[quote]drunkpig wrote:
What is this dating you speak of? [/quote]
It’s something I read about on the internet, and everyone knows that if it’s on the internet then it must be a fact
[quote]stokes1989 wrote:
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Took a very busty (enhanced of course) stripper to dinner at a comedy club. She drank 4 or 5 glasses of champagne while we were waiting for dinner, then switched to bourbon and coke. She was hammered as fuck by the time the headliner came on. We were sitting at a table directly in front of the stage, and she was wearing a dress that didn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination.
So the headliner starts teasing her a little because he was doing a bit about boob jobs or something, and she fucking loses her mind on the dude. She started screaming, throwing shit at him, the works. I was sitting there stunned, as the whole thing escalated out of control in about 20 seconds. I literally had to drag her out of there before security got her.
I guess that’s what happens when you try to date a girl with no class.[/quote]
Did you at least get to do the deed after all of that nonsense?[/quote]
Well, dinner, drinks, and show tickets ran me like $150. Wasn’t going to come away empty handed, no matter how pissed I was.
Problem was, this chick had prepared her house for like some all-night sex binge. Fucking fruit and chocolate sauce, whipped cream, hand cuffs, candles, paddles…she was ready to rock as soon as I got her in the door too. She went from passed out to sex fiend in half a second flat. I originally wanted to hit it and run but I ended up staying the night. Too tired to drive after all that.
I guess in the end it was basically worth the hassle, but I never went out with her again.
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
[quote]stokes1989 wrote:
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Took a very busty (enhanced of course) stripper to dinner at a comedy club. She drank 4 or 5 glasses of champagne while we were waiting for dinner, then switched to bourbon and coke. She was hammered as fuck by the time the headliner came on. We were sitting at a table directly in front of the stage, and she was wearing a dress that didn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination.
So the headliner starts teasing her a little because he was doing a bit about boob jobs or something, and she fucking loses her mind on the dude. She started screaming, throwing shit at him, the works. I was sitting there stunned, as the whole thing escalated out of control in about 20 seconds. I literally had to drag her out of there before security got her.
I guess that’s what happens when you try to date a girl with no class.[/quote]
Did you at least get to do the deed after all of that nonsense?[/quote]
Well, dinner, drinks, and show tickets ran me like $150. Wasn’t going to come away empty handed, no matter how pissed I was.
Problem was, this chick had prepared her house for like some all-night sex binge. Fucking fruit and chocolate sauce, whipped cream, hand cuffs, candles, paddles…she was ready to rock as soon as I got her in the door too. She went from passed out to sex fiend in half a second flat. I originally wanted to hit it and run but I ended up staying the night. Too tired to drive after all that.
I guess in the end it was basically worth the hassle, but I never went out with her again.[/quote]
Im hoping she was at least a hott stripper/sex fiend…and not one of those “is it a man or woman” kind
The last date I had was July 4, 1991.
I have spent every minute I possibly could with that obviously mentally diminutive, and desperate girl for the last 22 years.
I wouldn’t call it a mishap - but halfway through that night, I spilled an almost full spit cup on my future mother-in-law. If you have a chance to spill a red dixie cup full of copehagen and saliva in your girlfriend’s mom’s lap - take it.
That is all. Time to take the geritol and go to bed.
This girl and I met up over a couple of weekends. Initially I was wondering what exactly we were doing but the first one-on-one evening was just very relaxed and friendly so I figured we were gong down the platonic route. The week after that we went for a drink and then got something to eat. She was on her way to a party and I said, jokingly “I have a spare bed in case you’re too tired to get home later” (I do have one) and she went “Riiiiiiiiiiight. By the way, I was the one who came onto you and was rejected last week”. She got on the train before the WTF on my forehead had ceased glowing.
A few days later she asked me if I want to meet up next Friday. After a few more emails she tells me her sister will be there too… And then I find out we’re going to her ex’s band’s concert. Fucking great, I’m confused.
So we go to the show, she introduces me as “a friend”, I talk to her sister and her ex… Then we move on to a bar and she tells me “concerning that misunderstanding we had… I’m going home in a minute and you can come with me or stay.” So we go to her place and end up making out, but nothing else. Still, we fall asleep… She wakes me up at nine, her face a pale shade of green, and asks me while almost hurling if I would mind leaving the flat for now. So I go home while she keeps apologising for her sensitive stomach… Two days later, she’s feeling better and we have our first “definitely a date” date.
Kids, this is how I met my girlfriend.
