Why Do People...

Off Topic
21

[quote]TDub301 wrote:
Are you hyoooouuuge bro? Maybe they’re like jealous of your gains and some junk…

Seriously though, everyone’s different and there could be a myriad of reasons why they would stare at you. You may remind them of someone they know or some celebrity. You could be like me, a tall blonde guy in a predominantly black area (tends to get me looks a lot). There could be something about your outfit or hairdo. They might dislike you for whatever reason. They might like you for whatever reason. They might see you looking at them (remember, if you know they’re staring, it means you’re basically staring back). So many possible reasons and it could be a different one for each person. I’d like to think if it was one specific reason everyone was staring at you, you’d be able to identify it without asking us. Like maybe if your fly was down or have a booger sticking out or something.

I also look people in their eyes, Kraken, but it’s more out of a respect thing, like I acknowledge your presence type shit.

Sigrid, there’s a lot of dooshes in the world who do crazy shit. I’ll echo clunk’s sentiments and say it doesn’t really matter so much. Fuck 'em[/quote]

i’m quite average so i don’t think it’s because of my looks but you may be right about the maybe they dislike me bit i mean like sometimes when i stares back at them they gave me that i don’t like you look or just look away.

[quote]orion wrote:
I will just shove a Napoleon quote in there because I can and in order to show off:

“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance and incompetence”.

It´s true though. [/quote]

okay

22

I’m going to guess that maybe you’re mad-muggin’ the relatives, so they’re not sure what to do. Make sure you don’t come off as hostile. People avoid hostile others.

I may be a bit of a starer, and it’s for no reason whatsoever. People interest me and I also have a tendency to space out while I’m thinking. So if my eyes are drawn to someone for some random reason - not necessarily ugly, attractive, odd, or what-have-you, could be an expression that’s caught my eye or my eyes could simply have landed there before I started thinking about the many stunning victories I’ve scored in the gender wars here at TNation, and then just stayed pointed in that direction.

“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance and incompetence.”

True, and also don’t attribute to malice what could simply be nothing at all.

23

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:
-stare at you for no reason? is it because you look weird or is it because they don’t like you? [/quote]

I have been started at countless times. Oh, let’s say thousands. For probably 90+% of the times, I have had no idea why I was being stared at.

In many cases one is stared at, not because they are weird or disliked, but because the staring person is nosy, aloof, intrusive, or thinks the person they are staring at is interesting or attractive.

In many cases, staring has really irritated me, not because I am insecure, but because–surprise, surprise to those who know me on this board–I can be irritable, which is something that has improved over the years. :slight_smile:

I really dislike being surveilled or intruded upon. It’s not a pet peeve, but a big peeve. I’ve had people stare at me while I have conversations at work, be they work-related or casual conversations. They’ll walk by me talking to someone, staring from the time I am in their sight, turn their head, and finally break the stare if they want to see where they are walking.

Usually if the stare is irritating, I stare back, likely with a serious look on my face, and sometimes slightly raise my hands at my sides with my palms up, implying the question, “Do you have something to say?”

[quote]
-ignores you whenever you’re around like you’re not even there for example when we were visiting on of our relative’s house they greeted everyone else but me is it because they are insecure about themselves or it’s just me?.. [/quote]

Many people, especially in modern day America, are socially stunted, insecure, awkward, and ill mannered. So they might not say hello because of these characteristics.

Or they might not say hello because they don’t notice you or don’t have much thoughts on you either way. From your post, I assume you are very young. So get this, there are people who won’t like you, or any of us, for rational or irrational reasons. That’s how it is.

Like I said above, you will be disliked by some as you go along in life, or maybe hated (gasp), like the rest of us have experienced.

Judging from your post, I highly doubt you are hateable. Usually truly hateable people are so unaware of their actions or so arrogant and reckless that they do not give a rat’s ass who likes them or not. And for some strange reason, many hateable people have partners and enough friends for their liking. :slight_smile:

24

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:
-stare at you for no reason? is it because you look weird or is it because they don’t like you?
-ignores you whenever you’re around like you’re not even there for example when we were visiting on of our relative’s house they greeted everyone else but me is it because they are insecure about themselves or it’s just me?..
I’m not depressed or anything i just want to know why do people do this like is it because they hate you or what
[/quote]
No clue[/quote]

That guy seems employable.

25

As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.

