So I have a tricky situation, and I don’t know exactly what to do, or if I should do anything at all. My Mom is getting scammed by an energy healer. This energy healer is “treating” my severely disabled brother. To elaborate a bit on his condition he has low functioning autism, mental retardation, is violent and unpredictable. To give a little context, the group home where he lives used to transport him home for visits in a straight jacket, the state banned that practice, so he no longer visits home, but my parents go to visit him). Modern medicine has no cure for him. My mother is desperate to help him, which is what makes this tricky. She is gullible in general, but her trying her best to help him has her in a vulnerable position, and this “healer” is taking advantage of that.
I’m stuck on what to do, because she would be devastated by the fact that my brother is not going to get better (she believes God told her he will get better). At the same time the promises of this “healer” are just costly comfortable lies. If it wasn’t a lot of money, I’d just leave it alone, but I believe she spends roughly $1500 a month on the “healer”.
She has been taking him to this “healer” now for over 5 years. The “healer” hasn’t produced any results, but over time has added more and more treatments. It’s difficult for me to understand how she hasn’t figured out she is being scammed. It impacts my opinion of her, and I feel terrible about that. I try to remind myself that she is doing this stuff because she loves and has hope for my brother.
My dad plays along with her delusion because it would crush her to know the truth about my brother not getting better. I’ve been thinking I should have a talk with him about it.
I’ve thought about dropping something in the mail that shows these treatments have no evidence of working, and that she is getting ripped off.
My Mom is deeply religious. I’ve thought she might listen to their pastor if he would be willing to help. It would still crush her, but he may be able to add a silver lining for her (something like he will be healed in heaven or something like that).
Might be something to look into. I’m not sure any of it is illegal. It is just ineffective and costs a lot of money. Maybe if there was documented statements from the “healer” about the treatments being effective when they are not, then it could be illegal?
I may be wrong, but I think if family (perhaps her pastor as well) told her what’s going on, she would probably believe it. It’s just that she would be crushed.
If there was a chance she could get her money back, that would be worth getting law enforcement involved. At this point it’s probably North of $100k.
If you can get recorded evidence that his healer is making medical claims (sounds like he is), you could probably report said person, but unless there is documented harm (e.g., an adverse reaction to “treatment”) , I don’t think you’re going to win in court.
I think this is the best course of action. Continuing “treatments” is only financially harming your family and supporting the shithead
I agree with your label of the healer. I’m sure some of these type of people believe in the treatments, but I think most don’t. The former I somewhat pity, but the latter are absolute scum. It’s worse than a typical scam where someone just loses their money. People die because of these people. They choose the con over traditional medicine.
The treatment doesn’t cause them harm, but the declining of modern medicine does.
I don’t believe I have much advice, just a human nature observation. Your mom is one of those people, who when pressed with a severe problem within her family, just has to do something, even if it’s wrong. She needs to know that she is doing all she can do.
Since she is devote in her faith, her pastor could be her best person to find comfort. If I were to give advice, it would be for you to arrange a meeting with you and her pastor. You lay out your concern with the pastor. IMO, confronting your mom can cause her to view you as unsupportive. She needs loving support from her family. It would be ideal if her pastor could enlighten her that healing from God does not need a mediator who trying to make a living.
The problem will always be in her mind, “What more can I do? I just must do something. Doing nothing isn’t working.”
I pray for your mom that she can find peace and healing through the Lord.
It’s a woman, so not really. More so just what words I have for her.
This is exactly it.
I think this is wise. I question if my dad should be part of it. I don’t know if she understands that he has just been playing along with it to keep her happy. That could be tough for her to learn.
Only if she was standing at the top of a flight of steps.
Equal rights, lefts, maybe an equal uppercut or two.
For real though, the approach RT suggested would be best, I think.
I strongly dislike that things like this happen. My wifes uncle was the target of a scammer. A woman from Kentucky that actually told me her MO. She cruises forums, posing as a naturopath and looking for marks. So, her uncle had recently lost his wife and was in the early stages of dementia- a very easy and lucrative mark. She moved in quickly, sequestered him from family, married, and seized power of attorney and posession of all assets very quickly. Shortly after, his condition declined quickly and he passed away, leaving her everything (quite a lot).
Nothing directly illegal about it, but just as slimy and suspicious as anything could possibly be.
A similar thing happened to my Dads aunt. She got scammed into signing over power of attorney and these assholes got her amazing house and over an acre of land when she passed. Rest of the family couldn’t prove she wasn’t of sound mind when she signed the power of attorney documents, so no recourse.
