AFC Guide to Women

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101

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Maybe when I’m 55 I’ll consider a woman in her late 30’s, early 40’s to be what I’m looking for. But I don’t yet…
[/quote]
LOL

How old are you now, AC?[/quote]

I was born in '74 - I’m 40 years old. And for the record, I HAVE dated plenty of women my age and older. But that’s not what I’m currently pursuing. If I were to meet an amazing woman, I don’t think her age would matter at all. But I haven’t met her yet.[/quote]

Does that not give you pause, given the massive number of women you’ve apparently known?
[/quote]

It should, because you should never discount the possibility that it might be you.

I certainly dont.

But you can also apply Greshams law to women, bad women drive good women out of the circulation, so beyond a certain age there is an abundance of bad women in the market. [/quote]

Bad men sometimes drive good women back into the market and vice versa, just as AC is presumably a good man returned to the market, as Hockey and I seem to be.

Did I ever mention that he eschewed women completely for eight years? EIGHT. I am the beneficiary of his having come to terms with what happened to him in his marriage (“she stole my children!”) and deciding that women are individuals. I hope we’ve both made a good choice this time.

[/quote]

Well, Greshams Law applies to men too, it is just that how many shitty men are out there is not exactly my problem .

Also, women might be individuals, but, as Tolstoy has noticed, which pretty much applies to just about everything “all happy families resemble each other, all unhappy ones are unhappy in their own way”.

So, all sane women have a lot in common, all insane ones are insane in their own way, so yes, they are individuals.

Deeply, deeply damaged individuals which just so happen to be the majority over the age of 30 or so, because keepers are kept and the rest gets effectively pumped and dumped.

As for the woman who stole his children she is a heartless hoor and deserves cancer of the vagina.

Its actually a pretty big compliment that he trust you at all.

102

[quote]orion wrote:
Greshams Law [/quote]

Interesting, but new older-people relationships seems to work like used cars. A really good used car doesn’t get the premium it should because used cars are hard to value (because defects easily concealed) and so a good used car trades at the value of a lemon.

Older single people and divorced people are similar, in some way, to used cars. You can’t easily tell if there is something wrong (and there is a higher chance that there is), and so they “trade” at the value of a lemon.

Of course, if you could get a “certified” used car, with a warranty, you get Theirs (sp?) law working in reverse, where quality women crowd out the lemons — I think this is what is behind the importation of spouses from foreign countries.

Funny to think about this in economic terms, but a family is really a small business, so perhaps not.

103

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Greshams Law [/quote]

Interesting, but new older-people relationships seems to work like used cars. A really good used car doesn’t get the premium it should because used cars are hard to value (because defects easily concealed) and so a good used car trades at the value of a lemon.

Older single people and divorced people are similar, in some way, to used cars. You can’t easily tell if there is something wrong (and there is a higher chance that there is), and so they “trade” at the value of a lemon.

Of course, if you could get a “certified” used car, with a warranty, you get Theirs (sp?) law working in reverse, where quality women crowd out the lemons — I think this is what is behind the importation of spouses from foreign countries.

Funny to think about this in economic terms, but a family is really a small business, so perhaps not.
[/quote]

The idea to apply Greshams law to women actually comes from a pretty often cited work from an economist applying it to the used car market.

I think he is the husband of the Fed chair but I could be wrong.

The PUA dogma “assume that all women you meet are sluts”, which is often misinterpreted as “all women are sluts” is because most women you will meet will be.

And yes, all the problems in the used car market apply.

104
106

For men and women both–people don’t always give everyone their best self. Some bring out the best in you and others the worst.

You’ve probably heard a guy say “She makes me want to be a better man.” That works both ways.

107

[quote]debraD wrote:
For men and women both–people don’t always give everyone their best self. Some bring out the best in you and others the worst.

You’ve probably heard a guy say “She makes me want to be a better man.” That works both ways.[/quote]

Definitely agree it goes both ways, but I never understood how people are vilified for breaking up with someone who then changes the aspect of their life that caused the person to break up with them in the first place. You’re essentially agreeing that you needed to improve something about yourself and the other person had every right to break up with you. Congratulations on the life-change, but the whole revenge fantasy has always been lost on me.

108

I think you’re misunderstanding me; all I’m saying is that people aren’t the same around different people and sometimes the problem is you. For example, if most of your dates seem to be insecure and jealous and lacking in trust (constant shit testing) perhaps you are not a pillar of strength security and loyalty that the other needs.

109

[quote]SuperVillian wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
For men and women both–people don’t always give everyone their best self. Some bring out the best in you and others the worst.

You’ve probably heard a guy say “She makes me want to be a better man.” That works both ways.[/quote]

Definitely agree it goes both ways, but I never understood how people are vilified for breaking up with someone who then changes the aspect of their life that caused the person to break up with them in the first place. You’re essentially agreeing that you needed to improve something about yourself and the other person had every right to break up with you. Congratulations on the life-change, but the whole revenge fantasy has always been lost on me. [/quote]

I often point out to people I work with that x behavior is going to have to be changed eventually if they’re ever going to be happy, and push them to consider “why not do it now?” Why wait until you have a string of wrecked relationships or damaged kids or what have you.