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
This girl and I met up over a couple of weekends. Initially I was wondering what exactly we were doing but the first one-on-one evening was just very relaxed and friendly so I figured we were gong down the platonic route. The week after that we went for a drink and then got something to eat. She was on her way to a party and I said, jokingly “I have a spare bed in case you’re too tired to get home later” (I do have one) and she went "riiiiiiiiiiight.
By the way, I was the one who came onto you and was rejected last week". She got on the train before the WTF on my forehead had ceased glowing. A few days later she ask me if I want to meet up next Friday. After a few more emails she tells me her sister will be there too… And then I find out we’re going to her ex’s band’s concert. Fucking great, I’m confused.
So we go to the show, she introduces me as “a friend”, I talk to her sister and her ex… Then we move on to a bar and she tells me “concerning that misunderstanding we had… I’m going home in a minute and you can come with me or stay.” So we go to her place and end up making out, but nothing else. Still, we fall asleep… She wakes me up at nine, her face a pale green, and asks me while almost hurling if I would mind leaving her alone. So I go home while she keeps apologising for her sensitive stomach… Two days later, she’s feeling better and we had our first “definitely a date” date.
cuddo’s for toughing that out…i probably wouldve thrown my hands up after the 2nd miss hap
Kids, this is how I met my girlfriend.[/quote]
I went on a date when I was a bit younger and the girl had hair flowing down to her ass. When I was driving with her I rolled up the window on her long flowing hair that was out the window… I get really fumbly when I’m flustered and do ridiculous things lol, I have done worse though and gotten all the more action for it. One was hooking up with an ex girlfriend, on second date though not official, we were in a bathroom of some house she was watching dogs at. I was goofing off and tossing her around the on the sink and wall, at one point I fumbled her and dropped her on her hip in the tub, I have given her a lot of injuries during my time with her for stuff like this though… Still got laid, bitches like it rough… Lol
I used to date this chick that had an awesome bondage and pain fetish. We were at it hot and heavy for a while, then off and on, then not at all. Then about a year later she gets back in touch with me and says she wants to hang out, her parents are out of town and she’s watching their house. I’m thinking this will be very cool.
So we get together and she starts talking about how she’s born again, found her savior and la dee da. I am disappoint! (but still optimistic) We get past that conversation and she tells me that her husband is coming over in a little while to drop off her daughter. He arrives and leaves, daughter is happy and healthy-has lunch and goes for her afternoon nap. All very nice.
Then she puts on a movie for us. Queen of The Damned or something. I’m thinking, cool! This stuff used to get her warmed up cause she likes sharp stuff and blood. So we start getting a little closer and her dog needs to go outside. She lets the dog out and we hear this terrible racket of screaming and her dog going nuts. There’s a raccoon in the fenced in part of the yard and the dog doesn’t know whether to bite it or climb a tree! She starts flipping out. I go outside and get a forked stick out of the wood pile and a nice heavy one too. I pin the raccoon down by its neck and bash its head in. I go back inside and she can’t believe that I killed the poor raccoon. While I was out there she called the police and they are sending animal control. It also woke her daughter up, and she can’t stop crying because of me.
Her daughter finally calms down and the animal control guy arrives. He starts giving me a ration of shit and arguing with me that I shouldn’t have killed the raccoon. I called him a fucking asshole and told him to either charge me with something or get the fuck out of my face, so he finally picked up the dead raccoon and left.
Then I looked at her, thought about how the whole situation had unraveled, said goodbye and left. Never heard from her again, and never bothered calling either.
That “date” sucked.
YO HAHA
Emails for SEX? YOU GAVE THAT UP? C’MON MAAN
When I first started dating my girlfriend I wouldn’t fart in front of her for the first month or so. She thought I was a finicky eater because it killed my appetite. I used to get home from dates and then try to fart, but had been holding it for so long that it wouldn’t come out. I ended up with like 2 day long stabbing stomach cramps because of it. Sucks.
Okay. Three instances come to mind. Strangely enough, they all involve sex being interrupted by forces beyond our control. The least of the three was the night my girlfriend and I were parked on a deserted side street of the local university, going at it in the front seat (far better than the back seat: the seat reclines all the way back…but I digress) anyway, the widows were fogged, but I suddenly beck aware of the headlights of a car parked right behind us shining very brightly into my eyes.
So without losing stride I flipped the unknown interloper the bird. He responded not by turning off his headlights, but by turning on his red and blue flashers. Ohh, shit. I heard his door open and close, heard the footsteps approach the car. I rolled down the window just a bit, and the cop peered inside. It was a moment frozen in time: my girlfriend pressed against the seat, my bare ass against the steering wheel, the cop assessing the situation. Finally he said, “you guys better do it somewhere else.” So we did. I refer to this incident as having been “cop blocked”.
