Worst Parenting... Ever

Off Topic
261

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]165StateChamp wrote:

If a child is doing something wrong, they need to learn to no longer do that thing. Looking back to when I was a child, I didn’t need to know WHY I shouldn’t do something; what was important was just making sure I did not do it. Sometimes physical punishment is the best option for teaching this.

Why would I not go this route? I don’t think I have it in me to hit a child. That’s my personal weakness. I do like the idea of digging holes or running though. [/quote]

LOL @ theoretical parenting.

Children do need to know why something is wrong or they won’t learn or understand. I think the childless here don’t give single-digit aged children enough credit.

When does ‘why’ become important? Their 10th birthday? 11th? 8th? Sorry, but my kids are raised to ask questions and to understand EVERYTHING they do. Apply this to bodybuilding (“Why squat?”-- “Don’t worry about it, just shut up and squat”).

Naturally kids going to ask why they can’t do something. Does anyone really think otherwise? Do you want your kids to be mindless robots?

Is ‘just shut up and do what I say’ how kids should be educated in the classroom, too?

My neighbor, the single, childless PhD saw that we got movie screens for the van for a long trip. She said that she believes that those things ruin children and that they should be made to sit and admire the scenery (for a 10 hour trip). Apparently, some of you would agree. I’m going to guess that many with children would not.
[/quote]

I think you miss his point.

Scenario: “A burglar breaks in the house and your kid doesn’t know it yet. You wake them up and TELL THEM to go hide in the closet. Your kids, based on your practice of them NEEDING to know why at all times, don’t go hide until you explain in fully why they need to.”

Meanwhile, the way I was raised, I am going to hide in the closet because dad told me to, not because he sat down and explained WHY in detail at all times.

The key to that kid surviving in that circumstance now relies on them being quiet and listening when told to do something.

No, no kids always need to know WHY right now. They need to learn to listen when told as well because who knows when them simply shutting up and doing as told could even save their life.

In my house growing up, you did what you were told to do BECAUSE your parents told you to do it. Yes, there may be some explanations as well but your obedience did not rely on an explanation.

It should NEVER rely on the explanation…at least if your parents did their job well.[/quote]

To be sure, I didn’t miss his point and quite the opposite–I don’t think any parent here has stated that obedience RELY on explanation, especially not in an emergency situation.

In your burglar scenario, it’s not much of a leap from “GET IN THE CLOSET” to “GET IN THE CLOSET THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE”. I could even see in that situation, explaining the ‘why’ could freak the kid out. Of course, you only know that by knowing your kid(s) in that particular situation.

In fact, a similar thing happened to my wife recently when I was away on business (cops chasing someone through the neighborhood ended up near my house and cops were banging on the door at 2AM). My inquisitive kids didn’t question her “GET UNDER THE BED NOW AND STAY THERE”.

Again, maybe it’s an experience thing, but I don’t think that’s what is being discussed when we’re talking about explaining the ‘why’ here.

The burglar scenario is much different than:

“Don’t play in the road.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so”
“But, why!!?”
“Because!!!”
“Why not?”
“RESPECT MAH Uh-THAR-uh-TIE”

Much, MUCH easier to say: “Don’t play in the road-- you could get hit by a car.”

At this point, after some minutes, the adventurous 7 year old is likely to end up in the road anyway. If your hand ends up smacking their ass at that point, I wouldn’t hold that against anyone. Ever.

The adventurous 7 year old may not be able to tell you WHY he ended up out in the road anyway, but he’ll at least know why he wasn’t supposed to be there.

262

Havent read all the discussion, but that shit is fucked up!

no i don’t have kids, and no my parents never hit me or anything. But why the fuck would they? If my parents treated me like crap, or punished me with pain or torture like that, i would just hate them for it, and repay in kind. Parents are there to protect their kids from harm, not inflict it. be it Physical or psychological.

I’m a substitute teacher at a school, and it terrifies me to think that any of the kids there could be treated like that when i send them home with a negative note. Then again, if someone is filmed doing shit like that here in Norway, they don’t go on television, THEY GO TO PRISON! If someone slaps or spanks their kid, they go to prison!

When a grown-up does something bad, the worse they get is a time out(jail) and maybe therapy. Why the fuck would parents treat their children worse than we treat our criminals?

If they do it to me, that means its ok for me to do it to them when i think they are bad. - Atleast thats the way i would think at age 7.

