don’t want to date someone that goes to AA meetings, fine. Break up with your GF and date someone else.
As Orion said, if you don’t want to be with a recovering alcholic, then don’t. Nobody should judge you for that. But if you ARE going to say with her, that means accepting ALL of her, not staying-but-trying-to-pry-her-away-from-HER-chosen support system.[/quote]
I guess this is just hard, I don’t believe she has the problems she thinks she has because she was a little wild as a teen. I agree it may have helped her get her shit together but I guess your right, maybe I should just step away. I just know that breaking up is not what either of us wants.[/quote]
Once an addict, always an addict. My grandfather has told me about guys who were sober 30/40 years, then lost their job or something, then went down the rabbit hole and never came back. My grandfather has been sober for 35 years. He still refuses to drink because of what he was like when he did.
The likely reason she goes when something goes wrong, is because her reaction is to cope by drinking. So she goes to a meeting in order to talk it out and get over the urges.
Even if you are correct about AA, you are still being unreasonable.
It’s her choice. If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s on you.
She got into AA at 18 and still goes to meetings 5 years later, I think there may very well be more to her story than “she was a little wild as a teen”.