Worst Parenting... Ever

SkyzykS · December 1, 2010, 10:19pm

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
Another thought…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if parents sought proactive ways to better parenting, rather than either being guided by what was done to them, or what was not done to them? I find most parenting falls into two camps. They either mimic what occurred in their own household (right or wrong) or, they do different in spite of their own upbringing (which may be neither right or wrong, just different for the sake of different b/c they found their own upbringing objectionable).

In my mind, this is a pretty irrational approach to child rearing. Like I said, they don’t come with a manual, and that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure we’ve made enough progress in behavioral studies to gives us some valuable guidance beyond either repeating what was done to us, or going against what was done to us.

Just read the threads here and they are replete with your stories of your own upbringing and it’s very clear how they have shaped most of your beliefs. Food for thought. Whether or not someone turned out “okay” or not is not the measuring stick of good parenting. You do realize that whether or not you’re “okay” is debatable and, that children that have suffered terrible injustices have overcome their past to turn out “okay”. The end result is hardly evidence of success in something so malleable and dynamic as human behavior and achievement. [/quote]

I have thought along these lines quite often through out my life. I can’t say I have any solid answers on right or wrong, or how I turned out and whether it is as a result of or in spite of the terms and conditions of my upbringing. Most likely a combination of both. Some things are readily apparent, others a little bit obscured, and still other facets of my personality that are the result of inputs completely removed from my family of origin.

The main thing for me is to avoid shutting the book on something and saying “Thats it. I have the solution, and that is final.”.

Even before I knew that there were better or different ways of doing things, my thinking was not limited to only what I experienced. Somewhere or somehow, the idea formed that there are better ways of doing something, anything. It is still there, alive and well.

bond_james_bond · December 1, 2010, 10:32pm

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
Another thought…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if parents sought proactive ways to better parenting, rather than either being guided by what was done to them, or what was not done to them? I find most parenting falls into two camps. They either mimic what occurred in their own household (right or wrong) or, they do different in spite of their own upbringing (which may be neither right or wrong, just different for the sake of different b/c they found their own upbringing objectionable).

In my mind, this is a pretty irrational approach to child rearing. Like I said, they don’t come with a manual, and that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure we’ve made enough progress in behavioral studies to gives us some valuable guidance beyond either repeating what was done to us, or going against what was done to us.

Just read the threads here and they are replete with your stories of your own upbringing and it’s very clear how they have shaped most of your beliefs. Food for thought. Whether or not someone turned out “okay” or not is not the measuring stick of good parenting. You do realize that whether or not you’re “okay” is debatable and, that children that have suffered terrible injustices have overcome their past to turn out “okay”. The end result is hardly evidence of success in something so malleable and dynamic as human behavior and achievement. [/quote]

I have thought along these lines quite often through out my life. I can’t say I have any solid answers on right or wrong, or how I turned out and whether it is as a result of or in spite of the terms and conditions of my upbringing. Most likely a combination of both. Some things are readily apparent, others a little bit obscured, and still other facets of my personality that are the result of inputs completely removed from my family of origin.

The main thing for me is to avoid shutting the book on something and saying “Thats it. I have the solution, and that is final.”.

Even before I knew that there were better or different ways of doing things, my thinking was not limited to only what I experienced. Somewhere or somehow, the idea formed that there are better ways of doing something, anything. It is still there, alive and well.

[/quote]

I hope this sounds right and it’s not ment to offend in anyway but maybe it’s your above average intelligence that got you through it so to speak. I’m average, you ain’t dude lol, I would have folded like a cheap tent under those circumstances you went through.

TheBodyGuard · December 1, 2010, 10:51pm

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

How can this be so unclear to you? You say in one breath you don’t agree with her approach, yet you gleefully “defend” her. You say we can’t make a judgment, but it’s clear from the video and what we know of the show that this was standard procedure, that it was escalated and that SHE ADMITTED TO BEING OUT OF CONTROL. What is it here you don’t get? And who is arguing just for the sake of argument???
[/quote]

Ok let’s clear it up…I do not gleefully defend her so much as me defending the position that we can not judge her actions as a whole with her parenting via this snippit video. The fact that she sought help makes no difference. It could have been any woman who spanked her kid, yelled too much, ignored her kids etc…etc. yet still people would judge them as horrible based on a fraction of the story…

Very simple.

