Young Man Looking for Help

Off Topic
1

After being implored by a fellow member of the T-Nation on MSN I have decided to post. I was pretty clear to him in fact that I had quit these forums because the best thing to do is just get on with my training.

Basically I am 19 years old, single, living with my mother and sister in a 3 bedroom council house. Now don’t think we are chavs (if you know what these are) we are not.

I never did well in school to tell you the truth school was a nightmare for me and I just didn’t want anything to do with it… Homework etc was never ever even looked at let alone completed. As expected I finished my senior year / year 11 with abysmal grades. I managed to get onto the a-levels, which is post 16 education due to a few teachers pulling a few strings because they thought I was gifted, but I dropped out a week in because I didn’t like being given something that I did not earn. This is partly why I argued about not posting here, I don’t like asking for help. I then spent the next few months depressed until I decided to lose weight. This was when I was around 162lbs which 30% of was blubbbba.

So yes this is when I got my first dumbbells. By this time I had started another course which I had dropped out of again due to general boredom, it was to easy. 8 months saw me down to 140lbs and I signed up in Exeter College where I started doing a business course. Another 2-3months and I was 127lbs.

I finished the business course with a pass. As for training I hadn’t made any gains in months. Anyway fast forward to January this year and I got my bench and an extra 60kg of weight. Stuff was going good… I was now doing an ICT course, which was easy but boring and re-taking some of my failed high school subjects. I felt confident. Then I got destroyed by the worst mental health problems I’ve ever had. Severe anxiety and depersonalization disorder (both of these as most of you know send cortisol production through the roof.) I lost a lot of weight Over 7months of weight 148lbs dropped to a measly 142 despite trying harder with diet than I even do now. I saw the doctors and they suggested medication which I refused. Eventually my anxiety subsided and so did the depersonalization disorder. It’s still there but it is totally bearable.

I dropped out of the ICT course I couldn’t bear it at the time. I went to the exams of my GCSE re-takes but only got a D which wasn’t what I wanted. Basically I got fucked over by mental illness.

As said I feel better now and I’m at 152lbs now. Although cortisol is probably still a bastard to me at times. He told me to explain my whole situation… That is this I don’t have a job my mother works a job that earns her 9,000GBP a year in fact she works 3 jobs. Anyway we have about 60GBP a week for food. This makes things hard for me to eat regularly let alone to a standard that is needed for what I would call perfection in this lifestyle. I mainly spend my time at home applying for whatever job I can reasonably perform suitably in and reading books to improve my mind and of course workouts in my sub-par home gym… Right now my dreams don’t even come into it. I don’t have enough money to socialize so I have very few friends, mainly online friends since I spend so much time on here. As for girls I haven’t talked to a girl for about 5months. That really makes me depressed.

Right now I have been looking for a job for 3months with no luck. My friend asked me to ask here which I was as stated dubious about. He said what can you lose by asking these people about work, what is wrong with wanting to better your life? I said nothing but I just don’t think people care which is why he implored me to explain my situation. I’m not asking for money. I didn’t want to ask for anything remember that.

Since I am… Does anyone know any jobs going?

2

It can be hard but keep searching. Simple shit like presentation, body language and asking to speak to a manager in a store before handing over your CV. Improve your CV and sign up to every local agency. Maybe it’d help if you told people where you lived? If you’re in York then a position in Plymouth isn’t much use to you.

3

I can somewhat relate to your story, but I will not go into details. But here is what i’m thinking when i read your story.

Simplify it. You are overthinking it. You are probably very intelligent combined with some mental health issues, amd maybe some lacking social skills. It is what it is. Now, how can you create a good life for you?

-Dont get stressed about your cortisol-levels, that only makes it worse. Dont stress about training, shit takes time. I have a gym at home, in the storage room in the appartmentbuildings basement. It is a truly small room. I have a chins-bar, some pushup-handles, a barbell and some weights. I made a bench out of sandbags, wich i lay on and use more sandbags to put the barbell on when “benching”. Do exercises as bent over row, chins, pullups, towel pullups, pushupvariatons, deadlifts, squats, militarypresses, carry sandbags up stairs and so on. It is what it is, and its sufficent. Dont strive to have the perfect diet, that you can do when you`re older and have money. Eat nuts, fry frozen vegetables, drink milk, eggs, some decent bread with cheese on it or whatever. Get your protein and your fats. You are young, and it will work fine. Train five times a week, even if it is only some squats with sandbags. This will help you from your mental issues. Remember to take days off training, after some weeks. To let body recover. Find meaning in your training, and it will help you. And it takes time, dont stress it. Try to increase weights every time you do a exercise, keep a log.

