Why Do Men Get Married These Days?

Off Topic
461

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

No, you’re right, it’s insulting to both parties to suggest they settle. I wasn’t at all attempting to do that, just pointing out that women have as much right to bitterness as men, and perhaps just a bit more given that finacial success does not affect men in the same way it can women.[/quote]

Double edged sword. Financial failures don’t affect women the way they do men either. :)[/quote]

I don’t understand how success or failure is any different based on gender. [/quote]

I may have misread, but I got the impression they were discussing the so called sexual market value. I.E. an ugly dude with a lot of money can score a hot chick, while the same might not hold true for an ugly chick scoring a hot guy. Emily commented that women should be more bitter because getting richer doesn’t move them up the scale at the same rate. I just wanted to point out that there is another side to that coin (where being poor doesn’t have the same negative effect on the market value of a woman as it does on a man).
[/quote]

Gotcha, I hadn’t thought about it along those lines.

462

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I would also say that no, dating sites are not a recipe for disaster. Certainly not more than a bar is, which is often the alternative for adults whose hobbies and workplaces do not present much opportunity to meet prospective partners.[/quote]

Oh, I don’t think that internet dating is a recipe for disaster - merely an ingredient. The recipe comes from people being desperate and lonely and setting out with the goal of finding someone to (for example) marry or just fuck. You take a 35 year old woman, season with loneliness, add a dash of fast food job, mix in a pinch of insecurity, 1 cup of aging, 1/4 cup of stretch marks, 3 tablespoons peer pressure, 1/3 cup dishonesty, 1/2 cup desperation, 4 heaping cups of relationship goal, and mix that together, than in a seperate bowl, you put a middle aged man, season with sperm build up, sprinkle with factory work, add a pinch of machismo, a splash of bravado, and a teaspoon of lonliness, than you toss that all in the internet dating food processor and hit frappe. And Voila. Nothing good. Bon appetit. :stuck_out_tongue:

It’s a different case when your goal is to simply meet people or what have you. But for far too many the goal - and by this i mean the IMMEDIATE goal is a relationship. Not meeting people, or getting to know them, but they want a relationship, and they want it yesterday ! Bad bad bad !

Think about how many girls you see on facebook go all girl power about how they just broke up and now they’re gonna do their own thing, and they don’t need a man, etc… etc… etc… only to turn around 1 week later and be like status: “I’m in LOVE OMG ITS SO WONDERFUL <3” /facepalm[/quote]

I don’t know what to say about this - both my boyfriend and I were looking for a long term relationship when we met, and neither of us made any secret about it. Someone to laugh with, play with, and build a future with. I knew when my marriage ended that I am happiest in a long term monogamous relationship. I am also reasonably confident of my ability to make one work (I honestly believe my ex-husband would back me up on this) assuming I choose wisely, which I didn’t the first time around. We were much too dissimilar (my ex would also agree with this).

That’s not to say that I feel certain that my current relationship will be forever, but I’m optimistic, obviously. (Not sure what the ex would say about this, lol.)[/quote]

Presumably he wasn’t the first guy you went out with, and you weren’t packing your things into boxes while you were waiting for him to pick you up the first date. :stuck_out_tongue: Either way I do wish you good luck with him. :slight_smile:

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BTW for what it’s worth OP, as someone who’s had to deal with all of the consequences of an unsuccessful marriage (alimoney, child support, division of assets, paying for HER lawyer (multiple times now), etc…), and who unlike you does identify as an MRA, I will tell you right now I’ll get married again. There’s plenty I’ll do different, but there it is.

Sure it’s a dumb thing to do. Fun fact: all the best things in life are. Cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with a beautiful woman clinging to you for dear life is absolute lunacy. At any second a deer could come running out of the bush, or a car could swerve over and take you straight to Hades. Doesn’t mean there’s anything better to do. Sex?! Holy shit bro. AIDS. I’ll take a hot latina over a good book any day. Squats? You could pass out and get crushed under the bar. Better toss another plate on for good measure. The beach? Holy shit. You could drown. Undertow grab you and you’ll never be seen again. Start a business? Lose your house. Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. Have some kids? Grilled cheese in your nintendo. Skiing? Break your legs. Camping? BEARS MOTHER FUCKER !

