I am not a hardass but I would not give a second chance to this. In my experience, this is the kind of behavior that repeats itself. Also, if a guy is as into me as I am into him, it just wouldn’t happen unless he is the self-sabotaging type which is not something I’d want to be a part of.
Completely unacceptable IMO.
You’re as cold as ice, debraD.
(kidding. valid pov.)
I don’t know but i feel that most of your “CON” are not real ones.
[quote]
-He made me cry, so continuing to hang out with him goes against my policy of hanging out with people who make me cry.[/quote]
Sound like most homo sapiens could make you cry, with little to no effort.
So even if it’s a CON, it’s not a fair one.
[quote]
-I’m a fragile little baby, so if he does stuff like this, even if it’s only very rare, it will cause me much emotional distress.[/quote]
Stop being a fragile little baby. Problem solved, CON vanished.
[quote]
-My vagina is too small so sex is really painful, and I know DN says that it’s supposed to fit, but I’m pretty sure who’s ever runnin’ the show down there decided to close up shop for the winter or something due to low enrollment.[/quote]
this is a “CON” now, but it could become a huge PRO in a not-so-distant future. (pun obviously intended).
[quote]
-I think I am much more straight and narrow than he is. I’m kinda a goodie goodie and I get the feeling that he’s really not.[/quote]
it’s not a CON, it’s the feeling of a possible CON.
Check and see if it is the case or not.
but be careful, you might end up being not as much a goodie goodie as you think you are.
=D Hehe Em.
FTR I just asked my guy and he agrees. He says you don’t ‘forget’ a date with a girl you’re really into, especially if just to go drinking with your buddies.
I actually did have this happen sort of. A guy agreed he’d call on the Saturday to go out together. I gave him until about 7pm and went out without him, but there were no messages. I ran into him later that night and he’d been out drinking instead so I say sorry bud no good and he BEGGED like it was for his life it was crazy. Dude had a serious drinking problem was what that was about. One really good piece of advice my mom gave me was stay away from drinkers, they will suck the life out of you.
[quote]debraD wrote:
I am not a hardass but I would not give a second chance to this. In my experience, this is the kind of behavior that repeats itself. Also, if a guy is as into me as I am into him, it just wouldn’t happen unless he is the self-sabotaging type which is not something I’d want to be a part of.
Completely unacceptable IMO.[/quote]
In retrospect, DebraD has a valid point.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]batman730 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I believe in second chances, but only one, so there’s no more of this “oh sorry gone drinking instead.” [/quote]
Actually, thinking about it, I’m sure I give many more than one second chance, assuming there are subtle differences in the wrongdoing that allow me to treat it as a whole new category of offense. 
[/quote]
Really? You’re tough. Despite my very best intentions, I often find I make the same mistake on numerous occasions both in the same and varied categories of offence. I’m just dumb that way. However, I’ve always kind of suspected that people who say they never make the same mistake twice are either lying or deluding themselves. Fortunately for me, my wife has seen fit to grant me innumerable second chances. I like to think this has worked out not too badly for her as well.
[/quote]
I’m talking about potential relationship enders here, not personality qualities or quirks of behavior that might pop up to cause consternation or irritation on a regular basis. I’m pretty easy going with regard to day-to-day stuff, as I believe everyone should be.
When there is something as major as a missed first date I am inclined to wariness, and don’t see cutting a lot of slack. There are a couple of issues that would incline me to the same mindset, which are more about the quality of the person than about their irritating habits. Particularly early in a relationship. The goal is to weed out the people whose poor behavior is beyond what should be tolerated. Which is what you seem to be saying in your post. And again, in thinking realistically about it after I’d posted “one second chance,” I do give multiple chances once I’m all in. But I need a certain level of decency and thoughtfulness in order to bother going all in.
I make a lot of mistakes, too. Magnanimity is something I enjoy as both a recipient and a provider, because what I do NOT want are icy extended silences and festering resentments. To me those are much worse than most generic irritating behaviors. [/quote]
I think we are pretty much in agreement overall. This doesn’t particularly surprise me as I get the impression that you and I have fairly similar expectations when it comes to relationships.
This whole date blowing off thing really does strike me as a dick move. The more I think about the less forgiving I feel. Pretty ambivalent really as to whether the guy ought to get a Mulligan or not…
Yeah, feeling pretty negative here, too, but I entertain some small hope that like Jenn, he’s a little awkward or oblivious and this was a stupid Asperger-y move rather than a shitty or uncaring one.
Do you think you can forgive and forget the missed date? I ask because you sounded really happy when you posted the date. He must have made you happy before he backed out. It appeared you really had your hopes up.
I doubt I could forgive and forget something like that. If you can it might be fun to see how he plans to make it up to you. I would also say you should tell him a bit about how last nights dissapointment made you feel. Mostly because his response will let you know a little more about what kind of boy he is. A man would not have stood you up like that. You telling him about the disappointment should let him know that it would not be tolerated again.
