I am an asshole too and tried this.
Somebody to this level can’t be reasoned with. I have tried at length. All you will succeed in doing is pushing them further into where they double down on the irrationality or alienating them completely.
It is worth a try, but don’t get mad or get discouraged if it goes nowhere or makes it worse.
This has been an interesting thing in my family. My wife grew up very Southern Baptist (we are talking tent revivals in the Missouri summer heat and humidity, no dancing, no games with dice, no cards, no bikinis for her - the whole thing). Her step dad is an ordained Baptist preacher (who likes to gamble- LoL)
I grew up Lutheran. Both are Christianity but it’s two different religions. Lutherans are way more laid back (oddly being the more orthodox denomination). Her and I have both had to work through stuff with our parents (misogyny, a lot of homophobia from our dads mostly, “holier than thou” judgmental attitudes) and it’s led us to highly question our own beliefs.
It gets weird sometimes. My wife can change her moms mind on some things, but in the presence of her step father will revert to the old baptist ways (mostly I think to keep peace as she sees the fight isnt worth it).
Side note that I have pretty much converted to Buddhism at this point seeing Jesus as a Bodhisattva (basically a teacher who previously attained enlightenment).
Way off topic but i thought you brought up an interesting point.
I have a thought on another strategy: Why not address this like a process improvement project? You will need to get your mom thinking a little more analytical.
What you will be asking is for the healer to make a contract where payments are made when milestones are reached. You ask the healer: Do you believe in the effectiveness of your offering (product)?
I went to a fundamental Baptist school. Very similar rules. My hair couldn’t touch my ears was one of them. My and my best bud who went with me now have long hair.
Girls couldn’t wear pants, or shorts. No music other than hymns. No dancing. We were allowed games. A weird one was that we couldn’t see movies in the movie theater. I think that had to do from yester-year when porn was in theaters.
I have some experience with Lutherans. I went to a Lutheran church for a while. Similar to Methodist from what I could tell. Definitely more laid back than the Baptists.
I think Jesus had some really good teachings for his time. From what I’ve seen from Buddhism, I don’t have much to complain about. Seems to be mostly about treating others well, and self reflection. Reminds me a bit of stoicism, which I like as a philosophy.
I agree with your whole post. Getting my mom to be analytical is really tough though.
I think she has this idea that once the right combo of treatments is in place that improvements will be made. That combo hasn’t been found yet.
Some of that thinking has probably been instilled by the “healer”. It doesn’t help she holds the “healer” in high regard. She isn’t skeptical of her at all (at least from what she says).
You could point out that God doesn’t need the help of the “healer.”
Is that amount hurting your parents(edit: as in, they’re going without food or some other need)?
Maybe he realizes the money is being spent to heal, or at least help, HER and not your brother.
They do fine with money. My parents were good at saving / investing while working. Part of that is because of rules around having a disabled kid. At least in MN, if you have a disabled kid that receives special services, you pay a parent fee based on income. They used 401K to lower the parent fee. IIRC, it was almost like they could put X into 401K or pay X in parent fees. Maybe had to do with them being close to an income bracket?
At the same time, them being able to afford it isn’t my only concern. I don’t like the idea that they have less things like vacations because of it.
I think this is spot on.
I just question if it is worth it. It could come crumbling down if she figures it out.
I don’t think telling someone the truth is always the best option (I mention that in the first post). I still am questioning if it is worth it. Mostly because it is costly, but also because she may figure it out and be just as devastated at that point.
I would suggest not framing it as her son/your brother vs. vacations! I don’t think you would, but just making sure my opinion is known on that!
I don’t imagine that will happen. She may find a different treatment, but I doubt she will give up hope for your brother.
Looks like your mom is funding the healer’s R&D program.
I’m not sure what your mom’s faith is, but is it compatible with the concept of energy healing in the first place?
If I remember my Catholic teachings correctly, this energy healer is actually just a witch practicing sorcery.
No Catholic priest would ever recommend you consult a mystic with supernatural powers who is not sanctioned by the church (i.e. an exorcist). In fact some might say the healer is possessed by demons and is in need of an exorcist.
I’d say the closest classification is Evangelical.
I’ve talked with my aunt and uncle about this issue. They are more typical Christians. They have called this lady a witch doctor.
IDK on this one though. My mom seems to have a special exemption for this lady. She has beliefs that similar things are evil (yoga being the thing that comes to mind).
It might be an angle that could work though?
I don’t know about Evangelicals, but Catholicism you don’t get to pick and choose the parts you like and the parts you don’t.
I think someone mentioned this but perhaps you could enlist the help of her priest or pastor.
In basic theological terms this healer should be seen as a lost soul possessed by a demon employing Satanic magic to both steal from her neighbors and, most importantly, deceive your mother into jeopardizing her own soul.
That’s not what I believe but that’s how I would process the situation through the lens of my Catholic upbringing.
Aren’t Evangelicals the sect of Christianity that believes Jesus was a Blonde, light-skinned, straight haired Jew living in the middle east?
It seems that this is the best advise from the thread.
I don’t think they really think that, but I see where that comes from.
Do you parents have grandchildren? I understand your mother’s fixation on your brother’s suffering, but maybe you could draw attention that by engaging the services of a “healer” she’s indirectly causing suffering to others that are very close to them, such as grandkids?
No grandchildren. Maybe in the near future though.
That is a good point. There may be some sunk cost thinking going on (I suspect so). That is something to overcome. I suspect she thinks she has done so much treatment and that she is close to seeing improvement. Makes it difficult to give up.
Otherwise known as “throwing good money after bad.”
Hope and the knowledge of how much is “invested” makes it easy to continue with the plan.
Do you, or have you attended the church your mom currently attends?
What is the denomination of her church?
Do you have any kind of a verbal relationship with her pastor?
I have but it’s been a long time.
It is non denominational. I’d say it is pretty close to Lutheran though. Almost the same, but they don’t have things like conformation, or their statement of belief thing (I can’t remember what this is called, catechism maybe?).
No. I’ve met him once. Seems like a decent guy. Back when I went, it was a different pastor.
This did get me thinking though. I am still friends with my youth pastor from that church. Great guy. Before he was the youth pastor he would baby sit for my brother occasionally for free. He isn’t a pastor anymore. I think he is doing something related to accounting now. He goes to my gym (he has been quite strong in the past, IIRC, he has totaled around 1650 lbs). I talk with him at least weekly.
He may be a good person to talk to for advice on this as he also knows my parents and my brother. Additionally he has a brother with Down’s syndrome.
A great starting place!
Thanks for your line of questions. I don’t think I would have thought of that on my own.