Is it an outrage to me? Who am I to say? Would I use that method, no. Do I defend her right to decide the method of punishment…yes…and in this case it’s Grey. If her actions are so horrible, then anyone who spanks their kids, yells or does things in the heat of emotion…we’d all be in fucking jail.[/quote]

Rock, you’re still off here. This was not “heat of emotion”. This is not one of those days where you ask for a mulligan. Why are you not understanding that this was her STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE with this child? How are you missing this? It was wrong. Period.

Tex_Ag · December 1, 2010, 10:57pm

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
Another thought…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if parents sought proactive ways to better parenting, rather than either being guided by what was done to them, or what was not done to them? I find most parenting falls into two camps. They either mimic what occurred in their own household (right or wrong) or, they do different in spite of their own upbringing (which may be neither right or wrong, just different for the sake of different b/c they found their own upbringing objectionable).

In my mind, this is a pretty irrational approach to child rearing. Like I said, they don’t come with a manual, and that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure we’ve made enough progress in behavioral studies to gives us some valuable guidance beyond either repeating what was done to us, or going against what was done to us.

Just read the threads here and they are replete with your stories of your own upbringing and it’s very clear how they have shaped most of your beliefs. Food for thought. Whether or not someone turned out “okay” or not is not the measuring stick of good parenting. You do realize that whether or not you’re “okay” is debatable and, that children that have suffered terrible injustices have overcome their past to turn out “okay”. The end result is hardly evidence of success in something so malleable and dynamic as human behavior and achievement. [/quote]

This made me think of the Harlem Children’s Zone (see at http://www.hcz.org/) where they provide parent education before the child is born to try and maximize the child’s potential with the understanding that first three years may be the most important when it comes to a child’s development. Basically, it is saying that the culture of child raising (I am in no way saying that it only applies to that area or those who live there, rather I think this kind of program would be a benefit if applied more widely) is not serving the children in preparing them for success in school and afterward.

There is an assumption that people know how to parent (since you have parent(s), seen parents and were once a kid) but perhaps that is a terribly false assumption. Something that everyone here seems to have agreed upon is that abuse is far too common. But to take the view of child development rather than parenting styles places the emphasis on the need of the kid and away from what the parent may want or be told to want. Its tricky. I remember talking to my wife about the assumption repeated over and over in some of the books people gave us or magazines on the subject, on how Mothers naturally know what is best. She admitted at the point of tears that she didn’t, the tears from the shame that society expected her to and she didn’t. The assumption that parenting is known needs to be overcome.

I will admit I butt heads with my in-laws on occasion because they disagree with how I parent my child. I am more worried about my child than about my in-laws opinions on the matter. They know, and I think, respect that.

Tex_Ag · December 1, 2010, 10:59pm

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
Another thought…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if parents sought proactive ways to better parenting, rather than either being guided by what was done to them, or what was not done to them? I find most parenting falls into two camps. They either mimic what occurred in their own household (right or wrong) or, they do different in spite of their own upbringing (which may be neither right or wrong, just different for the sake of different b/c they found their own upbringing objectionable).

In my mind, this is a pretty irrational approach to child rearing. Like I said, they don’t come with a manual, and that’s unfortunate. I’m pretty sure we’ve made enough progress in behavioral studies to gives us some valuable guidance beyond either repeating what was done to us, or going against what was done to us.

Just read the threads here and they are replete with your stories of your own upbringing and it’s very clear how they have shaped most of your beliefs. Food for thought. Whether or not someone turned out “okay” or not is not the measuring stick of good parenting. You do realize that whether or not you’re “okay” is debatable and, that children that have suffered terrible injustices have overcome their past to turn out “okay”. The end result is hardly evidence of success in something so malleable and dynamic as human behavior and achievement. [/quote]

I have thought along these lines quite often through out my life. I can’t say I have any solid answers on right or wrong, or how I turned out and whether it is as a result of or in spite of the terms and conditions of my upbringing. Most likely a combination of both. Some things are readily apparent, others a little bit obscured, and still other facets of my personality that are the result of inputs completely removed from my family of origin.