26

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Several weeks ago, a co-worker stared at me from the time I got off an elevator and walked to a bathroom on a nursing unit. When I got out of the bathroom, she continued to stare at me until I got back to the elevator. While waiting, I turned her way, looked at her, slapped my hands against the sides of my thighs, then raised them up and asked abruptly, “WHAT?!”

I was not imagining either. A nurse told me her stare at me was creepy.

27

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Extreme eye contact is generally a form of intimidation, and it works.

28

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:
-stare at you for no reason? is it because you look weird or is it because they don’t like you?
-ignores you whenever you’re around like you’re not even there for example when we were visiting on of our relative’s house they greeted everyone else but me is it because they are insecure about themselves or it’s just me?..
I’m not depressed or anything i just want to know why do people do this like is it because they hate you or what
[/quote]

try this:

Hey what the fuck are you looking at?

Or

Take a picture motherfucker

29

ITT: TNers with spectrum disorders.

30

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
ITT: TNers with spectrum disorders.[/quote]

This made me lol.

32

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Several weeks ago, a co-worker stared at me from the time I got off an elevator and walked to a bathroom on a nursing unit. When I got out of the bathroom, she continued to stare at me until I got back to the elevator. While waiting, I turned her way, looked at her, slapped my hands against the sides of my thighs, then raised them up and asked abruptly, “WHAT?!”

I was not imagining either. A nurse told me her stare at me was creepy. [/quote]

lmao she’s definitely into you

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:

try this:

Hey what the fuck are you looking at?

Or

Take a picture motherfucker
[/quote]

I might actually try saying this to someone at the gym lol

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I think it’s probably penis envy. Really. It even has its very own Wikipedia entry so…[/quote] what’s a deek envy?

33

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Extreme eye contact is generally a form of intimidation, and it works.

[/quote]

Actually, the people who are trying to intimidate bother me far less than the people who seem more like they’re trying to “connect”.

The guy who is trying to stare you down is easy to deal with and doesn’t make me uncomfortable in this least. Conversely, the person you hardly know who is being super nice and trying to look deep into your eyes and smiling way too much during small talk is much more difficult to handle graciously.

Edit: If you stare back stone faced at this person the way you might with stare down guy, you are an a-hole. If you break eye contact while they are still staring at you you have allowed yourself to be stared down. It’s lose/lose really. The only solution I see is to stare back and try to mirror their general expression and demeanour, however odd I may find it.

I always think of that lady in the Dutch zoo who made “friends” with the resident silverback gorilla. She would go see him almost daily. She’d get right up to the glass of his enclosure and smile (read: show her teeth) make lots of intense, wide eyed eye contact (read: stare down) and wave (read: try to look big). The gorilla would stare straight back the whole time.

The lady concluded that this was because they shared a “special bond”. One day the gorilla broke out of his enclosure and the first thing he did was beat that lady within an inch of her life. I can only imagine how the gorilla must have felt when he finally laid hands on this tiny, naked ape that would come into his territory every day, spend 15-20 minutes trying to intimidate him while he was trapped impotently in his glass prison and then leave until tomorrow.

A small, vestigial part of me can somewhat relate to this gorilla when I’m stuck talking to an excessively eye-contact-y stranger. Of course, this isn’t really a big problem, more just a funny social quirk. It’s like somebody told these people that smiling and eye contact is good in social settings (which it is, in North America at least) and they took that to mean that near maniacal grinning and staring is even better.

34

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Several weeks ago, a co-worker stared at me from the time I got off an elevator and walked to a bathroom on a nursing unit. When I got out of the bathroom, she continued to stare at me until I got back to the elevator. While waiting, I turned her way, looked at her, slapped my hands against the sides of my thighs, then raised them up and asked abruptly, “WHAT?!”

I was not imagining either. A nurse told me her stare at me was creepy. [/quote]

lmao she’s definitely into you

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:

try this:

Hey what the fuck are you looking at?

Or

Take a picture motherfucker
[/quote]

I might actually try saying this to someone at the gym lol

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I think it’s probably penis envy. Really. It even has its very own Wikipedia entry so…[/quote] what’s a deek envy?
[/quote]

The thousand yard gym stare is different imo.

35

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:
As an aside, at what point to people here believe that “looking” at someone becomes “staring”? I feel a full 3 seconds qualifies in public settings. It doesn’t sound like very long, but it’s long enough to make most people uncomfortable if they are aware you are looking at them. As a matter of fact a guy I know was part of a crew working on a university campus and a “3 second rule” was specifically imposed upon them when it came to looking at the girls on campus while they were there.