263

I don’t own a motorcycle. And although I may know a few basic tidbits on care of a vehicle, I’d never come on here acting like I know shit-all about motorcycle maintenance, performance, and handling.

I have an 18 year old son. Brilliant student and musician, polite, self-assured, articulate. Never been in trouble. Never gave my wife or myself any crap. We raised him without raising a violent hand, but with both of us being on the same page, being consistent and relentless in our monitoring and handling of his activities and behavior. We made sure he knew why something wasn’t permissible.

He understood the consequences (lengthy time-outs and/or deprivation of something he loved). It didn’t take much to keep him in line. My wife and I stayed in control, never showed emotional over-reaction, and successfully used the art of distraction in many cases. One of the best “punishments” was his awareness of my disappointment in him when he misbehaved.

264

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]165StateChamp wrote:

If a child is doing something wrong, they need to learn to no longer do that thing. Looking back to when I was a child, I didn’t need to know WHY I shouldn’t do something; what was important was just making sure I did not do it. Sometimes physical punishment is the best option for teaching this.

Why would I not go this route? I don’t think I have it in me to hit a child. That’s my personal weakness. I do like the idea of digging holes or running though. [/quote]

LOL @ theoretical parenting.

Children do need to know why something is wrong or they won’t learn or understand. I think the childless here don’t give single-digit aged children enough credit.

When does ‘why’ become important? Their 10th birthday? 11th? 8th? Sorry, but my kids are raised to ask questions and to understand EVERYTHING they do. Apply this to bodybuilding (“Why squat?”-- “Don’t worry about it, just shut up and squat”).

Naturally kids going to ask why they can’t do something. Does anyone really think otherwise? Do you want your kids to be mindless robots?

Is ‘just shut up and do what I say’ how kids should be educated in the classroom, too?

My neighbor, the single, childless PhD saw that we got movie screens for the van for a long trip. She said that she believes that those things ruin children and that they should be made to sit and admire the scenery (for a 10 hour trip). Apparently, some of you would agree. I’m going to guess that many with children would not.
[/quote]

I think you miss his point.

Scenario: “A burglar breaks in the house and your kid doesn’t know it yet. You wake them up and TELL THEM to go hide in the closet. Your kids, based on your practice of them NEEDING to know why at all times, don’t go hide until you explain in fully why they need to.”

Meanwhile, the way I was raised, I am going to hide in the closet because dad told me to, not because he sat down and explained WHY in detail at all times.

The key to that kid surviving in that circumstance now relies on them being quiet and listening when told to do something.

No, no kids always need to know WHY right now. They need to learn to listen when told as well because who knows when them simply shutting up and doing as told could even save their life.

In my house growing up, you did what you were told to do BECAUSE your parents told you to do it. Yes, there may be some explanations as well but your obedience did not rely on an explanation.

It should NEVER rely on the explanation…at least if your parents did their job well.[/quote]

To be sure, I didn’t miss his point and quite the opposite–I don’t think any parent here has stated that obedience RELY on explanation, especially not in an emergency situation.

In your burglar scenario, it’s not much of a leap from “GET IN THE CLOSET” to “GET IN THE CLOSET THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE”. I could even see in that situation, explaining the ‘why’ could freak the kid out. Of course, you only know that by knowing your kid(s) in that particular situation.

In fact, a similar thing happened to my wife recently when I was away on business (cops chasing someone through the neighborhood ended up near my house and cops were banging on the door at 2AM). My inquisitive kids didn’t question her “GET UNDER THE BED NOW AND STAY THERE”.

Again, maybe it’s an experience thing, but I don’t think that’s what is being discussed when we’re talking about explaining the ‘why’ here.

The burglar scenario is much different than:

“Don’t play in the road.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so”
“But, why!!?”
“Because!!!”
“Why not?”
“RESPECT MAH Uh-THAR-uh-TIE”

Much, MUCH easier to say: “Don’t play in the road-- you could get hit by a car.”

At this point, after some minutes, the adventurous 7 year old is likely to end up in the road anyway. If your hand ends up smacking their ass at that point, I wouldn’t hold that against anyone. Ever.

The adventurous 7 year old may not be able to tell you WHY he ended up out in the road anyway, but he’ll at least know why he wasn’t supposed to be there.[/quote]

No one is saying don’t explain ANYTHING to a kid. However, it IS your responsibility to make sure a young child does listen to you simply because you said it and not because they received some drawn out explanation in all circumstances that satisfies them.

