[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Nards wrote:
Hey thanks! And I wasn’t kidding…here’s me in my Underoos only minutes ago.
[/quote]
Nards. The only man on T-Nation who is man enough to post a pic of himself in his skivvies within a chaotic environment overrun by canine crates and female accessories.
[/quote]
Ct. Rockula’s ears are burning! (or is it bleeding?..or is it even his ears???)
[quote]Nards wrote:
[quote]Loudog75 wrote:
[quote]Nards wrote:
Hey thanks! And I wasn’t kidding…here’s me in my Underoos only minutes ago.
Now RV…we need yours because until then…I AM BIGGER THAN YOU BECAUSE WITHOUT PICS IT DOESN’T EXIST![/quote]
Some beautiful purses you got there sweetie.[/quote]
If you can beilieve this those are bags for carrying dogs. I shit you not.
Ask four60 about the stroller.[/quote]
That was the all time greatest pics of all times. Hands down. Funny
BREAKING NEWS
on a previous post I challenged Rogue to post some of his writing and stated that I wanted to see it, even though he knew he would get flamed…Guess what? Rogue responded to me via PM, stating that he would send me a page or two if I would post the pages. The request being if I posted it, that some would read before beginning the flame fest…so I agreed, the following is the information I recieved from Rogue…verbatim. I have read it, not my type of reading, but I asked and Rogue responded. Per the Rogue Vampire, two pages of his writings of his book:
The 2 or so pages I’m emailing are of a young man named “Ibis” he was one of the 4 servants that testified against the countess and was responsible for many of the young girls deaths, that were blamed on the countess.
Now, the countess is still in her 20s, but since I went back in time, it must have changed things, cause Ibis, isn’t supposed to come into her life for many many years from now. AT this point in the story, the countess is well aware of what her fate entailed. Of how she was rail roaded and walled up in a small portion of her castle. She found Ibis huddled in a corner, in a shelter she set up to take care of wounded soldiers and their families. The war going on at the time was Hungary and Turkey. She took Ibis home and took care of him for a time, till she was made aware of who he was.
These 2 pages are the last of many days of torture for this young man. In the countess’ eyes, he has alot to atone for. and she is one angry chick. If and when you post this, include this setup with the pages.
Maria returns carrying the supplies, the countess had requested. She sees all the wood starting to pile up around Ibis. Maria crouches down and whispers softly in Ibis? ear.
?You?re going to burn.? Maria says while laughing.
?No, countess, I beg of you! Ibis? says loudly.
?What a shame his stitches seem to have come undone. The countess states.
?Would you like me to sew his lips shut again?? Maria asks.
?No, I don?t want his screams to be muffled.
?Maria, pile the logs around our friend.? Erzsebet says.
Maria also brought some paper, which is highly flammable used solely to get fires started. She places the paper in between the logs. The countess picks up the bottle of whiskey but before she pours it onto the logs and ibis.
?Maria my dear, could you go retrieve the fire poker?? The countess asks.
?Yes of course my lady.?
The countess starts pouring the whiskey all over Ibis? body and on the logs that are around his chair. Moments later, Maria comes out with the fire poker in hand. The tip is red hot from being in the fire for hours. Maria hands the countess the rather heavy piece of iron.
?Maria, remove his shirt.?
She tears at his shirt till it is in shreds and on the ground. If the countess did not hold her back, she would have killed Ibis right then. The countess lifts the iron poker, which has to weigh close to 10lbs and brings it within inches of Ibis? face. The heat was so intense you could feel it from 2 feet away.
?Ibis, I realize you don?t fully understand why this is happening but just accept that it is for the best. Hopefully, our lord will have sympathy for you, because you will not find it here.? The countess lays the poker across his chest. Ibis screams and begs her to stop. You can hear the skin burning under the heat of the iron rod. She moves the heavy piece of iron over his body, leaving a trail of burned flesh. The countess throws the poker to the ground.
?David, would you do the honor?? The countess asks while pointing to the logs.
I walk over to Erzsebet and grab the tinderbox.
?I love you my sweet.? I state. She smiles then kisses me. I spread out the parched paper at the base of the logs. Even the tiniest of sparks will ignite it. I strike the flint against the metal instrument, which causes a spark to fall onto the parchment. As the flame begins to grow larger, I stand back with the countess and Maria. Ibis is no longer fighting for his escape.
The flames make contact with the alcohol soaked logs and the fire starts rapidly spreading upwards. The fire itself is becoming unbearably hot, so we must step back even further. The burning wrath of the flames now envelops Ibis completely; his screaming is unlike anything I had ever heard before. His body is quivering uncontrollably till finally he lay motionless. The nauseating smell of burning flesh is almost intolerable. The chair collapses to the ground with Ibis still in it. The countess pours more alcohol on him.
?May you continue to burn in hell long after your death. I want him to burn till nothing is left but ashes.? The countess states.
Maria lets out a laugh but tries to muffle it with her hand.
?My dear, if you want to laugh, then by all means, laugh.?
Ibis? once youthful skin has now become completely charred.
?Maria, place a few more logs around him. There must not be anything left.?
The sizzling of his burning skin, now makes way for the cracking and breaking of his bones. Maria tosses another log into the flames and steps back with us, as we watch Ibis burn to ashes. The countess splashes a bit more alcohol on the small inferno.
?I believe we are almost done here.? Ezsebet says.
The flames begin to taper down, so we stomp on whatever is still left burning. After nearly 3 hours of watching this young man burn to death for his atrocities, it is finally over. We sift through all the ash from the chair and Ibis and find only a few bones that refused to burn.
I am the first guy to post after that. This is some sort of honor.
