[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
My boy just turned 21 last weekend, so I threw him one helluva party, you know, the whole 21 shots of Brawndo thing. So, anyways, we’re doing our thing and there’s this smoking hot babe who’s a real lightweight (LOLz) a couple of shots and she’s off the wall. So’s I notice this group of chimps have been eyeing her and following her around and I figure something’s gonna go down so I should chill a bit on the drinking. As the party is winding down, these chimps grabbed her, pretending to be her friends, and put her in their car. Mind you, they’re chimps, so it’s basically a trike with a sidecar that seats about 5 or 6. You could say I’m kind of a big deal around here, being 8’3" tall and 650 lbs. I decide to rescue her. I grab my hurling stick (I’ve never hurled in my life) and I start bashing their street piece. These chimps jump out and I just go at them like a spider monkey. I bash this one dude across the face. As I’m totally spazzing out, my hands are sweating, which is making the hair on my palms all slimy and the hurling stick flies out of my hands and impales itself in my neighbor’s birdhouse entrance. The chimps all jump me and madness ensues. I go hand to hand with about 5 chimps for at least the next 3-6 hours (my momma never taught me how to tell time so I’m not quite sure how long it was, but I know it was real long because I kept checking my watch) until the rest of my bras notice the commotion that’s been going on just 8 feet away from them and they rescue me. So now, I’m missing both hands, my balls, nose, left ear and right eye. I just got out of surgery, where they replaced my right hand with the left foot of a chimp that they picked up at the scene, so forgive me for not using paragraphs. Long story short, chimps are tough enough to hang with me for a long time, but they ain’t that tough.
This was a topic in Scientific American a year or two ago. Researchers have taken muscle fibers from various species, hung a weight and applied electric shock to determine how much weight a certain amount of fiber can lift.
Chimps, dogs & felines, if I remember correctly, were all about 5 times stronger than humans. Leopards were the grand prize winners. Fiber from Leopards could lift 7 times more than human fiber.
He got headgear, a mouth piece and some gloves…I guess when it started off the coach was lighting the monkey up with some stiff jabs and shit and the dude blew a whistle and thats all the football coach remembers…he woke up in the ER with a broken jaw and a punctured lung…
Sounds like the same fucking monkey from that link you posted…man thats some crazy shit…I would fight one though with a armored truck and a freaking nade launcher.[/quote]
Ok, I got two stories. One is a nutso guy I used to train with who did lots of full contact kickboxing. A local bar was having a bear wrestling night. You paid a fee and got to wrestle with a nice big bear (like 800 + lbs). My buddy does this. The only rules are no gouging or biting, nut shots (to the bear) or hitting in the face. They square off, the bell rings and the bear gets up on its hind legs, affably waddles over and gives him a bear hug then sits down. End of fight. The guy does this 2 more times, each with the same result. The bear is happy since in between bouts he gets a snack (seemed to like shots of Coca-cola especially).
Moral: I don’t care how tough you are, if a bear wants to use you like a marital aid, you’ve had it. No wait a minute I meant to say that woman are liars and size matters guys.
Of course, there was another friend of ours who decided to raise beef-alo (a buffalo + cow hybrid). When they got the buffalo, Geronimo by name it was adorable. It was about 2 ft. high and looked just like a buffalo. Then it got big. And strong. The damn thing had the IQ of spam and could walk through their barn wall, even once they re-inforced it with 4 x 4’s. Then there was the time (I was about 12) when we were visiting as a tornado hit. We were trying to get the hell away from this tornado by riding a tractor back to their cellar. Since we had to cross Geronimo’s field, he came out and squared off against us. And yes this is while a funnel cloud is behind up ripping up everything in its path. Boy that was fun. Fortunately one of the other guys in a pick up saw it and ran him off. We made it to safety. (Their house was ok, but a lot of their outlying buildings were destroyed. Never did find any of the chicken house. Just feathers. Lots of feathers.)
Finally Geronimo escaped again and went down the street. The owner + sons went to get him and Geronimo decided he didn’t want to go back, so he attacked the pickup the guy was in, turning it over and throwing him clear, then chased him down gored him to death while his sons watched. Needless to say, Geronimo got dropped on the spot with a single, large caliber shot to the head. End of the beefalo experiment. Hell yeah I’d hunt like the Indians and run them right over a cliff.
[quote]on edge wrote:
This was a topic in Scientific American a year or two ago. Researchers have taken muscle fibers from various species, hung a weight and applied electric shock to determine how much weight a certain amount of fiber can lift.
Chimps, dogs & felines, if I remember correctly, were all about 5 times stronger than humans. Leopards were the grand prize winners. Fiber from Leopards could lift 7 times more than human fiber.[/quote]
There is also the temperament of the animal. Dogs are social and will control themselves, usually. This lets us have them in various sizes. Cats don’t do that and the largest wild cat that can be domesticated is the jaguarundi, weighing in around 1.5 times the size of the average house cat. Any larger and at some point it will eat you. Heck, if you die your cats will eat you anyway while the dog will stand guard over you. This is why a lot of first responders (cops, firefighters, EMTs) don’t like to own cats. They’ve seen too many slightly gnawed on little old ladies.