-You are young, it will be allright. Dont think, just do.

-Dont get depressed about girls, i got my first girlfriend at the age of 22. She is now my wife.

-I also didnt get jobs, but to be honest. I was depressed, somewhat lonely and i had no confidence. Of course no-one would want to hire me. So i just decided enough is enough. Cut my hair, shaved, got out of my room, decided that i wanted better posture, to be more confident and to get a job. A few weeks later i got two job offers. I believed in myself, so also did the employers. Think about it. Strive to be positive. Life is good, even if you dont know it yet.

-So, about the you mental health. For me, as you probably have understood by now, it works to simplify things. I have times when my head starts to race in every direction, and i get this feeling that life isnt ambitious enough or whatever. And i snap myself out of it. Because ambition is good, but to let it destroy how you handle life doesnt get you anywhere. You have mental health issues, dont let it control your life.

This is the most important advice i have, and probably the hardest to follow:
-Turn off the computer. Sleep at night. Get up in the morning. When you dont have anything to do,
that can be hard, i know. Get to bed before it gets too late, read a book in bed or something. Dont watch tv or use a computer. it only keeps you up all night, and sleep all day.
Get up early and apply for work. OR even better, get back to school and just finish it. Even if its boring, or you are smarter. Doesnt matter. It is a system, do school - increase chances of getting a good job.

4

What kind of work are you looking for?

5

What kind of skills you got ?

are you good with computers? websites ? anything that could seperate you from somebody off the street ?

also it might be of interest what area you are availible in ?

6

Do you have a driving liscense with no previous bans? and can the DVLA confirm this? if so, i may have something.
Edit* the above and some common sense are all you really need, and as long as u dont mind staying away from home (usually for 1-2weeks at a time, depending) but the money can be quite good.

7

I’m in a coop program in university which means I get jobs in my field along with my studies. This also means I have a good bit of experience in writing a resume/CV, conducting job interviews, and fighting for competitive spots (more interviews than I care to count, along with numerous job offers when many of my friends couldn’t even land a single interview). I found the resume/CV (ie. the thing that GETS you the interview) of many of my friends was extremely weak, despite them being either more qualified than me, smarter, or both, so this is an important place to start in your job hunt. I’d be happy to help you overhaul your resume/CV and go over interview preparation and strategies if you’d like.

8

I agree with JLu, and if he can help you with the CV you should take it.

9

[quote]RSGZ wrote:
What kind of work are you looking for?[/quote]

Anything really… I’m pretty good with computers, but I’m comfortable doing anything… My only weakness I think is my maths skills. So accounting etc wouldn’t be a good choice (not that I’m qualified anyway)

10

I dropped out of school before doing my GCSES because of depression. I am now doing a PhD. I went from an athletic build to an emaciated wreck weighing 140-150lbs at 6ft. Now I’m over 220lbs. If I can do that, you can succeed too. Don’t believe that your life is over, or that you have messed everything up. You have not. But what you need is a clear vision of what you want to do, or what you need to do. Don’t let anyone (especially yourself) destroy your vision.

If you think you have any potential in higher education, I would urge you to continue. You can go to a college, it is a more relaxed environment (but be prepared to motivate yourself). You can work part-time while you are doing this if you need the money. If you do, you could go to university (and then gym access is not an issue!) and by the time you graduate the job market will probably be back to normal.

Getting a job at the moment is hard for everyone, and because you do not have a lot of formal qualifications, you will be at a severe disadvantage. Even graduate vacancies are scarce. If you end up working at a supermarket, or the like, do you think that will make you feel any better? If your teachers thought you were gifted, I guarantee you, you will be bored out of your mind doing low-level jobs. This will not help your situation.

If you’re suffering from mental illness, you need help with it. No man is an island. Get counselling if you need it. Socialise with your friends. If you have no money to go out, let your friends know what you’re going through. If they’re really your friends, they will understand. If they don’t, then forget them, make new friends. Don’t worry about not talking to girls. You’re only 19, you aren’t missing out on anything! There aren’t many girls that even know what they want at 19.

Sleep well at night (there was a time when I would sleep from 3/4am to the late afternoon, avoid this). Get ready every day as if you have a job, get yourself into a routine. Never miss a workout. Your food budget is limited, but just eat what you can for now. Get out of the house as much as you can. Even if it’s just for a walk.