[quote]Nards wrote:
I am the first guy to post after that. This is some sort of honor.[/quote]
its a tad gruesome, but I didn’t want it to be something boring. plus I wanted some dialogue.
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Cause its horseshit troll turds.
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present.
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present. [/quote]
Yeah, but you can still use a third person/past point of view. I believe it works much better for this kind of work.
[quote]Nards wrote:
Hey thanks! And I wasn’t kidding…here’s me in my Underoos only minutes ago.
Now RV…we need yours because until then…I AM BIGGER THAN YOU BECAUSE WITHOUT PICS IT DOESN’T EXIST![/quote]
The toe point is quite disturbing. I mean really disturbing.
Otherwise, carry on.
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present. [/quote]
Yeah, but you can still use a third person/past point of view. I believe it works much better for this kind of work.[/quote]
I believe there are times I do use that point of view. But during dialogue, its happening right then and there.
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present. [/quote]
Yeah, but you can still use a third person/past point of view. I believe it works much better for this kind of work.[/quote]
I believe there are times I do use that point of view. But during dialogue, its happening right then and there.[/quote]
There are some tense errors in there for sure. Also, id like to see a more decriptive torture…oh, and add a few different words in for the characters speeches…maybe some type of sadistic kissing while you all watch him burn.
Not bad. I know everyone here will say it is because they hate you but I think after you clean it up the final product will be good…
Nice work
Why did you PM it to someone else and tell them exactly how to post it instead of posting it yourself? I am so confused.
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present. [/quote]
Yeah, but you can still use a third person/past point of view. I believe it works much better for this kind of work.[/quote]
I believe there are times I do use that point of view. But during dialogue, its happening right then and there.[/quote]
There are some tense errors in there for sure. Also, id like to see a more decriptive torture…oh, and add a few different words in for the characters speeches…maybe some type of sadistic kissing while you all watch him burn.
Not bad. I know everyone here will say it is because they hate you but I think after you clean it up the final product will be good…
Nice work[/quote]
Oh, this has never been edited. so im sure it will have to under go some fixing. At the same time, i don’t like over blown dialogue. I also want to portray the countess fairly. She was very complex. she had a big heart, but she could also be sadistic and cruel. But yes, I love and try to be descriptive, so adding more to it, will always be good. thanks for the advice.
What do you mean about tense errors, if you could, could you point out an example, so i know for future reference and also fix the mistake.
[quote]scj119 wrote:
Why did you PM it to someone else and tell them exactly how to post it instead of posting it yourself? I am so confused.[/quote]
SC pictures my man, pictures use them.
[quote]scj119 wrote:
Why did you PM it to someone else and tell them exactly how to post it instead of posting it yourself? I am so confused.[/quote]
To be honest, im not sure. Probably cause he asked me “why don’t you post a page or 2” be interested in reading it. he said id probably get flamed, but who cares. so, theres really not a good reason for emailing him the pages and not just doing it myself.
[quote]scj119 wrote:
Why did you PM it to someone else and tell them exactly how to post it instead of posting it yourself? I am so confused.[/quote]
He PM’d me that he would send the pages, I told him I would post, he said to go ahead but I had to include the set-up. I think from our conversation he beleived it would not get flamed as badly if someone else posted it. I didn’t think it mattered, but since he answered my challenge/request I posted it like he said. Again not my type of story or writing style, but he did what he said he would do…SCJ119 I’m not sure if this elimantes any confusion but that’s all I’ve got…
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]roguevampire wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
RV, why did you use that tense in particular and not third person/past?[/quote]
Well, for me, its not the past, its happening right then and there. It is in the past, but, its now my present. [/quote]
Yeah, but you can still use a third person/past point of view. I believe it works much better for this kind of work.[/quote]
I believe there are times I do use that point of view. But during dialogue, its happening right then and there.[/quote]
There are some tense errors in there for sure. Also, id like to see a more decriptive torture…oh, and add a few different words in for the characters speeches…maybe some type of sadistic kissing while you all watch him burn.
Not bad. I know everyone here will say it is because they hate you but I think after you clean it up the final product will be good…
Nice work[/quote]
Oh, this has never been edited. so im sure it will have to under go some fixing. At the same time, i don’t like over blown dialogue. I also want to portray the countess fairly. She was very complex. she had a big heart, but she could also be sadistic and cruel. But yes, I love and try to be descriptive, so adding more to it, will always be good. thanks for the advice.
What do you mean about tense errors, if you could, could you point out an example, so i know for future reference and also fix the mistake.[/quote]
Well, after reading it again, its fine. it looks jumbled in the post but after I seperated it the way it would look in a book it became less awkward…
You use the word -states- a lot though. I think more variety in that area would be good…
Ibis pleaded…
Maria mocked
I declared my love…
Get it? If every time someone says something the reader sees the same words -states- it might get boring…liven it up…think about HOW the characters say what they say…
Ibis pleaded as hope slipped away.
Maria mocked sharply, almost singing to ibis you’re going to burn…
About this particular scene
Could you have ibis be more defiant? Before countess uses the poker on him, he could spit on her…then you could leap from your seat to defend her but be blocked by maria so countess could make the torture even more personal,drawn out, and wicked.
Doing something like that would add something more interesting to your role too…
A torture scene would be a good time for more dialouge I think…even add a musician and a meal somewhere in there
Something that would be really gruesome is burning him in parts…as in one leg…put it out…the other leg…put it out…break the legs…burn the arms one by one and break them…return to meal while he screams…finish meal, then burn the head and torso…
I’d have something about his guts boiling and rupturing through his abdomen as he burns to death. I always thought that was pretty awesome.