Yes, if my parents said, “stay out the road”, we stayed out the freaking road. Us staying out of the road did NOT rely on them explaining why. They MIGHT explain why later but all that matters right now is that we listen.

I can see huge problems from that line of thinking later on in life and that may be why the military is seeing HUGE differences in the way new recruits even follow orders from decades previous.

Kids today are soft, disobedient, self centered and on a mass scale seem to think the world owes them something. That has obviously not been fixed by the “give the kids a gold star just for showing up” crowd who seems to think a cold shower for acting like an ass in school and then lying about it is EVIL.

265

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I don’t own a motorcycle. And although I may know a few basic tidbits on care of a vehicle, I’d never come on here acting like I know shit-all about motorcycle maintenance, performance, and handling.

[/quote]

The problem with that analogy is that we were all raised by parents and have that experience. Most of us also were able to observe the effects of different parenting strategies on others when growing up. NONE of that relates to riding a motorcycle.

For instance, I had a close friend growing up who called his mom by her first name. It made my skin crawl whenever I was over at his house to hear this…but we grew up together. Based on what I have observed in him, there is no way I would allow the same in my house with kids. Why? Because I have my OWN experience to pull from and HIS.

I don’t need to have my own kids to understand how that works. I LIVED IT.

266

[quote]Professor X wrote:

If THIS is the worst parenting some of you have seen, then many of you must not get out much. .[/quote]

Here you go, exaggerating and misrepresenting others posts. I don’t recall a single person here stating this is the worst parenting they have seen.

267

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I don’t need to have my own kids to understand how that works. I LIVED IT.[/quote]

I grew up with a heavy-handed set of parents. I got the switch, the belt, and the boot (once so badly it took a few years for my tailbone to fully heal).
This was the “norm” in my peer group as well. My brother took more beatings than I or my other 2 siblings, yet he was constantly and continually the bad one. Parents were to be feared and respected. As a result, I never felt love for my dad… until I became an adult.

I never set out with a plan on having a child and not hitting him. From my childhood experiences, I would have expected that I’d follow suit. But I didn’t. I raised my child with smarter tactics than my parents raised me.

You may have lived it, like you said. But until you actually have your own kid(s), you’re still missing many of the intricacies that make up the parent/child relationship. And we are talking about relationships, aren’t we?

268

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

If THIS is the worst parenting some of you have seen, then many of you must not get out much. .[/quote]

Here you go, exaggerating and misrepresenting others posts. I don’t recall a single person here stating this is the worst parenting they have seen.
[/quote]

That’s the title of the thread, Genius and many here ARE acting like it is.

269

[quote]Professor X wrote:
Yes, if my parents said, “stay out the road”, we stayed out the freaking road. Us staying out of the road did NOT rely on them explaining why. They MIGHT explain why later but all that matters right now is that we listen.

I can see huge problems from that line of thinking later on in life and that may be why the military is seeing HUGE differences in the way new recruits even follow orders from decades previous.
[/quote]

Explaining to a kid why they shouldn’t play in the road is not a military secret. :wink:

270

Iron, you’re asking him the wrong questions. Ask him who draws the cartoons he watches in the morning. That will get his attention.

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

Says the idiot who tried to convince people that being an artist was “important” to society.
[/quote]

So, idiot… imagine your world without artists.

Who do you think draws your favorite video games? Artists. Who paints the images on greeting cards you buy to express “your” feelings for a loved one? Who created the logos for the sports teams you root for or the bands you listen to? How about the clothes you wear… the cool graphics on T-shirts, the cut and design? Who drafts the designs for the buildings we work and dwell in, or that car you drive?

Damn right. Artists. The list is endless. Important to society?
You tell me, internet tough guy.
[/quote]

271

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

If THIS is the worst parenting some of you have seen, then many of you must not get out much. .[/quote]

Here you go, exaggerating and misrepresenting others posts. I don’t recall a single person here stating this is the worst parenting they have seen.
[/quote]

That’s the title of the thread, Genius and many here ARE acting like it is.[/quote]

Now name calling? I don’t recall calling you names. We don’t agree and we never will. But I am being respectful to you. Anyway, other than the title of the thread, would you care to point me to a post where someone represented this was the worst they have seen?

