This thread has been an entertaining read. And very educating. I think I’ll just join a nunnery.
[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I would get phone records, pretty sure text messages can be pulled.
[/quote]
Not without a warrant. We tried with my daughters.
[/quote]
Thanks, never knew that.[/quote]
Can if you are the primary bill payer. Parents did it to my sister. My dad could pull the records to any phoneline under his name which was all of them. We were on the bill but his name was the one as the account holder.[/quote]
Not in Michigan, I am the account holder. Did you actually see the records or did he possibly just tell you that? Us parents can be sneaky that way. Hope I am not giving away secrets.
[quote]on edge wrote:
Did the thought even occur to him to swing by the Rammada?[/quote]
Only one half of the couple knew they were swingers.
She has been very communicative, saying she wants to come back home and sticking to the nothing happened story. I saw her yesterday on her way to work and gave a her a hug. I know I still love her. I think I’m going to ask to see the phone records. If she doesn’t show me then i know there is bad shit and we are through. If she shows me and there is shit on there I can’t deal with, we are through. I’m hoping that she shows me and it matches up with what she has told me. I realize the chance of that are slim and none and slim left town, but I’m hoping against hope.
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.
On the phone thing, you may just be able to get a list of texts and calls, just phone numbers, date and time.
If it were my wife, I’d give her a chance to explain things and talk it out. I’ve been married to my current wife for a long time and odd shit does come up in the best of marriages now and then. But you work through it. A little latitude on both sides goes a long way to making things work in a marriage.
Can you watch your wife 24-7? Can she know about everything you do every hour of the day? Of course not. It comes down to what either of you will tolerate.
Rob
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]
Looks that may be a positive for you. The fooling around-with-the-boss thing gets around at work and nobody likes it.
My ex was a nurse and she worked an off-shift and I worked days. I got accused of doing everything under the sun, wrongly so. Her insane jealousy ran the marriage into the ground.
She followed women home that I worked with and I only found out at work when I got called in on the carpet. She was banned from coming into where I worked and I came within a RCH of losing my job.
She’s now on husband #3. My current wife ran into her last year by chance and said she looked like she had a tough life.
Rob
[quote]beachguy498 wrote:
On the phone thing, you may just be able to get a list of texts and calls, just phone numbers, date and time.
If it were my wife, I’d give her a chance to explain things and talk it out. I’ve been married to my current wife for a long time and odd shit does come up in the best of marriages now and then. But you work through it. A little latitude on both sides goes a long way to making things work in a marriage.
Can you watch your wife 24-7? Can she know about everything you do every hour of the day? Of course not. It comes down to what either of you will tolerate.
Rob
[/quote]I’m hoping I can tell by the length and the number of calls and the times of day or night when they were talking if anything hinky was going on. Plus, i want to see how often they texted and how many pictures and crap like that were exchanged. I’m no detective, but I’m hoping it will help me get over this one way or another.
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
[quote]beachguy498 wrote:
On the phone thing, you may just be able to get a list of texts and calls, just phone numbers, date and time.
If it were my wife, I’d give her a chance to explain things and talk it out. I’ve been married to my current wife for a long time and odd shit does come up in the best of marriages now and then. But you work through it. A little latitude on both sides goes a long way to making things work in a marriage.
Can you watch your wife 24-7? Can she know about everything you do every hour of the day? Of course not. It comes down to what either of you will tolerate.
Rob
[/quote]I’m hoping I can tell by the length and the number of calls and the times of day or night when they were talking if anything hinky was going on. Plus, i want to see how often they texted and how many pictures and crap like that were exchanged. I’m no detective, but I’m hoping it will help me get over this one way or another.
[/quote]
Go see a counselor or therapist. Someone trained for this situation.
I think honestly, if you want to stay with her, you should just let it go.
Any more digging will just upset you more.
It happened. You can’t undo things.
[quote]2busy wrote:
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
[quote]beachguy498 wrote:
On the phone thing, you may just be able to get a list of texts and calls, just phone numbers, date and time.
If it were my wife, I’d give her a chance to explain things and talk it out. I’ve been married to my current wife for a long time and odd shit does come up in the best of marriages now and then. But you work through it. A little latitude on both sides goes a long way to making things work in a marriage.
Can you watch your wife 24-7? Can she know about everything you do every hour of the day? Of course not. It comes down to what either of you will tolerate.
Rob
[/quote]I’m hoping I can tell by the length and the number of calls and the times of day or night when they were talking if anything hinky was going on. Plus, i want to see how often they texted and how many pictures and crap like that were exchanged. I’m no detective, but I’m hoping it will help me get over this one way or another.
[/quote]
Go see a counselor or therapist. Someone trained for this situation.
I think honestly, if you want to stay with her, you should just let it go.
Any more digging will just upset you more.