Many years later, I was spending the evening with a (different) young lady in a hotel room. It was our second date, and there was no question but that the nasty was going to be done that evening. We were both naked on the bed, and I was deep in the act of giving her, as Bruce Willis’ French girlfriend in Pulp Fiction put it, “oral pleasure.” All of a sudden bells started ringing. No, not poetical, figurative, orgasmic bells, but literal, loud, raucous bells. It was the fire alarm. We scrambled to put our clothes back on, stuff our belongings in our bags and make our way down the stairway, along with the other patrons of the hotel. An acrid, smoky odor permeated the air, and all of the fire doors had been shut. We made our way outside, where a fire truck was parked in the lot.
Apparentlyc someone on another floor had attempted to make microwave popcorn in their room, but the excercise had gone scorchingly wrong. They turned off the alarm, we returned to our room, and essentially picked up where we had left off. The night (and the following morning) turned out to have a happy ending, but I have added “popcorn blocked” to my lexicon.
Best for last. This was pre-popcorn, and pre-cop. I was 18, and was just in the midst of having sex with a stunning but incredibly unstable 19-year-old redhead in a deserted public park at around midnight. We had been together for a while, but this was the first time doing it outside in a public place. All of a sudden, she froze.
“Did you hear that?” she whispered.
I strained to hear. Nothing. “No, I didn’t. What…”
“That!!!” she gasped, her face a mask of terror in the moonlight.
“I don’t hear any…”
“Listen!!!”
So I listened. Off in the distance, I could hear the faint sound of a piece of hydraulic equipment grunting, likely a backhoe doing some late-night road construction.
“Don’t you HEAR that?” she demanded breathlessly.
“Well, yeah…”
“Don’t you know what that IS?!”
“Yeah, babe, it’s a backhoe or something…”
This time she practically screeched. “NO!!! It’s the sound… from my DREAM!!!”
And with that, she pushed me off of her, and started RUNNING, bare-assed, in the dark, away from the horrible noise. I quickly put on my pants, grabbed the remainder of our clothes, and tore off after her.
Later I would ponder what would have happened to me had I been seen chasing a naked girl through the park at midnight, but at the time I was only concerned with preventing her crazy ass from running out into traffic or something.
I finally caught up with her, calmed her down, got her dressed, and took her to the first restaurant I could find, which happened to be Der Weinerschnitzel (I understand I am betraying my age here. Yes, this was before they dropped the “Der”)
It turned out that the hydraulic sound she had heard sounded exactly like a sound she had heard in the old werewolf movie The Company of Wolves. In turn, she had later had a dream, in which she had heard the same sound, which in her dream had preceded MY turning into a werewolf. So naturally when she heard the sound in the park, she came to the logical conclusion that I was about to turn into a werewolf. That incident gave rise to a third neologism: coitus interruptus lycanthropus. Sex interrupted by werewolves.
No, we did not resume any amorous activity that particular evening, though I did stay with her for a couple months after that. I’m stupid like that. Redheads, man.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I used to date this chick that had an awesome bondage and pain fetish. We were at it hot and heavy for a while, then off and on, then not at all. Then about a year later she gets back in touch with me and says she wants to hang out, her parents are out of town and she’s watching their house. I’m thinking this will be very cool.
So we get together and she starts talking about how she’s born again, found her savior and la dee da. I am disappoint! (but still optimistic) We get past that conversation and she tells me that her husband is coming over in a little while to drop off her daughter. He arrives and leaves, daughter is happy and healthy-has lunch and goes for her afternoon nap. All very nice.
Then she puts on a movie for us. Queen of The Damned or something. I’m thinking, cool! This stuff used to get her warmed up cause she likes sharp stuff and blood. So we start getting a little closer and her dog needs to go outside. She lets the dog out and we hear this terrible racket of screaming and her dog going nuts. There’s a raccoon in the fenced in part of the yard and the dog doesn’t know whether to bite it or climb a tree! She starts flipping out. I go outside and get a forked stick out of the wood pile and a nice heavy one too. I pin the raccoon down by its neck and bash its head in. I go back inside and she can’t believe that I killed the poor raccoon. While I was out there she called the police and they are sending animal control. It also woke her daughter up, and she can’t stop crying because of me.
Her daughter finally calms down and the animal control guy arrives. He starts giving me a ration of shit and arguing with me that I shouldn’t have killed the raccoon. I called him a fucking asshole and told him to either charge me with something or get the fuck out of my face, so he finally picked up the dead raccoon and left.