The main thing for me is to avoid shutting the book on something and saying “Thats it. I have the solution, and that is final.”.

Even before I knew that there were better or different ways of doing things, my thinking was not limited to only what I experienced. Somewhere or somehow, the idea formed that there are better ways of doing something, anything. It is still there, alive and well.

[/quote]

I hope this sounds right and it’s not ment to offend in anyway but maybe it’s your above average intelligence that got you through it so to speak. I’m average, you ain’t dude lol, I would have folded like a cheap tent under those circumstances you went through. [/quote]

I know I listen when SkyzykS speaks (types).

Tex_Ag · December 1, 2010, 11:01pm

Although perhaps beyond the bounds of this site, I think it would be interesting to have a parenting thread/section going.

Iron_Dwarf · December 1, 2010, 11:05pm

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

Says the idiot who tried to convince people that being an artist was “important” to society.
[/quote]

So, idiot… imagine your world without artists.

Who do you think draws your favorite video games? Artists. Who paints the images on greeting cards you buy to express “your” feelings for a loved one? Who created the logos for the sports teams you root for or the bands you listen to? How about the clothes you wear… the cool graphics on T-shirts, the cut and design? Who drafts the designs for the buildings we work and dwell in, or that car you drive?

Damn right. Artists. The list is endless. Important to society?
You tell me, internet tough guy.
[/quote]

So tragic.
I’ll take mathematicians and physicists any day over guys who doodle. Nothing wrong with drawing and painting, but for someone who does ONLY that, I fail to see the importance.
[/quote]

Yes, you do indeed FAIL to see the importance.
I’m pretty sure the dude who drew your avatar makes a living ONLY doing art.

What the fuck do YOU do, young man?

SkyzykS · December 1, 2010, 11:36pm

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

I hope this sounds right and it’s not ment to offend in anyway but maybe it’s your above average intelligence that got you through it so to speak. I’m average, you ain’t dude lol, I would have folded like a cheap tent under those circumstances you went through. [/quote]

I get what you mean. I’ve been tested and measured extensively for all of that stuff, and true enough, have scored very high. I still can’t figure out whether it has helped or hindered.

A good friend of mine has observed that I have a very quick mind. It can go in the wrong direction faster than anybody he has ever known.(said humorously, but intended to be taken seriously)

Also, you never know what a persons level of resilience may be. Absence of the test does not make the metal weaker. In fact, I find myself cracking up and losing it from some seemingly mundane stressors. I have to fill out some forms for student aide and college enrollment that have me flaking like cheap paint, for no apparent reason.

bond_james_bond · December 1, 2010, 11:45pm

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

Says the idiot who tried to convince people that being an artist was “important” to society.
[/quote]

So, idiot… imagine your world without artists.

Who do you think draws your favorite video games? Artists. Who paints the images on greeting cards you buy to express “your” feelings for a loved one? Who created the logos for the sports teams you root for or the bands you listen to? How about the clothes you wear… the cool graphics on T-shirts, the cut and design? Who drafts the designs for the buildings we work and dwell in, or that car you drive?

Damn right. Artists. The list is endless. Important to society?
You tell me, internet tough guy.
[/quote]

So tragic.
I’ll take mathematicians and physicists any day over guys who doodle. Nothing wrong with drawing and painting, but for someone who does ONLY that, I fail to see the importance.
[/quote]

Yes, you do indeed FAIL to see the importance.
I’m pretty sure the dude who drew your avatar makes a living ONLY doing art.

What the fuck do YOU do, young man?
[/quote]

Lblaze you can’t be serious. You’re entitled to your opinion but that is just wrong. There is math in art and vice versa.

ID, don’t pay any attention to him, he’s from P.E.I., nobody else here in Canada pays them any lol.

