Thnx for feedback. I feel so powerless and it sux. But knowing you’re not alone helps me feel “normal”. Acceptance of things can be so hard and everyone has their journey and suffering and as you said can’t “exactly” understand but at least you reminded me we’re all human
I’m working on a new fragrance for men. It smells like oak saw dust and 6010 welding rods. I’ll call it “L’odeur de mon ancien moi”.
1 Like
Some days are hard.
Dementia come in many form, my father lost logic and he was not aware of any thing. That was good for him, not so much for us.
Some day he was confused in a strange way:
My parents live next door.
One day my mom had to go out after my dad left with his driver.
He came back before my mom and he had the key to the back door.
At one point I can hear some loud knocking so I look out of the barn and my dad is knocking on the door.
So I tell him that mom is away, And he say that he know she is not there but she is the one to open the door to let him in.
I gad to tell him to take his key out and use it as mom is not in the house.
After a few yes she not there but she is the one that let me in. He finally used his key and let himself in. He called my right after wanting where my mom was.
Good thing I work from home. I put the horse back and waited with him for my mom to come back.
I sat in the living room and he just went for a nap. He just need someone in the house to feel more secure.
1 Like
so how do you decipher if you are exercising or “screaming it out”?
I did 3 seta of 12 reps of kicking a dog, felt pretty good after that!
I think a better example is a punching bag, am I “screaming it out”? Or am I simply doing cardio?
1 Like
The TN answer to feeling better is always Deadlifts or Foam Rolling, Carbidus. 
@ Exercise. I think it’s a good way to raise endorphins, and a lot of us see it as therapy, going to the gym is a distraction and a happy place. I think the way a lot of us lift is fairly zen. Gets us out of our head. BUT there is research that doing a lot of exercise when you’re angry just just keeps you in a heightened state of stress, so it depends on the type I’d imagine. Honestly, it’s probably better to meditate, take a relaxing walk than to go beat yourself up doing box jumps and sprints.
Put it this way. I’d never recommend that someone who is having difficulties with stress/ aggression/ frustration learn to cope by beating the crap out of a tire with a sledgehammer. We teach kids how to calm themselves down, self-sooth.
It’s long been conventional wisdom that it helps to “get it all out,” or “release the pent up pressure” but the research really doesn’t support that idea. There is no “storage” of emotion, and expressing emotion doesn’t “make it go away.” What we do can sustain an emotional state, heighten it. When we express positive emotions like love, we actually tend to feel MORE positively, not less. Otherwise, we’d take people with anger management issues and recommend they scream and rage, and punch stuff to “get their anger out”.
The same goes for venting in an angry email. It actually tends to make people MORE angry to do that. Venting makes us MORE angry.
Edit: I’m talking in general teams here, based on the research and best practices. Your mileage may vary. And we heard from the OP, that she felt better. Given enough time away from the stressful event, most of us feel better on our own. And for people who have had much more dangerous behaviors like addictions, then yeah. It’s maybe a matter of degree. Beating a tire with a sledgehammer might be preferable, a lot safer than abusing your substance of choice or whatever.
Edited my thoughts on the gym for clarity.
Thanks again for your responses. Ummm, I have a bunch of journals. I journal everything so I can discuss what each day is for my drs. It’s a reference point to bitch slap me when I’m being pathetic or inspirations when I’m strong and happy. I can track if I’m going to extremes in anything or self destructive behaviors. Limiting negativity and toxicity from my life but sometimes you have to deal. Part of life. I am strong enough now to face my demons head on and get defensive… I hate that trait. However, changing ones perception as an adult takes lots of work. But I can persevere. Everything in healthy moderation, boundaries acceptance and listening. It’s either sink or swim. And I chose the raft of I didn’t ask to be thrown into a shark tank, but I chose and will continue to excel. Because if I let manipulative crap that’s going on in my life, I “could” break down,but I’d be the loser. My health comes first! If saying yes to soeone when in my gut it’s no. I listen. Journaling, mindfulness, reflection, putting yourself in another’s shoes thickens my “armor” too. I deserve to be happy. I realize some think meds or therapists will fix you…yes, great cuz you get feedback. However, I’m lucky enough to have a husband who spends half my appt explaining…yes, her mother really did xyz, and let them listen to my voicemails. It’s not paranoia but my grandmother is very wealthy and her will isn’t correct and money makes people vipers. All I care about is her. as everyone says my heart is too big. Asking for help is the first step. Acceptance takes some time and hurts. But I hope others who feel like their walls are caving in that there is a force inside you that.can push you to a level of small little daily victories. I respect all viewpoints and don’t blow them off so don’t worry I’m absorbing and figuring out what helps me. I could drink 6 beers or smash a hockey stick. Neither is productive but I “felt” better and could sleep after being a loose cannon for a bit, but. I got that rage out. We’re all different and hearing what works for another contributes to growth. Thanks again
2 Likes
This is a bit of a threadjack from those of you talking about taking care of elderly parents and grandparents, but this is related to your question @carbiduis.
