Why Are Chimps So Strong?

[quote]meesuspush wrote:
pushharder wrote:
G87 wrote:
pushharder wrote:
Another instance: last Friday night I was dancing with a cute chick in the bar.

I wanted her.

My wife said, “Not tonight, honey, she has a headache.”

She told me this without asking if the woman actually had a headache. That pissed me off.

On my way home from jail the next day I snapped this photo of the results of “the headache”.

So, wait, your wife is cool with you sleeping with other women? Or what? How does this work…

She actually just got off the phone setting up a date for me with one of her girlfriends for tomorrow night.

She learned her lesson from last weekend with the headache thing. During this time of recession, we just can’t afford the incurred bills associated with the car flipping phenomenon.

Wish me luck! This is a brand new chick for me.

For some reason my post didn’t stay up? Unfortunately, I do have to look after all our vehicles soooo I did call a single gal that I have made friends with. She has showed some interest in having a 3some or 2some whichever we prefer!

She is a lot of fun and a looker. She likes to dance and is very playful! A girl after my own heart! Wish us both luck with this one![/quote]

Your husband is one lucky man. Just saying.

Push, seriously, you should open a small academy where young men and woman between ages 18-25 would come to get a ‘Degree in living life to da max with 3 somes and then some’. It would be set up like a dojo. ‘Fisting’ the opponent would be allowed if you get what I’m saying.

Damn push has the force to turn ANY thread, even one dealing with chimps into one discussing 3 somes and crazy sex. Bastard. :slight_smile:

Hey, you and your wife will do her or some other hot chick. Don’t be sad! Damn so much lust. Teach me masters. I’m willing to learn.

kneels in front of Mr. and Mrs. Push

[quote]Bicep_craze wrote:
Hey, you and your wife will do her or some other hot chick. Don’t be sad! Damn so much lust. Teach me masters. I’m willing to learn.

kneels in front of Mr. and Mrs. Push [/quote]

Somehow I doubt that you are the first one to do that.

Ever since I stumbled on this thread I’ve been looking up chimp strength. I found this story and haven’t been able to sleep since. Its the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of, and I would much rather be attacked by a grizzly.

[quote]BrownTrout wrote:
Ever since I stumbled on this thread I’ve been looking up chimp strength. I found this story and haven’t been able to sleep since. Its the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of, and I would much rather be attacked by a grizzly.

Worst Chimpanzee Attack Story Ever - Moe the Chimp Owner Attacked [/quote]

scary shit indeed,i never imagined a chimp could be so vicious

Out of the corner of her eye, LaDonna suddenly noticed a large form about forty feet away. It was a chimpanzee, a young adult male, somehow out of his cage, and he was glaring at her. The chimp held her gaze for a moment, and then charged. St. James rushed to his wife. The animal barreled into LaDonna’s back, knocking her into St. James. She wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck, but the chimpanzee locked his jaws around the thumb of her left hand. With a single, ferocious jerk of his neck, he tore it off.

St. James threw his hysterical wife under the picnic table and pushed her further underneath as the chimp tried to pursue her. LaDonna was screaming commands ? “No! Stop! Sit!” ? in a desperate bid to stop him. The remaining cake was on the table, still in its box, but the chimp didn’t go for it. Instead he went after St. James.

As St. James confronted the chimp, the six-two former running back turned to find a second chimp ? also a male, this one older and bigger ? bearing down on him as well. With both hands, he pushed the bigger animal. Both chimps pounced. One of the animals grabbed him in a bear hug before chomping into the bone above his right eyebrow. He then stuck his finger in St. James’s right eye, gouging it out. The same animal clamped his teeth onto St. James’s nose, biting it off, as the other chimp chewed away at St. James’s fingers. In the melee, one of the chimps dug in his claws and ripped the skin off the right side of St. James’s face, causing it to flop over and cover his left eye, temporarily blinding him. One of the primates sunk his teeth into St. James’s skull. He then closed his jaws on St. James’s mouth, ripping off his lips and most of his teeth. St. James tried to put one of his hands down the animal’s throat, but the chimp just kept chewing on it and chewing on it, and he couldn’t get it out.

St. James fell to the ground, no longer able to defend himself, and for at least five minutes, the mauling continued as he lay helpless. One of the chimps gnawed on his buttocks and bit off his genitals. They ravaged his left foot, leaving it shredded. Blood poured from his body, and LaDonna was screaming. It looked as if they were eating him alive. Finally, LaDonna’s screams drew the owners’ son-in-law, Mark Carruthers, who came running armed with a .45-caliber revolver. After struggling to find a clean shot, he opened fire on the younger primate. The shot had no apparent effect, and Carruthers raced back to his house, a few dozen yards away, to reload with more-powerful ammunition. When Carruthers returned, he focused on the older male, the prime aggressor. Kneeling down, he shot him once in the head from close range. As the animal fell to the ground, the younger chimp began dragging St. James’s mutilated body down a hill leading away from Moe’s cage. Dirt filled St. James’s lungs and seeped into his bloody openings.