272

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I don’t need to have my own kids to understand how that works. I LIVED IT.[/quote]

I grew up with a heavy-handed set of parents. I got the switch, the belt, and the boot (once so badly it took a few years for my tailbone to fully heal).
This was the “norm” in my peer group as well. My brother took more beatings than I or my other 2 siblings, yet he was constantly and continually the bad one. Parents were to be feared and respected. As a result, I never felt love for my dad… until I became an adult.

I never set out with a plan on having a child and not hitting him. From my childhood experiences, I would have expected that I’d follow suit. But I didn’t. I raised my child with smarter tactics than my parents raised me.

You may have lived it, like you said. But until you actually have your own kid(s), you’re still missing many of the intricacies that make up the parent/child relationship. And we are talking about relationships, aren’t we?

[/quote]

I have already addressed this. In fact, I am not the only one who addressed this. 165StateChamp did as well in that we will probably be much less strict with our own kids than they were with us. My parents were very strict…and I was a good kid so yes, I do believe some of it was over the top. However, you also can’t deny the results because most of the people who grew up near me did not turn out so well. It was a different time than right now with different risks involved. In fact, I would go as far as to day a heavy hand was absolutely needed in that time period in many cases. There was no internet or easily accessible cell phone that allowed you to keep better track of your kids.

The issue here is not about whether to be strict or not to be strict. It is that sometimes being heavy handed may actually be needed based on the circumstances…which is why everyone ASSUMING shit about this woman as if she started off using hot sauce or ENJOYED this as one poster actually wrote as if she was laughing through this is fucking wrong.

If this kid, which it seems he does, has a history of poor conduct and difficulty being controlled, why would people ignore this and ONLY examine her last ditch tactics?

Like I said, I was a good kid, I didn’t even need a heavy hand growing up but often got one anyway. I would not raise my kids exactly the same but I WOULD raise them in whatever way needed for them to be decent human beings. That may or may not involve spanking depending on the case.

273

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]SteelyD wrote:

[quote]165StateChamp wrote:

If a child is doing something wrong, they need to learn to no longer do that thing. Looking back to when I was a child, I didn’t need to know WHY I shouldn’t do something; what was important was just making sure I did not do it. Sometimes physical punishment is the best option for teaching this.

Why would I not go this route? I don’t think I have it in me to hit a child. That’s my personal weakness. I do like the idea of digging holes or running though. [/quote]

LOL @ theoretical parenting.

Children do need to know why something is wrong or they won’t learn or understand. I think the childless here don’t give single-digit aged children enough credit.

When does ‘why’ become important? Their 10th birthday? 11th? 8th? Sorry, but my kids are raised to ask questions and to understand EVERYTHING they do. Apply this to bodybuilding (“Why squat?”-- “Don’t worry about it, just shut up and squat”).

Naturally kids going to ask why they can’t do something. Does anyone really think otherwise? Do you want your kids to be mindless robots?

Is ‘just shut up and do what I say’ how kids should be educated in the classroom, too?

My neighbor, the single, childless PhD saw that we got movie screens for the van for a long trip. She said that she believes that those things ruin children and that they should be made to sit and admire the scenery (for a 10 hour trip). Apparently, some of you would agree. I’m going to guess that many with children would not.
[/quote]

I think you miss his point.

Scenario: “A burglar breaks in the house and your kid doesn’t know it yet. You wake them up and TELL THEM to go hide in the closet. Your kids, based on your practice of them NEEDING to know why at all times, don’t go hide until you explain in fully why they need to.”

Meanwhile, the way I was raised, I am going to hide in the closet because dad told me to, not because he sat down and explained WHY in detail at all times.

The key to that kid surviving in that circumstance now relies on them being quiet and listening when told to do something.

No, no kids always need to know WHY right now. They need to learn to listen when told as well because who knows when them simply shutting up and doing as told could even save their life.

In my house growing up, you did what you were told to do BECAUSE your parents told you to do it. Yes, there may be some explanations as well but your obedience did not rely on an explanation.

It should NEVER rely on the explanation…at least if your parents did their job well.[/quote]

’
Again, you have this style or arguing where you exaggerate and stretch other people’s opinions. No one here advocated explaining every minute detail to your kid…some of us here try to explain as much as possible. Does that mean because we try to explain and TEACH, that we don’t expect a child to do what the child is told when it is told? No one said that, but you sure are taking something and running with it to stretch it to absurdity for the sake of your point.