Can’t live in fear man. Gotta leave your basement some time.

464

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

BTW, school psychologists typically start out at about $75,000 here in CA, and many make upwards of $100,000. [/quote]

LOL[/quote]

Not that this has anything to do with the topic, except you brought up all the dumb chicks majoring in worthless majors and used psychology as an example. No, I wouldn’t recommend anybody major in psych, unless they are committed to going to graduate school. I also have a license to private practice.

“According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, clinical, counseling, and school psychologists earned a median salary of $73,090 in 2010. General psychologists who worked in elementary and secondary schools made a median salary of $89,570 in that same year.”

This is for the US - CA pay is higher than many regions of the country, as are living expenses here.
[/quote]

median doesn’t necessarily reflect anything lol…

id be more interested in knowing the employment/unemployment rate of those majors… I feel that would be a better indication. [/quote]

That’s true, Walkaway. If you have your heart set on living in a small community, the job market could be very small. People should have their eyes wide open. There are a lot of students who don’t give much thought to that. I’ve never had a problem finding work, but I also live in a large metropolitan area. As I mentioned, you can’t stop with a bachelor’s degree so if you don’t have the grades/scores to go on you should do something else. If I had thought that I’d always be single and my career would be the biggest factor in my life, I probably wouldn’t have done it.

As relates to finding someone you’re compatible with, a woman’s major may be a small piece of the whole picture. Similar work ethic and goals do matter. As does just finding a nice person who you can genuinely respect.

I don’t think my husband gave my major much thought. Having a high wage earning spouse was not on his radar at all. He knew I always wanted to have kids and being a wife and mother would always come first for me. That was one reason I chose my field, flexibility toward raising kids. And I knew he was a smart guy who worked hard. He didn’t have his career off the ground yet when we got married, but I had a lot of faith in him. Still do. We had a pretty similar idea of what we wanted with regards to family, money, etc…

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[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

I would also say that no, dating sites are not a recipe for disaster. Certainly not more than a bar is, which is often the alternative for adults whose hobbies and workplaces do not present much opportunity to meet prospective partners.[/quote]

Oh, I don’t think that internet dating is a recipe for disaster - merely an ingredient. The recipe comes from people being desperate and lonely and setting out with the goal of finding someone to (for example) marry or just fuck. You take a 35 year old woman, season with loneliness, add a dash of fast food job, mix in a pinch of insecurity, 1 cup of aging, 1/4 cup of stretch marks, 3 tablespoons peer pressure, 1/3 cup dishonesty, 1/2 cup desperation, 4 heaping cups of relationship goal, and mix that together, than in a seperate bowl, you put a middle aged man, season with sperm build up, sprinkle with factory work, add a pinch of machismo, a splash of bravado, and a teaspoon of lonliness, than you toss that all in the internet dating food processor and hit frappe. And Voila. Nothing good. Bon appetit. :stuck_out_tongue:

It’s a different case when your goal is to simply meet people or what have you. But for far too many the goal - and by this i mean the IMMEDIATE goal is a relationship. Not meeting people, or getting to know them, but they want a relationship, and they want it yesterday ! Bad bad bad !

Think about how many girls you see on facebook go all girl power about how they just broke up and now they’re gonna do their own thing, and they don’t need a man, etc… etc… etc… only to turn around 1 week later and be like status: “I’m in LOVE OMG ITS SO WONDERFUL <3” /facepalm[/quote]

I don’t know what to say about this - both my boyfriend and I were looking for a long term relationship when we met, and neither of us made any secret about it. Someone to laugh with, play with, and build a future with. I knew when my marriage ended that I am happiest in a long term monogamous relationship. I am also reasonably confident of my ability to make one work (I honestly believe my ex-husband would back me up on this) assuming I choose wisely, which I didn’t the first time around. We were much too dissimilar (my ex would also agree with this).