110

[quote]orion wrote:

Its actually a pretty big compliment that he trust you at all. [/quote]

Yes, and I’m appreciative of that. He had a five year relationship before me, and it sounds like quite a number of dates, so I’m not the first one on the scene since the withdrawal and subsequent decision to reengage.

111

Amen. This is all dizzying. I would agree that to attract a woman honesty, directness (without being too cocky) and humor will attract, relationships need so much less - it’s about selflessness. 1 Corinthians 13:4.

112

[quote]debraD wrote:
I think you’re misunderstanding me; all I’m saying is that people aren’t the same around different people and sometimes the problem is you. For example, if most of your dates seem to be insecure and jealous and lacking in trust (constant shit testing) perhaps you are not a pillar of strength security and loyalty that the other needs.[/quote]

I’m not sure if I’m adding to what you’ve said, Deb, or pivoting with the idea but (and this is something Em keeps coming back to) if you’re attracting jealous, insecure people you need to ask yourself 1) why are you attracting this type of person and 2) why are you attracted to this type of person.

I was the f’in posterboy of codependency and wondered why all my GF’s and my ex were either terribly narcissistic or exhibited traits of BPD. Got the codependency under control and I was able to maintain relationships with healthier women.

113

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
I’m not sure if I’m adding to what you’ve said, Deb, or pivoting with the idea but (and this is something Em keeps coming back to) if you’re attracting jealous, insecure people you need to ask yourself 1) why are you attracting this type of person and 2) why are you attracted to this type of person.

I was the f’in posterboy of codependency and wondered why all my GF’s and my ex were either terribly narcissistic or exhibited traits of BPD. Got the codependency under control and I was able to maintain relationships with healthier women.[/quote]
…fuck

114

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The ratings by appearance made me think of this.

BTW, I don’t think very attractive people are any more neurotic or have more baggage than anybody else. It has to be harder to be really unattractive, right? Beautiful people may be more guarded with regard to the motives of others, in the way someone who is very wealthy or famous might be. Yes, they have to deal with people’s reactions, which might be a pain sometimes, but lets face it. Being beautiful makes a lot of things easier. People assume all kinds of positive qualities about beautiful people. About mental health, one of the most beautiful women I know is also absolutely beautiful and well adjusted on the inside.

It’s one of those things less attractive people say about the beautiful people. “Yeah, but inside she’s really unhappy and messed up…” You hear the same things from less wealthy people making themselves feel better by telling themselves that rich people are unhappy or screwed up. Yeah, there are a lot of unhappy and screwed up poor people too.

EDITED

115

[quote]johnsonsfd wrote:
Amen. This is all dizzying. I would agree that to attract a woman honesty, directness (without being too cocky) and humor will attract, relationships need so much less - it’s about selflessness. 1 Corinthians 13:4.[/quote]

But:

A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

Proverbs 31:10-12

"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’

Proverbs 30:20

She uncovered her harlotries and uncovered her nakedness; then I became disgusted with her, as I had become disgusted with her sister.Yet she multiplied her harlotries, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the harlot in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their paramours, whose flesh is like the flesh of donkeys and whose issue is like the issue of horses.â?¦

Ezekiel 23:18-20

117

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
I think you’re misunderstanding me; all I’m saying is that people aren’t the same around different people and sometimes the problem is you. For example, if most of your dates seem to be insecure and jealous and lacking in trust (constant shit testing) perhaps you are not a pillar of strength security and loyalty that the other needs.[/quote]

I’m not sure if I’m adding to what you’ve said, Deb, or pivoting with the idea but (and this is something Em keeps coming back to) if you’re attracting jealous, insecure people you need to ask yourself 1) why are you attracting this type of person and 2) why are you attracted to this type of person.

I was the f’in posterboy of codependency and wondered why all my GF’s and my ex were either terribly narcissistic or exhibited traits of BPD. Got the codependency under control and I was able to maintain relationships with healthier women.[/quote]

“Like attracts like” was probably the most profound statement anyone has ever made to me about why I only seemed to attract manipulative women because I myself was manipulative with my words but never realised it

118

[quote]debraD wrote:
I think you’re misunderstanding me; all I’m saying is that people aren’t the same around different people and sometimes the problem is you. For example, if most of your dates seem to be insecure and jealous and lacking in trust (constant shit testing) perhaps you are not a pillar of strength security and loyalty that the other needs.[/quote]

I understood what you meant. Guys and girls experience this, men write it off as ‘chicks are crazy’ and women say ‘men are assholes’, but in reality they’re leaving their partners with no other option, but to resort to their basic instincts because of the other person’s refusal to adapt or change their behavior in order to develop a healthy relationship.

Immature, selfish, passive-aggressive, self-righteous, etc… they’re all negative elements of people’s personality that they refuse to change in relationships rather than face a reality and or mental issues they’ve avoided and pushed down their whole lives.

I’ve defended most of the girls I’ve dated when friends have called them crazy. I explain that I’m emotionally distant and give women anything and everything they could need or want as a boyfriend yet view intimacy and committed relationships as being weak so they’re left with no other option, but to act out to gain an emotional response from me.

Were on the same page.