[quote]Mzungu wrote:
There are no Chimp gyms where a big chimp is telling all the little chimps to do their squats :-)[/quote]
Unbelievably funny!
As for the news story (although prob way late in the discussion), wtf do you expect from a chimp? It’s ridiculous to hold the chimp hostage as a pet and get angry when the chimp simply acts out on its nature. It’s totally unethical. Hahaahahaa I got a pet tiger lets go pet the pretty kitty … wtf do you expect if the tiger bites your leg off… it’s a fucking tiger. fuck!
Of course, there was another friend of ours who decided to raise beef-alo (a buffalo + cow hybrid). When they got the buffalo, Geronimo by name it was adorable. It was about 2 ft. high and looked just like a buffalo. Then it got big. And strong. The damn thing had the IQ of spam and could walk through their barn wall, even once they re-inforced it with 4 x 4’s. Then there was the time (I was about 12) when we were visiting as a tornado hit. We were trying to get the hell away from this tornado by riding a tractor back to their cellar. Since we had to cross Geronimo’s field, he came out and squared off against us. And yes this is while a funnel cloud is behind up ripping up everything in its path. Boy that was fun. Fortunately one of the other guys in a pick up saw it and ran him off. We made it to safety. (Their house was ok, but a lot of their outlying buildings were destroyed. Never did find any of the chicken house. Just feathers. Lots of feathers.)
Finally Geronimo escaped again and went down the street. The owner + sons went to get him and Geronimo decided he didn’t want to go back, so he attacked the pickup the guy was in, turning it over and throwing him clear, then chased him down gored him to death while his sons watched. Needless to say, Geronimo got dropped on the spot with a single, large caliber shot to the head. End of the beefalo experiment. Hell yeah I’d hunt like the Indians and run them right over a cliff.
– jj[/quote]
This story’s funnier than DB’s…whether intentionally or not, I’m not sure.
[quote]jj-dude wrote:
on edge wrote:
This was a topic in Scientific American a year or two ago. Researchers have taken muscle fibers from various species, hung a weight and applied electric shock to determine how much weight a certain amount of fiber can lift.
Chimps, dogs & felines, if I remember correctly, were all about 5 times stronger than humans. Leopards were the grand prize winners. Fiber from Leopards could lift 7 times more than human fiber.
There is also the temperament of the animal. Dogs are social and will control themselves, usually. This lets us have them in various sizes. Cats don’t do that and the largest wild cat that can be domesticated is the jaguarundi, weighing in around 1.5 times the size of the average house cat. Any larger and at some point it will eat you. Heck, if you die your cats will eat you anyway while the dog will stand guard over you. This is why a lot of first responders (cops, firefighters, EMTs) don’t like to own cats. They’ve seen too many slightly gnawed on little old ladies.
– jj[/quote]
I’m going to guess that without food (long enough) a dog would eventually eat you too.
As for wild dogs - can a dingo be domesticated or will he eat your baby?
[quote]Geminspector wrote:
I’m going to guess that without food (long enough) a dog would eventually eat you too.
As for wild dogs - can a dingo be domesticated or will he eat your baby?[/quote]
Ha ! The dingo ate my baby !!
There was a Stephen King book called Gerald’s Game where the hubby tied the wifey to the bed for sex games and then died of a heart attack and wifey couldn’t free herself for like a week and the dog ended up in the bedroom and ate the man’s head…I know it’s fiction, but Stephen King is a pretty creepy guy so maybe this happened to him or a friend and so he knows it’s true.
[quote]sen say wrote:
Geminspector wrote:
I’m going to guess that without food (long enough) a dog would eventually eat you too.
As for wild dogs - can a dingo be domesticated or will he eat your baby?
Ha ! The dingo ate my baby !!
There was a Stephen King book called Gerald’s Game where the hubby tied the wifey to the bed for sex games and then died of a heart attack and wifey couldn’t free herself for like a week and the dog ended up in the bedroom and ate the man’s head…I know it’s fiction, but Stephen King is a pretty creepy guy so maybe this happened to him or a friend and so he knows it’s true.[/quote]
Must have been an ugly wife if that’s all the dog did.
[quote]sen say wrote:
Geminspector wrote:
I’m going to guess that without food (long enough) a dog would eventually eat you too.
As for wild dogs - can a dingo be domesticated or will he eat your baby?
Ha ! The dingo ate my baby !!
There was a Stephen King book called Gerald’s Game where the hubby tied the wifey to the bed for sex games and then died of a heart attack and wifey couldn’t free herself for like a week and the dog ended up in the bedroom and ate the man’s head…I know it’s fiction, but Stephen King is a pretty creepy guy so maybe this happened to him or a friend and so he knows it’s true.[/quote]
ohhh, that was a scary book. I would read it at night, then put the book in the mailbox overnight so it wouldn’t be in the house with me. - yikes
I would tear a chimp to pieces. First thing is I would get my boys together. Then we would all gang up on it, we would bite its face and balls off to show it who the real man is, then we would eat its fucking hands. Then it would really know we are the fucking dudes!
Finallly, i’ve sat and read through this entire thread, start to finish, and i am in awe. I had no idea how much power these animals possess. Anyway, i’m tired, but in awe none the less, 03:50 here in the UK, night lads.