Then I looked at her, thought about how the whole situation had unraveled, said goodbye and left. Never heard from her again, and never bothered calling either.
That “date” sucked.
[/quote]
lol this story is the best so far.
[quote]stokes1989 wrote:
[quote]Maiden3.16 wrote:
I used to have a bad habit of stuffing trash and other things in my couch coushins… Lazy and disgusting I know
Went out to a movie with, second date, and came back home. My little cousin and my older brother were watching TV so we hung out for a bit with them. My little cousin comes up and sits on the couch with me. Definitley can’t hurt right? Next thing I hear him say “Whoaa and M&M!” and there he is pulling M&Ms out of the couch coushins and eating them. Next thing I know he is tearing my couch apart finding loose change and other little trinkets saying “Man there is all kinds of stuff in here!”
I couldn’t help but start laughing. My little cousin had no idea how bad he cock blocked me, he was just damn excited to find some change and candy. I figured this girl would not want anything to do with me after that but suprisingly it was not a deal breaker. I don’t stuff trash in my coushins anymore.
A few weeks ago while at work I received a text from my girlfriend. “I just spent 20 minutes scrubbing dry burgers from the couch coushins…”[/quote]
Dry burgers? ya you need to explain that one…and if she had been mad or grossed out about the candy in the cushions, just tell her you did it for your little cousin. You wanted to do something fun for him and you knew he would enjoy a couch based treasure hunt (gotta make it seem like it was a selfless act lmao)[/quote]
This nigga is nasty, in a confessions thread he said he used the paper you put coffee in for coffee machine as toilet paper for like a month.
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]stokes1989 wrote:
[quote]Maiden3.16 wrote:
I used to have a bad habit of stuffing trash and other things in my couch coushins… Lazy and disgusting I know
Went out to a movie with, second date, and came back home. My little cousin and my older brother were watching TV so we hung out for a bit with them. My little cousin comes up and sits on the couch with me. Definitley can’t hurt right? Next thing I hear him say “Whoaa and M&M!” and there he is pulling M&Ms out of the couch coushins and eating them. Next thing I know he is tearing my couch apart finding loose change and other little trinkets saying “Man there is all kinds of stuff in here!”
I couldn’t help but start laughing. My little cousin had no idea how bad he cock blocked me, he was just damn excited to find some change and candy. I figured this girl would not want anything to do with me after that but suprisingly it was not a deal breaker. I don’t stuff trash in my coushins anymore.
A few weeks ago while at work I received a text from my girlfriend. “I just spent 20 minutes scrubbing dry burgers from the couch coushins…”[/quote]
Dry burgers? ya you need to explain that one…and if she had been mad or grossed out about the candy in the cushions, just tell her you did it for your little cousin. You wanted to do something fun for him and you knew he would enjoy a couch based treasure hunt (gotta make it seem like it was a selfless act lmao)[/quote]
This nigga is nasty, in a confessions thread he said he used the paper you put coffee in for coffee machine as toilet paper for like a month.[/quote]
hehehe
Random chick i used to go to elementary school with some years back found me via facebook. So we started talking. She was a gymnast all her life, so she looked fantastic. Anywho, she asks me out, so i say ya cool, lets head out. We invite another 2 elementary school friends (also a guy and a girl) just for fun. So we get to the bar and start talking.
Needless to say, it was like attempting to have a conversation with a tree stump. So my male buddy and i start talking a bit more, since the ladies were rather…annoying. Moving on, the girl i had originally came with was 1 drink deep, and was already beginning to slur her speech and say awkward things that made little to no sense. I thought this is going to be bad, since i drove her.
Walking back to the car after she had finished another 1/2 a drink over the course of an hour, she begins telling me about my “energy.” She commented that i had a beautiful energy about me, and that i was emitting a sort of glow. And it sounded really weird. Sort of just want the night to be over at this point. So i’m driving her home and i’d look over and see her head teetering. I opened the windows and prayed that she held it together.
I get to her DRIVEWAY, put the car in park, and unlock the doors- She immediately drops her head and vomits into my car/onto the door. It spread over the seat and into the side holders. This is all at about 1am btw. I get out of the car and get her from the passenger side. I notice her driveway is steep as hell with no sort of side rails. So i take hold of her and begin slowly walking her to her front door, all the while she’s apologizing and telling me to leave the puke in my car and she’ll come over the following day to clean it.