For the briefest of moments, LaDonna looked toward Moe. He was sitting in the corner of his cage, frozen, seemingly stunned.

The lone chimp continued tearing at St. James’s limp body with his teeth until Carruthers caught up to him and shot him once in the chest, ending the attack. St. James, lying facedown, felt the lifeless animal fall on his back.

Chimps have several advantages over us. Their bow legs give them amazing power. Ask a football coach about bow legged players. Next they have extremely long arm. This gives them major leverage, insane dexterity and amazing strength. Add very powerful jaws, flesh tearing teeth and a bad temper, makes being somewhere else the ideal place to be.

[quote]Dedicated wrote:
orion wrote:
Eddie_would_tow wrote:
I personally believe that Chimps are able to do so because uh some chimps in our nation don’t have roids and I believe their education like such as South Africa, and uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should take roids here in the U.S, and should help the U.S. and its military, so we can help South Africa and the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our armed forces and the future for our children

I still would hit it so hard that whoever removed me would be crowned King of England.

No doubt my good man, no doubt! Even whilst rambling on non sensical as all get out.

Good one Eddie.

D[/quote]

Definitely agree.

[quote]sen say wrote:
orion wrote:
I still would hit it so hard that whoever removed me would be crowned King of England.

Is that her in the pic???

Hell yeah, her name is Lauren Caitlin Upton.

Probably not someone to procreate with, but someone to practice with.

Unfortunately, women like her are usually a catastrophe in bed.

Shame, really.

[/quote]

Shame…yes…kind of like how God created chimps who are less intelligent than us yet outrageously stronger. Damn it all!!!

however, she seems like she ought to be the kind to drug up first.

if anyone could beat a chimp i would say a young mike tyson would have the best chance

Naw, Mike Tyson would get destroyed. Once you have a chimp sitting on you and ripping your face apart, having a strong punch isn’t going to help.

You would need an extremely dirty street fighter. The kind of fighter who was abused from a very young age, and has been in hundreds of street fights - the kind of guy who is already missing fingers. The chimp’s balls would be ripped off first, and his eyes would be gone next.

[quote]BrownTrout wrote:
Ever since I stumbled on this thread I’ve been looking up chimp strength. I found this story and haven’t been able to sleep since. Its the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of, and I would much rather be attacked by a grizzly.

[/quote]

Wtf is wrong with people? St. James and LaDonna…jeeeesus.

you really put plenty of thought into your posts, I see. Maybe he rips off the chimps balls and gouges off its eyes with his toes?
Anyway humans and chimps ahev dfefrent levels of durability/structural integrity, since they are structurally different. A human with bare hands canot exact the same damage on a chimp as a chimp can on humans so chewing off a chimps fingers (say) is not something someone itehr than the mighty atom can do. For fucks sake this one was stabbed by a bucher’s knife repeatedly, hit with a shovel, and shot repeatedly in the center of the chest and still got away without dying instantly after shredding a human being - you can fuse the most insane psycho with the strongest human with mike tyson and bruce lee and it still won;t make a difference if a butcher’s kniofe and gun couldn;t do much lol.

Chimps go for what they perceive as your weapons. The minute they sense a human may harm them they will take his hands/fingers off.Also chimps are used to fighting other chimps -sometimes groups- so they know how to rip your shit off while protecting their own junk. Also the first instinct in fighting primates is to protect their vital and soft spots while taking out yours…a chimp will have no problem ripping uyour skin off with its fingers, even the dirtiest fighter will not be able to damage the chimps hide.

The best way to take out a chimp is with a more violent and quicker chimp - or a gorilla - less agression, but more mass and strength and MOST IMPORTANT greater structural integrity compared to the chimp.

http://monkeydaynews.blogspot.com/2005/07/gorilla-versus-chimp-at-jacksonville.html

[quote]Thomas Gabriel wrote:
kind of guy who is already missing fingers . The chimp’s balls would be ripped off first, and his eyes would be gone next. [/quote]

Let this be a symbol to rally on.