Also, it kinda bugs me when relative strangers try to make way too much prolonged, intense eye contact during casual conversation. It’s not insecurity on my part, I just find it off putting. In primates a direct stare is a threat/dominance display. I think that holds somewhat true in humans as well. Cultural differences play into this in a big way as well. Some cultures (and sub-cultures) find eye contact extremely rude others find lack thereof to be rude.[/quote]

Extreme eye contact is generally a form of intimidation, and it works.

[/quote]

Actually, the people who are trying to intimidate bother me far less than the people who seem more like they’re trying to “connect”.

The guy who is trying to stare you down is easy to deal with and doesn’t make me uncomfortable in this least. Conversely, the person you hardly know who is being super nice and trying to look deep into your eyes and smiling way too much during small talk is much more difficult to handle graciously.

Edit: If you stare back stone faced at this person the way you might with stare down guy, you are an a-hole. If you break eye contact while they are still staring at you you have allowed yourself to be stared down. It’s lose/lose really. The only solution I see is to stare back and try to mirror their general expression and demeanour, however odd I may find it.

I always think of that lady in the Dutch zoo who made “friends” with the resident silverback gorilla. She would go see him almost daily. She’d get right up to the glass of his enclosure and smile (read: show her teeth) make lots of intense, wide eyed eye contact (read: stare down) and wave (read: try to look big). The gorilla would stare straight back the whole time.

The lady concluded that this was because they shared a “special bond”. One day the gorilla broke out of his enclosure and the first thing he did was beat that lady within an inch of her life. I can only imagine how the gorilla must have felt when he finally laid hands on this tiny, naked ape that would come into his territory every day, spend 15-20 minutes trying to intimidate him while he was trapped impotently in his glass prison and then leave until tomorrow.

A small, vestigial part of me can somewhat relate to this gorilla when I’m stuck talking to an excessively eye-contact-y stranger. Of course, this isn’t really a big problem, more just a funny social quirk. It’s like somebody told these people that smiling and eye contact is good in social settings (which it is, in North America at least) and they took that to mean that near maniacal grinning and staring is even better.
[/quote]

Love the gorilla story. Dumb people.

I just throw on the shit eating grin or the George W smirk in the instance you describe. I dislike these people also, especially if they’re trying to invade one’s personal space.

36

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:

lmao she’s definitely into you

[/quote]

After I said, “WHAT?!”, she finally told me what she planned on and the matter she spoke was ordinary, nothing urgent. As I said, it was strange!

37

Last Saturday I was walking along at my favourite nude beach when I came across a textile family coming from the other direction. Now one of the younger girls definitely stared at my dick. An older girl looked, sneered and turned her head away. Their mother had a face like thunder.

Should I be concerned?

Has anyone else experienced this?

39

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]Sigrid16 wrote:

lmao she’s definitely into you

[/quote]

After I said, “WHAT?!”, she finally told me what she planned on and the matter she spoke was ordinary, nothing urgent. As I said, it was strange![/quote]

I was thinking she likes you, too. And she may have been too shy to tell you so she just acted normal when you called her on it.

This is the beauty of humanity, like I said earlier (and some people have reiterated) everyone is different. To some, staring at them is annoying or uncomfortable, but to others looking away too much means you’re not listening. I grew up with authoritarian mom and long-winded dad, so I got both sides constantly, haha

Some could just be like Emily, you caught their eye while they were daydreaming and their eyes just happen to stay on you while they’re stuck in some random, unrelated thought.

I always just try to teeter the line and find the perfect balance. I’ll look you in the eyes, but try to cut it off before it’s in the staring region. And when I’m talking, I won’t give you a shit-eating grin and be as friendly as possible, but will be receptive and non-judgemental and use common conversational tools to show that I’m listening and have feedback. Typically end a convo with a short easy joke-type response. People naturally let a conversation cut out at that point and there doesn’t need to be any awkwardness from talking too much.

If you told me that I think too much sometimes, I wouldn’t argue with you.

40

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]MartyMonster wrote:
Last Saturday I was walking along at my favourite nude beach when I came across a textile family coming from the other direction. Now one of the younger girls definitely stared at my dick. An older girl looked, sneered and turned her head away. Their mother had a face like thunder.

Should I be concerned?

Has anyone else experienced this?
[/quote]

They all three wanted you.

http://www.T-Nation.com/article/most_recent/atomic_dog_oh_yeah_she_wants_me[/quote]

I thought as much!

Thank God I wasn’t wearing a gold cock ring or they may not have been able to contain themselves.