If you can not forgive and forget then do not feel bad about showing him the door. He has not earned a second chance.
Best of luck
On ze one hand, he makes you cry and feel insecure.
Zat iz good.
You may not want that, but you need it, its part of this woman thing.
On ze other hand when he found out that you were floored he went all beta and whatnot, so that was not a deliberate dick move on his part, no pump and dumb he just has a healthy disregard for other peoples feelings, congratz, he is not an emo.
On yet another hand, yeah, we are in Indian gods realm now, he texts you that he cancels a date because he needs to get shitfaced with his friends?
WTF?
Zis is unacceptablez!
O_o
You better be sure that you really had a date though, none of this “well, maybe we could hang out” - shit.
No idea what to do now, I needz more data!
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Yeah, feeling pretty negative here, too, but I entertain some small hope that like Jenn, he’s a little awkward or oblivious and this was a stupid Asperger-y move rather than a shitty or uncaring one. [/quote]
I mean, he sleeps with a Mjoellnirr replica, it is not entirely unlikely.
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Yeah, feeling pretty negative here, too, but I entertain some small hope that like Jenn, he’s a little awkward or oblivious and this was a stupid Asperger-y move rather than a shitty or uncaring one. [/quote]
I mean, he sleeps with a Mjoellnirr replica, it is not entirely unlikely. [/quote]
Way too many letters in your Mjolnir sir >:(
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Yeah, feeling pretty negative here, too, but I entertain some small hope that like Jenn, he’s a little awkward or oblivious and this was a stupid Asperger-y move rather than a shitty or uncaring one. [/quote]
I mean, he sleeps with a Mjoellnirr replica, it is not entirely unlikely. [/quote]
Way too many letters in your Mjolnir sir >:([/quote]
Lies-
First it needs an Umlaut o, which in English can only be done with oe and second it definititely has two r`s.
No self respecting Viking can ever have to many r`s.
Well, maybe one r was too many, if that was even possible.
[quote]rds63799 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]rds63799 wrote:
sounds like he is inconsiderate, and you are very needy.
No good can come of this. I would move on if I were you.[/quote]
Why do you say very needy? I’m not seeing that. I’m seeing uncertainty and insecurity, but “needy” suggests other things.[/quote]
you’re right, I should’ve said “insecure.” My apologies.
I still think the combo of inconsiderate and insecure is a bad idea though
[/quote]
Jenn is remarkably open and forthcoming about herself, that shows great security. How open and forthcoming do you think you would be if you hadn’t had a date by 26? I think most people would be bitter and angry and too prideful to talk about these things like Jenn does.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m with the ones who said if it was a genuine pre planned date, not just a “Whadda ya think 'bout hanging out Saturday night?” type deal, and he blows you off at the last minute to go drinking with his buds then dump his sorry ass now, Jen.
And Deb was spot on with her remarks about problem drinkers.[/quote]
You forget that he is a Mjolnir-wielding pagan.
So “i was drinking with my buds” is his version of “i was in the church, praying with my brothers”
He probably didn’t know how to tell her their planned date conflicted with his religious duty.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m with the ones who said if it was a genuine pre planned date, not just a “Whadda ya think 'bout hanging out Saturday night?” type deal, and he blows you off at the last minute to go drinking with his buds then dump his sorry ass now, Jen.
And Deb was spot on with her remarks about problem drinkers.[/quote]
Yea, if I was going on a first proper date with a girl and I liked them then their is no way im going to blow it off and go drinking with my shitty drinking friends.
Find a new fish.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m with the ones who said if it was a genuine pre planned date, not just a “Whadda ya think 'bout hanging out Saturday night?” type deal, and he blows you off at the last minute to go drinking with his buds then dump his sorry ass now, Jen.
And Deb was spot on with her remarks about problem drinkers.[/quote]
Agreed. You two may have similar interests, but what he did shows a lack of maturity and consideration for your feelings. I don’t know you at all, but I doubt that you would pull that sort of stunt with him.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
I’m with the ones who said if it was a genuine pre planned date, not just a “Whadda ya think 'bout hanging out Saturday night?” type deal, and he blows you off at the last minute to go drinking with his buds then dump his sorry ass now, Jen.
And Deb was spot on with her remarks about problem drinkers.[/quote]
All of this I could overlook, but he texted.
It might be a personal hang-up of mine, but anyone who does anything like flaking, breaking up, telling you that they have the genital rabies or some such…
…through texting,
To a large degree that is just me, but texting any such stuff is, and this is one of the few times I will actually use terms for mano-a-mano intercourse in a truly pejorative sense, and I know that this is wrong, I really do…
but HOLY SHIT THAT IS SO FUCKING GAY.
Seriously.
I think that messing up a first date like that sets the stage for a great many disappointments and mishandling of trust and emotions.
Cause if you can look past that, you can look past virtually anything with some time and effort.
Had you planned a specific time? What precisely did you text him in the afternoon?
By the sound of things he knowingly disrespected you which = move on.