Advice on Wife Texting Her Boss

Off Topic
121

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]

I don’t trust it. And I don’t believe her, she has every reason to lie right now. I know one thing about women, they will not admit until they are cold busted, period.

You can find things out on your own if you know what you are doing. Facebook chats are able to be discovered in the deleted history, You can look, on-line at the amount of communication with the number in question. You can find communications she’s had with her friends.
You can plug in usernames and do searches in your registry on the computer and search files. There’s ways to find out.

Just don’t be stupid. Think with your head, not your heart, unless you like getting it repeated stomped in the ground, run over, shit on, and run over some more…

Based on what you have reported she shows all the signs of a cheat.

You need full disclosure, and if she is not willing to give you that, then your going to get hurt. Tread carefully.

122

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.[/quote]

How was I unreasonable?

Plus Testy and Push are older.[/quote]

I believe he was talking about cheating threads not old posters like Push.
[/quote]

And Push is OLD

123

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]

It’s a half measure.
You also don’t want her back just because other dude decided to move on and now she’s lonely. The writing is on the wall. What happened was clearly inappropriate.

Do you know if other dude is married? A call to his wife may be prudent. If you have that resource. Hell, give me his name and general local, and I could find out more about him than you ever wanted to know.

The only mistake I feel you have made is that you have not done enough to uncover the truth on your own. If you really want any chance of make it work with her, you need to know everything. If you don’t something will come up, it will get found out and you may find out to late, you can’t live with it.
Men are wired different, betrayal is something we don’t deal with well. And if we don’t have the truth, it will eat you like a cancer.

124

[quote]RyuuKyuzo wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Meh, you kicked her out so that’s it. Why even bother taking her back?

I hope she never comes back and ends up fucking her boss. She probably has already.[/quote]

Why would you hope that? [/quote]

The guy kicked his wife out under the assumption she’d cheated on him. He had no fucking proof and he kicked her out. Lol!

I mean, is that how married peeps fix their problems? Lol! Why the fuck do peeps get married in the first place if they know they’re going to lose their shit when the going gets tough? For better or worse --whatever they say at the altar – right? But hey, I’m gonna get drunk and kick the wifey out, based on my fear and paranoia rather than ask for the fucking receipts!

I mean, sit your wife down and ask to see the motherfucking texts and emails etc… once you’ve got the proof, then work it out. It’s not like those two fucked. Thanksfully, you caught it at the early stages, then obviously something is lacking in your marriage.

OP’s lucky his wife wants him back too. She’s obviously guilty. She must’ve sexted with her boss like crazy. She knows she’d done wrong. Her husband didn’t keep the flame alive so she got bored and looked somewhere else. The boss is probably hotter and knows how to make her squirm. She’d realized her fucking mistake and wants hubby back. The texts are gone – the bad ones.

And, if she hadn’t done none of those things, then she’s fucking weak for getting back with him. A woman with a fucking pride would make her husband work hard for kicking her out for no wrong doing.

Fix your fucking trust issue, people. If you can’t trust, don’t fucking get married.

Motherfuckers.

125

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.[/quote]

How was I unreasonable?

Plus Testy and Push are older.[/quote]
I was only talking about OP’s.

This is like the fourth “my wife/gf probably cheated on me” thread in the last couple months and so far only T-Raven seems to have any sort of sense amongst the OP’s. The rest of them either were never heard from again or stayed with the girl despite the facts.

126

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Fix your fucking trust issue, people. If you can’t trust, don’t fucking get married.

Motherfuckers.
[/quote]

Holy shit, we are on the same page on a topic. :wink:

127

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Fix your fucking trust issue, people. If you can’t trust, don’t fucking get married.

Motherfuckers.
[/quote]

Holy shit, we are on the same page on a topic. ;)[/quote]

Haha!

128

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Fix your fucking trust issue, people. If you can’t trust, don’t fucking get married.

Motherfuckers.
[/quote]

Holy shit, we are on the same page on a topic. ;)[/quote]

And spoken with such eloquence. haha

129

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]

To be honest, this would make me feel even worse about it…

If it was innocent, why the shift change?
So somehow being away from home, at night, in the building where he works is somehow better than texting at night with him?

Nah, man, I wouldn’t like this at all. [/quote]

Maybe so BUT this could be her way of showing him how serious she is about staying with him because just maybe she may have done nothing wrong but is willing to work the graveyard shift away from this other guy to show him she is serious about wanting to stay with him! He will have to wait and see what actually comes of these texts and what he is willing to accept if it does turn out shady. Remember this could all be pure bollox so its worth having a serious discussion about before throwing in the towel.