It happened. You can’t undo things.
[/quote]
Like I said, if you stay married long enough, weird shit comes up now and then. It comes down to how strong the bond is between you and your spouse. I know couples that break up for the dumbest of reasons. I’ve been close a few times myself in my current marriage.
Rob
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.
[quote]csulli wrote:
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.[/quote]
How was I unreasonable?
Plus Testy and Push are older.
My sister is a nurse…
As far as the phone thing, it might be a state thing but at least in Illinois, you can see all the records of when texts took place, but cannot see content without a warrant. I had terrible service about a year ago (Sprint) and people kept asking why I wasn’t replying so I checked my bill and saw all these texts that were listed that I never got, and called Sprint up. I was told if I wanted to read the missing texts I could hire a lawyer for a warrant cause that was the only way to read them.
On a side note, pretty much any statistic I have read about fidelity in marriages is disheartening to say the least. How does anyone find a partner they trust enough to marry anymore? Not saying cheating has gone up in numbers so much, but with social media and technology, it does seem like it’s caught a lot more now.
I dated a girl for three years and she cheated on me with a friend a week before we left for college. Despite this being when I was young, it still makes it harder to trust people now, even though I would love to find someone. I know that’s my issue, just wondering what you guys think.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
Out of all these threads we’ve had T-Raven is by FAR the most reasonable. I guess he’s also the oldest. Still, I’m impressed at his demeanor. Stay strong; I hope all this works out for you, and one way or another I’m sure it will be for the best.[/quote]
How was I unreasonable?
Plus Testy and Push are older.[/quote]
I believe he was talking about cheating threads not old posters like Push.
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]jbpick86 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]Testy1 wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
I would get phone records, pretty sure text messages can be pulled.
[/quote]
Not without a warrant. We tried with my daughters.
[/quote]
Thanks, never knew that.[/quote]
Can if you are the primary bill payer. Parents did it to my sister. My dad could pull the records to any phoneline under his name which was all of them. We were on the bill but his name was the one as the account holder.[/quote]
Not in Michigan, I am the account holder. Did you actually see the records or did he possibly just tell you that? Us parents can be sneaky that way. Hope I am not giving away secrets.[/quote]
Na I saw them. I think they said because technically every phone was his. My mom couldn’t have done it, I couldn’t have even got my own records. By the letter of the law, at least here, my dad owns four phones and therefore he is entitled to see what goes on with them. My sister technically did not have a phone, my dad was just letting her use one of his.
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]
To be honest, this would make me feel even worse about it…
If it was innocent, why the shift change?
So somehow being away from home, at night, in the building where he works is somehow better than texting at night with him?
Nah, man, I wouldn’t like this at all.
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Not to sound like a lifetime movie, but I’m pretty crazy about her. I’m 49 and it’s not my first rodeo so I will survive either way, but i will miss the shit out of her. i just know it’s not gonna work if i can’t get by this. I know I might have overreacted by kicking her out, but I was tore up over the situation and I got drunker than a man should ever be. [/quote]
I hate to say it dude, it sounds bad. You didn’t over react. Signs are signs and based on what you said, the red flags are all over.
Where in GA are you?
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
[quote]T-Raven wrote:
Plus, she told me switched to nights so she doesn’t work with the guy any more.[/quote]
To be honest, this would make me feel even worse about it…
If it was innocent, why the shift change?
So somehow being away from home, at night, in the building where he works is somehow better than texting at night with him?
Nah, man, I wouldn’t like this at all. [/quote]
Maybe it wasn’t innocent, but wasn’t physical either. Because she felt guilty about it, she is trying to show you that she is making an effort to separate herself from him to show you she is serious about mending things with you. Just providing a little different way of looking at it. Also, there really isn’t any harm in asking her if she would allow you to look at a transcript of her messages that she herself could probably get for you. Don’t know if she would be willing to do this but sometimes some things we are better off not knowing if we are going to try to work things out.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]chobbs wrote:
I swear to god every time I read one of these posts it knocks off at least a 5% chunk of me getting married. Why can’t I just lift and have nice Harley’s and cars and date 20 year olds my whole life?[/quote]
Because even if you’ve got game to date 20 year olds your entire life, even if you’ve got tons of close friends, even if you’ve got cool hobbies you passionately immerse yourself in, at the end of the day its nice to have someone there who is both your lover and best friend. I think this is true for the majority of people. Just a few percent of outliers who are happier on their own.
Don’t put too much into these threads either. They represent the exception not the norm. I think the stats that get thrown around about cheating wives are completely fictitious, especially if you throw out data from the lower socio-economic groups. The majority of women don’t cheat on their husbands. If you’re a man of character and you stay playful, loving, supportive and sexual with your wife the odds of her cheating probably go WAAAAYYY down.[/quote]
X2 great post.