[quote]RustyShackleford wrote:
Long time lurker, first time poster.
About ten years ago, I joined the Navy after high school. With me gone, my parents wanted to try living in a smaller place, so they sold our house and moved into an apartment. The apartment complex wasn’t Scuzzville, but it was still an apartment complex, full of slackjaws and telemarketers and guys who would take the trash to, but couldn’t be bothered to throw the trash actually into, the dumpster.
One Christmas I visited them on leave. On a Friday night, a high school friend came by to hang out, and at around midnight, he and I went to McDonald’s and got some food to go. When we got back to the apartment complex, we drove by a long-haired guy and a girl standing outside an SUV. The guy had both arms around the girl, his palms resting against the SUV, essentially trapping her there. She was pissed off looking. She kind of slapped at his arm, and he just laughed, visibly drunk.
“Let’s wreck that guy up and take his girlfriend,” my friend said.
I laughed, because, you know, that was ridiculous. She was pretty hot, though.
My friend parked his car. We got out with our food, when I heard the girl yell across the parking lot. “Hey, guys,” she said. “Little help?”
I set my McDonald’s bag down onto the grass and started jogging toward them. On my way over, I had it in my head that I was just going to talk to this guy and calm him down. But before I had gone 15 fifteen feet, the dude sprinted toward me.
“Oh, you wanna be a hero, buddy?” he said.
That’s when I felt my balls drop. I stopped moving and planted my feet. When he got close enough, I punched him square in the mouth. That shocked him, so I threw a couple more. He stumbled backwards.
“Come on, motherfucker!” I yelled. “I’m going to fucking destroy you, motherfucker!”
I was talking shit because I was terrified. I was like a cat hissing at a dog, trying to intimidate him into walking away. Within a second, my brain had imagined some very unhappy endings:
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Dude probably has a knife.
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Dude’s gonna get the upper hand on me and leave me in a ditch.
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Dude’s friend is gonna come out of the bushes and they’re gonna play soccer with my head.
His girlfriend started screaming for us to stop. When we didn’t, she screamed, “I’m going to call the cops!” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her run off and disappear.
The guy lunged at me, so I teed off on his head again with some more haymakers. He tried to throw a Chuck Norris roundhouse, but the kick was slow and sad and off balance, so I caught his boot with one hand and started punching his nuts with the other. The guy hopped around on one leg and then threw a wild elbow that caught me on my temple. That hurt like hell. I shoved him away.
Looking back, what’s interesting to me is that I had been a varsity wrestler in high school, the team captain even. I had also taken about 10 weeks of rudimentary boxing lessons, without even getting any sparring time. But even though I was much more practiced in wrestling than in boxing, grappling that guy wasn’t even an option for me. Ground and pound? No way. The thought of getting in that close to some strange dude was for some reason terrifying.
I started to wonder how this was going to end. He was a big guy, heavier than me and about a foot taller, but he wasn’t putting up any kind of fight. Would I get arrested for wailing unmercifully on a dude who was so drunk he could barely stand up straight?
I bumrushed him and pushed him up against someone’s car. My friend came over and helped me hold him there. (My friend later told me that after my first round of punches, he didn’t want to jump in and turn this into a two-on-one beat down.) Dude cocked and threw a backwards elbow, hitting me right across the eyes. That rocked my head. I threw some punches in the small of his back.
Then I yelled at the guy to calm down. After a little more squirming, he finally did.
“Go inside and sleep it off!”
“Thank you,” he said, which was kind of off putting.
An older woman in a nightgown took him by the arm and up the stairs to her apartment, and then the girlfriend really started going nuts. Afterwards, my friend and I pieced together that the guy had been at the older woman’s apartment, and the girlfriend was trying to make him leave, but he wouldn’t go. Nice.
Flashing cop cars showed up about a half hour later, but by then my friend and I were in my parents’ place, eating Big Macs, peeking out at the hubbub through the venetian blinds.
I couldn’t fall asleep that night because my adrenaline was so spiked. My pinky knuckles stung for a week. So did the spot on my head where that guy elbowed me. I wondered if my punches had even done anything to him.
It’s scary, because I have absolutely no doubt that 99% of people in that situation would’ve gone running over without any hesitation. Had the tables been turned a little bit - had he
been a little better at fighting, a little quicker, a little less drunk - that could’ve turned out bad. One second I was minding my business, and the next I was in a street fight.
All in all, though, that couldn’t have ended any better. I responded to someone calling for help, some Billy Ray Sidekick tried to whip my ass for it, and I walked away relatively unscathed.[/quote]
Chuck Norris roundhouse, but the kick was slow and sad and off
Dude thank god your O.k. Nobody survives a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Nobody!