Btw working nights is fucking horrible, you come off every shift feeling like boiled shite and then when you have time off you have to re-adjust your internal time clock to days only to re-re-adjust it back to nights, fucking zombie nation…

130

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
She has been very communicative, saying she wants to come back home and sticking to the nothing happened story. I saw her yesterday on her way to work and gave a her a hug. I know I still love her. I think I’m going to ask to see the phone records. If she doesn’t show me then i know there is bad shit and we are through. If she shows me and there is shit on there I can’t deal with, we are through. I’m hoping that she shows me and it matches up with what she has told me. I realize the chance of that are slim and none and slim left town, but I’m hoping against hope.[/quote]

See it through to the end T-Raven you deserve answers and she deserves a chance to explain. That’s what marriage is all about, hard fucking work, lots of compromise and LOTS of communication! (I wish I could take my own advice lol)

131

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.[/quote]

How was I unreasonable?

Plus Testy and Push are older.[/quote]
I was only talking about OP’s.

This is like the fourth “my wife/gf probably cheated on me” thread in the last couple months and so far only T-Raven seems to have any sort of sense amongst the OP’s. The rest of them either were never heard from again or stayed with the girl despite the facts.[/quote]
10-4 and yea that makes sense.

132

[quote]SLAINGE wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]

To be honest, this would make me feel even worse about it…

If it was innocent, why the shift change?
So somehow being away from home, at night, in the building where he works is somehow better than texting at night with him?

Nah, man, I wouldn’t like this at all. [/quote]

Maybe so BUT this could be her way of showing him how serious she is about staying with him because just maybe she may have done nothing wrong but is willing to work the graveyard shift away from this other guy to show him she is serious about wanting to stay with him! He will have to wait and see what actually comes of these texts and what he is willing to accept if it does turn out shady. Remember this could all be pure bollox so its worth having a serious discussion about before throwing in the towel.

Btw working nights is fucking horrible, you come off every shift feeling like boiled shite and then when you have time off you have to re-adjust your internal time clock to days only to re-re-adjust it back to nights, fucking zombie nation…

[/quote]

Yeah, I mean I already addressed the trust issue on page one I think.

In all reality, OP doesn’t trust her. So I made this post here from a perspective of “I don’t trust her, but don’t want to lose her.”

133

I mean it really does come down to:

  1. Forget about the things that possibly happened, stop digging, and just move on. Give her a chance. “Trust, but verify” is probably your best approach. And go from there.
    OR
  2. Accept that you, personally, will never be able to trust her, and end it for both your sakes. Even if she did nothing wrong, even if everything is good from now on out… if you can’t bring yourself to trust her, the relationship is screwed.

And if you do decide to stay with her, you should probably look into individual counseling for you, and couples counseling for both of you. There are experts at this sort of thing that can help sort things out faster than you two can do on your own.

134

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

[quote]RyuuKyuzo wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:
Meh, you kicked her out so that’s it. Why even bother taking her back?

I hope she never comes back and ends up fucking her boss. She probably has already.[/quote]

Why would you hope that? [/quote]

The guy kicked his wife out under the assumption she’d cheated on him. He had no fucking proof and he kicked her out. Lol!

I mean, is that how married peeps fix their problems? Lol! Why the fuck do peeps get married in the first place if they know they’re going to lose their shit when the going gets tough? For better or worse --whatever they say at the altar – right? But hey, I’m gonna get drunk and kick the wifey out, based on my fear and paranoia rather than ask for the fucking receipts!

I mean, sit your wife down and ask to see the motherfucking texts and emails etc… once you’ve got the proof, then work it out. It’s not like those two fucked. Thanksfully, you caught it at the early stages, then obviously something is lacking in your marriage.

OP’s lucky his wife wants him back too. She’s obviously guilty. She must’ve sexted with her boss like crazy. She knows she’d done wrong. Her husband didn’t keep the flame alive so she got bored and looked somewhere else. The boss is probably hotter and knows how to make her squirm. She’d realized her fucking mistake and wants hubby back. The texts are gone – the bad ones.

And, if she hadn’t done none of those things, then she’s fucking weak for getting back with him. A woman with a fucking pride would make her husband work hard for kicking her out for no wrong doing.

Fix your fucking trust issue, people. If you can’t trust, don’t fucking get married.

Motherfuckers.
[/quote]

Good god this is one of the most straight forward and insightful posts in this thread. I just high-fived my wife of 3 weeks after reading this.

135

If you take her back, just remember…the past is the best indicator of the future.

136

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]SLAINGE wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]

To be honest, this would make me feel even worse about it…

If it was innocent, why the shift change?
So somehow being away from home, at night, in the building where he works is somehow better than texting at night with him?

