I lived with my wife 10 months before we married. We just celebrated our 23rd anniversary in May.
Yes, marriage does matter. If you’re looking at marriage as just a legal contract or financial benefit then you are marrying for the wrong reasons. At this point the marriage is most likely going to have some real problems. When you commit to marriage it means much more than saying “let’s live together” or “let’s have lots of sex.” I’m not saying you shouldn’t live with someone. That’s totally up to the couple.
I think they should do what works for them. But its a lot of things we do that our grandparents dont approve of. For instance, we drink and go to bars, they see it as a sin, we see it as having a good time. My brother got tatoos on his arms and chest, of course my grandmother read him the riot act.
But me, my brother, and cousins, we in our 20’s, they in their 70’s, so they cant reasonably expect us to act just like them. All they do is go to church, to the grocery store, and doctor office. So this isnt the only issue.
I know my grandparents, especially my grandmother, wishes otherwise, but all night prayer just isnt our idea of a good time like it is hers. Shes 72, im 22, so its a big difference. Maybe when im 72, all ill do is go to church and to the grocery store.
But like i told my cousin, him and his gf both are grown, so they do what they feel is right and good for them.
Well you get married presumably because you are in love and plan to spend the rest of your life with the person. It is a legally binding contract none the less.
- Adam
[quote]BBriere wrote:
Yes, marriage does matter. If you’re looking at marriage as just a legal contract or financial benefit then you are marrying for the wrong reasons. At this point the marriage is most likely going to have some real problems. When you commit to marriage it means much more than saying “let’s live together” or “let’s have lots of sex.” I’m not saying you shouldn’t live with someone. That’s totally up to the couple.[/quote]
[quote]clip11 wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
I would never, ever in a million years marry someone I didn’t live with for at least a couple years.
That makes sense, at least you’ll get a feel of what it’ll be like, so you wont have any surprises.[/quote]
7 years living together pre marriage and 10 married…Divorced. Living together first is not a fullproof method guys. It’s accepted now by society, and we now have 50% of births in the US out of wedlock because of this line of thinking.
It will either work or not, that’s it.
[quote]Rockscar wrote:
7 years living together pre marriage and 10 married…Divorced. Living together first is not a fullproof method guys. It’s accepted now by society, and we now have 50% of births in the US out of wedlock because of this line of thinking.
It will either work or not, that’s it. [/quote]
Exactly. I lived with my ex-wife for about 2 years before we got married. We had dated for about 2 years by that time. After 7 years of marriage we are divorced. I have friends who never lived together a day before they were married and are completely in love. Our society today has a thought that it’s perfectly fine to live with someone and never get married. More couples that just live together though end up with infidelity issues and single mothers. It’s no coincidince. Usually the ones that make the excuses as to why not to get married are the ones that don’t really want to see themselves with that person for the rest of their lives.
Im not saying I will or wont live together with a woman im not married to, I dont know. For now, im enjoying being single and sowing my wild oats.
[quote]BBriere wrote:
Rockscar wrote:
7 years living together pre marriage and 10 married…Divorced. Living together first is not a fullproof method guys. It’s accepted now by society, and we now have 50% of births in the US out of wedlock because of this line of thinking.
It will either work or not, that’s it.
[/quote]
I don’t think anyone is saying it’s a surefire thing that will gaurantee the relationship’s success, but it gives you a better idea what your life will be like living with that person. With a 50% divorce rate nothing is safe bet, but you can’t REALLY know someone and all their little quarks and idiosyncrasies until you’ve lived with them for a fair amount of time.
I’m not sure what living together without being married and infedelity have to do with each other. You think if these couples were married they wouldn’t be cheating on each other?
Im single due to the fact that I cant see myself being committed to one woman. I know I am going to cheat on her with other women. Thats why im single, so i can have my freedom. I dont lead women on thinking I want a relationship with them. i tell them Im not looking for a girlfriend. Im certainly not getting married until im between 30-40 years old. By that time, I should have gotten all of my oat sowing out of my system.
Ya, I’d definitely live with someone before getting married. Primarily because marriage for me is illegal where I am, so I really don’t have much choice on that front, haha.
[quote]TKDCadet04 wrote:
Ya, I’d definitely live with someone before getting married. Primarily because marriage for me is illegal where I am, so I really don’t have much choice on that front, haha.[/quote]
Are you marrying your sister?
[quote]BBriere wrote:
I think though if you’re going to live with the person for longer than a few months then you should be ready to get married. If you have been living with somebody for years on end and still don’t want to get married you’re not in love with the person. You just like the convenience of having a live in girlfriend.[/quote]
^^ That is really stupid.
There is no difference, aside from spiritual whatever, between an unmarried couple living together and a married couple. There is no convenience or absence of responsibility on the former nor is there a greater commitment on the latter.
It is the same. Except one blew 50k getting the in-laws drunk and the other banked it:-P
So what would be the difference between a wife and a live-in girlfriend?