That’s not to say that I feel certain that my current relationship will be forever, but I’m optimistic, obviously. (Not sure what the ex would say about this, lol.)[/quote]

Presumably he wasn’t the first guy you went out with, and you weren’t packing your things into boxes while you were waiting for him to pick you up the first date. :stuck_out_tongue: Either way I do wish you good luck with him. :)[/quote]

Ha, no, I went into a relationship after my marriage ended that lasted a couple of years. After that I regrouped and sorted out what I wanted and need in a man, at which point I must have gone out with at least a dozen guys. My relationship, which was well documented here at TN along with the dating, moved at a snail’s pace in the beginning, then heated right up. I think we both feel that we’ve gotten lucky. We’re having a lot of fun, and our families seem to approve. We bought a house together last month.

Thank you for your well-wishes!

466

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

BTW, school psychologists typically start out at about $75,000 here in CA, and many make upwards of $100,000. [/quote]

Wow. I had no idea what good value I was getting PMing with you a couple of years ago![/quote]

Ha! Thanks, On Edge. I was happy you asked. It’s been a pleasure to talk to some of you guys about your kids over the years. Sincerely.

467

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. [/quote]

This one made me laugh.

But I quite agree with the post as a whole. I’ve certainly found relationships hurtful, and if I wanted to I could make a case against them based on my experience, but instead I’ve tried to figure out what piece of the problem I could fix so my next outcome will be different.

468

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
BTW for what it’s worth OP, as someone who’s had to deal with all of the consequences of an unsuccessful marriage (alimoney, child support, division of assets, paying for HER lawyer (multiple times now), etc…), and who unlike you does identify as an MRA, I will tell you right now I’ll get married again. There’s plenty I’ll do different, but there it is.

Sure it’s a dumb thing to do. Fun fact: all the best things in life are. Cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with a beautiful woman clinging to you for dear life is absolute lunacy. At any second a deer could come running out of the bush, or a car could swerve over and take you straight to Hades. Doesn’t mean there’s anything better to do. Sex?! Holy shit bro. AIDS. I’ll take a hot latina over a good book any day. Squats? You could pass out and get crushed under the bar. Better toss another plate on for good measure. The beach? Holy shit. You could drown. Undertow grab you and you’ll never be seen again. Start a business? Lose your house. Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. Have some kids? Grilled cheese in your nintendo. Skiing? Break your legs. Camping? BEARS MOTHER FUCKER !

Can’t live in fear man. Gotta leave your basement some time.[/quote]

that is nonsense…

absolute nonsense

469

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
BTW for what it’s worth OP, as someone who’s had to deal with all of the consequences of an unsuccessful marriage (alimoney, child support, division of assets, paying for HER lawyer (multiple times now), etc…), and who unlike you does identify as an MRA, I will tell you right now I’ll get married again. There’s plenty I’ll do different, but there it is.

Sure it’s a dumb thing to do. Fun fact: all the best things in life are. Cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with a beautiful woman clinging to you for dear life is absolute lunacy. At any second a deer could come running out of the bush, or a car could swerve over and take you straight to Hades. Doesn’t mean there’s anything better to do. Sex?! Holy shit bro. AIDS. I’ll take a hot latina over a good book any day. Squats? You could pass out and get crushed under the bar. Better toss another plate on for good measure. The beach? Holy shit. You could drown. Undertow grab you and you’ll never be seen again. Start a business? Lose your house. Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. Have some kids? Grilled cheese in your nintendo. Skiing? Break your legs. Camping? BEARS MOTHER FUCKER !

Can’t live in fear man. Gotta leave your basement some time.[/quote]

that is nonsense…

absolute nonsense [/quote]

I agree and here is why:

This risking everything for true love and whatnot is a uniquely male fantasy.

You are the moth, the “special one” is the flame.

A woman will never see a man that way, she is utterly unable to, you are a commodity, you are a utility and a disposable and replaceable one at that.

Of course you can be proud that your earning power or rock solid abs or your 10 inch dick makes you a little bit less replaceable, but that just delays the inevitable.

I am not saying that all women are ruthless, mercenary goldiggers, but I am saying that the female genetic programming is utterly mercyless.

You either play your role or you are gone.