The research has been clear for decades: Venting is bad for us.
And yet we do it—more now than ever thanks to the ease of the Internet.
The “e-vent”—expressing anger via email, text or chat, or on social media sites such as Facebook or Twitter —can be hard to resist. It’s speedy: We can share our frustration with a friend, or the world, almost immediately. It’s handy: We can e-vent from anywhere as long as we have our phone. And it feels safe: We’re behind a screen.
In studies, people report that they feel better after venting. But researchers find they actually become angrier and more aggressive. People who vent anonymously may become the angriest and most aggressive.
"…the hydraulic model, saying that if someone holds anger inside without letting it out, it will build to dangerous levels, much the way steam in a pressure cooker will build if it is not vented… most people still believe this to be true, even though there is no scientific research to support it.
Don’t worry no more hockey sticks, just that inhale exhale thing I have been taught “doesn’t” always hep. What I should have done was accept powerlessness and take better care of myself by doing positives because that would honor “her” because she isn’t her…so she would’ve been disappointed in my reaction. Just had that realization
1 Like
Change is hard. Thanks for the links
1 Like
Yes, x 1000. And to clarify from my post above, talking about our feelings isn’t the same as ranting or going on some rage-fueled vent. Usually we feel better if we try to frame things from a position of gratitude, when we can. It’s sometimes pretty hard to find something positive in the experience.
I’ve learned you can learn something from each experience if you listen, observe and “think”. It may hurt me but I will continue to be supportive and caring g and putting aside any feelings. Getting upset doesn’t change anything, sheis who she is now. It’s my turn to take the time to nurture. I’m the adult now. Tough pill to swallow…and not literally lol
1 Like
“T” ransformation. Thanks for getting my priorities in check.
FWIW, I’ve notice this on forums as well. I’ve lost my cool a few times on here and my angry response made me feel more angry than I was before.
2 Likes
Me too. And I always regret it, feel worse. A lot is lost in this form of communication. No tone, gestures, facial expressions. It’s easy to misunderstand intent.
2 Likes
A good friend of mine is like a kung-fu grand master at this.
1 Like
True story: my current body wash and deodorant of choice is the Sandalwood offering from a brand called “Every Man Jack”
Way better than all that Axe bullshit
1 Like
I’ve gotten better at typing out the would-be angry/disagreeable message, then hitting the “abandon post” button and just chilling out.
I think a decent chunk of the regulars on here are good people, even if they see things differently, and it’s just not worth getting angry over. But it is a good way go get exposed to some different viewpoints and pick people’s brains to figure out why they see a certain issue the way they do.
Except for Zep, lol.
2 Likes
Probably one of those connections that only I would make, but Axe reminds me of dudes at NA meetings wearing shiny shirts trying to pick up strippers between relapses.
Sandalwood is probably the better option.
Yeah, I’ll stick with professional advice and trust my gut. I know what needs to be done. Everybody has crap in their closet…it’s if your strong enough to accept, listen and leave it or treat it. Thnx for your responses on each and every post. Life is all about lessons. I’m freeing myself of validation. If some took offense then I meant none but everyone has a different perception. I view my health number one. And some people I know like myself are working on hypersensitivity chillax. What if you died tmr? Good luck to you all and don’t feel you have to have a pat on the back for choosing what’s best for you. I choose a life with no more regrets. I’ll sleep like a baby tonight cuz I know I’m worth it.