11

[quote]blunt wrote:
What kind of skills you got ?

are you good with computers? websites ? anything that could seperate you from somebody off the street ?

also it might be of interest what area you are availible in ?[/quote]

I’m very good at photoshop, I can code XHTML/CSS and some JavaScript. General computer knowledge I would consider above average also.

12

[quote]Undermost wrote:
Do you have a driving liscense with no previous bans? and can the DVLA confirm this? if so, i may have something.
Edit* the above and some common sense are all you really need, and as long as u dont mind staying away from home (usually for 1-2weeks at a time, depending) but the money can be quite good.[/quote]

No I’m currently not driving. Never learned really… The situation was never right with money etc.

13

[quote]JLu wrote:
I’m in a coop program in university which means I get jobs in my field along with my studies. This also means I have a good bit of experience in writing a resume/CV, conducting job interviews, and fighting for competitive spots (more interviews than I care to count, along with numerous job offers when many of my friends couldn’t even land a single interview). I found the resume/CV (ie. the thing that GETS you the interview) of many of my friends was extremely weak, despite them being either more qualified than me, smarter, or both, so this is an important place to start in your job hunt. I’d be happy to help you overhaul your resume/CV and go over interview preparation and strategies if you’d like. [/quote]

This would be great man. Thanks a lot.

14

[quote]Rational Gaze wrote:
I dropped out of school before doing my GCSES because of depression. I am now doing a PhD. I went from an athletic build to an emaciated wreck weighing 140-150lbs at 6ft. Now I’m over 220lbs. If I can do that, you can succeed too. Don’t believe that your life is over, or that you have messed everything up. You have not. But what you need is a clear vision of what you want to do, or what you need to do. Don’t let anyone (especially yourself) destroy your vision.

If you think you have any potential in higher education, I would urge you to continue. You can go to a college, it is a more relaxed environment (but be prepared to motivate yourself). You can work part-time while you are doing this if you need the money. If you do, you could go to university (and then gym access is not an issue!) and by the time you graduate the job market will probably be back to normal.

Getting a job at the moment is hard for everyone, and because you do not have a lot of formal qualifications, you will be at a severe disadvantage. Even graduate vacancies are scarce. If you end up working at a supermarket, or the like, do you think that will make you feel any better? If your teachers thought you were gifted, I guarantee you, you will be bored out of your mind doing low-level jobs. This will not help your situation.

If you’re suffering from mental illness, you need help with it. No man is an island. Get counselling if you need it. Socialise with your friends. If you have no money to go out, let your friends know what you’re going through. If they’re really your friends, they will understand. If they don’t, then forget them, make new friends. Don’t worry about not talking to girls. You’re only 19, you aren’t missing out on anything! There aren’t many girls that even know what they want at 19.

Sleep well at night (there was a time when I would sleep from 3/4am to the late afternoon, avoid this). Get ready every day as if you have a job, get yourself into a routine. Never miss a workout. Your food budget is limited, but just eat what you can for now. Get out of the house as much as you can. Even if it’s just for a walk.[/quote]

This is really encouraging and inspiring, it is nice to hear from someone that has gone through problems and still come out on top. I’ve been contemplating taking an Open University course… You make a good point about the job market probably going back to normal once I would graduate.

I’m definitely going to try to fix this sleeping thing. It seems to be the most common piece of advice given. I tend to sit on the computer till 3am. It’s a nasty habit.

15

First things first mate. Don’t despair at your current situation. You have youth on your side. All it takes is a little planning and most importantly, action to get through it.

Job?

First focus on what you’re good at. You mentioned computers. Attack that like your life depends on it. Buy every book on it that you can afford. No cash? Library or internet. Try to stop lurking around forums and expand your knowledge base in sites that will actually help you. If you’re into training then you could do a lot worse than get yourself a place in college in the next term for a health and fitness based course. You would lap that up. Believe me and with your current knowledge base gained from here you would have a head start than most of the aerobic gimps who populate these courses.

If your signing on then I advise that you ask about back to work courses that the job centre can send you on. I was in this situation a while back and was fortunate enough to get on a course with Glasgow Council doing lifeguarding. I got my head down on the course, showed enthusiasm and ended up with a full time job doing something completely different than what the course specified. The reason being that enthusiasm and eagerness to learn and take charge are ALWAYS noticed. This is the best advice I can give you on the job front mate. Show that you want to work and show initiative and it will ALWAYS be rewarded. Too many jobsworths going about nowadays in the UK mate and they always remain at the level they entered the job at.

Cortisol?