I get to the front door and open it to let her in, she thanks me for my help and leans in while closing her eyes (prepping for a good night kiss i assume). I see a face coated in vomit that reeks, so slightly leaning backward, i take hold of her hand and give it a nice little shake. Say goodnight, and rush home to clean that shit out of my car before it caked on. We never talked again.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]stokes1989 wrote:
[quote]Maiden3.16 wrote:
I used to have a bad habit of stuffing trash and other things in my couch coushins… Lazy and disgusting I know
Went out to a movie with, second date, and came back home. My little cousin and my older brother were watching TV so we hung out for a bit with them. My little cousin comes up and sits on the couch with me. Definitley can’t hurt right? Next thing I hear him say “Whoaa and M&M!” and there he is pulling M&Ms out of the couch coushins and eating them. Next thing I know he is tearing my couch apart finding loose change and other little trinkets saying “Man there is all kinds of stuff in here!”
I couldn’t help but start laughing. My little cousin had no idea how bad he cock blocked me, he was just damn excited to find some change and candy. I figured this girl would not want anything to do with me after that but suprisingly it was not a deal breaker. I don’t stuff trash in my coushins anymore.
A few weeks ago while at work I received a text from my girlfriend. “I just spent 20 minutes scrubbing dry burgers from the couch coushins…”[/quote]
Dry burgers? ya you need to explain that one…and if she had been mad or grossed out about the candy in the cushions, just tell her you did it for your little cousin. You wanted to do something fun for him and you knew he would enjoy a couch based treasure hunt (gotta make it seem like it was a selfless act lmao)[/quote]
This nigga is nasty, in a confessions thread he said he used the paper you put coffee in for coffee machine as toilet paper for like a month.[/quote]
hehehe[/quote]
wtf!? dude go to kroger (or walmart or something) and drop like 80 cents on a pack of generic tp and just double up man…ur probably the guy who would use his bath towel when you ran out of tp mid shit arent u? hahaha
[quote]Akuma01 wrote:
Random chick i used to go to elementary school with some years back found me via facebook. So we started talking. She was a gymnast all her life, so she looked fantastic. Anywho, she asks me out, so i say ya cool, lets head out. We invite another 2 elementary school friends (also a guy and a girl) just for fun. So we get to the bar and start talking.
Needless to say, it was like attempting to have a conversation with a tree stump. So my male buddy and i start talking a bit more, since the ladies were rather…annoying. Moving on, the girl i had originally came with was 1 drink deep, and was already beginning to slur her speech and say awkward things that made little to no sense. I thought this is going to be bad, since i drove her.
Walking back to the car after she had finished another 1/2 a drink over the course of an hour, she begins telling me about my “energy.” She commented that i had a beautiful energy about me, and that i was emitting a sort of glow. And it sounded really weird. Sort of just want the night to be over at this point. So i’m driving her home and i’d look over and see her head teetering. I opened the windows and prayed that she held it together.
I get to her DRIVEWAY, put the car in park, and unlock the doors- She immediately drops her head and vomits into my car/onto the door. It spread over the seat and into the side holders. This is all at about 1am btw. I get out of the car and get her from the passenger side. I notice her driveway is steep as hell with no sort of side rails. So i take hold of her and begin slowly walking her to her front door, all the while she’s apologizing and telling me to leave the puke in my car and she’ll come over the following day to clean it.
I get to the front door and open it to let her in, she thanks me for my help and leans in while closing her eyes (prepping for a good night kiss i assume). I see a face coated in vomit that reeks, so slightly leaning backward, i take hold of her hand and give it a nice little shake. Say goodnight, and rush home to clean that shit out of my car before it caked on. We never talked again.[/quote]
I fucking hate how girls always want to kiss you after they puked…one night this girl had just gone to the bathroom and puked and she came out and started talking w me, then somehow she apparently figured i wanted her, so she leaned in to kiss me. i pushed her away, hopped up, went in the bathroom and grab the listerine, came back out and said “you better use this first”. the dumb bitch then starts drinking my listerine! WTF
So I’m cleaning my gun in my garage one night and accidentally blow a hole in this neighbor chicks hip who surprised me. Now she’s in a wheel chair following me some evenings when I’m home.
She asks me “You know what the worst thing is about eating vegetables?”
I said no.
She said getting me back in my wheelchair.
I moved.
[quote]conservativedog wrote:
So I’m cleaning my gun in my garage one night and accidentally blow a hole in this neighbor chicks hip who surprised me. Now she’s in a wheel chair following me some evenings when I’m home.
She asks me “You know what the worst thing is about eating vegetables?”
[/quote]
hahaha damn