Its not that women do this on purpose, it is just that if their internal computations decide that you are no longer worth the trouble, her feelings will change, her feelings are always true and you are gone.

Given that, what is a womans attention actually worth?

470

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
BTW for what it’s worth OP, as someone who’s had to deal with all of the consequences of an unsuccessful marriage (alimoney, child support, division of assets, paying for HER lawyer (multiple times now), etc…), and who unlike you does identify as an MRA, I will tell you right now I’ll get married again. There’s plenty I’ll do different, but there it is.

Sure it’s a dumb thing to do. Fun fact: all the best things in life are. Cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with a beautiful woman clinging to you for dear life is absolute lunacy. At any second a deer could come running out of the bush, or a car could swerve over and take you straight to Hades. Doesn’t mean there’s anything better to do. Sex?! Holy shit bro. AIDS. I’ll take a hot latina over a good book any day. Squats? You could pass out and get crushed under the bar. Better toss another plate on for good measure. The beach? Holy shit. You could drown. Undertow grab you and you’ll never be seen again. Start a business? Lose your house. Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. Have some kids? Grilled cheese in your nintendo. Skiing? Break your legs. Camping? BEARS MOTHER FUCKER !

Can’t live in fear man. Gotta leave your basement some time.[/quote]

that is nonsense…

absolute nonsense [/quote]

I agree and here is why:

This risking everything for true love and whatnot is a uniquely male fantasy.

You are the moth, the “special one” is the flame.

A woman will never see a man that way, she is utterly unable to, you are a commodity, you are a utility and a disposable and replaceable one at that.

Of course you can be proud that your earning power or rock solid abs or your 10 inch dick makes you a little bit less replaceable, but that just delays the inevitable.

I am not saying that all women are ruthless, mercenary goldiggers, but I am saying that the female genetic programming is utterly mercyless.

You either play your role or you are gone.

Its not that women do this on purpose, it is just that if their internal computations decide that you are no longer worth the trouble, her feelings will change, her feelings are always true and you are gone.

Given that, what is a womans attention actually worth?[/quote]

471

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
BTW for what it’s worth OP, as someone who’s had to deal with all of the consequences of an unsuccessful marriage (alimoney, child support, division of assets, paying for HER lawyer (multiple times now), etc…), and who unlike you does identify as an MRA, I will tell you right now I’ll get married again. There’s plenty I’ll do different, but there it is.

Sure it’s a dumb thing to do. Fun fact: all the best things in life are. Cruising down the highway on your motorcycle with a beautiful woman clinging to you for dear life is absolute lunacy. At any second a deer could come running out of the bush, or a car could swerve over and take you straight to Hades. Doesn’t mean there’s anything better to do. Sex?! Holy shit bro. AIDS. I’ll take a hot latina over a good book any day. Squats? You could pass out and get crushed under the bar. Better toss another plate on for good measure. The beach? Holy shit. You could drown. Undertow grab you and you’ll never be seen again. Start a business? Lose your house. Get a puppy? They’ll chew your shoes. Have some kids? Grilled cheese in your nintendo. Skiing? Break your legs. Camping? BEARS MOTHER FUCKER !

Can’t live in fear man. Gotta leave your basement some time.[/quote]

that is nonsense…

absolute nonsense [/quote]

I agree and here is why:

This risking everything for true love and whatnot is a uniquely male fantasy.

You are the moth, the “special one” is the flame.

A woman will never see a man that way, she is utterly unable to, you are a commodity, you are a utility and a disposable and replaceable one at that.

Of course you can be proud that your earning power or rock solid abs or your 10 inch dick makes you a little bit less replaceable, but that just delays the inevitable.

I am not saying that all women are ruthless, mercenary goldiggers, but I am saying that the female genetic programming is utterly mercyless.

You either play your role or you are gone.

Its not that women do this on purpose, it is just that if their internal computations decide that you are no longer worth the trouble, her feelings will change, her feelings are always true and you are gone.

Given that, what is a womans attention actually worth?[/quote]

Alright, point taken.

However, please not only notice but also understand the point I was making above.