Nah, man, I wouldn’t like this at all. [/quote]

Maybe so BUT this could be her way of showing him how serious she is about staying with him because just maybe she may have done nothing wrong but is willing to work the graveyard shift away from this other guy to show him she is serious about wanting to stay with him! He will have to wait and see what actually comes of these texts and what he is willing to accept if it does turn out shady. Remember this could all be pure bollox so its worth having a serious discussion about before throwing in the towel.

Btw working nights is fucking horrible, you come off every shift feeling like boiled shite and then when you have time off you have to re-adjust your internal time clock to days only to re-re-adjust it back to nights, fucking zombie nation…

[/quote]

Yeah, I mean I already addressed the trust issue on page one I think.

In all reality, OP doesn’t trust her. So I made this post here from a perspective of “I don’t trust her, but don’t want to lose her.”

[/quote]

I’m with you on the shift change being disconcerting. She’s back pedaling. Doing everything she can to make things right. This can only mean that she did something wrong. I know someone mentioned this a few pages back: even if she didn’t physically cheat yet, she was mentally ready to. The shock of being caught, kicked out of the house, etc has put her in desperation mode, as the reality of the consequences of her actions have set in. She’s scared.

The problem here is, if you take her back, she’ll do it again. But she’ll be more careful, and you may not catch her again. She had a close call, but the fact that you’re willing to take her back (if you do) will only embolden her.

Tough situation OP, the right choice isn’t always an easy one.

137

[quote]chobbs wrote:
If you take her back, just remember…the past is the best indicator of the future.[/quote]

That’s true.

That also means if things with the two of you have been pretty good for however long (years?), and this is only something that’s come up recently, then it could just be a fluke/mistake that genuinely won’t happen again.

Based on your reaction (or, overreaction as you put it), it doesn’t sound like this has been a recurring issue.

Now, if she has a history of cheating, and there’s a history involving lots of “guy/work friends” that you don’t know about, that’s a different situation.

138

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

I’m with you on the shift change being disconcerting. She’s back pedaling. Doing everything she can to make things right. This can only mean that she did something wrong. I know someone mentioned this a few pages back: even if she didn’t physically cheat yet, she was mentally ready to. The shock of being caught, kicked out of the house, etc has put her in desperation mode, as the reality of the consequences of her actions have set in. She’s scared.

The problem here is, if you take her back, she’ll do it again. But she’ll be more careful, and you may not catch her again. She had a close call, but the fact that you’re willing to take her back (if you do) will only embolden her.

Tough situation OP, the right choice isn’t always an easy one.[/quote]

I don’t really see it as back peddling but rather a loving gesture to put his mind at ease. What if this whole text thing didn’t happen and OP was just a man with low self confidence. One day he meets his wife’s boss and out of irrational jealousy asks his wife to change her shift. Could it be that she would change her shift just to ease his mind or because she loves him and not because there is a chance that his irrational fear is…rational?

139

[quote]setto222 wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

I’m with you on the shift change being disconcerting. She’s back pedaling. Doing everything she can to make things right. This can only mean that she did something wrong. I know someone mentioned this a few pages back: even if she didn’t physically cheat yet, she was mentally ready to. The shock of being caught, kicked out of the house, etc has put her in desperation mode, as the reality of the consequences of her actions have set in. She’s scared.

The problem here is, if you take her back, she’ll do it again. But she’ll be more careful, and you may not catch her again. She had a close call, but the fact that you’re willing to take her back (if you do) will only embolden her.

Tough situation OP, the right choice isn’t always an easy one.[/quote]

I don’t really see it as back peddling but rather a loving gesture to put his mind at ease. What if this whole text thing didn’t happen and OP was just a man with low self confidence. One day he meets his wife’s boss and out of irrational jealousy asks his wife to change her shift. Could it be that she would change her shift just to ease his mind or because she loves him and not because there is a chance that his irrational fear is…rational? [/quote]

^that’s not what happened, so there’s no reason to entertain that possibility. OP DID find out they were texting. That’s the ACTUAL situation. You know what would have been a loving gesture? Handing over the damn phone to her husband and proving right then and there he had nothing to worry about. Another loving gesture? Not texting a man the OP isn’t mutually friends with. Another loving gesture? Volunteering phone records. Why did the wife choose not to do these things, but instead just changed shifts?

Love isn’t proven by apologies, it’s proven by not committing acts that require apologies.

140

For the most part this thread is a bunch of self serving moral bull shit… Like you guys dont stray from the path and eat at another buffet every now and then. Or for that matter have cheated… Men cheat and so do women get the fuck over it… As long as you love each other a little strange now and then may be a good thing…For a site thats supossed to be a bunch of Testosterone fueled dudes their sure is a bunch of soft ass bitches on here.