[quote]Cortes wrote:
At the risk of inviting a rain of hell down upon my head, I will say that I think that men are generally more suited to the role of “boss.”
Men are more comfortable giving orders and delegating authority. Women are, of course, capable of doing this, and some women are very good at it. I would imagine that Hillary Clinton is a more capable leader than almost any man on the planet. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t like her or her policies one bit. But she is as far to the right end of the bell curve as it is possible to get.
My point is that I think that many times nowadays you have a female who has either been forced or forced herself into a leadership position she did not really want to occupy. My wife, whom I already mentioned, is a perfect example of this. We own a business together. We are ostensibly both “The Boss.” However, for the most part, all of the “boss” duties are left up to me. There have been a few times where she has had to take the reins and do the ordering and delegating; and I have witnessed firsthand how wholly unsuited she is for such work. She gets pissy, resentful, frustrated and contentious in short order, and she is typically NEVER this sort of person. For the most part, she is a nurturer and peacemaker, kind and amiable to a fault. She feels uncomfortable in a masculine position because that’s not what she was made to do. Again, she is a nurturer, NOT a leader. There is NOTHING wrong with this. In fact, if the world was filled with leaders and no nurturers, there wouldn’t be much world to enjoy anyway.
More often than not, it is MEN who fill the role of leader. I know that females do not like to hear this, but it is NOT an indictment nor is it a sexist statement of any sort. It is, simply, a rational assessment of reality.
I would tend to believe harrypotter has, indeed, had some crappy experiences with female bosses, most likely because they just did not feel comfortable in their positions, and were most likely compensating in one way or another. It isn’t even wholly their fault. That’s why I get angry at the messages modern society sends to young women. They DO NOT have to do it all. We both need to work together to “do it all.” Neither of us can get “it all” done by ourselves. [/quote]
Cortes, I think you’re generalizing from a certain type of personality to the whole. As others have already pointed out, there are strong social biases at play. I’m not sure where the bell curve will ultimately land with regard to women and their propensity to leadership, but right now there are (disintegrating) barriers.
That said, I agree with you that women are, by and large, more inclined to cooperative roles. I am a lot like your wife, I think. I certainly can lead, and I will in a vacuum, but I don’t seek it in an official capacity. I like being part of the team. On the other hand, I have certain qualities that make people, men and women alike, follow me when I decide to go marching off somewhere. I have good ideas and the wherewithal to follow through on them. People get excited. There’s a difference between being a “leader” and being a “boss.” I’m not sure what I might be like if reared differently, perhaps “boss” would feel more comfortable to me. I think it is possible that one day I will assume a more directive role, either for the money or, more likely, because there is no one as well-suited to do it and I feel obligated.
But then there’s the home/sex piece. I am definitely uncomfortable with a dominant role at home, and can’t muster it at all sexually, though here again I have good ideas and am sometimes in a playful in-charge role. I think one of the things that played into the breakup of my marriage is that mine was probably the dominant personality, though my ex is a boss and gives a strong outward impression of authority and masculinity. But there is a lot of insecurity underlying his aggression and he resented displays of strength and competence on my part. I had to work very hard to feel non-threatening to him, which was only workable to a certain extent. We both seemed to be sexually submissive, for example, which caused huge problems. I think it would even be fair to say that we BOTH wound up as you described your wife when in a role she isn’t suited for (“pissy, resentful, frustrated and contentious”). He’s going to need someone who is very passive/submissive, and then I suspect he’ll bully the hell out of her, which is the dynamic his parents enjoyed.
Meanwhile, I needed someone stronger and much more secure. My current guy, also a boss, never ever seems threatened by me. I can be as smart and competent and good-idea-having as I want and it’s all fine, because he is equally as smart, competent, and good-idea-having and he knows how to access my pliable side. I think being comfortable with our roles relative to one another sweetens us both and makes it easier to deal with role discomfort in the outside world.