Do you have kids? I don’t believe you do. If this were a BB thread, you’d be here telling like yourself to STFU, that you don’t count, and go eat and get back to us. Amiwrong?

274

Doc, you’re just mad because of all the dental care advice I gave in a past thread.

lol

275

LMFAO!

I think it’s even funnier that his avatar is a highly detailed illustration that the “unimportant” artist obviously wasted a lot of time on.

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
Iron, you’re asking him the wrong questions. Ask him who draws the cartoons he watches in the morning. That will get his attention.

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:

Says the idiot who tried to convince people that being an artist was “important” to society.
[/quote]

So, idiot… imagine your world without artists.

Who do you think draws your favorite video games? Artists. Who paints the images on greeting cards you buy to express “your” feelings for a loved one? Who created the logos for the sports teams you root for or the bands you listen to? How about the clothes you wear… the cool graphics on T-shirts, the cut and design? Who drafts the designs for the buildings we work and dwell in, or that car you drive?

Damn right. Artists. The list is endless. Important to society?
You tell me, internet tough guy.
[/quote]
[/quote]

276

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

It seems like you have been raised to think little children should be [part of decision making processes. They shouldn’t in my opinion.

If I tell a little kid don’t eat that cookie and they do, it doesn’t fucking matter WHY they ate. They disobeyed an order and that order was made for a reason that a little child may not be able to understand…which is why they have PARENTS.[/quote]

Bingo. I used to ask my kids if they wanted X, Y or Z for dinner…between the 2 of them, they could not ever agree and one if not both were always upset at the outcome and I could never seem to recover. I’ve made this mistake, but it is a particular style that does not work. Parents feel they are making a more well rounded, decisive child if they are consulted about a lot of decisions…they end up being narcissistic in the end moreso than a regular child.

Now, they get what I give them for lunch or dinner. No arguing, and they better appreciate it…like it or not!
[/quote]

Can you point me to the peer reviewed studies supporting your learned conclusions above? Or are we talking about a study of one household? [/quote]

Dude, if you want a peer review for my points, then you must bring them as well for yours. This is MY experience with my kids, as well as many others I have witnessed.

There is NO RIGHT and NO WRONG way to parent proven by science. This is my experience as a father.

What is your hard on about with regard to what I said above?

277

[quote]Professor X wrote:

No one is saying don’t explain ANYTHING to a kid. However, it IS your responsibility to make sure a young child does listen to you simply because you said it and not because they received some drawn out explanation in all circumstances that satisfies them.
[/quote]

Coming from the guys with no kids. Ever stop to wonder that we want even a young child to understand as much as possible bc as a rule kids will test limits, explore and NOT LISTEN? I want my kid to understand ASAP that wandering into the road can get him killed. Because guess what, 6 year olds have a way of forgetting stuff, being absent minded and …oh well, JUST BEING KIDS.

I have one question for you since you’re so damn adamant about this. You got the switch when you grew up. You claim it was effective. So you’re representing to us that:

  1. You only got the switch ONE time. ONLY ONE time, because it was effective; and,
  2. You never fucked up as a kid and did something you were forbidden to do.

When you answer the above two questions, you should start to see some of the problems with your arguments.

278

[quote]SteelyD wrote:
Dog trainers out there:

When the dog keeps shitting on the carpet, do you keep beating it?[/quote]

I did when she was a pup, that and yell.

Also beat her with my belt once when she tore it up. One of the most well behaved dogs there are :wink:

279

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I do believe some of it was over the top. However, you also can’t deny the results because most of the people who grew up near me did not turn out so well. [/quote]

Logic fail. You don’t suppose they didn’t turn out so well for other reasons other than not receiving their allotted beatings do you? Or do you suppose your parents took an interest, apart from the beatings, and guided you along, apart from “X, go get me a switch to beat your ass”.

I’m sorry, but I’m finding no causal relationship between you picking out switches to beat your own ass with and your success today and, the failures in the old neighborhood. Not there.

280

I understand what the parents here are saying. If you don’t have kids, you can predict how you’ll raise your future kid[s] 'til you’re blue in the face, but once you actually have kids those plans might go out the window. You don’t know what’ll happen 'til you get there. It makes sense to me.