Like someone said STOP WORRYING about that shit mate. Don’t get trapped in negative thought cycles about some things that are probably out your control. Your just creating a self fulfiling prophecy with that shit. I know its easier said than done but at least be aware that your mind may be playing tricks on you. That way you’ll start to make progress

Birds/Chicks?

Mate get stuck into all that Pick Up Artist(PUA) shit floating about the net. It’s cheesy as fuck and turns folk into robots however you will pick up nuggets from it that will set you on the road to poon greatness. It will give you at least some skills that you can build upon.

Sorry if this advice is a tad scatty and all over the place mate but I feel for your plight and it takes balls to come on a testosterone fuelled site and ask for help. Hope it all goes well for you mate

16

Saw this posted in someones training log and thought it was applicable so I’m blatantly stealing it:

“If you are not where you’d like to be–or at least on your way–then the first place to look is attitude. The most important thing to keep in mind is that YOU choose your attitude in response to any given situation.”

From Dave Tates “Under the Bar”

17

[quote]The other Rob wrote:
Saw this posted in someones training log and thought it was applicable so I’m blatantly stealing it:

“If you are not where you’d like to be–or at least on your way–then the first place to look is attitude. The most important thing to keep in mind is that YOU choose your attitude in response to any given situation.”

From Dave Tates “Under the Bar”[/quote]

Thanks, that’s a great quote. And Now I’m stealing it too. :smiley:

Send me an IM in two weeks if you haven’t found anything and I can put you up as an phone/email salesperson and give you a pretty generous commission based pay. But working at home has it’s drawbacks, especially for a young guy. So just consider all your options.

Good luck man.

EDIT to add: Is anyone else impressed with the OP’s thinking/ability to communicate his thoughts?

18

[quote]Rational Gaze wrote:
I dropped out of school before doing my GCSES because of depression. I am now doing a PhD. I went from an athletic build to an emaciated wreck weighing 140-150lbs at 6ft. Now I’m over 220lbs. If I can do that, you can succeed too. Don’t believe that your life is over, or that you have messed everything up. You have not. But what you need is a clear vision of what you want to do, or what you need to do. Don’t let anyone (especially yourself) destroy your vision.

If you think you have any potential in higher education, I would urge you to continue. You can go to a college, it is a more relaxed environment (but be prepared to motivate yourself). You can work part-time while you are doing this if you need the money. If you do, you could go to university (and then gym access is not an issue!) and by the time you graduate the job market will probably be back to normal.

Getting a job at the moment is hard for everyone, and because you do not have a lot of formal qualifications, you will be at a severe disadvantage. Even graduate vacancies are scarce. If you end up working at a supermarket, or the like, do you think that will make you feel any better? If your teachers thought you were gifted, I guarantee you, you will be bored out of your mind doing low-level jobs. This will not help your situation.

If you’re suffering from mental illness, you need help with it. No man is an island. Get counselling if you need it. Socialise with your friends. If you have no money to go out, let your friends know what you’re going through. If they’re really your friends, they will understand. If they don’t, then forget them, make new friends. Don’t worry about not talking to girls. You’re only 19, you aren’t missing out on anything! There aren’t many girls that even know what they want at 19.

Sleep well at night (there was a time when I would sleep from 3/4am to the late afternoon, avoid this). Get ready every day as if you have a job, get yourself into a routine. Never miss a workout. Your food budget is limited, but just eat what you can for now. Get out of the house as much as you can. Even if it’s just for a walk.[/quote]

Wow. Not to kiss ass, but this is great advice. Thanks

19

My advice is to start gearing your life step by step toward being productive.For example if you don’t feel like doing something instead of watching the tv for 45min take a nap. or just sit on your couch for a couple min without doing anything instead. Stop reading the newspaper for so long. It is a badly written thing made for fast comsuption . You can figure out other things

And stop lurking forums aimlessly (I am working on that lol)

things wont change suddently. You got to tell yourself that you can do better and get to work
You are the architect of your own life

20

I would echo what Jack Urboady said about a lifeguard course; they cost £160 and if you’re financially disadvantaged you can get the local council to pay it (at least in Edinburgh) - up here there’s always a lifeguard job going - it’s not the best pay unless you get council but it normally gives you free access to a gym - I know from having worked at David Lloyds chains they ALWAYS need lifeguards so there’s an opportunity. Also any kind of coaching qualification. Again, you can get bursaries from the council and usually there are council-run jobs as well.

Let us know how it goes. Don’t clam up on yourself and keep plugging at it mate. All the best.