[quote]BBriere wrote:
I’m always amazed by how closed minded people are on both sides of the religion debate. Of course all you hear about are hardcore Christians, thumping Bibles and condemning to hell. Yet, there are so many non believers that won’t give anything a chance usually because they’ve had a bad experience with a person or people.
Believe it or not everyone is living in some form of sin and nobody’s is better than anyone else’s. I’ve been on both sides of the debate, but it’s no coincidince that living by a faith and word prevents a LOT of problems most people have. It’s ultimately up to each person to decide that for him or herself though.[/quote]
Whut? Wait, you just passed judgment on people who choose not not to marry but co-habitate. Perhaps you’re a bit more condemning then you realize.
At what point according to the bible, are people considered married? Spending thousands of dollars and going before a pastor or judge is just our western custom and doesnt biblically make you married. Or does it? That confuses me.
DebraD,
I’m not passing judgment on anyone. I’m just giving advice. If you see marriage as nothing more important than spending money and having a piece of paper stating you are married then no, marriage is not for you. I never said don’t live together. I just said if you’re not willing to marry someone after living together for a year or two and maybe even having a child together then you really need to examine what your feelings are for that person. You might say you love them, but if that were really true why not make the last committment.
The other point I made regarding religion was just that so many people consider themselves open minded by rejecting and slamming religions. You have one side where some call themselves religious and condemn others constantly and the other side where someone is open minded and condemning religion. Both sides are much more close minded then they think. In my experiences of living both for and against religion I’ve personally found that life gets much easier when you have something to live for and a faith to live by. I’m not telling anyone to do what I do, but I have yet to meet a person that is truly miserable and truly faithful to something.
[quote]clip11 wrote:
At what point according to the bible, are people considered married? Spending thousands of dollars and going before a pastor or judge is just our western custom and doesnt biblically make you married. Or does it? That confuses me.[/quote]
When you are united “before God” by a priest in a “House of God”. Today, however, it also has legal ramifications.
The blowing of thousands of dollars is just something that has naturally evolved from the idea of celebrating such a unity with a feast.
[quote]BBriere wrote:
DebraD,
I’m not passing judgment on anyone. I’m just giving advice. If you see marriage as nothing more important than spending money and having a piece of paper stating you are married then no, marriage is not for you. I never said don’t live together. I just said if you’re not willing to marry someone after living together for a year or two and maybe even having a child together then you really need to examine what your feelings are for that person. You might say you love them, but if that were really true why not make the last committment. [/quote]
That wasn’t advice, that was condemnation. You stated that someone not married did not love their partner. And that they were seeking a more convenient relationship. That is not advice at all.
Besides, you got married and were not able to make that final commitment–at least not enough to stay married. So tell me again, what this final commitment is for? At the very least you are not in a position to judge OR give advice.
Mofo,
Statistics prove that cohabiting couples have higher infidelity rates than married couples. I’m not saying that married men or women don’t cheat. I’m just saying there are typically more positive outcomes with marriage than with just living together. Again, I’m not condemning anyone living together. I’m just saying marriage definitely has an importance.
Check out the stats here:
[quote]debraD wrote:
BBriere wrote:
DebraD,
I’m not passing judgment on anyone. I’m just giving advice. If you see marriage as nothing more important than spending money and having a piece of paper stating you are married then no, marriage is not for you. I never said don’t live together. I just said if you’re not willing to marry someone after living together for a year or two and maybe even having a child together then you really need to examine what your feelings are for that person. You might say you love them, but if that were really true why not make the last committment.
That wasn’t advice, that was condemnation. You stated that someone not married did not love their partner. And that they were seeking a more convenient relationship. That is not advice at all.
Besides, you got married and were not able to make that final commitment–at least not enough to stay married. So tell me again, what this final commitment is for? At the very least you are not in a position to judge OR give advice.
[/quote]
Yes, I did say that two people living together for years on end, but not willing to get married were not really in love. You have to make sacrifices for love and if you aren’t willing to committ to a marriage then most likely the love isn’t really there.
My marriage didn’t last because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and love. I, however, tried to stay out the down times despite since I felt more committed than if I was just sharing a house or apartment with a person. I would like to think I’ve learned from my mistakes along with other experiences. Nobody is forcing you to listen to what I have to say.
[quote]BBriere wrote:
Yes, I did say that two people living together for years on end, but not willing to get married were not really in love. You have to make sacrifices for love and if you aren’t willing to committ to a marriage then most likely the love isn’t really there. [/quote]
Exactly. Judgement. You have no idea what any commitment has been made by any couple that you are not a part of. I will ask you again–explain what a commitment to marriage provides that is actually a commitment? Are you held to it? No. Can you get out of it? Yes. Is it easy and common to do so? Yes. So, outside of YOUR faith, which only applies to YOU, what is the reason for expecting this final commitment which is virtually worthless outside your own relationship?
[quote]
My marriage didn’t last because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and love. I, however, tried to stay out the down times despite since I felt more committed than if I was just sharing a house or apartment with a person. I would like to think I’ve learned from my mistakes along with other experiences. Nobody is forcing you to listen to what I have to say.[/quote]