TheBodyGuard · December 2, 2010, 12:28am

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

ID, don’t pay any attention to him, he’s from P.E.I., nobody else here in Canada pays them any lol.
[/quote]

I knew it! A PENILE colony.

Iron_Dwarf · December 2, 2010, 12:29am

[quote]bond james bond wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

Says the idiot who tried to convince people that being an artist was “important” to society.
[/quote]

So, idiot… imagine your world without artists.

Who do you think draws your favorite video games? Artists. Who paints the images on greeting cards you buy to express “your” feelings for a loved one? Who created the logos for the sports teams you root for or the bands you listen to? How about the clothes you wear… the cool graphics on T-shirts, the cut and design? Who drafts the designs for the buildings we work and dwell in, or that car you drive?

Damn right. Artists. The list is endless. Important to society?
You tell me, internet tough guy.
[/quote]

So tragic.
I’ll take mathematicians and physicists any day over guys who doodle. Nothing wrong with drawing and painting, but for someone who does ONLY that, I fail to see the importance.
[/quote]

Yes, you do indeed FAIL to see the importance.
I’m pretty sure the dude who drew your avatar makes a living ONLY doing art.

What the fuck do YOU do, young man?
[/quote]

Lblaze you can’t be serious. You’re entitled to your opinion but that is just wrong. There is math in art and vice versa.

ID, don’t pay any attention to him, he’s from P.E.I., nobody else here in Canada pays them any lol.
[/quote]

LOL!

TheBodyGuard · December 2, 2010, 12:36am

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

LOL![/quote]

leave the arguing to me and get to work on my logo! LOL

Lordcliff · December 2, 2010, 1:02am

Don’t feel like reading all the other pages, so I’ll just start here. I watched the clip. What a stupid bitch. Yes, she deserves whatever comes her way.

Something to think about, worst parent ever? No. This dumb cunt was dome enough to get caught doing some stupid and wrong things to a child. There’s some seriously fucked up people out there, that would make this look like she was giving this kid a hug.

Iron_Dwarf · December 2, 2010, 1:11am

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

LOL![/quote]

leave the arguing to me and get to work on my logo! LOL[/quote]

Yes Sir!

Dow Chemical poster art is on deck presently. Lots of detail. I come here for comic relief!

tom63 · December 2, 2010, 1:25am

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
The dog analogy might be a good one. There exists a wide spectrum of theory and practice by which to train a dog (and other animals) ranging from harsh physical correction to positive reinforcement. Guess what? They all work. What has never been proven however, is what training methodology leads to the better adjusted dog. Frankly, I’ll take the confident secure obedient dog over the fearful obedient dog.

If you have children and you WANT them to fear you, fine. We have no choice but to accept that because you have children, they are yours, you are responsible for them and you’ve earned the right as long as you’re not abusing them.

Personally, I want my children to RESPECT me, not fear me. As a parent, you are already imbued with power and a certain level of fear, because you are the master of their universe until a certain age. I see no reason to increase or trade upon that fear.

If you don’t have children, I really don’t think you have a valid opinion. A well known poster here who shall remain nameless, LOL, would regularly admonish posters in other forums to STFU because they were too small or untrained to have a valid opinion on a BB subject or thread. It didn’t matter if they poster was well read, learned or such, his opinion did not matter because he had not “lived” the lifestyle of achieved a certain size.

In his words, he didn’t care how smart the 195lb trainer was, he was going to listen to the 265lb guy, because he got there and had experience. I always thought that mindset was a bit harsh, even though I understood it.

Well, maybe he’s right.

EDIT:

What IS known is that harsh physical correction will easily ruin a sensitive or lesser dog. [/quote]

I always thought you should raise a kid like you raise a dog. People are shocked at first by this, but realize the sense of it when they think about it.

Dre_the_Hatchet · December 2, 2010, 3:38am

Damn this thread blew up in the meantime, probably fueled by that 1-on-1 flame battle.

Semi-related:

I recently fingered and ate out my lady-friend after fixing HER a sammich (I can be nice like that at times) with Tabasco and of course I didn’t wash my hands properly.

Anyways, point being, it didn’t hurt her that much (probably also depends on the amount).