That is neither a small nor a trivial thing.

Indeed, its dead serious!

472

[quote]orion wrote:

Alright, point taken.

However, please not only notice but also understand the point I was making above.

That is neither a small nor a trivial thing.

Indeed, its dead serious! [/quote]

I disagree with your point, is the thing. We’re back to the whole different species of animal thing. You suggest that women are incapable of loyalty and yet there are millions of them wedded to batterers or writing to men in prison or steadfastly hanging in waiting for their beloved to get a job and stop making passes at other women. I think these women are idiots, of course, but they are certainly not merciless.

Your theories don’t past the sniff test.

473


Idiots: The best kind of women. :stuck_out_tongue:

Battery is one thing. Unemployment, or a bit of jail time is another.

On a side note OP if you find a woman who was married to an abuser for a decade, you will find one that is not only loyal, but is also EXTREMELY appreciative of the types of things that other women take for granted. Suffering builds character.

474

[quote]orion wrote:

I agree and here is why:

This risking everything for true love and whatnot is a uniquely male fantasy.

You are the moth, the “special one” is the flame.

A woman will never see a man that way, she is utterly unable to, you are a commodity, you are a utility and a disposable and replaceable one at that.

Of course you can be proud that your earning power or rock solid abs or your 10 inch dick makes you a little bit less replaceable, but that just delays the inevitable.

I am not saying that all women are ruthless, mercenary goldiggers, but I am saying that the female genetic programming is utterly mercyless.

You either play your role or you are gone.

Its not that women do this on purpose, it is just that if their internal computations decide that you are no longer worth the trouble, her feelings will change, her feelings are always true and you are gone.

Given that, what is a womans attention actually worth?[/quote]

It’s worth what it’s worth, and will vary by the qualities, and traits of the woman involved, and how you as an individual value them. Of course being worth the trouble is one of the things your tasked with if you want things to last. Don’t be the moth. Be the gasoline. (As she must be for you). You also have to find someone who shares your values. Which obviously for men like us means you shouldn’t be dating feminazis or the like. This does get easier as you get older, simply because you get to see how they treated the last guy. This makes screening for psychos almost idiot proof.

Anyways, I don’t advocate relationships for the sake or relationships, or marriage for the sake of marriage. But if you do things right sooner or later you’ll find one (without even looking) that makes everything in life better well past the infatuation phase, and you might just decide you’re happier with her than without her, and that she’s worth the risk.

475

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
On a side note OP if you find a woman who was married to an abuser for a decade, you will find one that is not only loyal, but is also EXTREMELY appreciative of the types of things that other women take for granted. Suffering builds character.
[/quote]

I take it you’ve never actually met one of these women

476

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
On a side note OP if you find a woman who was married to an abuser for a decade, you will find one that is not only loyal, but is also EXTREMELY appreciative of the types of things that other women take for granted. Suffering builds character.
[/quote]

I take it you’ve never actually met one of these women[/quote]

I know women who are extremely loyal after being treated poorly or abused for years. I also know of some who will probably never be able to have a normal relationship after being abused. You can’t generalize either way.

477

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:
On a side note OP if you find a woman who was married to an abuser for a decade, you will find one that is not only loyal, but is also EXTREMELY appreciative of the types of things that other women take for granted. Suffering builds character.
[/quote]

I take it you’ve never actually met one of these women[/quote]

I know women who are extremely loyal after being treated poorly or abused for years. I also know of some who will probably never be able to have a normal relationship after being abused. You can’t generalize either way.[/quote]

strange… all the girls I know who have been abused continually pursue abusive guys.

maybe it’s a generational thing

478

Take up yoga.

480

[quote]Silyak wrote:

[quote]Stinkfist wrote:

Well said. Thanks.[/quote]
Is it normal that my wife and I do this in our late 20s? (in regards to shopping cart pic)[/quote]

I meant to say yesterday that I think it’s perfectly normal and also desirable. Hopefully you’ll still be that couple in your 70s. I don’t think there’s much I like better than seeing old people holding hands or showing other signs of physical love and playfulness.

Begin as you mean to go on!