World History

The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That’s why villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live with the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals became symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note about liberals: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the American League’s designated hitter rule because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside of government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to “govern” the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the wild west was tamed and they created an art form of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends the lesson in world history.

Funny!

I figured this was a good place to post this too, given the smallest of connections via the history theme:

[Note: many links embedded in original - follow the link above to see embedded links]

After Six Decades, No End To The Quagmire

PARIS (Routers) August 25, 2004

Sixty years after Paris was seized by the “Allies,” and the beginning of the American occupation, France remains a failed nation, mired in political corruption and beset by vast pockets of Muslim extremism and anti-semitism, into which the gendarmerie fear to tread. The economy continues to struggle under economic policies driven by failed ideologies, and many of its best and brightest continue to flow out of the country, with only ex-dictators and their families, and hysterical movie stars willing to move there.

Sadly, history has born out the predictions of those who, in the spring of 1944, warned against invading. Many had pointed out what a poor prospect the region was for any kind of democracy, with its long history of belligerence and arrogance, and failed republics.

Noted WW II historian Robert Winthrop pointed out that the occupation got off on the wrong foot from the beginning, when the Americans freely allowed atrocities in the fall of Paris. “In the wake of all the violence and sex that the brutal ‘Allies’ condoned, it’s not surprising that the resentment lives on six decades later.”

The corruption of the French government is legendary, with its current president likely avoiding jail only because he’s president. The economy continues to limp along, with high unemployment rates, exacerbated by primitive socialistic policies.

The growing Islamic insurgency in the suburbs of the capital and other cities is particularly troubling, and even after six decades of training, it’s not clear that the native security forces are up to the job, with many of them refusing to even enter disputed areas.

Many say that, as the US has done with France’s similarly failed neighbor Germany, in which many desire a return to communism, it’s time to give up and wash our hands of the region.

“Nation building is clearly a failed policy, and we’ll have a much more effective foreign policy when we recognize that,” said one U.S. State Department official. “At some point one has to realize that there are some places that are simply hopeless, and all we can do is manage them as best we can.”

Regardless of the future, in the wake of all their current problems, it is little surprise that the French street views the sixtieth anniversary of the fall of their beautiful capital to western forces as a day of sadness, and hardly one to celebrate.
Posted by Rand Simberg at August 24, 2004 04:22 PM

NICE!!!