Well, I did the metro test posted here a while ago and it turned out I was in the average range.
http://www.T-Nation.com/readTopic.do?id=895185
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I abstain from tooth brushes, dental floss, soap and all that sissified stuff. Balance is everything, you know. Besides my, beautician told me that the face is the mirror of the mind.
A second metro test from a book I read brought a slightly different outcome and told me I should be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and all that. Needless to say, I lost my countenance a little.
LOL Michael, you’re crackin’ me up, man.
After catching my composure that day, I decided it was time to go to town in a glorious quest for cheap alcohol and cheap women. In that order. As uncle Vinko refused to lend me his car after I had dropped an Atlas Stone on his foot earlier in the afternoon, I had to take the subway.
[quote]michael2507 wrote:
Some funny shit! [/quote]
LOL! I hope you enter some of those “Beat Our Caption” contests they run every so often around here. You should be rewarded for that talented wry wit of yours.
[quote]michael2507 wrote:
After catching my composure that day, I decided it was time to go to town in a glorious quest for cheap alcohol and cheap women. In that order. As uncle Vinko refused to lend me his car after I had dropped an Atlas Stone on his foot earlier in the afternoon, I had to take the subway. [/quote]
Hahahaha. I love uncle Vinko the magnificent.
Keep it going michael…good stuff.
[quote]TeeVee69 wrote:
michael2507 wrote:
Some funny shit!
LOL! I hope you enter some of those “Beat Our Caption” contests they run every so often around here. You should be rewarded for that talented wry wit of yours.
[/quote]
Thanks, I’ll keep an eye out for those. As far as I know, they don’t ship to Austria, prizes or otherwise, but I’d settle for a few of TC’s funny points anyway…
Anyway, the night was young and there I was, hanging out with the posse, downing a bottle of Slivovica in honour of Mirco CroCop. We were having this very interesting functionality debate revolving around a bodybuilder whose girlfriend’s purse was robbed before his eyes and the poor guy was so non-functional, there was nothing on earth he could do to retrieve it, when suddenly this strange guy came strutting toward us followed by a giant entourage of men and women.
So the guy started to cajole us with some weird stuff about bringing our thetan back to its native state of total freedom, silent birth and infant care, the nutritional value of placenta and so on when suddenly, I accidentally spilled some Slivovica on his suit.
At first, the guy responded with the people’s eyebrow and a short look of disbelief crossed his face. Immediately, a few members of his crew swarmed out with small towels and handkerchiefs and started to dab away at the moist spot. The guy didn’t seem content, though.
[i]“Why would you do that?”
“Why would you do that?”
“You’re a jerk!”
“You’re a jerk!”
“You’re a jerk!”
“You’re a jerk!”[/i]
Talk is cheap, so we decided to go to the nearby park and settle the issue like men.
Long story short, after sending the guy flying fifteen feet through the air with a punch delivered from only one inch away, I finally submitted him with a fierce array of groin tearing and nipple twisting techniques. My posse and I celebrated the victory with a few shots of really cheap alcohol.
Haha! And the hits just keep on coming!
If parody reflects the times that we live in, then you’ve brilliantly captured a hilarious chunk of the forums’ last few weeks with these posts.
Bravo on some great stuff michael! (I’ll gladly give you my ten TC Points that I received in the past.)
So, with the cheap alcohol part out of the way, it was one down and cheap women to go. A homey of mine called some chicks and while they were on their way, we drank some more really cheap alcohol and had this stimulating discussion on the artistic value of Bish?jo drawings. You know, that Japanese anime stuff. Then it becomes a bit fuzzy, but I remember one of the guys actually referring to them as child porn.
Well, I’ll be damned if I ever was so irate since… well, since those heedless counsellors let me drown for the first time in Crystal Lake in 1957.
To vent my anger, I ripped a stop sign out of the ground with my bare hands. I guess the chicks pulled up that very moment to see me tearing at the pole with all kinds of sinew and wads of flesh popping out of my rotten forearms. I also broke a nail.
Needless to say, they were scared and decided to leave. When I told uncle Vinko what had happened the next morning, he coined the name the legal cockblock for the incident which I find pretty funny. We laughed, drank some cheap alcohol and looked at pictures of cheap women.
[quote]TeeVee69 wrote:
Haha! And the hits just keep on coming!
If parody reflects the times that we live in, then you’ve brilliantly captured a hilarious chunk of the forums’ last few weeks with these posts.
Bravo on some great stuff michael! (I’ll gladly give you my ten TC Points that I received in the past.)[/quote]
We could pool your ten TC funny points and the TC “Sarcastic But Oh-So Beautiful SOB” award I received last year and start some sort of venture… I bet we’d hit it really big!
[quote]michael2507 wrote:
So, with the cheap alcohol part out of the way, it was one down and cheap women to go. A homey of mine called some chicks and while they were on their way, we drank some more really cheap alcohol and had this stimulating discussion on the artistic value of Bish?jo drawings. You know, that Japanese anime stuff. Then it becomes a bit fuzzy, but I remember one of the guys actually referring to them as child porn.
[/quote]
Really? That’s not only rude but it’s a totally, totally inappropriate mischaracterization of an underappreciated artform. What was he thinking? I’m speechless…
[quote]
Well, I’ll be damned if I ever was so irate since… well, since those heedless counsellors let me drown for the first time in Crystal Lake in 1957. [/quote]
Well, you were well within your right to be irate after what he said. (BTW, did you ever end up learning how to swim after that traumatic incident at the lake? )
[quote]
To vent my anger, I ripped a stop sign out of the ground with my bare hands. I guess the chicks pulled up that very moment to see me tearing at the pole with all kinds of sinew and wads of flesh popping out of my rotten forearms. I also broke a nail. [/quote]
Crap! I hate when that happens. I hope you had a nailclipper handy.
Ahh, good times…
(Have you ever given thought to publishing an illustrated “Day in the Life of J.Voorhees?” Seriously. It’d make a great coffee table book.)
[quote]michael2507 wrote:
TeeVee69 wrote:
Haha! And the hits just keep on coming!
If parody reflects the times that we live in, then you’ve brilliantly captured a hilarious chunk of the forums’ last few weeks with these posts.
Bravo on some great stuff michael! (I’ll gladly give you my ten TC Points that I received in the past.)
We could pool your ten TC funny points and the TC “Sarcastic But Oh-So Beautiful SOB” award I received last year and start some sort of venture… I bet we’d hit it really big![/quote]
You’re on!
(Who knows, at some point TC might even let us redeem our points for one Metabolic Drive bar…and don’t worry; I’ll ship your half of the bar to Austria personally.)
Jason and his slavic posse - this is absolutely priceless.
I smell genius. Or maybe I stepped in something.
Rock on, Michael!
[quote]TeeVee69 wrote:
BTW, did you ever end up learning how to swim after that traumatic incident at the lake?[/quote]
Well, the following summer, the girl I dated at that time and I used to sneak into the camp every night and steal away with one of the boats used by the counsellors to give the kids fishing lessons. We’d row to the middle of the lake and there, I’d jump head first into the water. I didn’t learn how to swim, however if you go through the procedure often enough, it changes your outlook on drowning radically.
Apart from that, the mud and slurry that covered my face and body every time after hitting rock bottom gave me a moist and tender complexion without aggravating the acne that had been acting up since earlier that year.
The memories of that summer… in the daytime, I’d chill with uncle Vinko who taught me something he called swiping with the pine. Other than that, we’d pop our collars, work on our nunchuck skills and yell at skinny kids who asked us for cutting advice, just for the fun of it.