I remember this phenomenon in the analog world too. A pretty girl with ugly friends would always feel secure enough to relax, but her friends constantly had something to prove.
They were the easiest ones behind closed doors though. Anything to please.
Maybe the problem is that everything is so public now, so everyone tries to skip level. An old fashioned hog hunt would likely do some kids a world of good.
My wife and I were. I actually know quite a few, but as was said, that’s partly a question of religion.
In any case, that’s somewhat beside the point. Marriage is simpy the institution that codifies long term romantic relationships. But the decline in marriage and sex isn’t simply a decision to buck the formality of marriage. It’s a decision to forgo long term romantic commitments in young adulthood.
But if young men aren’t offering long term commitment, either because women aren’t interested or the men aren’t interested. It’s much harder to offer something else to attract women if commitment isn’t on the table.
Probably true
For reference, I’m 20 years old, in college at a big SEC school, and sexually active.
I think it’s a combination of a bunch of factors that have been discussed here. Just to spitball a few:
Social media and tech in general, especially compounded by Covid lockdowns, have left a shocking amount of people borderline socially inept. People speed-walk around campus wearing headphones and looking at their phones or the ground. They avoid phone calls and conversations. They’re definitely not flirting in-person. And they don’t randomly greet people they walk by, like I tend to see older people do. All of this combined means that groups of friends are more insular—if they form at all—and less random encounters that could turn romantic/sexual seem to happen less than otherwise would. This is less of an issue in environments like bars and parties, which are designed to facilitate that, but by and large, the people we’re talking about don’t go to bars and parties. I agree with basically everything in @jshaving 's post (#10) along these lines.
Most guys seem to look for sexual/romantic partners on apps, which come with their own set of issues that have been discussed extensively. Apps aren’t a viable strategy for the majority of male users, unless they’re either wildly attractive or occupy some sort of niche. In my view, trying and failing on dating apps seems to retard users’ ability to go about seeking sex/romance through conventional routes.
There isn’t much stigma (at least in my circles) about being a virgin of either sex. Certainly not compared to what I’ve heard was the case in the recent past. Similarly, (for better or for worse,) not much stigma against not having a license, living without parents, not having a future career in mind, etc. It’s not uncommon to just hear that someone’s uninterested or not prioritizing it. To that last point: people don’t openly discuss their porn usage much, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s a big reason for the lack of interest.
For as much as there’s a lack of stigma against people uninterested in sex/romance, there is very noticeable stigma against those who try and fail. So guys don’t try. Or if they do, they do so in the most low-risk, artificial, impersonal environment possible (again, apps,) where they never actually have to be uncomfortable, spontaneous, or outgoing—which is exactly what would help them.
I think it’s noteworthy that the graph in the initial post limits itself to “men under age 30 who report zero female sex partners” rather than “men under age 30 who report zero sex partners.” Obviously that’s not enough of a confounding factor to explain a ~20% difference, but given the differences between 1989, 2008, and now in that regard, it’s something.
As a father of a twenty year old female, and a seventeen year old male, I think I might have some insight.
But, I am probably wrong.
That’s an astute point. It seems fear of rejection is at an absolute peak now. Like kids just aren’t equipped for it. The Cy Young effect. Cy Young is considered a legendary pitcher for having the most career wins…but he also has the most career losses. The guys who get laid the most also get rejected the most.
Maybe more of a risk to be rejected in person now than 10-15 years ago?
Getting shot down stings the ego and maybe your buddies would rag on you for using a lame pick up line but are guys today worried they will “go viral” and get labeled as a creep going up to a woman since everyone has a video phone now?
It can show up on TikTok, Facebook or whatever young folks are using lol
Simple boredom is at an all-time low and the availability of entertainment is at an all-time high.
The movie Dazed and Confused offers some insight into how boredom led to lost virginity in the absence of unlimited entertainment from a glowing rectangle in your pocket. It was set in 1976 but things weren’t that much different in 1996. A typical Friday involved driving around with your friends, going to the pool hall to find out where the parties might be and then showing up to wherever the most fun could be found. Then, if the planets align properly, you might just lose your virginity as a result of this socializing.
That still exists to some extent, but imagine the same movie where only half of the cast shows up to the kegger at the moon tower. The rest never get in their car at all. They stay home for a night of online gaming, hooking up with precisely zero incoming freshman while doing so.
Not much different in 2006 either IME. We’ll need someone younger to tap into the 2016 timeframe, but, I suspect the shift started sometime between my high school years and theirs.
Superbad is basically the same movie set in the 00’s.
My stepson is 23 and he did some of that too. I have, in fact, picked him up from a keg party that got busted by the cops when he was in high school.
With his virginity long gone he’s got plenty of other problems to work on, including the ease with which he succeeds in casual sex hookups facilitated by technology. Popping a bunch of cherries and bagging a bunch of Tinder sluts comes with a different set of problems that aren’t present when living a life of chastity.
For sure an indoor, isolated mentality contributes.
I think the movie that best captures my “coming-up” experience would be Varsity Blues. Very similar to Dazed and Confused really, but from the perspective of the football team more so than the free ranging stoners floating in the mix.
I guess always assumed the quintessential “nerds”, made in to unlikely heroes in the movies, were the kids at home constantly on games. Maybe the screens have claimed a wider audience. Are distinctions still made? There was always a contingency of kids who had a hard time. Video games did exist for me but there was still a dungeons and dragons contingency and whatever else. Pretty sure they were having some freaky nerd sex though.
A struggle with the app thing blows my mind. I suppose everything presents its challenges but an ability to simply click a button and connect with a mutually horny woman in the moment anonymously seems like it would be so easy. You don’t even have to engineer a pathway to avoid the dreaded “walk of shame” and rumor mill. Just click and go. Maybe the concept has lost itself as people separate further from each other. I could see where some misguided women would maybe try to turn those interactions in to a legitimate relationship, which would be complicated in the scope of the apps, but don’t you literally just swipe them away?
Sadly we were not 
Lol.
1000%… not happening in a vacuum.
Ironically the simps inflating their egos stand no chance yet the guys they want are grossed out by their social media validation addiction. Vicious cycle
Less sex = less promiscuity and single motherhood amirite 
Not necessarily. I would hypothesize that what is being lost is committed long term relationships, not casual sex. It was always the case that most men don’t have much opportunity to have casual sex. It’s just that now they also don’t have committed sex.
Also, to be fair, while the graph shows an upward trend, it still shows that around 80% of men are having at least some sex. It would be interesting to see the data broken down further. Having sex once in 12 years is a somewhat low bar.
I think this is a large part of it. The kids I know just are not that outgoing (which is attractive in itself). Maybe I just know a bunch of nerds haha? Most of them missed important years of social development because of covid. Many of them don’t have the money to go out to do stuff yet. Even younger workers are doing more work from home than ever.
Another factor is that experience builds competency. Rejection rate goes down over time because the guy starts to figure things out a bit.
So AIDs didnt have a huge impact on my generation…
BUT apperaently on the younger generation.
The internet and gaming has.
Just a random thought…
Not if the only ones having sex are future single moms.
Jonathan Haidt makes a compelling case that there was a “great rewiring” starting in 2010 or so that has led to a lot of the atypical behavior we’re seeing in late Millennials and early Zoomers.