[quote]tribunaldude wrote:
you really put plenty of thought into your posts, I see. Maybe he rips off the chimps balls and gouges off its eyes with his toes?
Anyway humans and chimps ahev dfefrent levels of durability/structural integrity, since they are structurally different. A human with bare hands canot exact the same damage on a chimp as a chimp can on humans so chewing off a chimps fingers (say) is not something someone itehr than the mighty atom can do. For fucks sake this one was stabbed by a bucher’s knife repeatedly, hit with a shovel, and shot repeatedly in the center of the chest and still got away without dying instantly after shredding a human being - you can fuse the most insane psycho with the strongest human with mike tyson and bruce lee and it still won;t make a difference if a butcher’s kniofe and gun couldn;t do much lol.

Chimps go for what they perceive as your weapons. The minute they sense a human may harm them they will take his hands/fingers off.Also chimps are used to fighting other chimps -sometimes groups- so they know how to rip your shit off while protecting their own junk. Also the first instinct in fighting primates is to protect their vital and soft spots while taking out yours…a chimp will have no problem ripping uyour skin off with its fingers, even the dirtiest fighter will not be able to damage the chimps hide.

The best way to take out a chimp is with a more violent and quicker chimp - or a gorilla - less agression, but more mass and strength and MOST IMPORTANT greater structural integrity compared to the chimp.

http://monkeydaynews.blogspot.com/2005/07/gorilla-versus-chimp-at-jacksonville.html

Thomas Gabriel wrote:
kind of guy who is already missing fingers . The chimp’s balls would be ripped off first, and his eyes would be gone next.

[/quote]

The gorilla sustained no injuries at all in the fight, that’s crazy.

When I was a little guy [6 or 7] I was at the Arkansas zoo with my mom. We were looking down in the gorilla pit some twenty feet below where a single gorilla was chillin’ on a rock just passing the time. Out of nowhere it [don’t know if it was a male or female] jumped up, started beating it’s chest and let out the loudest yell I’ve ever heard. It ran over to the zoo keepers door-which was solid steel and a good 4" thick-and startded hammer fisting it.

Every time it struck that door it sounded like someone shooting bricks at a wall out of a potato gun. It also dented the door with every blow. Just about the time a sizeable crowd started forming it stopped and went back to it’s rock. That is to this day maybe the coolest/most impressive thing I’ve ever seen.

Here’s another article about chimp strength:

bpeck

My boy just turned 21 last weekend, so I threw him one helluva party, you know, the whole 21 shots of Brawndo thing. So, anyways, we’re doing our thing and there’s this smoking hot babe who’s a real lightweight (LOLz) a couple of shots and she’s off the wall. So’s I notice this group of chimps have been eyeing her and following her around and I figure something’s gonna go down so I should chill a bit on the drinking. As the party is winding down, these chimps grabbed her, pretending to be her friends, and put her in their car. Mind you, they’re chimps, so it’s basically a trike with a sidecar that seats about 5 or 6. You could say I’m kind of a big deal around here, being 8’3" tall and 650 lbs. I decide to rescue her. I grab my hurling stick (I’ve never hurled in my life) and I start bashing their street piece. These chimps jump out and I just go at them like a spider monkey. I bash this one dude across the face. As I’m totally spazzing out, my hands are sweating, which is making the hair on my palms all slimy and the hurling stick flies out of my hands and impales itself in my neighbor’s birdhouse entrance. The chimps all jump me and madness ensues. I go hand to hand with about 5 chimps for at least the next 3-6 hours (my momma never taught me how to tell time so I’m not quite sure how long it was, but I know it was real long because I kept checking my watch) until the rest of my bras notice the commotion that’s been going on just 8 feet away from them and they rescue me. So now, I’m missing both hands, my balls, nose, left ear and right eye. I just got out of surgery, where they replaced my right hand with the left foot of a chimp that they picked up at the scene, so forgive me for not using paragraphs. Long story short, chimps are tough enough to hang with me for a long time, but they ain’t that tough.

DB

Who would win:

a chimp vs a wild boar?

[quote]bpeck wrote:
Here’s another article about chimp strength:

bpeck[/quote]

Thanks bpeck. Chimps may not be 8 times stronger then humans but i beleive they are def more then 2x. I guess one day they will figure it out for sure.

For example, I have a greater strength level then the average joe. There are world class powerlifters who are more than twice my strength. I don’t think they could rip one of my ass cheeks off with their bear hands though.

[quote]DJS wrote:
bpeck wrote:
Here’s another article about chimp strength:

bpeck

Thanks bpeck. Chimps may not be 8 times stronger then humans but i beleive they are def more then 2x. I guess one day they will figure it out for sure.

For example, I have a greater strength level then the average joe. There are world class powerlifters who are more than twice my strength. I don’t think they could rip one of my ass cheeks off with their bear hands though. [/quote]

But, like I said before, humans are still capable of pressing more weight than a chimp. It’s not really possible to say how many times stronger a chimp is than a human, because it’s all relative.