Of course we all do. Envy is part of the human condition. That’s why “do not envy (covet)” is number 10 of the Ten Commandments. It’s the one we need to remember in our daily lives.
Here is a simple thing to do: do not look at others to see if they have “more” (of whatever) than you. Look to make sure they have enough.
By making sure, first and foremost, that others are taken care of, your mindset changes about life.
In a Jewish home, this is the first practical lesson for children – do the other kids (generally siblings) have enough food on their plates?
Do this simple change of mindset, and you will be amazed at how things fall in place.
I’m not going to give any suggestions. Here is why:
I feel like I’ve created some sort of success. 27, making good money, wife and a new baby owning my own house. It hasn’t been an easy run and I have nothing but a high school education…
BUT I don’t know you from a small paragraph on a thread and neither does anyone else. I’m sure there is some good advice but probably a lot of crap at the same time so find what works for you… and go succeed and marry her but when you do it, do it for life, not until divorce. Don’t do it if it won’t last until death. Its not fair to yourself, or her or your children. It leaves irreversible damage.
I’m majoring in electrical engineering at UIC. My Chinese has become a lot more fluent, but I still have a long way to go. I have made a ton of Chinese friends.
I feel terrible though, let me explain. Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years. She’s a year ahead of me, so last year was our first time having to spend time apart as she went to college downstate, 300 miles away. It was hard but I overcame feelings of fear and temptation easily. Now I have been in college myself less than one semester. As of late, the feelings of desire to fuck other girls has been so strong and I don’t understand why. It’s like I’m trying to fight myself. My girlfriend is the person that means the most to me. She deserves none of this. My heart has constantly been beating at a rapid pace, I’ve been constantly shaking, and feeling sick, because I feel sick about myself. I hate myself. She deserves none of this. She’s literally sweet as she can be. She has done nothing to deserve this.
A girl who works at the local Panda Express wrote her number on my box when I was ordering food. I called the number that night and told her I had a girlfriend, as to not come off as an asshole or make her feel unconfident. Just to be nice. That was the end of that.
Every time I walk around campus I see girls that I know want to talk to me. Some have literally walked up to me and say that I look good. I just say thanks but this is a shock for me.
As of late I have been very stressed with homework and short of sleep, and I haven’t been to the gym in the past week due to homework. There’s a beautiful woman that I think is a student that works at the dining hall that I literally have been struggling not to get the number of. It’s difficult for me to admit because my whole life I have despised cheating. My father cheated on my mother and created my brother. I don’t want to put my gf through that shit. I just don’t understand why the desire is so fucking strong. I literally left the dining hall and we were looking at each other several seconds and she was smiling. I literally left the lunchroom and came back knowing that I had the intent to get her number…I KNEW what I was about to do was wrong. Luckily she wasn’t at the register, and never came out. But it had gotten to that point.
I told my girlfriend about my issues in the hopes that talking it out with my best friend could help me. I feel horrible. She now thinks I don’t love her anymore. She was all confused and trying to figure out what was going on, what made me like this, and nothing she said helped really. She now thinks I don’t love her anymore and thinks I’ll leave her. She doesn’t believe me anymore, neither does she believe the promise I made to her not to leave her alone.
I’m literally becoming what I hated the most. All my friends cheated all my girlfriends and I would constantly tell them that what they were doing is wrong. Now look at me. Pitiful.
A prisoner does not do things because they do not have access to those things. If the only thing keeping you from cheating is a lack of access, you are simply a prisoner.
If you can remain faithful in the presence of temptation, THEN are you truly faithful.
One of my pet hates. 99% of the time “can’t” simply means “won’t”. One of the few things guaranteed to get me truly angry is some poor victim using can’t instead of won’t. It’s such a cop out. You’ve decided not to, that’s fine, that’s your right. Own that decision, don’t externalise the blame.
Edit: just to clarify, I clearly don’t mean you personally. That would be a silly thing.
Went to college on the east coast, while my wife lived in the Midwest. Navy life now, so I have been away from my wife far more than I have been with her. Long distance is awful, takes a lot of effort to make work.
Now, some guys say they meet the woman of their dreams and never feel desire again. Kudos to them If true , but I suspect they are lying through their teeth. Attraction is natural. Over the years I have had many girls who I was wildly attracted to, quite a few who made it very obvious that they felt the same. When that happens, I just warmly tell the person that I am very happily married, and that ends the situation.
You are a red blooded male. The idea that you won’t be sexually attracted to others is irrational. And that’s okay, you should have no moral qualms about saying that you objectively would enjoy someone’s…err company. But that’s where it ends. Part of being a good partner is being faithful, is saying no to temptation. Not saying no because the temptation doesn’t exist, but saying no because you love your partner, and you know that it is the right thing to do.
Yeah, it sucks sometimes. When you haven’t seen your girl in 7 months and Miss DC calls you at 1 am after you’ve been drinking to ask you to come over, your going to wish you could say yes. Hell, you can say yes. But not if you want to be a good partner. If the temptation is greater than your willpower to say no, then that is on you 100%, and you need to end things with your girl. If you want to make your relationship work, man up and say no to anything that could hurt you and your partners life together.