Unfortunately it’s not illegal to be an immoral scumbag.
That’s a huge part of why these things exist. They aren’t technically illegal. They are immoral, but allowed.
Back in the day, a lot of snake oil salesmen were missing hands, feet, eyes, etc… People figured out a way to handle them.
Power of attorney should be a lot harder to get. Same for the conservatorship things.
The actions of the person with power of attorney should be able to be used to determine if they can remain power of attorney. If it is clearly all in the self interest of the power of attorney, it should be removed, and the person held accountable.
Kinda like the rules for a fiduciary. If it is required by law that a fiduciary manages money / property for the benefit of the client. If found out otherwise, they lose that position.
I appreciate the sentiment and knowledge for future. This was about 15 years ago now though and all remaining relatives that would have a stake are also passed on.
Hate to hear you are going through this with your mother.
I went through (and still am) going through a similar situation with my mother.
She has wasted 10s of thousands of dollars+ on being duped / scammed from psychics and Q related nonsense. The bad part is she is a very successful MD / PHD that one would think would not be susceptible to this.
Legally here unless the person is making medical claims or doing actual tangible physical harm like alluded to in earlier posts - the law is not going to help you much. Anyone is free to believe in things that cost them money. Including outrageous theories, religion, etc. It also does not sound like your mom is mentally unfit or a harm to herself or anyone else (I am in the same boat).
So, I have just found other ways to deal with it. Along the lines of @Andrewgen_Receptors advice. Just a bit more brutal and sophisticated.
I think it is fairly common that people are analytical / skeptical in one area but not in another. I do find it frustrating when people are inconsistent about what they believe. I think this usually happens because people are invested in that belief.
I don’t think it is an indicator of intelligence to have some wacky beliefs though. Some of our greatest minds had some crazy beliefs. Tesla claimed he communicated with pigeons for example.
My mom is fully bought in regarding religion. She has gotten in trouble at work for talking about it to much in the past. Her life revolves around religion. I think because the energy healer stuff has an aspect of spirituality to it, she was more drawn to it. At the same time, when she first started going to the “healer” I was fairly shocked. I thought it would be in conflict with Christianity for her. She thinks yoga is evil, and I thought this would be grouped in with that.?
A bit off topic, but how much religion is the focus of her and my dad’s lives has been quite upsetting to me. She does not know that I don’t believe. I have thought about saying something in the past, but I always come to the conclusion that she (and my dad) would be happier not knowing.
I find it uncomfortable to be around my parents because so much of their focus is on religion. I try avoid those conversations, but it isn’t easy, it seems like half the conversations. It makes me feel terrible that I feel uncomfortable around my parents because of my beliefs (or lack of). I have been resentful about religion in the past because of this. I am trying not to dwell on it as much now.
My parents are really good, kind people. It just hurts that religion has made them think people like me can’t be trusted, or are inherently bad (unless I come back to religion).
You will have to do much better than that to offend me lol.
My mom is one of the most giving kind people on the planet. She would help anyone. She is also very religious.
I have always been good at getting what I want. Protecting family is non-negotiable for me. Not bragging, but I have a lot of people in let us say places you don’t want to owe people favors or anything else that owe me. Combine that with means and it is amazing how people will stop bothering those you want left alone.
I don’t go for the boiled frog approach. That is a waste of time. I want it stopped and stopped immediately.
I don’t think so either. I think the brilliant a lot of times are more susceptible to these types of things. Good thing I am safe.
It’s difficult to confront, and people hate it when someone else points it out to them… so questioning these beliefs in a way that leads them to realizing they’re incorrect/inconsistent seems to be my preferred way to do so (if trying to retain a positive relationship).
I’d question her. Why does it work? What data supports this? How many people has this worked for before? Since it works so well, why isn’t this lady being lauded by the news?
She won’t be able to answer these questions, but if you press her on it - she will do her research (hopefully). She should eventually come to realize it on her own.
Just my 2 cents; take with a grain of salt… I’m an asshole and I’m not afraid of being the necessary asshole in someone’s life if I think it’ll help them.
She has sources, but they are not sound evidence. My mom isn’t the most scientific (to put it lightly). She would trust the “healer” over me who she thinks knows nothing about the subject.
This is part of the problem too. My mom has spent a lot of money on other ineffective treatments for my brother before this “healer”. She thinks she is good at researching and understanding this type of stuff. Makes it harder to convince her they are not worthy of believing in.
It’s difficult to talk to about my mother like this, but I am not sure she would understand if I pointed out logic flaws in her sources. She also believes this “healer” is a friend of her, and she can trust her.