Wiping Ass

Off Topic
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[quote]chrismcl wrote:
What I don’t understand is how people can have a toilet without a plunger anywhere in the fuckin house. What? You only shit little popcorn-size turds that smell like roses? You’ve never flushed and had that scary-ass feeling like “oh shit, is this gonna go down?” And you’re standin like one of those spaghetti westerns with your hand 6 inches from the plunger gettin ready to go to war with the fuckin toilet? And its not like these people have high-powered flushers that would take away an elephant, they got those gay fag toilets. I don’t understand these people, I’d rather play Russian roulette than gamble with somethin like that.[/quote]

If I sense a potential overflow, I always try to take the lid off the tank and manually push the stopper shut. When people have all kinds of potpourri, candles, and other junk on the lid, this can become quite a challenge.

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"There’s a little brown spot on my shorts today…

It’s the same old thing as yesterday.

Yeah, it my destiny to be the King of Stain…"

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ok, my stories in pooping…

i have shat myself in many situations, driving to my ex’s house after getting KFC for her, i took a bite of one of the chips and it was salty as fuck, went straight thru me and i did a wet one in my shorts…stunk up the car…while stopped at a light, i saw a friend of mine on the street and had a chat tohim, but he did not know that i had a brown little stain in my shorts…my ex just shook her head when i got to her place…she ate the KFC.

Lying in front of the tv watching the cricket in my fav pair of lay-around shorts…laying on my side, i had to fart, so i did but popped out a little brown round one, i know i did it, but i just waited till an ad break to get up, well, i forgot about it (as well as just not worrying to do much in the first place) and it stayed there in my loose shorts for a good 30 mins before i even bothered to get up and sort out my problem, i still have the shorts, they are very comfy.

another one similar to the first one, just ate lunch at an italian joint, a spicy chkn pasta dish, heavy on the chili spice…anyway, get in the car, same car as b4, and drive off, go to fart and shat a very wet and sticky one in my shorts. got to my mates house (alphaboy around here) and he just shook his head.

also, another thing i always tend to think about is…when you are doing a shit that goes on for ever, tears your ass apart like Mr T and is juicy and wet and you think you need to wipe for ever but after your first wipe, there is hardly anything on the paper and your 2nd wipe is stain free (but hurts due to the redness from the strain) and then im good to go, but in other times when i do a little shit but i have to wipe for like 5 hours and use half a roll of TP…WTF is going on there?

also, do you guys find that after eating chili, mexican or anything with a bit of spice in it, you have to go right afterwards?? i do most times but i thought it alwyas took a while for it to go thru ya? everyone tells me that when i tell them i can smell what i ate when i shit and they tell me that impossible as it takes its time getting thru ya?

and yes i am at work on work time…

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My lats are so fucking huge that I cant reach back there. I usually just take a shower and bend over.

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[quote]larryb wrote:
If I sense a potential overflow, I always try to take the lid off the tank and manually push the stopper shut. When people have all kinds of potpourri, candles, and other junk on the lid, this can become quite a challenge.
[/quote]

Just reach for the knob on the bottom left of the bowl(usually) and turn it off(to the right) this’ll stop the flow of water to the toilet.

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I only shit at the home base, and instead of wiping I get in the shower. It’s got a detachable shower head on a hose, let’s me get a direct angle of attack…

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[quote]frisbee wrote:
hm, 65% of the people in the survey pee sitting down, but only 63% if the responders are women…[/quote]

guys can pee sitting down. Sometimes it’s just more efficient to kill two birds with one stone.

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I just clogged the work dunny, freaked out coz there was a big log sitting on top and that would have gone over the top, but i followed the advice of a poster above and lifted the lid off and released something in there and that saved me…phewww…plus, i am the only guy in my office today…lucky me…

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I don`t know if Tubesteak Boogie applies or is considered a pun in this case.

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[quote]Sabrina wrote:
http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

Don’t ask.[/quote]

I can’t believe 59% eat while on the can.

Moist wipes are the best. 75% are missing out.

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[quote]TTewell342 wrote:
I ONLY use baby wipes! TP irritates my butt too much and baby wipes do make you feel clean without the friction! :)[/quote]
Side Note:

Whatever you do DON’T flush them! My mom watched my son for a weekend at my house and flushed the babywipes…plugged the toilet.

The plumber told me that babywipes are notorious for plugging toilets, especially ones with small pipes. They are not biodegradable so they will build up and all of a sudden poof…no flusie!

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I wipe like there’s no tmr! Then when I’m done wiping, I use wet wipes! These handy dandy wet wipes get everything; they’re ggrreat!! How can someone NOT wipe their ass??!?!?! That’s sick!