Just felt like sharing and lighting up the mood in this shitstorm of a thread.

Try to raise your kids without violence and explain what they did wrong. A sincere “Son, I am disappoint!” probably has more effect on someone who was raised with integrity and honor than a few lashings and then off you go to do the same stuff again.

byukid · December 2, 2010, 4:02am

lol @ the web address reading /music_movies_girls_life/best_parentingever?

colt44 · December 2, 2010, 9:18am

[quote]DJHT wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]colt44 wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

It seems like you have been raised to think little children should be [part of decision making processes. They shouldn’t in my opinion.

If I tell a little kid don’t eat that cookie and they do, it doesn’t fucking matter WHY they ate. They disobeyed an order and that order was made for a reason that a little child may not be able to understand…which is why they have PARENTS.[/quote]

Bingo. I used to ask my kids if they wanted X, Y or Z for dinner…between the 2 of them, they could not ever agree and one if not both were always upset at the outcome and I could never seem to recover. I’ve made this mistake, but it is a particular style that does not work. Parents feel they are making a more well rounded, decisive child if they are consulted about a lot of decisions…they end up being narcissistic in the end moreso than a regular child.

Now, they get what I give them for lunch or dinner. No arguing, and they better appreciate it…like it or not!
[/quote]

Can you point me to the peer reviewed studies supporting your learned conclusions above? Or are we talking about a study of one household? [/quote]

Dude, if you want a peer review for my points, then you must bring them as well for yours. This is MY experience with my kids, as well as many others I have witnessed.

There is NO RIGHT and NO WRONG way to parent proven by science. This is my experience as a father.

What is your hard on about with regard to what I said above?
[/quote]

You made conclusions. I have done no such thing. I have given my opinion.

“I’ve made this mistake, but it is a particular style that does not work. Parents feel they are making a more well rounded, decisive child if they are consulted about a lot of decisions…they end up being narcissistic in the end moreso than a regular child.” [/quote]

Right…I guess my conclusion is a hypothesis to you, but in my house, the more rope you give, the more a kid will hang themselves by making bad choices. If you are not an authority figure (Hands off) then the kids will run rampant. It’s a parents job to make sure they guided, and not left to their own devices.

What’s the problem in that?
[/quote]

Can you please explain to me the connection between “authority figure” as you put it and the video we witnessed? Can you please refer me to the post where someone said they shouldn’t be the “authority figure”. And finally, can you please explain to me where someone advocated a “hands off” approach to parenting?[/quote]

I said it earlier
“hands Off” and you replied that I meant people need to hit their children.

Anyway, I’m done with you, you just want to argue no matter what.

You have no right to judge another method as shown in the video. You don’t know the full story, you don’t know any of the childs past etc. There are more effective ways, yes, but in this case you KNOW NOTHING about the household situation and the kids behavior pattern. Tobasco and a shower…For fucking lying straight up AFTER you get in trouble at school 3 times. She took action.

I have an 8 year old that would lie ALL THE TIME when she was 5-7. Sitting down and explaining it to her does not work, she still lied. I took action, not in the form of the video or violence in any way, but I took shit away and she screamed bloody murder worse than the kid in the vid.

My point is you cannot be holier than thou, which you seem to be projecting here.

As you said kids don’t come with a manual, and each kid is different…but you seem to know what’s in the fictitious document as well as what the child responds to best.
[/quote]

you need to work on your parenting skills…i feel sorry for your children[/quote]

You feel sorry for his children? Why?

In fact, tell us about yourself. How did your parents raise an outstanding son? What wonderful things have you accomplished that most kids don’t? Any cures for cancer coming from your direction?[/quote]

Colt this is what I will say about this, in real life you would not dare say this to a grown man. Being a father myself if I heard a young person say this to another man I would be inclined to kick that young persons ass myself. You may have had a fucked up childhood and so you see everything from that viewpoint. So are you a father? NO I can answer that because a father would not have said that to another man. [/quote]

If i saw a father not being a good father I would feel absolutely obligated to say something for his child’s sake

colt44 · December 2, 2010, 9:19am